Dear Sales Copy,

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic by 2 people | Log in to rate

Ranked #4,881 in Business, #104,391 overall

You Make My Life Harder Than It Has to Be

I remember the first time you came into my life. I wasn't looking for you - you just appeared in the form of a request from a client whose eBook I had just authored. At first my heart skipped a beat - I had finally found something to challenge my writing skills - something that could help people find the solutions they need out of life.

The first few months of us being together, sales copy, I was blinded by all of your sex appeal. You were so shiny - with your yellow highlights, your big, bold red font and your amazing graphics and testimonials.

What girl could resist you?

But then...then your words began to get dull. The conversion rates didn't improve as I had hoped and those fonts were blinding, not appealing anymore. I knew that your testimonials were fake on most sites and that guarantee you were "giving me?" - yeah, it was forced on you by ClickBank, not some perk you offered because you were so confident in your solution.

Now I'm forced to be with you. I can't up and leave because we're chained together now - I have to have you in order to succeed - you're like a drug and I resent it every time I have to hear your name or open you on my computer. I feel like taking a shower once I've used you.

I have to find a way to get over you and heal my broken heart, sales copy.

I'm leaving you - and I'm not sorry.

I'm going to start writing letters to my customers instead. I'm not going to write to sell but write to share instead. I believe my passion for what I'm doing will have a far greater effect on my prospects than following some phony formula that tells me when to bold, when to break up text, and when to present a Buy Now link.

I've Met Someone Else, Sales Copy... 

His name is Gary Halbert, God rest his soul. I had been glancing at his site for years - admiring from afar. But I was so wrapped up in you - in your F-O-R-M-U-L-A that I didn't see what was always in front of me.

Halbert's archives have shown me that I don't need to be chained down to font styles and strict organization. He showed me that I can write from the heart in a way that connects with my audience - and sell 10 times the amount that you would, SC.

I'm sorry it has to be this way.

And Gary's not the only one to shine the light on your faults, Sales Copy. There are others, too. My own mentor is nudging me to toss out my resentments for you.

He understands how you were pushed onto me by the wrong people and he's bluntly stated that unless I release you and find someone better, I'll never move to that next level of success.

10 Things I Hate About You, Sales Copy 

The first 5...

There are probably a million things I could list that I hate about you, but let's just go over the top 10 list.

1.) I have to fake it with you. This may sting a little bit - may bruise your ego - but it's true. All these years, I've been putting on an act - pretending as if you're wonderful when really, you do nothing for me. When I go to someone else's sales copy, I buy based on the idea only because I'm programmed to believe it's full of shit 100% of the time - and that's not fair.

2.) We don't communicate well. You haven't yet learned how to listen to me when I have something to say - you do all the talking and it's your way or the highway. I need a Sales Copy I can have two-way conversation with...someone who lets me speak and then tells me if what I said isn't working.

3.) You're too flashy, and that's not me. I know all about bold, red, big, yellow highlighted fonts. I just don't dig it.

4.) You're too long. For some women, longer sales copy may be better - but for me, it's forced. I feel like I'm trying too hard to make sure I have a set number of pages when that's not what my customers need.

5.) You require testimonies but usually shovel shit. When I launch a new product, I don't want to have to bug marketing friends for a "testimonial" because they like me! I like to launch and then have someone send me a real, unsolicited email that tells me what a great job I've done - and then I'll ask permission to put it up on my site. And I don't care about the prestige of a name - I prefer to know what an Average Joe thinks about my eBook.

10 Things I Hate About You Continued... 

The 2nd Five

6.) I despise the price fake you do near the order button. You've made me do it - "Normally $97 but today it's yours for only $27." I hate doing this. But it's part of the F-O-R-M-U-L-A you require.

7.) Your screen shots stink. Don't you know that the public doesn't believe in them anymore? Too many people faked their earnings, so screen shots don't mean shit anymore.

8.) You sound like Billy Mays - so stop shouting at people! I hate Billy Mays commercials. Magic Putty doesn't work. You seem to think that by yelling at people and hammering your ideas into their brains, it will somehow make your product better. It won't.

9.) I hate that you're so moody I have to split test you. It's bad enough having to go one round with you, Sales Copy - but two? I have to test, track and tweak you until you perform better. Why can't we just have one conversation and you perform from that point on?

10.) You're overrated. There, I said it.

I'm Moving On...And You Should, Too. 

I'm going to find answers to the questions I seek about writing copy.

Sales Copy, we had a few good years - I'm not saying it was all bad.

You earned me some money when I wrote you for other marketers.

You've converted my own products and helped me sell many eBooks - but it's just not good enough. I haven't sold as many as I could - and I blame you.

I take that back - I blame myself for sticking with you for so long...for not caring enough about myself to find someone better. I settled for you and it was a big mistake because my hostility toward you has been brewing for a long time.

Now it's time to heal the pain you caused. It's time to find something better. I'll be turning to friends like the late, great Gary Halbert and other genius marketers who had a high sales letter self esteem I was lacking all these years.

Sales Copy - I'm just not that into you.

Have You Written a Dear Sales Copy Letter Too? 

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  • Reply
    Novice-CopyWriter Novice-CopyWriter Nov 15, 2009 @ 12:51 pm
    Cant say a word more than just Excellent
  • Reply
    WebBliss WebBliss Mar 23, 2009 @ 2:33 pm
    Hello Tiffany,

    Fun writing exercise...
    I am not your sales copy but why don't you share and sell at the same time? You seem already very good a sharing as everyone loves you here. There is nothing wrong with selling. Sometimes as a customer I want to be sold. It is so hard for me to make a buying decision. I am thankful the seller helps me make my decision. Actually, I do want to buy from you. I am just waiting for your new updated book.
  • Reply
    GODSWEIRDSON GODSWEIRDSON Feb 6, 2009 @ 5:19 am
    Thanks Tiff, you just prevented me from making the same mistake. I have been "on the fence" abouy copywriting for some time, new it was good money, just wasn't sure I wanted to sell myself to get it. Thanks again.
  • Reply
    AffiliateDave AffiliateDave Feb 5, 2009 @ 8:58 pm
    Great Lens Tiff. One of the best pieces of writing I've read online ever! Excellent!
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