Seinfeld Quotes and Videos LA, CA

I love everyone of the Seinfeld Episodes ... its always Seinfeld Season for me!
Each one of the Seinfeld cast is totally awesome! - Kramer is a off-beat one!

Seinfeld Quotes...or the Seinfeld Script for "The Stand In"

"THE STAND-IN"

"There's nothing to talk about."
"Ah, what's there to talk about."
"Well, at least you and I are talking about how there's nothing to talk about."
"Why don't you talk with her about how there's nothing to talk about?"
"She knows there's nothing to talk about."
"At least she'll be talking."
"Oh, shut up."
- George and Jerry

"If you can't say something bad about a relationship you shouldn't say anything at all."
- George

"I can't hide my pity."
- George

"I haven't cracked a smile in months."
"Oh, don't worry, you'll crack. Cracking's inevitable. First you crack, then you chuckle."
- Fulton and Jerry

"So how are the eggs?"
"Eggs are eggs."
"Eggs are eggs. That is very profound. By the same token, couldn't you say fish is fish? I don't think so."
- George and Daphne

"If I was a woman I'd be down on the dock waiting for the fleet to come in."
- Jerry

"I'm very good with sick people. They love me."
- Kramer

"He took it out."
- Elaine, after her first date with Jerry's friend

"Maybe it needed some air. You know, sometimes they need air. They can't breathe in there. It's inhuman."
- Kramer, speculating on why "He took it out,"

"I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off."
- George

"You know, George, they're doing wonderful things at mental institutions these days. I'd be happy to set up a meet and greet."
- Jerry

"Rock paper scissors match."
"Alright! Rock beats paper!"
"I thought paper covered rock."
"Nah, rock flys right through paper."
"Well, what beats rock?"
"Nothing beats rock."
- Kramer and Mickey, playing games, in "The Stand-In" - Seinfeld script

I wonder how many door-way sense there were on Seinfeld, and how many doors did Kramer actually break. I know that he broke several doors during his roll.

Seinfeld Quotes...

"THE OUTING"

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"
- Jerry, denying that he is gay, but not wanting to be seen as anti-gay

"You can do better than me. You could throw a dart out the window and hit someone better than me. I'm no good!"
- George, trying to get rid of his current girlfriend

"Hey, who do you think is the most unattractive world leader?
"Living or all time?"
"All time."
"Well, if it's all time, then there's no contest. It begins and ends with Brezhnev."
"I dunno. You ever get a good look at DeGaulle?"
"Lyndon Johnson was uglier than DeGaulle."
"I got news for you. Golda Meir could make 'em all run up a tree."
- Elaine, Jerry and George

"I'm not goin' along. I can just see you in Berlin in 1939 goose-stepping past me: 'C'mon Jerry, go along, go along...'"
- Jerry to George

"Yeah, 'cuz I'm single, I'm thin and I'm neat."
"And you get along well with women."
"I guess that leaves me in the clear..."
- Jerry, Elaine and George, on why some people might thing Jerry is gay

"Actually it was in gym class. I was trying to climb the ropes and Jerry was spotting me. I kept slipping and burning my thighs and then finally I slipped and fell on Jerry's head. We've been close ever since."
- George, explaining how he and Jerry met

"Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon!"
- George, trying to convince a reporter that he's not gay

"Ya know, there are tribes in Indonesia where if you keep your coat on in somebody's house, the families go to war!"
- George

"Guys And Dolls? Isn't that a lavish, broadway musical?"
"It's Guys And Dolls, not Guys And Guys."
- Jerry and George, still concerned that people might think they're gay

"Every day it's something else with you. I don't know anything about you any more. Who are you? What kind of life are you leading? Who knows what you're doing? Maybe you're making porno films."
"Yeah. I'm Buck Naked."
- George's mother and George

"I'm gay! I'm a gay man! I'm very, very gay."
"You're gay?"
"Extraordinarily gay. Steeped in gayness."
- George and Allison, as he tries one more tactic to end the relationship, in "The Outing"

Seinfeld Quotes...

"THE APOLOGY"

"It's like you're living in the Playboy Mansion! Did she frolic?"
"I don't really have enough room."
- George and Jerry

"You went to the coffee shop without me? I told you I just wanted to hop in the shower."
"That was an hour ago. What were you doing in there?"
"Showering. How long's it take you?"
"Ten minutes."
"Ten minutes? That's kooky talk."
- Kramer and Jerry

"Well, here's my shower routine. Maybe I could make some changes. Wash cloth mittens and maybe some liquid soap, and just focus!"
- Kramer

"So she coughed."
"Coughing? Naked? It's a turn-off, man."
"Everything goes with naked."
"When you cough there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion."
"You spoiled spoiled man. You know how much mental energy I expend just trying to picture women naked?"
"But the thing you don't realize is that there's good naked and bad naked. Naked hair brushing - good. Naked crouching - bad."
- George and Jerry

"You're probably wasting time working piece-meal, first cleaning one area and then another."
"Well, that's how cats do it."
"But when you have a faucet instead of a tongue, you want to use gravity."
- Jerry and Kramer

"Alright George, alright. I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to find its way through the normal size neckhole of my finely knit sweater."
- Henke

"Oh yeah yeah, I'm watching you too, but this guy's really showing me something."
- Kramer, observing men in a gym shower

"This is all in her mind, okay? She is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah... She's a whacko."
- Elaine

"Instead of an apology, he was be-boppin' and scattin' all over me."
- George

"I am not here for rage. I'm here for revenge."
- George

"He took you to Rage-aholics? Why?"
"Probably because this whole universe is against me!"
"I think you've got a little rage."
"I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me so mad!"
- Jerry and George

"What is wrong with my body?"
"Chicken wing shoulder blades."
- Jerry and Elaine

"The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep."
- Elaine

"This food was in the shower with you?"
"Mmm hmm... I prepared it as I bathed."
- Elaine and Kramer

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Seinfeld Quotes...

"THE PARKING GARAGE"

"Why do I always have the feeling everybody's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?"
- Jerry, in "The Parking Garage"

"Fish... What do they do?"
"What do *you* do?"
- George and Elaine

"I'm trying to live my life!"
- George

"You get within fifteen feet of that woman, she'd have her finger on the mace button."
- Jerry, to George

"We're like rats in some experiment."
- George

"There's too much urinary freedom in this society. I'm proud to hold it in. It builds character."
- Jerry

"If I am not in front of my building at 6:15 when my parents get there, they are going to put me on an aggravation installment plan that will compound with interest for decades."
- George

"I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum."
- George

"We're not skinheads."
- Elaine, trying to convince a man to drive her around the garage, in "The Parking Garage"

"It's amazing how shopping makes me have to go. How does my bladder know I'm in a department store?"
- Jerry

"You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place."
- Jerry

"What's the difference? We'll all be dead eventually."
"Does that bother you?"
"Yeah, it bothers me. Doesn't it bother you?"
"Not at all."
"You see, now that bothers me even more than dying bothers me, because it's people like you who live to be 120 because you're not bothered by it. How can it not bother you?"
"Well, I once saw this thing on TV with people who are terminally ill. Everyone of them believed that the secret of life is just to live every moment."
"Yeah, I've heard that. Meanwhile, I'm here with you in a parking garage in Jersey."
- George and Kramer, in "The Parking Garage"