Everyone experiences insecurity in some way, shape or form. Everyone. Our insecurity can surface at home, at work and at play. Think, for a moment, about times, events or circumstance in which you feel, or have felt, that tinge of insecurity holding a newborn, wondering about making a commitment to a relationship, making a speech, thinking about growing old and retiring, buying a first house, re-marrying, your managing ability or technical ability, your educational background, family or social standing, playing a sport or musical instrument, speaking up, or out. Of course, it goes without saying that our insecurities are fear-based.

As a coach, my experience indicates that most folks are, or have been, dealing with their insecurities in such a way they are not paralyzed by them. They journey through life having taking steps to either overcome their insecurities or not allow their insecurities to be incapacitating.

On the other hand, there are those who succumb to their fears and insecurities. They allow themselves to be taken over by their negative, self-limiting, and self-defeating, internal scripts. These folks make a habit of feeling like a victim, walking the Earth blaming everyone and everything for their insecurities their bosses, co-workers, family of origin, the weather, politicians, their spouses, partners, friends and neighbors.

A major downside of this latter group, the negative folks, is how they impact and infect the workplace when they rise to the level of leader, manager or supervisor.

When insecure leaders, managers and supervisors show up in the workplace, their behavior is characterized by the following:

Insecure folks want and need control.

Feeling insecure and thus "small" and "invisible," they search for and seek out opportunities that will show them to be brilliant, significant, and important, i.e., "somebody." They refuse to collaborate and delegate or support others to grow and develop. They cannot bring themselves to coach or mentor others. Their ego is driving.

Insecure folks are afraid of change.

These individuals prefer the status quo to trying something new. They live in the "not invented here" part of the workplace landscape. Taking risks, stretching or exploring new ways of doing things is threatening and fear-making. Risk or change is not a part of the equation.

Insecure folks avoid embarrassment.

They just "cannot fail." How would they be perceived if they did fail? Insecure leaders, managers and supervisors avoid failing or the appearance of failing in any way, shape or form. They abhor being seen as stupid or "incompetent" in front of anyone.

Insecure folks are "silent" folks.

They play it close to the vest, or blouse. They fear disclosing anything personal about themselves. They prefer small talk, gossip, and conversation that is desultory, superficial and not very deep.

Insecure folks hire folks who are not a threat.

Insecure folks need to feel wanted and needed, to feel important and superior. They hire those with reduced competence so they don't have to compete, or feel threatened or embarrassed by someone "smarter, better or more capable."

Insecure folks perpetuate insecurity.

Insecure folks lead, manage and supervise by the mantra, "I need you to be like me." They thrive on insecurity and so create an environment of fear, over-thinking and over-analyzing, of living life at work being constantly suspicious and vigilant creating an environment that is characterized by a low-grade-fever-type of agitation that permeates the workplace.

While insecure leaders, managers and supervisors are often successful in the short term, they usually wind up derailing or stalling, but not before they damage and seriously affect their unit, department, and/or organization, i.e., the people around them.

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

Reflecting honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly, do you sense you have one or more insecurities that affect your leading, managing or supervising capabilities and thus your relationships with your colleagues?

What might be a good first step to explore and deal with your insecurity?

Do you have a trusted friend with whom you can open up and talk about your deepest insecurities?

Do you think you owe it to yourself and those you lead, manage or supervise to work to get over the insecurity roller coaster?

Outside of work, i.e., at home and at play, does insecurity adversely affect your relationships, your performance and your behavior? How so?

Would you colleagues, your friends, your spouse or partner say you have a need for control, recognition or security that results in your usually being in some state of insecurity?

As you work to reduce and even eliminate your insecurities, you'll be surprised at the difference it makes not only in your life but also in the lives of those you lead, manage or supervise at work, and with those whom you know and love outside of work.

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching, counseling and facilitating.

With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit - that is, Essential Well BE-ing - Peter's approach focuses on personal, business, relational and spiritual coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information contact http://www.spiritheart.net http://www.spiritheart.net, mailto:pvajda@spiritheart.net pvajda@spiritheart.net or phone 770.804.9125

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D http://EzineArticles.com/?Do-You-Seek-Power-and-Control-Due-to-Your-Own-Insecurity?&id=926160

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(Photo by gmarlett, Copyright 2008 all rights reserved)

Harmony

Each individual composes the music of their own life. When we experience upset of one kind or another it's usually because we are out of harmony with ourselves. When we experience difficulty in our relationships at work, at home or at play, for example, it's most often because our music and the notes of our life are not on the same page.

What is harmony?

Harmony is an alignment or congruence among four elements: what we say, what we think, what we feel and what we do. When there is harmony, alignment, and congruence between our thoughts, feelings, actions and words we experience an inner and outer sense of peace, called harmony.

Am I in harmony?

