Rock Stars Gone Good

I blame Mick Jagger. Aging rock star supreme. One of the great bad boys of all time. Seducer of the most beautiful teenager of the sixties. Wrecket of hotel rooms across the globe. And one day I saw him on the telly. Arrested? No. Strutting across a stage? No. He was at Lords, home of English cricket.

Now, even if you've never seen a cricket match you probably have an idea of a slow, genteel game, played on a village green by men in whites. I doubt if you ever imagined Jumping Jack Flash himself at a game. Another cucumber sandwich and cream scone Mr Jagger?

A terrible example he's setting to the future wild men of rock. You don't see Keith Richards settling down to a nice game of dominoes - he at least has the self respect to continue self destructing.

Bar some compilations I'm only recommending albums I own, or at least used to in two cases but it's the old story of relationship crash and subsequent fight over the music ...

Iggy can be seen on UK television selling insurance. Insurance used to be sold by comforting old ex-TV presenters in cardigans. Iggy, looking more dessicated than ever, runs around with a muppet-like version of himself. It's not funny, it's not ironic, it's not neo-ironic, it's just horrible.

This is the man who invented the stage dive. The man who vomited on stage. The man who, on stage, how shall we put this, allowed us to see more of himself than we really wanted.

Check out the vids below. Spot the odd one out. Cry softly.

He's sixty three years old, he's shirtless, he's doing Wild Child on American Idol! Yes, Iggy guested in Rock Week on American Idol, It was a heck of a shock for some of the audience! Jennifer Lopez had to be told by Steve Tyle to stand for the ovation. Video below if you dare watch it again.

Click here the latest buzz on American Idol

Pia off the show? Ludicrous! Go to Hollywood Gossip for details of PIa's exit from Idol

Steve Tyler: aging rock star - actually "should be dead by now" rock star, given his past. In fifteen weeks of auditions for American Idol he's heard Aerosmith's "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" on average once a week. Good. Serves him right. If he has the brass components to take over from the icky Simon Cowell then he deserves that and more. Hopefully there'll be a few howling dogs attempting Britney numbers

"Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl"

He's consorted with models ( a great hobby, I must say), he's fathered an actress and a super model, he's done his best to destroy himself and come back to complete four decades of hard rocking - why must he now descend into the saccharine of Saturday night TV?

Studded leather jacket, ripped jeans, bejewelled coyboy boots. That's what a respectful bad old rock star wanders round in, rich as Croesus or not. Hand-rolled ciggie in mouth, muttering lyrics from greatest hits and forgotten blues. Well, scratch that for Roger Daltrey. The man who used to tear up cities, never mind mere hotels, with Keith Moon is now, wait for it, a trout farmer in sleepy Dorset. Barbour and green wellies, that's how Roger presents himself to the outside world when he isn't making gooseberry jam for the village fete.

Keith Moon would have been dynamiting the ponds and driving Rolls Royces through the fish nurseries. Roger has chiosen to eschew his rock credentials and play lord of the manor. Hope I die before I become a fishmonger.

We are not worthy, we are not worthy.

I wasn't sure if I should include Alice here on the grounds that he doesn't take himself too seriously and he was in Wayne's World. Then I thought "snakes, chickens, advertising televison sets?" and so Mr Cooper makes the list.

Sorry Alice, you can't break up from school just to collect a Japanese corporation's largesse - it aint rock and roll. If they're calling Action rather than for the cops then you're selling out.

John Lydon, Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. Anarchy in the UK. Never mind the ... rest of the title. Safety pins and spitting, saying naughty words on primetime TV (the little scamp). What's he up to now after those ghastly reunion tours? Well, he's advertising butter. Yes, butter, not butting groupies or African musicians, he likes a bit on his crumpet. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

I always thought Punk was horiibly overrrated and that the Pistols were the exemplars of all that was wrong with it. Thank you Johnny, you've just confirmed it - behave like a rock star in your day job and fleece the masses for a nice little earner.

Sadly, Country Life say the ads were a stunning success, nearly doubling sales of the advertised brand.

Siouxsie Sioux' likes beans on toast and Alex Kapranos has a passion for beetroot - just two of the artistes featured in a new book called Love Music Love Food. Profits go to the Teenage Cancer Trust, a charity devoted to helping teenagers and young adults with cancer.

Book can be purchased, price £30, from the Teenage Cancer Trust Online Shop.