After you read through my lens, please take time to rate it.

What? You don't know HOW to give me 5 stars? Well, let me fill you in:

See those stars at the top of the page? The ones on the left tell how everyone else has already rated my creative genius. The ones on the right are for you!

Just move your mouse over those stars. Once all five of them are yellow, give the ole mouse a click. That's all there is to it! (and thanks so much...My fans mean everything to me!)

"Whoo-Hoo!!"

That's not me Hip-Hip-Hurrahing over some great happening in my day; It's my daughter impersonating my "Come Here, Please" whistle. She's trying to get me to come to her to attend to a tremendous emergency.

"Whoo-Hoo!!!!!" She needs me NOW.

The "Come here, please" whistle originated when I discovered that I had vocal nodules.

I am a vocalist. I sing regularly with our worship team at church and am known for having a powerful voice. I act with our church's drama troupe. I prided myself on being able to cover large distances with my voice, which comes in handy because we live in a huge, noisy house. There's always music and voices and fans and appliances. If you want to be heard you have to yell. And if you yell alot, and sing alot, and talk loudly out of habit even when you don't need to (which I OFTEN do!), and suffer from allergies, you can get vocal nodules.

My voice got raspy and I felt tired all the time. I went to an ENT and to a speech therapist. I learned that I needed to speak more softly, speak and sing with better technique, and NOT speak over background noise or yell across the house.

After a talk with the girls (a quiet one, of course) we settled on the whistle as my way to call them when I needed them. I felt like Captain Von Trapp, but it worked great. I whistled and they came. It was so much better than yelling! By the way, the nodules went away. Halleluiah!

However, I have to continually practice speaking softly and singing correctly so I still whistle for my kids. And now they "whistle" for me. All the time. All day long. [...]

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The following is a fictionalized version of an actual event. I'll leave to your astute mind to separate reality from fabrication.

The ringing started at 0555 hours. I groped my way across the darkened room to the alarm clock and gave it a hearty smack. The ringing continued. Using my super sleuthing skills I quickly ascertained that the ringing was not coming from the clock. But where WAS it coming coming from so persistently? I grabbed my robe, scuffed into my slippers and set out to solve the mystery as quickly as possible before the irritating reverberations aroused my husband. The repetitive dissonance seemed to be emanating from the kitchen so I went to investigate. Just as I arrived in the room I heard a strange click, and then a hum. Then I heard a voice say, "Agent 04. Are you up yet? Agent 04? This is headquarters... Sherry Sleuth, PICK UP THE PHONE!"

Ah, I could now deduce that the ringing had come from the telephone... I picked up the receiver. "Good morning, Chief. What's up?"

"We've had a report of a mail theft in your area. We need YOU to investigate."

"Right-o, Chief. I'm on it like a bonnet. I'm on it like white on rice. I'm on it like a frame on a photo. I'm on it like maggots on trash. I'm on it like..."

"JUST GO!" click.

I surmised from the "click" that we'd been disconnected. I was about to call him back when suddenly I heard a ringing sound. I pick up the phone, "Hello?" There was nothing but a dial tone, yet the ringing continued. Suddenly I heard a very grouchy voice call from the bedroom, "Sherry, shut off that stupid alarm clock!" Aha!

This was my first mail theft case, so I puzzled over what to wear for the investigation. My uniform? No, I was much too tall (and wide) to fit in my old Girl Scout uniform. A church dress and high heels? No, that would necessitate also wearing make-up and that would draw too much attention. Unlike South Carolinians, women in Maine do not wear make-up to check the mail. [...]

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Fran and Nan got into the van with Mamma and went to the store.
"They're so cute!" gushed the cashier, "Are they twins?"
"Twins?" asked Mamma. "Oh my goodness, no!"
"But they're just alike!" insisted the cashier. "They're close to the same size and both have brown hair, sparkling eyes and mischievous smiles."
"You're mistaken!" Mamma replied, "They're as different as night and day! Fran is six; Nan is four. Fran is slender; Nan is plump. Fran is pale; Nan is tanned. They're most definitely not twins!"

The next day Fran and Nan got into the van with Mamma. They drove to the playground.
"What precious little girls!" said a grammy nearby. "Are they twins?"
"Twins?" asked Mamma. "Certainly not!"
"But they're just alike." The grammy explained. "Both have freckles, both giggle most delightfully, and both run like the wind."
"I'm afraid you're confused!" Mamma replied, "They're as different as peas and carrots! Fran loves to swing; Nan would rather slide. Fran skips; Nan gallops. Fran climbs the monkey bars; Nan keeps her feet firmly on the ground. They're most assuredly NOT twins!" [...]

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In His Image

The creative hand of God
molds the craggy peaks;
jagged beauty against the sky.

Rocks and pines,
snow patches and streams,
views and vistas.

Summits wading through the the clouds
beautiful and perilous tribute to its Maker.

"So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him."

My hands are creative too,
creating multicolored mountains in the dish drainer.

Cups and plates,
bowls and lids,
pots and pans.

Summits brushing the cupboards above
bountiful and perilous tribute to ITS maker.

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Black Fly Lament

O wee black fly,
amazed am I
that with all the land and sea and sky
in which you could choose to fly
you still end up in my left eye!

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It's All Been Said

A thousand thoughts; can't pin 'em down.
So much to say...bare bones of songs and plays and novels.
No words to tie the pieces together
Besides, it's all been said before.
Just go to a used book store and you'll see me, hear me, know me.
It was all on paper before I was even born.
I just forgot to sign my name.

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(Image compliments of bigfoto.com)

It has come to my attention that I should add "ghostwriting" to my repertoire. I have also learned that if I want internet search engines to point to me and shout, "Pay Sherry Grunder! You want Sherry Grunder! She's GROOVY!" then I should include the frequent use of the term "ghostwriter" on my lens.

