You May Kiss the Royal Paw
My owner has neglected to make a shrine to the house god, so I have threatened to yark on her Dance Dance Revolution pad every day until she submits. (Could be worse-- at least it's easy to clean.)
My name is Samhain, and I was adopted from a shelter on Hallowe'en 1996. My owner claims she named me this because Samhain is the Celtic name for that holiday, but I know it's really because she likes tormenting vets. ("It's pronounced how?") I approve of mind games, especially against vets. Unfortunately, "Sah-wain" seems beyond them, so she's lied and told them my nickname is Squeaky. How undignified.
I do not squeak. I am a fully-trained cat orator, with a larger vocabulary than many humans. It's not my problem that my owner can only understand about 10 words. At least she knows the difference between "food," "water dish," "litter box," and "CONCRETE!!!" Here you may listen to my recital of a brief feline haiku.
I will explain about the concrete below.
(4/09: Trendsetter alert! Concrete is out like jazzercize. Bricks are the the new pilates!)
NEW! Samhain the Cat gives a SEO seminar... in LOLcats speak!
F.A.P. (Feline American Princess)
The following is a song all cat owners should hear.
- Feline American Princess: Tune
- You will find a recording of one verse on this page (third song from the top).
- F.A.P. Lyrics
- Here are all the words of Feline American Princess.
- Album: Magic, Moondust and Melancholy
- Here's where you can buy it. (Or rather, the CD containing it.) Not available on iTunes yet, alas.
The Concrete Dance
Cat Breakdancing
The following video does not in fact show true concrete, but a satisfactory substitute. My feeder-person has an annoying habit of dragging me to her parents' house in Utah over the winter holidays, where I have to make do with Trexx decking material.
My Cat Photo Gallery
"Squint as you approach, lest you be blinded by my brilliance" -- K. Hepburn
Besides, if my feeder-person tries to set mealtimes, I simply gobble up every molecule when the bowl is filled, and if I eat too fast, well, that's what the carpet's for. We have reached a compromise: diet cat food in bowl 24/7, and (usually) no carpet surprises.
(Above) That thumbnail at the top of the page doesn't do me justice, as you see.
(Left) Here is my baby picture. For those cats seeking to weasel your way into a home and acquire a feeder person, please remember: there is no substitute for cute, googly kitten eyes. Practice posing with your paws tucked for maximum effect.
(Below) Claiming the sunbeams before other cats can steal them is very important.
(Below) At left, you see my arch-nemesis, from whom I have to defend the sunbeams. She's 21, yet still has the nerve to claim the Utah house as hers! Luckily I only have to suffer being a prisoner in enemy territory once a year. At right, I am keeping a close eye on bird-shadows.
My Travel Tips For Cats and Owners
Including Recommendation/Review for Best Airplane Cabin Pet Carrier
I am a seasoned traveller. If your owner is planning to take you aboard a plane, make sure s/he reads this!-
Feline Frequent Flyer Tips: Pets on a Plane!
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Airplanes. Cat carriers. Airport security. Oh, the indignity of it all! Well, if we must board those infernal contraptions, the least our owners can do is let us fly in style. I won't say "in comfort," but a good under-the-seat soft-sided cat carrier...
Malcolm: Former Cat Comrade
I'd like to paws for a moment to remember an old friend, Malcolm.
Malcolm defended us from roses and other dangerous table settings.Alas, he never met an open door he didn't like -- even when the Santa Ana winds blew it open while our owner was out running errands for us. That was in 1999. We miss Malcolm very much.
Please remember, if you live in the western US, there are coyotes in urban and suburban neighborhoods, not just out in the hills, and cats look like coyote chow. Even if you don't live out here, life expectancy for outdoor cats is much lower. Keep us indoors, or at least supervise our outdoor explorations!
A Day Without Cats: A Counter-Protest
Samhain Responds to the Day of No Cats on the Internet
My Cat Toy and Cat Product Recommendations
Lazy Pet Deluxe Window Perch
Note: I love this perch, but every 3-4 years the velcro strip gives out, and down I go. Stronger tape or c-clamps from the hardware store will fix the problem, but you may want a sturdier and more expensive perch.
Amazon Price: $31.68 (as of 11/23/2009) 
Dome, Cleanstep Cat Box, Pearl
I still find ways to fling grit out the door, but it's much, much harder with this than any other box.
Amazon Price: $29.42 (as of 11/23/2009)
Bad Cat: 244 Not-So-Pretty Kitties And Cats Gone Bad
I have no idea why my owner felt this should be included.
