School Bullying

School bullies. The very word still send shivers down my back. For me, the bullying started in middle school. In elementary school, i was the dorky kid. But it wasn't til the 4th grade that the other kids really started forming their core groups of friends; and I was left out. This left me open to being picked on, made fun of, threatened, and teased.

To this day, I still remember the bullies who picked on me. I have two girls of my own, in first and third grade. I am their advocate - it is my responsibility to make sure they don't suffer the same emotional distress I did. Learning how to best deal with bullies as a parent has been a learning experience for me. I hope that my tips can help you teach your child how to deal with school bullies.

There are some obvious and some not so obvious signs of children who have the potential for being easy targets.

-The classic target: kids with glasses. As adults, we tend to forget that children who are different (for any reason) are singled out.
- Kids with disabilities.
- Kids who excel in class
- Kids with few friends
- Children who are agressive
- Children from lower than average income brackets

Really? How are you so sure? 85% of American Students reported being bullie3d at least once in the last year. Here are some signs that you child may be suffering at school.

- Coming home with physical injuries - scrapes, cuts.
- Grades get worse.
- Child doesn't want to go to school, or regularly claims to be ill.
- Change in behavior.

Most often, children will not tell their parents whats going on. They will even deny that they are being picked on. Often times, they think that 'telling' on the bully will only make things worse. Children who are often targets of bullies wish to avoid confrontation, and they may feel that bringing attention to the situation will make it worse. Many times, their fears are not unfounded.

Even if your child is not being bullied, consider talking to them about how to deal with the situation. Let them know that it's o.k. to help out someone else who is being bullied.

Situations where adults aren't providing direct supervision are the places where children are more likely to be bullied; for instance, on the school bus, at recess, or in the halls between classes.

Professionals recommend that we teach our children to diffuse the situation, and not exacerbate it by telling them to 'stick up for themselves'. Children who are targets for bullies often wish to avoid confrontation - forcing them to fight (physically, or with words) can cause more emotional distress.

Children should deal with bullies differently, depending on their age.

Children in pre-school, daycare, or kindergarden most likely will be dealing with physical bulling, as children at this age are only beginning to learn social skills. At this age, children should respond by confidently telling the bully "STOP!" or "DON'T HIT ME!" and telling the teacher. Should the problem continue, you should speak to the teacher yourself, and even the principle / day care manager or parents of the child who is hitting.

In Elementary and Middle School, children can diffuse a potential fight or escape a situation where they are being bullied by:

- Tell the bully they are right, and walk away
- Telling a teacher or school counselor

If the bullying continues, ask your child to talk to the school counselor / administrator, or ask the child if you can do this for him /her. Keep a record of each contact with school officials, and keep copies of email or correspondence with the school.

If you feel that your child's safety is at risk, or if he or she is being physically attached, this is 'assault' and it is against the law (for children over age 10). Contact the school's safety officer or police. You may even wish to consult a lawyer in your area for legal advice.

A Recent case involving a 13 year old Missouri girl who was cyber bullied via myspace and committed suicide has inspired Missouri lawmakers to pass a new bill to prevent cyber bullying.

This new law has set a precedence for cyber bullying. This landmark decision has made it possible to prosecute people for bullying and harassment via the internet and text messaging.

visit this site to learn more about this case.
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20081221-cyberbullying-laws-picking-up-after-myspace-suicide-case.html

To learn more about the cases pending that have arisen from this new law, see : http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/12/seven-people-ch.html

In news across the world, a man in China recently received approx $1300 in compensation for damages when he sued the man who published details about him on the internet, alleging cyber bullying. Read more here: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/12/british-man-rec.html

For a more advanced look at the psychology
behind why children bully, see this lens.

A guide for Parents
Bullying and anxiety disorders
Bullying : Kids with learning disabilities
Warning Signs of Bullying
When nothing else works, get a lawyer