Tantric Sex and Kama Sutra

Try two different versions of a sexual technique-for example two different tongue strokes in oral sex, two different thrusting maneuvers during intercourse, two different caresses on back or thighs, two different kisses. Refer to one as A and one as B. Ask which (s)he likes best. This opens you up to all sorts of new pleasures and avoids any hurt you might feel when someone tells you they do not like something. Repeat as often as wanted to learn each other's arousal and orgasmic responses. You can use this technique during any lovemaking, but we suggest you set aside times when your intention is not to progress in your lovemaking to orgasm, but rather your intention is only to learn about each other. This removes any performance anxiety and can really be lots of fun if you keep it very light and playful. Repeat this as a learning exercise at least three or four times per year, or more if you discover that you both really like it.

A superb thrusting technique that brings great pleasure to a woman and helps a man to last is a combination of deep and shallow thrusts. By shallow thrusts we mean your penis only enters 11/2 to 2 inches inside your partner. This first couple of inches is the most sensitive part of a woman's vagina. Deep thrusts mean your penis enters as fully as you can.

In this technique you combine a series of nine fairly quick shallow thrusts with one slow deep one. The shallow thrusts stimulate your partner's most sensitive vaginal tissues and at the same time create a vacuum effect that makes her ache for the deep thrust to come. And because most of your thrusts are shallow ones, exciting only the first few inches of your penis, you're able to rock on for much longer!

With your attention fully engaged in this way - on your partner, your breath, your genital muscles - you are going to last a long time. As your lovemaking goes on, and on, and on... perhaps for hours, the energy within you and between you and your lover will accumulate to such an intense level that you may spontaneously experience the opening of your higher "spiritual" centers. With this opening comes an experience of ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder. This is where mastery of ejaculation can lead you and your satisfied partner.

The sexual fire breath is one of the best exercises, especially with a partner (but you can also do it alone), for rapidly building a hot sexual charge and moving it up through your body, helping to open all of your chakra centers. In the sexual fire breath you use a combination of sound, pelvic rocking, PC (pubococcygeous) muscle squeezes, deep abdominal breathing, visualization and hand movements.

The sexual fire breath is one of the meditations on Pala Copeland's CD, Apertio: Tantra Energy Meditations, with lyrics and voice by Pala Copeland, and music by Jeff Davies. Use the sexual fire breath on your own to open yourself to your full exquisite sexual potential. Do it as a charger-upper before making love. Do it during lovemaking as you are being manually or orally stimulated. Do it during intercourse, but be very observant and ready to stop in a flash in the early learning stages or the man may go beyond his point of no return to ejaculate before you are both ready to end the lovemaking. If "energy" is very subtle for you and you don't usually feel it, try this exercise. Most report really feeling something the very first time they do the sexual fire breath.

• Lie on your back. Feet flat on the floor/bed. Knees bent. Legs comfortably apart. Hands at your sides, palms up. Eyes closed.
  
• Begin to breathe slowly and deeply into your belly.
  
• Focus your attention on your genitals and visualize drawing breath in and out through them.
  
• When you have a comfortable breathing rhythm established, begin to rock your pelvis, tilting it up toward the sky. Use your feet to slightly push off the floor so that you are not using your abdominal muscles to rock and they can remain loose and open.
  
• Inhale as you rock back. Exhale as you rock forward. (Note: some bodies want to do it the opposite way - listen to yours and go with what feels right).
  
• Make sound as you exhale - AAAAAHHHH. (This is the most difficult part for many people but it helps enormously, sound carries the energy).
  
• When you are in a comfortable rhythm, add PC Pumping. Tighten your PC muscles as you rock back. Relax them as you rock forward. (Note: your body might want to do it the opposite way, let it.).
  
• Begin to visualize your sexual energy as a great ball of golden fire in your genitals. As you rock, breathe and pump draw the golden fireball up through your chakra centers, one chakra at a time.
  