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 11/23/2009)
Cat Charmer
Especially tempting around or under the corners of living room furniture.
Amazon Price: $4.78 (as of 11/23/2009)
Fur Mice - 12 pack
Good toy, and comes with a bonus: humans make funny noises when they step on them unexpectedly in bare feet.
Amazon Price: $2.99 (as of 11/23/2009)
Funny Cat Music Video: "Dances With Bricks"
Samhain the Cat in All Her Pulchritude
(Music is Bang a Drum by Selena Gomez, heard on The Cinderella Story soundtrack. Click link to download it from Amazon.)
Cat Christmas Cards for Fans
Snapped by My Owner Christmas Eve
December 2007: Once again, the trip there is a pain, but the house itself is a good cat playground. I'm still not sure about this white stuff that was falling that night.
December 2008: Bah humbug.
Other Cats Who Aren't As Cute As I Am
Kitty Litter and Cat Food Fund
Here's a closeup of the "Help, I'm Felined and I Can't Get Up!" design, which I inspired:
Artemision Zeus Light T-Shirt
Price: 16.99
Goddess Athena Mug
Price: 12.99
Hybrid Car Tote Bag
Price: 14.99
Hybrid Car Kicks Gas Sticker (Bumper)
Price: 4.49
Funny Lap Cat Tile Coaster
Price: 6.99
Other Cat Lenses
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Cat's Guide to Escaping the House
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Hello, my name is Oreo, the senior cat at the Easterling household. While I love my human family and they take good care of me, the call of the outdoors sometimes gets the better of me! They used to let me outdoors all the time, but I started wa...
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Sparta, The Mean Kitty of YouTube
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Have you met Sparta, the Mean Kitty of YouTube? This famous feline, an Egyptian Mau, took the video meme circuit by storm in September 2007, starring in the cat music video "Hey Little Sparta" by Cory "Mr. Safety" Williams, direc...
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Why Declawing Cats Is a Bad Idea
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A lot of humans who care about us cats know that declawing is wrong. They will tell you about how cruel and painful the operation is, and all the problems that declawing can cause. But being mere humans, they only know the half of it. Let a cat ...
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Communicating with Cats
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Meow...mew...mrrah! Welcome to the page dedicated to communicating with funky felines! Cats make all kinds of sounds.Does the MEOW have meaning? Having shared life with cats of all colors and breeds, I have a strong opinion. But read on, and then de...
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Cat Adoption
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So you've decided to add a new cat or kitten to your family. Maybe you're adding to your feline family or maybe you are considering adopting your first kitty. This lens was created to bring you helpful articles and resources in your quest for informa...
Cat Fan Mail
You may leave a token of your adoration here.
Shameless Plug Widget
Tweet it! 
Stumble it!
Rate it! 
Favorite it!
My owner informs me that Twitter, StumbleUpon or Squidoo members may help boost this page and earn me a few pennies by clicking the widget. Yawn.
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Reply
- kezan98 kezan98 May 17, 2009 @ 2:08 pm
- Thanks for joining the Cat Party Group, We've given you a top rating for this cat lens
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Reply
- jwooten80 jwooten80 May 2, 2009 @ 7:35 pm
- Samhain, you are beautiful! You look a lot like my compainion, Doober, except she doesn't have the gorgeous brown and black that you have! If you have time, check her out on my lens about my three cute kitties! Great lens, getting 5's from me. Thanks for sharing!
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Reply
- Vladi Vladi Apr 25, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
- High Paw Samhain! Watch out for that snow stuff, I hear it's damp
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- Mountainside-Crochet Mountainside-Crochet Mar 26, 2009 @ 8:17 pm
- Samhain, you are the funniest cat I have ever met.... and, I must say, your writing skills are excellent! Do you suppose some of your talent [tummy]-rubbed off on you from your adoring feeder person? I do hope you will continue to keep us informed via more pictures and stories on "The World According to Sanhain". You are the 'Cat's Meow'!
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Reply
- grannysage grannysage Mar 26, 2009 @ 6:14 pm
- Wileykat sent me to tell you thanks for visiting His lens, White Cats Can't Jump. As he is sitting above my computer at the moment, he also wants to remind everyone that he can jump just fine now. He also wants to tell Samhain that he likes his name "not like the silly name Lily my first owners gave me." He asks that I lensroll this to his lens, because he is collecting lenses from all his friends. Great job, feeder person!.
He also doesn't really want anyone to know this, but he does not wander far from home, because he chooses to come back in the house to use the kitty litter. Sshhh!
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Samhain Appreciates Your Adoration
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