Folklore of Roadside Memorials

The story - the folklore - of the life lived by those left behind. Of the struggle of dealing with the loss, but most importantly, the story and hope of overcoming such loss. The memorials tell of moms, dads, brothers, sisters who have lost a loved one - and how they were able to survive such loss & grief.

The message is "We've made it thru - and - so can you!"

None of us would want this to happen in our family. But being someone who has gone thru this experience, it is a good feeling to hear that message. To know that someone out there really understands what I'VE gone thru.

It provides a sense of peace and solidarity to know that we are not going thru this all alone.

We all make an impact (whether we know it or not) in this world! Each and every single one of us matters in this world and each one of us leaves a legacy behind.

So the loss of one of us is significant - to me, to you, to the world around us.

These memorials tell the story of who we are in this world. They tell the story of the impact we have made and the loss it is when we are gone.

Sure it's sad to think of the loss of a loved one. But is it not comforting to know that we can live on even after we are dead? Our legacy that is...

In talking with people who've experience a loss, I got to understand why they need to put up roadside memorials. One parent, in telling the story of the loss of his daughter, gave me an important insight :

"I know that this memorial means nothing to anyone but I,and
I will soon vanish from existence...
I want her to know that she will NEVER be forgotten!"

Telling the story is important in preserving the memory of who we are. Not only as individuals, but as a community.

Why? because you matter!

"Death is that state in which one exists only in the memory of others...
...which is why it is not an end. Just lots of good memories."

In the early pioneer days, the American settlers used roadside memorials (called 'descansos' - Spanish for 'place of rest') to mark the sites where pioneers, killed in Indian ambushes, lost their lives in their journey. The descansos were created - on that spot - to remind people to pray for the deceased.

In today's society, there is still a strong need to mark the spot where a loved one made a stop along their journey of life. Mostly because these are tragic deaths - violent deaths where life was yank out of this earth - and not a natural death where closure can occur.

In the United States there are over 50,000 travel-related deaths annually. This is the equivalent to the loss of a fully loaded 747 crashing every other day. Can you imagine that number! OK, how about this - it is almost equals the total number of America soldiers killed in the Vietnam War (58,177 per Official US DoD, 1964-73). These numbers are not acceptable!

We live in a society where the daily grind has made us too preoccupied. Too stressed and worried about the logistics of life - about survival - rather than actually living life to the fullest. We have become careless; our carelessness & lack of awareness, while driving, allows these tragedies to occur.

Driving while intoxicated is still largely responsible. We've also heard the news about accidents occuring while the driver was on the cell phone or texting. But do we stop to think that something as mundane as putting on makeup can account for 14%; How about grooming your hair - that's 16%;

OK would you believe eating while driving is a WHOPPING 66%. I know I've done that before! The California DMV puts this one in third place!

• First - what I can do is raise awareness so that this tragedy does not occur to you or your loved ones.


• Second - I can drive not only defensively but care-fully. Care for those around me and focus only on the road & the cars around me.


• Third - I got myself a hands-free headset & the phone sits on the console. I don't look down to grab it - I only need to click on the headset to answer. Do not take your eye off the road.


• Fourth - If I find myself being distracted by the call (angered by it, or it just requires me to focus on the conversation) I tell the caller that I will call them back a little later.


• Fifth - really consider if that text message is really that important - or - can I reply when I reach a stopping point?


• Sixth - If I have to eat in the car, well I just do it while safely parked. Sure this takes a few seconds of my life, but better then losing my life in a second - just because I spilled that coke.

Maybe this sounds a little simplistic or maybe it hits too close to home. But the statistics show that a little bit of responsibility while driving will definately save the life of somebody's loved one.

Descansos.org is one of my websites where I have put together a database of states and providences that have established roadside memorial programs.

Its main purpose is to document the temporary nature of roadside memorials. But most importantly - to understand the story of why people put them up.

UNITED STATES Programs (Applications & Guidelines)

• Memorial Signs programs in the United States are on a states by state basis. At this moment, 18 states have regulations regarding roadside memorials.

CANADA Programs (Anouncements & Guidelines)

• In Canada, the Ministry of Transportation of Ontario and the Provinces of Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia and Manitoba have established similar programs. MADD Canada has announced its involvement in Canada's first Roadside Memorial Program.