• Send the energy out through your crown chakra into the universe. Do not leave it to build up in your head. If you are making love with a partner, you can also pass the energy to him through your eyes, your kiss, your breath.
  
• Pass your hands in flowing motions up your body to help with the energy movement.
  
• Breathe more rapidly to move the energy higher within your body, allowing yourself to open into its flow.
  
• When you reach a high edge of energetic arousal you can maintain this level by deepening and slowing your breathing and keeping your body relaxed.
  
• Rest in stillness for a few moments when you are finished practicing so that the energy can continue to flow through you. Bring it back down and store it in your belly chakra for later use.
  
• If you have left a store of energy in your head and feel some congestion there do Grounding and apply firm pressure with your fingertips to your crown chakra.

Most Tantric sacred lovemaking texts substitute more poetic terms to refer to the male and female sexual anatomy. Penis is lingam. Vagina is yoni. There are hundreds of other terms commonly used, such as golden rod, wand of light, jade stalk, tangled garden, honey pot and secret cave. Using such terminology is generally perceived to be more respectful, sensual and romantic. Certainly the language commonly heard on the streets such as cock and cunt, seems by comparison crude and disrespectful.

Genital Sizes - Mix and Match

The Kama Sutra, by Vatsyayana classifies the lingam and yoni according to size.

Male - Lingam: Hare (small) - Bull (medium) - Horse (large)

Female - Yoni: Deer (small) - Mare (medium) - Elephant (large)

According to Vatsyayana (and common sense) matches of equal size are ideal, but lovers can manage the other combinations quite nicely. Certain positions are helpful when there is a mismatch of genital sizes.

When the lingam is small and the yoni large try the following positions.

• Man on Top - "Missionary" (variation - legs over shoulders) - allows for maximum penetration
  
• Woman on Top - "Crouching Tigress" (variation - "Sidesaddle") - allows for the skillful use of PC squeezing by the woman
  
• Opposites - "Backslide" - provides an ideal angle for stimulation of the G-Spot

• Man on Top - "Missionary" (variation - man supports his weight off the woman) - allows for holding back from maximum penetration
  
• Woman on Top - "Tender Surrender" (variation - lying face to face) - the lady is in charge of penetration and thrusting
  
• Face to Face - "One Crutch" - allows for holding back from maximum penetration
  
• Sideways - "The Lover's Scissors" - penetration is not deep and thrusting is relaxed
  
• Other Positions - Pregnancy - "The Cradle" (variation II) - shallow penetration and relaxed thrusting

Grounding is a very effective process for calming and stabilizing. Grounding connects you with the earth, carrying overpowering negative energies down and away much like a lightning rod. There are many methods for grounding. Try this one daily, as often as you think of it. Even if you don't "feel" anything while you are doing it notice the difference grounding makes to your overall sense of well-being. Grounding is also an excellent practice whenever you are feeling sexually "wound-up":

• Sitting or standing, with your body relaxed, take a slow breath in through your nose.
  
• Gently exhale through your mouth.
  
• Focus your attention on the top of your head (your crown chakra).
  
• Picture a funnel on the top of your head through which vital energy from the cosmos flows into your body-this is powerful, masculine, active energy.
  
• As this sun and sky energy travels down through your body it gives you strength and vitality.
  
• As it passes it also gathers up any negative energies you may be feeling-anger, lethargy, hyperactivity, grief, anxiety, fear.
  
• Now focus your attention on your genitals (your root chakra) and picture a funnel there-with the small end of the funnel inside your body and the mouth of the funnel pointing down to the earth.
  
• Allow the energy to flow through your lower funnel, away and down into the center of Mother Earth, taking with it all your tension; leaving vigor and calm in its wake.
  
• Continue to visualize energy flowing in through your head, down through your body and out into the earth-bringing vitality and serenity and taking away stress.
  
• Do this for a minimum of 3 minutes at a time.