Consider the following life areas and reflect on whether you feel in, or out of, harmony with each ­ is the way you feel about, the way you think about, the way you act around (or about) and the way you speak about each of the following in alignment, congruent, harmonious?

Your finances

Your career and livelihood

Your relationships at work

Your (love) partnership and intimacy

Your personal environment and organization

Your personal, professional and spiritual development

Your health and wellness

Your family and friends

Your play and recreation

When I'm not in harmony

Are there disconnects in the way you think, feel, speak about or act with respect to any of these life areas? For example, do you feel one way or think one way about money and yet treat money, or relate to money, in a way that is counter to the way you think and feel? Is your behavior towards your co-workers in sync with the way you talk about them to others, or think about them? And your relationship with your partner? Does harmony flow through your relationship? What's your music like? Are the notes off? Do you experience harmony or disharmony?

In my coaching work, I often find the folks who are the most distressed, upset, overwhelmed, frustrated, bored, lost and confused are those whose music is out of tune, whose life is full of bad notes, whose music and notes are not on the same page.

Further, when we are not in harmony with others, it's because we are not in harmony with ourselves. When one is in harmony with one's self, one is often in harmony with others at work, at home and at play.

When we feel "out of sorts", "foggy", frustrated, lost or confused, it's most often because we are experiencing a disequilibrium among our mind, body and spirit, or head, heart and soul ­ between what we are thinking, feeling, saying or doing.

The downside of this state of disequilibrium is that we often make unwise and unhealthy life, work, and relationship choices and decisions. In disharmony, we keep sending ourselves mixed messages and it's no wonder we live in a state of confusion and self-doubt. Think perhaps of some decisions you made recently that turned out to be self-defeating or not so healthy. Consider, were you were in alignment in what you were thinking, feeling and saying as you made the decisions or did you experience a sense of internal conflict? Did you make that decision from a place of harmony? If not, where were you conflicted? And why? What wasn't working?

When I am in harmony

When one is in harmony with one's self, when one's thoughts, words, deeds and feelings are in sync, one has no need to look outside to blame, find fault, nit-pick, criticize and judge harshly. When one is in harmony with one's self, one can overlook the faults, the peccadillos, the imperfections and the "dings" in others.

When one is in harmony with one's self, one sings, internally and externally, the notes of gentleness, mildness, respect, humility, modesty, tolerance and forgiveness. When one approaches life and living from a place of harmony, one experiences the qualities of true and real courage, strength, wisdom, will, confidence, motivation, self-discipline, inner peace and love, compassion and what is known as "right knowing, "right action" and "right understanding" ­ qualities that are not available when one is in a state of disharmony. Harmony supports one to act from a place of authenticity and integrity; there is no fakeness or phoniness, no self-deception. Harmony allows us to be at peace within our own skin.

No one can compose your music

Each individual composes the music of their own life. The goal is to consciously hear and understand where there is discord. And then act to take steps to eliminate or reduce the discord in the melody of one's life. What notes do you need to change or discard? The one way to achieve harmony is to begin with your values. What are your values? What's really, really important to you? And, are you living your values?

So, our $10 food for thought questions are:

What thoughts and beliefs do I engage in that create disharmony in my life?

Do I often feel one way, or think one way and then act in another way? Do I know why?

Do I often lie to myself? About what? And why? What does the lying get me?

Is the music of my life harmonious?

Does disharmony in my life cause conflict with others at work, at home or at play?

Do I express harmony through qualities such as respect, acceptance, tolerance, understanding, empathy and compassion?

How do I promote harmony in my relationship to my self? Do I "walk my harmony talk"?

What do I say, how am I acting, how am I thinking and how am I feeling, when I'm in a state of disharmony?

Do I tend to blame others for my disharmony?

What are my top 15 values? Am I living these values on a consistent basis? If not, what's in the way?

What one or two baby steps could I take today, this week or this month to move in the direction of experiencing greater harmony in my life?

(c) 2007, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and SpiritHeart. All rights in all media reserved.

You may reprint this article as long as the article is printed in its entirety, including the author's information.

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching, counseling and facilitating.
With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit - that is, Essential Well BE-ing - Peter's approach focuses on personal, business, relational and spiritual coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information contact http://www.spiritheart.net, mailto:pvajda@spiritheart.net pvajda@spiritheart.net or phone 770.804.9125

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-Living-Your-Life-in-Harmony?&id=802755

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One of the basic requirements of all living organisms is our innate need to grow - plants, animals, vegetables, humans - and minerals if you follow quantum physics research.

These days, most of us are moving at 90 miles and hour - encountering numerous people, places, circumstances and events, guided by to-do lists, held accountable to, and addicted to, electronic leashes, and burdened by overwhelm, stress, fogginess, and confusion.

I recall reading an article recently in which the author talked about how we can maximize our time and I was struck by the last "do and don't" item on her list; simply, it stated: "And finally, when the horse dies, get off!"