For those of you who don't know, ghostwriting is when Author A (the ghostwriter) pretends to be Author B and writes in Author B's "voice" (ghostwrites) for Author B's purposes. This may because Author B is a tremendously busy person who makes wise use of their time by paying big bucks to outsource extra work to other talented individuals (ghostwriters) OR Author B couldn't write their way out of a left turn and needs serious ghostwriting help.

Either way, Author B signs his/her name to the ghostwritten manuscript and gets the fame and recognition and fabulous ratings and interviews with Oprah and NPR; Author A (the ghostwriter) gets a commission, a dog cookie, and presumably, more ghostwriting assignments.

The following is a sample of my ghostwriting skills:

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Groovy Ghostwriter pretending to be a ghost: "Booooooooooo! Booo-HOOOOOOOOO!"

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Groovy Ghostwriter pretending to be a chief high muckety-muck: "I am making wise use of my time and money by paying an anonymous but brilliantly talented peon to do my writing FOR me."

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Groovy Ghostwriter pretending to be a doctor: "You need surgery....LOTS of surgery!"

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Groovy Ghostwriter pretending to be the US Weather Bureau: "Today, a front will be moving across the Midwest, immediately followed by a back. The resultant middle will produce some unexpected weather conditions for folks in those regions, so drive cautiously."

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Groovy Ghostwriter pretending to be a stock analyst: "Mid-Tech just posted a third quarter loss of 7.8 million dollars, which causes analysts to wonder why folks keep giving them quarters!"

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Groovy Ghostwriter pretending to be the promotional department of a Hallmark Greeting Cards: "After a careful customer analysis, it has been determined by our chief high muckety-mucks that one very important and poignant need of our customers and their ghostwriters has been grossly overlooked by the greeting card industry. So today we at Hallmark proud to introduce our new line of humorous ghostwritten sympathy cards!"

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Are you scared yet?

Cast:
Sad Sam (Sam is wearing a big "crystal" on a chain around his neck)
Caring Conrad

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Sam: (Carefully climbs over an invisible railing onto the outer edge of a bridge. He's contemplating jumping) Wow, it's a long way down to that river. I don't know if I can do this...

Conrad: (Walks onto stage, stops when he sees Sam.) OHMYGOSH SAM! No, Sam! Don't do it!!!! (Starts toward Sam.)

Sam: Don't come any closer Conrad, I'm going to jump!

Conrad: (Stops short.) Now Sam, calm down. Let's just talk for a few minutes. Why in the world would you want to end your life this way?

Sam: I'm such a loser. I don't deserve to live. My life is just like a country western song; my girl left me, my boss fired me, my house burned down and my dog ran away. I'm dyslexic and claustrophobic and melodramatic. My car stalls, my computer crashes, and my ears stick out. I'm a complete failure - my self-esteem has hit rock bottom! Why should I go on?

Conrad: You know, I think you're right. Your self esteem IS the problem. What have you tried to do about it?

Sam: (Puts one leg back over the railing and balances there carefully - looks thoughtful.) Well, Conrad, I'll tell ya. To start with, I've read lots of self-help books.

Conrad: You read The Art of Self Absorption?

Sam: Yep

Conrad: The Self Driven Life?

Sam: Every day for forty days.

Conrad: Feeling Good About Me? Self Reliance? You Can Be Your Own Best Friend?

Sam: I read 'em all and none of them helped.

Conrad: What else have you done?

Sam: Self-help groups

Conrad: such as?

Sam: Well, I've belonged to AA, AAA, the BBC, and even the BS club.

Conrad: BS Club?

Sam: Bettering "Self" Club. [...]

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(Image compliments of freeimages.com)

[...] Who's opinions should you listen to? Should you take a poll of all your friends or coworkers and go with the majority opinion? Should you just keeping asking folks until somebody (anybody!) gives you the answer you really want to hear? What if your mom tells you one thing and your youth leader tells you something else and your friends come up with yet another twist? Who do you listen to, or does it matter at all?

The Bible tells us clearly that it wise to seek "counsel" when we need to make a decision (Proverbs 13:10, 15:22, and 24:6). After all, most of us have tunnel vision and other folks can help us to see more of the big picture.

But there is a very real danger in seeking advice and opinions from others - they are human, and as such, there are times that their counsel is steeped in misinformation, foolishness, emotion, sinful intent, and/or the "wisdom" of the world.

The Bible is also full of stories and incidents where someone took bad advice (sometimes even from spiritual leaders) and ended up in deep kimshi. [One example is 1 Kings 12:1-16...Because Rehoboam (Solomon's son) listened to foolish advice he lost half of his father's kingdom!]

So who do you listen to? How do you know who's right? How can you tell which way to go?

Let me suggest the following:

1. Ask God for wisdom! James 1: 5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach (ie. He won't think you're a dope for asking!), and it will be given him." There's a wise saying a friend of mine shared with me: "Go to the Throne before you go to the phone." Seek God in prayer before you start seeking input from people.

2. Pick WISE counselors. This does not necessarily mean people who are smarter or older than you, but it absolutely rules out someone who does not know God...A wise counselor is one who knows God and knows His Word. Their "wisdom" is based on time spent with Him. They know His truth. The "wisdom" of the world (Hello Oprah and Dr Phil) is foolishness. It contains just enough truth to hook us in to a circle of lies. God's wisdom is Waaaaay better, even though it sounds like foolishness to others. 1 Corinthians 1:18-31 really bears this out, as does James 3: 13-18.

3. Check every word of advice against God's Word...What does God think about it? [...]

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