My Journey Through Motherhood

When I was growing up, I was not in any kind of rush to have kids. Partly because I didnt know if I could ever be a good mother, and partly because whenever I was around babies and toddlers, I usually only made things worse. Besides, look at me. I was (am) very plain looking - and fat - no man would ever want to marry me.

But after I turned 30, my biological clock started ticking. I found myself looking at babies and wondering what it would be like to be pregnant at least once, and have at least one child, preferably a boy. Somehow I just knew that boys would be easier to raise than girls. Especially when they became teenagers. You dont have to explain things like periods, sex, birth control and such stuff to boys. Wet dreams are relatively easy to explain.

Somewhere in early 1990s, I made a wish. I wished to be married by the end of the year 2000. Then I just let it go. I didn't actively chase up on it. If it happened, it happened, and if it didn't, it didn't. I actually completely forgot that I had made that wish.

In January 2000 - just 2 weeks after the famous Y2K that never eventuated, I met a man online with whom I had much in common including the fact that we were both born in the same month of the same year. I was just 2 weeks older than him - which technically made me the "older woman". The biggest problem was - I was in New Zealand, and he was in Canada. We spent hours online whenever I was not at my job. He came out to NZ in August that year and we got married in October 2000 in NZ and I flew back to Canada with my new husband in November 2000. It was not until several years later that I remembered the wish I had made - to be married before the end of the year 2000.

Photo Source - Personal Photo - Copyright to Serenia - My wedding party - My sister, me and my husband - October 2000

I have been pregnant a total of 4 times. I have been able to carry only ONE of those pregnancies to term and therefore we have one son. At the time of the other 3 miscarriages - we had no idea what was causing them. We do know now what caused them.

I was lucky every time I was pregnant, that I never felt anything more than a slight nausea upon waking up. Although I also got the sensitive nipples and breasts as well. One morning I felt the nausea just stop and it never started up again. The symptoms of pregnancy disappeared and when I went to the doctor to get checked out, my HCG hormone level was too low for the number of weeks I should have been pregnant, I had them do the test twice to be absolutely sure. So I had a D&C - an abortion. Only they call it a missed miscarriage because the fetus was already dead. The second and fourth times I was pregnant, the same thing happened. One day I felt nauseous, and the next day I didn't. I miscarried naturally and very very painfully both times.

Only one pregnancy survived and continued to full term - that was my third pregnancy. My husband wanted at least two children, but when the 3rd miscarriage (the 4th pregnancy) happened, he was so upset, he bluntly said that he didnt want to try any more - it was just too painful. I am sure he blamed me. And as we have since discovered - it is my fault that my body cannot carry my babies to term.

As an older mother - I was 37 during my pregnancy - I had to see the doctor twice a month. Not only because I was an older mother but also for other medical problems I have such as my heart. In the last 2 months, I had to go see the doctor every week. The due date came and went. Yes, I had a sore back but that was due to carrying all that extra weight around - on top of all the previous extra weight I had been carrying. I was already overweight before I became pregnant you know.

My due date was May 15th, 2002 - just a few days after my 38th birthday. Mothers day that year was around May 12th if I remember rightly. I remember hoping that my son might come early and be born on mothers Day. but Mothers day came and went and no contractions. My husbands birthday also came and went and no contractions. Finally by the time I was a week overdue the doctor insisted that I had to be induced. So I went into hospital when I was 8 days overdue and was induced with pitocin.

The trouble was that when the pitocin got turned up past a certain level my baby went into distress. When the pitocin was turned down he settled down. We could not turn the pitocin up to force the labour to continue. Eventually after 24 hours of labour and after my water had broken, the doctor said she really had no choice but to do a c-section. My baby had not even started moving down the birth canal - he was staying comfortably in the womb.

Fortunately I had had an epidural so it was a relatively easy matter to be wheeled into the OR, be sliced open and have my son pulled out. Despite the distress he had experienced with the pitocin, he still scored 9 on the first APGAR and 10 on the second APGAR. He weighed in at 7 pounds 13 oz (a very healthy weight) and was 21 inches long. His head was large but still in proportion to his body - but because I am a small boned person - this was the reason why he had not moved.

