To achieve success in any endeavor, the parties involved must be open to the idea that each has to put in some time and effort to make things work. Such an endeavor includes a long, as well as a satisfying married life.

Often, people tend to overlook the fact that marriage is a constant process of sharing and learning. It is a given that love is in the picture, but then it does not just end there. It is a continuous process of striving to be a good spouse, and being a perfect partner is not an impossibility.

Good News or Bad News

A USA Today article posted on July 18, 2005 claims that there has been a significant decline in the divorce rate all over the United States. The U.S. divorce rate is currently at 17.7% per 1,000 married women. A very considerable decrease compared to the 1980 U.S. divorce rate, which is at 22.6%.

However, there has also been a significant decline in the U.S. marriage rate. From the 76.5% per 1,000 unmarried women in the year 1970, there has been a 50% drop to this day's meager 39.9.

Does this imply that there is a growing concern among Americans that fewer couples prefer not to marry? Or are married couples trying to keep their marriages strong and fulfilling?

Why Do Married Couples Call It Quits?

The main causes of divorce in 2004 have been determined to be the following (in correct order, from highest rank).

- extra-marital affairs
- family strains
- emotional and/or physical abuse
- mid-life crisis
- addictions like, but not limited to alcoholism, gambling
- being a workaholic

But if you look closely, these situations could have been prevented had there been an viable and strong foundation for the relationship built on trust and fostered by good communication.

Hearing Versus Listening

Aside from both of these activities requiring the use of one's ears, hearing and listening are two totally different things.

Hearing is basically a mere physical process all people are born with. It is a natural response people have when presented with the stimuli of sound. Hearing is very passive. On the other hand, listening is a skill requiring both physical and mental processes. The process of listening is a very hard task and it requires one's full and consent concentration.

Communication, in the purest sense is achieved only when thoughts and messages are properly transmitted and clearly received Of course, this involves listening in it's purest sense.

Listening Improves Relationships

Contrary to popular belief, listening is actually not a simple skill. In spite of the tremendous practice people get, or at least think they get from listening to normal day to day interaction with different people, most people are not very good listeners much of the time. Why? For the very simple reason that listening is such a complex skill to master.

Marriages and friendships, as well as other forms of relationships rely heavily on good listening skills between the parties involved. To improve a married couple's relationship, both spouses must learn to listen to understand rather than just to listen to argue. With listening, the spouses learn and know more about each so there is little space for tensions and arguments.

So much has been said about how people can improve the listening aspect when communicating. Easier said than done, right? However, breaking them down into small easily followed steps and quick to remember keys will probably be more effective.

Listening is anything but a neutral or passive activity. Listening is not only hearing the words that are uttered but understanding them as well.. When a person listens, he hears not only the words, but the non-language aspect of communication like the tone, the mood, as well as the expression. It would be advisable (as suggested by most counselors) to listen out for an unspoken mood or concerns including fears and aspirations of the speaker. Often, these are revealed in usual conversations but are taken for granted or not paid their well-deserved attention. And in listening, respect is a must. Just listen. Do not think of how you should respond. Listen with sincere optimism and a pleasant and positive human regard. Remember, this is a spouse, screaming to be heard and to be heard.

Simply keep these simple tips in mind, and watch your listening skills and soon your relationships improve.

The Only Way to Spice up Your Marriage: Exploring Common Interests

Married couples seem to go into a lull at some point in their shared lives. There will always come a time when someone works too hard while the other stays at home with their children. It is not really that bad, it is just the way things will be at one point. Someone has to work to sustain the whole family while the other one has to stay home to supervise the children.

This is the lull, where everything, from morning to night, Monday until Sunday, seems to repeat itself. You go to work in the morning, you come home from work in the afternoon, you cook for your children, and you discipline your children. The routine is the same every day. A person has the tendency to get bored and will sometimes feel that the marriage is a total failure. This is when the couple should realize that they have to explore other areas of interests to prevent this lull from happening. This does not really have to mean that you should love and/or hate what your partner does... You just have to show genuine interest in every aspect of his/her personality.

The easiest place to look would be into sports. Does your husband love to play or watch basketball/football/baseball games? Does your wife love to play tennis or volleyball? Maybe it's time for you to have a change of heart and learn to like the sport your partner loves. Learn the basics, or perhaps, let your partner teach you and when your partner sees what you're doing, he/she will appreciate it and return the favor the next time.

Other games include board games where you could compete together with your children and have family time together. Puzzle games are another option. Both of could enjoy working together to complete the puzzle.

Traveling might be another option. Many people love traveling and exploring new places certainly would end boredom. Travel by sea and experience "life in the slow lane". Another option is to travel by airplane so you could get to your destination faster and experience other places and cultures as you travel to Asia or Europe. Traveling is a sure way to stop the doldrums of marriage.

Another interest you could both pursue would be interest in each others job. You don't have to be an accountant to learn why your husband is worrying about a few cents missing or a computer programmer to realize why your wife has headaches because the function of this or that is not working. It only takes a few days to learn the basics of what your partner is doing. You don't have to learn it all, just be interested enough in them to realize what your partner is having problems with.

You could also pursue some religious interests. Join groups that will help you or your partner then perhaps you could help others with their problems. This would be fulfilling and a wonderful experience for both of you.

Perhaps your partner reads a lot, there are a number of things you could do if that is the case. You could let him/her read to you before you sleep. Nothing beats the feeling of sleeping soundly with the one you love at your side. He/she will also love the feeling that you are secure with him/her.

What if your partner is a writer? There are things you could do to help. If he/she writes articles then do the proofreading. Tell him/her your opinion on the subject matter. Do your best to understand what he/she writes and form your own opinion. Writers love criticism, too, since it's one of the ways they'll know that someone has read what they wrote. Criticize him/her or praise what he/she did. It's the only way they'll realize that you've done your "job" of reading his/her article.

No matter what you do, the best thing is to put yourself into your partner's shoes. Learn to love what he/she loves and show some interest in what he/she does. It is only way you can eliminate your boredom and you'll learn to appreciate your partner more fully too.

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