Samhain the Cat, Dancing Queen
Ranked #2,264 in Pets & Animals, #58,501 overall
You May Kiss the Royal Paw
My owner has neglected to make a shrine to the house god, so I have threatened to yark on her Dance Dance Revolution pad every day until she submits. (Could be worse-- at least it's easy to clean.)
My name is Samhain, and I was adopted from a shelter on Hallowe'en 1996. My owner claims she named me this because Samhain is the Celtic name for that holiday, but I know it's really because she likes tormenting vets. ("It's pronounced how?") I approve of mind games, especially against vets. Unfortunately, "Sah-wain" seems beyond them, so she's lied and told them my nickname is Squeaky. How undignified.
I do not squeak. I am a fully-trained cat orator, with a larger vocabulary than many humans. It's not my problem that my owner can only understand about 10 words. At least she knows the difference between "food," "water dish," "litter box," and "CONCRETE!!!" Here you may listen to my recital of a brief feline haiku.
I will explain about the concrete below.
(4/09: Trendsetter alert! Concrete is out like jazzercize. Bricks are the the new pilates!)
NEW! Samhain the Cat gives a SEO seminar... in LOLcats speak!
F.A.P. (Feline American Princess)
The following is a song all cat owners should hear.
- Feline American Princess: Tune
- You will find a recording of one verse on this page (third song from the top).
- F.A.P. Lyrics
- Here are all the words of Feline American Princess.
- Album: Magic, Moondust and Melancholy
- Here's where you can buy it. (Or rather, the CD containing it.) Not available on iTunes yet, alas.
The Concrete Dance
Cat Breakdancing
The following video does not in fact show true concrete, but a satisfactory substitute. My feeder-person has an annoying habit of dragging me to her parents' house in Utah over the winter holidays, where I have to make do with Trexx decking material.
My Cat Photo Gallery
"Squint as you approach, lest you be blinded by my brilliance" -- K. Hepburn
Besides, if my feeder-person tries to set mealtimes, I simply gobble up every molecule when the bowl is filled, and if I eat too fast, well, that's what the carpet's for. We have reached a compromise: diet cat food in bowl 24/7, and (usually) no carpet surprises.
(Above) That thumbnail at the top of the page doesn't do me justice, as you see.
(Left) Here is my baby picture. For those cats seeking to weasel your way into a home and acquire a feeder person, please remember: there is no substitute for cute, googly kitten eyes. Practice posing with your paws tucked for maximum effect.
(Below) Claiming the sunbeams before other cats can steal them is very important.
(Below) At left, you see my arch-nemesis, from whom I have to defend the sunbeams. She's 21, yet still has the nerve to claim the Utah house as hers! Luckily I only have to suffer being a prisoner in enemy territory once a year. At right, I am keeping a close eye on bird-shadows.
My Travel Tips For Cats and Owners
Air Travel Tips, Best Cat Carrier for Airplanes
Cat-Computer Ergonomics
Proper Posture to Avoid Fatigue While Owner Is Using a Laptop
Incorrect computer posture can lead to fatigue. I would like to take a moment to explain how to sit on your feeder-person while she is using a laptop. With correct positioning, you should be able to nap in comfort.
Your position will depend on the shape of the feeder-person. If the feeder-person does not have much of a lap, you may need to sit fully across the keyboard. While this is warm, it can be uncomfortable, especially if your feeder-person is attempting to type.
If you are lucky, you will have a well-padded feeder person. You can then drape yourself across the provided shelf and dangle a foot on the track pad for support. This position is preferred, since it will obscure the feeder-person's view of the dangerously distracting screen and ensure that she keeps her full attention where it belongs, on you.
If she persists in typing, place forepaws firmly on one or both wrists to encourage her to stop.
Malcolm: Former Cat Comrade
I'd like to paws for a moment to remember an old friend, Malcolm.
Malcolm defended us from roses and other dangerous table settings.Alas, he never met an open door he didn't like -- even when the Santa Ana winds blew it open while our owner was out running errands for us. That was in 1999. We miss Malcolm very much.
Please remember, if you live in the western US, there are coyotes in urban and suburban neighborhoods, not just out in the hills, and cats look like coyote chow. Even if you don't live out here, life expectancy for outdoor cats is much lower. Keep us indoors, or at least supervise our outdoor explorations!
A Day Without Cats: A Counter-Protest
Samhain Responds to the Day of No Cats on the Internet
My Cat Toy and Cat Product Recommendations
Funny Cat Music Video: "Dances With Bricks"
Samhain the Cat in All Her Pulchritude
(Music is Bang a Drum by Selena Gomez, heard on The Cinderella Story soundtrack. Click link to download it from Amazon.)
Cat Christmas Cards for Fans
Snapped by My Owner Christmas Eve
December 2007: Once again, the trip there is a pain, but the house itself is a good cat playground. I'm still not sure about this white stuff that was falling that night.
December 2008: Bah humbug.
A Moment of Peace and Beauty
Brought to You by the Beauty Queen
Other Cats Who Aren't As Cute As I Am
Other Cat Lenses
Kitty Litter and Cat Food Fund
Here's a closeup of the "Help, I'm Felined and I Can't Get Up!" design, which I inspired:
My NEW SquidPaws Lens
An Important Message to All Cat Owners...Please Visit.
Cat Fan Mail
You may leave a token of your adoration below.
Shameless Plug Widget
Tweet it! 
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Favorite it!
My owner informs me that Twitter, StumbleUpon or Squidoo members may help boost this page and earn me a few pennies by clicking the widget. Yawn.
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favored1
Nov 24, 2011 @ 11:57 pm | delete
- The videos were fun. I love to watch cats. They are so entertaining.
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KarenTBTEN
Sep 3, 2011 @ 12:16 am | delete
- I can see how "concrete" got to be an important part of the kitty vocabulary. SquidAngel blessings.
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Sarah
Jun 16, 2011 @ 7:55 pm | delete
- Awesome! your kitty should make a video of its life!
check it!
http://bit.ly/kHVLFv
this cat is already giving in a shot. hurry samhain and earn that oscar!
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Greekgeek
Nov 24, 2011 @ 10:59 pm | delete
- Samhain would not put up with anything on her collar, but Cooper's Kitty Cam is a great idea and for a good cause! I'm picky about what links I let people leave on my guestbooks, but that's really fur-tastic!
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Photahsiamirabel
Feb 4, 2011 @ 1:54 pm | delete
- Love it! I would bless it if allowed! :)
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Samhain's Favorite Catnip
3PK Zoom Stuff Cat Pods
Amazon Price: $2.19 (as of 02/12/2012)
My feeder-person recently recharged my old "Zoom Around the Room" organic catnip toys by buying the catnip loose leaf, unsewing, resewing and re-stuffing the toys.
You may wish to save time by buying the catnip already in a toy. (Loose leaf canip also available from this link.)
I'm sure I don't have to explain to you the necessity of finding the finest catnip for your cat. While I will roll on fresh catnip leaves until I'm drooling and insensible, I prefer these toys for indoor romping and pouncing. At age 15, I need to stay fit, after all.
