Twitter - how to get tons of followers for free :-)

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How exactly does Twitter work?

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Twitter has become all the rage in the social networking community.
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Who am I?

I am Norbert Sczepanski, Cologne, Germany
Former medical director - now retired.
Former MOC marketing director.

Entrepreneur on the net since Sept, 2000

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----

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-----

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Funny quotes 1 - that I have posted on twitter 

Read, enjoy + maybe you want to copy some of them :-)

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." Groucho Marx

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself." Josh Billings

"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat." Erma Bombeck

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." George Bernard Shaw

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running." Groucho Marx

"LIFE: As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841................"

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

"A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers." H. L. Mencken

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." Bill Cosby

"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper." Mark Twain

"Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you." Satchel Paige

"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse." Groucho Marx

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height." Casey Stengel

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz :-))

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." Bill Cosby

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." Hedy Lamarr

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." Groucho Marx

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman

"Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward." Marilyn vos Savant

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"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." Mae West

"Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did." Bette Davis

"By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean." Mark Twain

"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange." Fred Allen

"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely." P. J. O'Rourke

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country." Steven Wright

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." Steven Wright

"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day." Jay Leno

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." George Burns

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." Robert Benchley

"Electricity is really just organized lightning." George Carlin

"Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got." Josh Billings

"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them." P. J. O'Rourke :-)

"Everywhere is within walking distance >>>>> if you have the time." Steven Wright

"Fashions have done more harm than revolutions." Victor Hugo

"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." Bill Cosby

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." Fran Lebowitz

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." Mark Twain

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." Mark Twain

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9

---

"God did not intend religion to be an exercise club." Naguib Mahfouz

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

"Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering." Marilyn vos Savant

"He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house." Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it." Mark Twain

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally." W. C. Fields

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." Stephen King

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright

"I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery." Paul Lynde

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food." W. C. Fields

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink." Joe E. Lewis

"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name." Paula Poundstone

"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." Samuel Goldwyn

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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." Woody Allen

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle." Mitch Hedberg

"I failed to make the chess team because of my height." Woody Allen

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

"I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." Charles M. Schulz

"I have never been hurt by what I have not said." Calvin Coolidge

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield - - oops

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." Steven Wright - more followers? 4 free? http://faq-scz.de.vu

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster + a radio." Joan Rivers

I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen

"I like marriage......... >>>>>> The idea." Toni Morrison

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." Walt Disney

"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money." Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers

"I never said most of the things I said." Yogi Berra

---

I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Paul Lynde

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns

I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." Groucho Marx

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Emo Philips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and
you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong." Bertrand Russell

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Howard Nemerov

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Mercedes McCambridge

"I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." Carl Sandburg

"I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more." James Brown

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9

---

Funny quotes 2 - that I have posted on twitter 

Read, enjoy + maybe you want to copy some of them :-)

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago" Will Rogers

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor." Joan Rivers

"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" Lily Tomlin :-)

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job." Woody Allen

"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?" Lily Tomlin

"If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3" Laurence J. Peter, more free followers + right tools free http://faq-scz.de.vu

"If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer." Yogi Berra

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." Rita Rudner - :-)

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London

"It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate" Dave Barry

"It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if U take it from another person's plate" Dave Barry

"It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man." H. L. Mencken

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'Rourke

"Life is hard. After all it kills U" Katharine Hepburn - make Ur life easier w/ free followers + tips http://faq-scz.de.vu

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." Groucho Marx :-))

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." Woody Allen :-)

"Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him" Marlene Dietrich

"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing." Emo Philips

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9

-

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London

"My grandmother started walking 5 miles/day when she was 60. Shes 79 now we don't know where the hell she is"
Ellen DeGeneres

My inner child is not wounded.
Shannen Doherty

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Myers

Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke

Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers

"Never have more children than you have car windows." Erma Bombeck

"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected." Robert Orben

"Never wear anything that panics the cat." P. J. O'Rourke

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken

"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet." Saint Augustine

"Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food." George Bernard Shaw

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben

"One man's folly is another man's wife." Helen Rowland

"Originality is the fine art of remembering what U hear but forgetting where U heard it" Laurence J. Peter

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Lewis Mumford

"Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children." Samuel Butler :-) pl RT

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
Chevy Chase

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9

-

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres

"Procrastination is the art of keepin up w/ ystrday" Don Marquis, dont procrastinate get free follow http://faq-scz.de.vu

"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours." Ronald Reagan

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." W. C. Fields

"Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs." Alfred Hitchcock

"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare." Fred Allen - very nice pun, hm??

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
David Ogilvy

"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl." Dave Barry

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby." Natalie Wood

"The reason there are 2 senators for each state is so that 1 can be the designated driver." Jay Leno

"The superfluous, a very necessary thing." Voltaire -getting more free followers is not superfluous http://faq-scz.de.vu

"The 2 basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine + coconut milk." Dustin Hoffman

"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love." Joe E. Lewis

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." Henry A. Kissinger

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
Casey Stengel

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist." Mark Twain - I LOVE Mark Twain so pl RT :-)

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when U fall into an open sewer + die" Mel Brooks

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9

"TV is chewing gum for the eyes." Frank Lloyd Wright

"2 things are infinite: the universe + human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe" Albert Einstein

"We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience." George Bernard Shaw

"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect." Alanis Morissette

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark." George Carlin - not dard R Ur chances to get free followers http://faq-scz.de.vu

"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?" George Carlin

"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?" Fred Allen - oops - LOL

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick." George Burns

"Wen U R courtin a nic girl 1 h seems lk a sec Wen U sit on a redhot cinder a sec seems lk 1 h Thats relativity" Einstein

"Wine is constant proof that God loves us + loves to see us happy" B Franklin - happy free followers http://faq-scz.de.vu

"Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!" Eleanor Roosevelt

"Women are wiser than men because they know less + understand more." James Thurber

"U want a friend in Washington? Get a dog" Harry S. Truman -more free folowers at http://faq-scz.de.vu am yr german friend

"You're only as good as your last haircut." Fran Lebowitz

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Blog Posts from Google about twitter 

Conan Apologizes, Antagonizes After Levi Johnston Twitter Shat Storm
"We'd been following Levi on Twitter and felt his gift for the written word needed to be shared with the world," Conan O'Brien explained. ...
Twitter shows passion over Rihanna's bout with domestic violence
Twitter users tuned in to watch Rihanna's interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC. As the interview went on, both Rihanna and Chris Brown emerged on the trending ...
Social media going corporate
At a conference last month in San Francisco, Comcast CEO Brian Roberts credited an employee's use of Twitter with helping to change the cable giant's ...
Lindsay Lohan Makes Tearful Exit from Crown Bar
She recently expressed her feelings via Twitter, saying, ?He's a deadbeat dad. He's disgusting to do this?he needs help.? Meanwhile Lilo is also seeking a ...
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Twitter Power: How to Dominate Your Market One Tweet at a Time

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Billy Twitters and His Blue Whale Problem

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