What an interesting piece of advice! Blunt and to the point. So I thought I might tug on your sleeve as well and perhaps suggest taking a minute or two, right here, right now, to consider any "dead horses" you may be riding.

Dead horses are all of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" that drive our lives. Often we're completely unaware of them. These dead horses take the form of self-images that we think we need to live up to, beliefs, habits and routines that run our lives; they show up as the relentless demands and expectations we make on ourselves. These dead horses are forever showing up in our jobs, in our lifestyles or in our relationships with friends, co-workers, spouses and partners. And yet, for no apparent reason, we continually find ourselves in states of regret, agitation, anger, irritation, frustration, resentment, defensiveness, sadness and depression as we continue to try and ride our dead horses.

Perhaps right here and right now, you are spending precious time and energy trying to resuscitate your dead horses, painfully and frustratingly dragging them along into today, tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. We make ourselves believe that if we just try harder, keep on keeping on, these dead horses will come to life, better than ever. Or well tell ourselves that if we are less demanding and more accepting, these dead horses will generate renewed energy and live to ride again.

Or perhaps, we wish, we hope, and we pray that a miracle will happen and our dead horses will suddenly become healthy so we can ride off into the sunset. Just like TV - fantasies and fairy tales.

Maybe we're rationalizing that our horse really isn't dead; that all it needs is some good old "R&R." So we reject our reality and distract ourselves from the truth of our situation. And after days, weeks, months and years of resisting, rejecting, and distracting ourselves, we're still waiting for the dead horse to show some life, and so we wait, and wait, hope and pray...to no avail.

Then, too, there are those of us who try to convince ourselves that life will be grand if we just carry the horse - like it will come out of its coma at some point. So, we just haul it around until life comes back into it. We think that if we nurture it, support it, and help it, it will resurrect. Denial.

Unfortunately, all the while, we do know, yet resist admitting, carrying a dead horse on our shoulders is very tiring, exhausting, debilitating, self-sabotaging and counter-productive.

So, as you contemplate your life right here and right now, this may be a wonderful opportunity to be curious about your dead horses. What are the issues you're facing in your life at home, at work and at play? Are they the same as, or similar to, the dead horses you carried around in 2007, and perhaps in 2006, and in 2005?

Consider your career, your work, your relationships, your health and appearance, your personal or spiritual development, fun, finances, or your personal space.

Consider, perhaps, your lifestyle. Having set out with myriad good intentions, believing in what you thought was your vision or purpose, working hard and sacrificing along the way, becoming who you thought you should be, or perhaps even giving up what you wanted or who you wanted to be, telling yourself there's no going back, no way to extricate yourself from your unhappiness, frustration, discomfort, or "stuckness", are you telling yourself a story - that if you just "stick it out" all will be well?

So, staying in denial, and with a false hope, we keep egging our horse(s) on. We dig in our spurs, but move nowhere. Or, we're stuck on a plastic horse on a merry-go-round, moving, always engaged in "doing", going around in circles, but in reality, going nowhere. People who ride "dead horses" every day know what they have to do when they get up. But, they have no idea where they're going.

At the end of the day, the bottom line is simply: when the horse dies, get off!

A year from today, your life will be different. Guaranteed, it will be different! Whether it is "good" different or "bad" different, is your choice. Much depends on whether the horses you're riding are healthy, alive, juicy, energetic, purposeful, meaningful and positively supportive....or dead.

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

In what areas of your life are you disengaged right now?

What are you doing consistently at work that does not support your performance, productivity or profitability, but keep doing it nevertheless?

Are you achieving your goals in your life at work, at home or at play?

Do you consistently engage in beliefs, thoughts and actions that run counter to effective goal achievement?

Many folks spend the first half of their life articulating what they're going to do and the second half explaining why they couldn't do it? Are you one of those folks?

Are you dying a slow death - lacking a vision, direction, meaning in your life - dying a slow death for something you're not willing to die for?

What stories do you keep telling yourself, what "dead horses" do you keep trying to ride, that do not support a healthy life at work, or a healthy family life, or your health in general or your happiness or your friendships?

Are you impaired on your job or in your relationships because of a medical, emotional or psychological issue, a "dead horse", that you refuse to resolve?

Will the "dead horses" you are currently riding end up taking you where you really, really, really want to go in your life?

Do your "dead horses" reflect the truth of who you really are, or are they carrying an imposter?
How much physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energy do you spend supporting or trying to resuscitate your"dead horses"?

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching, counseling and facilitating.

With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit - that is, Essential Well BE-ing - Peter's approach focuses on personal, business, relational and spiritual coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information contact: http://www.spiritheart.net or mailto:pvajda@spiritheart.net pvajda@spiritheart.net or phone 770.804.9125

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D http://EzineArticles.com/?Riding-a-Dead-Horse&id=1124549

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