Photo Source - Personal Photo - Copyright to Serenia - My son aged 7 hours.

Within the first month, I discovered that my son has a strong will. The first year of having my son at home, and being totally responsible for this baby, I was so scared that I would do something wrong and that something bad would happen. While I still think that - most mothers do - it is not as overwhelming as it used to be.

My son will turn 9 years old next month. Even now - every year on his birthday - I am thankful that we (his parents) have been able to get him safely through another year.

As a baby, as a toddler and as he grew older, my son behaved differently from other children and I knew there was something wrong. At first I thought it was ADD or ADHD, but after a lot of reading, I came to the conclusion that it was not ADHD. He could focus and listen when he really wanted to. By the time he started at Kindergarten (at age 4) I had found a book called Raising the Spirited Child. This book described my son very well, but there were still some things that did not quite fit. One of the things that the spirited book mentioned were sensory issues.

So I began reading up about sensory issues - especially auditory and sensory. These symptoms described both myself and my son exactly. Finally I had a reason for why my son and I act the way we do. Unfortunately sensory issues are not described in the official book of medical diagnoses as approved by the US medical board. While some doctors are aware of these sensory issues, others think its just another made up disease like ADHD. The trouble is that ADHD is not a disease. It is a neurological issue. Sensory issues are also neurological issues as well.

When my son was 5 I tried to get him assessed at the pediatric clinic at my local hospital. I could not get him into the Sick Kids hospital on just my say so - he had to have a proper referral. But even after testing him, all the pediatric doctor would say is that he showed some signs of ADHD - mostly due to his hyperactivity, his inability to concentrate and focus and his refusal to listen. stay quiet and keep still. They told me to bring him back after he started in grade 1 and they would test him again.

I chose not to take my son back. I know that the moment he is officially labelled as being ADHD, he will have nothing but trouble his entire life - especially in school - and I was not going to put that label on him. I know he just has sensory issues - even if I cannot get any official diagnosis. I purchased and read most the books listed on this sensory issues books lens.

Photo Source - Personal Photo - Copyright to Serenia - My son aged 6 years lays about on the couch after I have told him to get off.

So over the last 3 years especially - mostly since he started in grade 1 - I have had to to be the one to teach my son how to deal with life, and how to do things correctly. There are times when he gets frustrated. Those are the times when he tends to exaggerate. I am not sure where this comes from, but he begins to imagine that horrible things will happen especially when he thinks he will be in trouble.

And of course there are times when I get frustrated as well. I have to be very CONSISTANT in everything I do. If I do something once as a treat, he pounces on it and wont let me get away with not doing it again despite any number of pinky swear promises he makes. EVERYTHING has to be NEGOTIATED and made into a deal which cannot be broken, If I do break a promise or a deal - he claims I lied.

But there is one thing that my son does do, that makes even these frustrations bearable. My son has the wittiest and funniest sense of humour I have ever seen in a kid. The stuff he comes out with is hilarious - even if the timing is often inappropriate.

My husband and I have frequently commented that he could be the next Jim Carrey or the next Martin Short. But I dont know. His humour works best when it is spontaneous - not preplanned. He certainly keeps us entertained. He once told me that he liked to make us laugh because he hated us being so sad.

I would love to see my son grow up and use his talent for comedy in some way. I'm not sure he will be patient enough to be in front of a camera repeating take after take after take because the director wants it to be perfect. He gets B-O-R-E-D easily. Also being in front of a camera does not give him instant feedback.

Right now my son has 2 famous sayings.
I am B-O-R-E-D
I love you, mommy
And I never know when he will sigh and say - It's time for one of my famous sayings, mommy.

As to the future, I think my son will do well as a standup comic on stage - where he can use his wit to get reactions and instant feedback from the audience. He may not become terribly famous like John Candy, but he will be using his talent for comedy in the best way that suits him.

Of course he may also go in a completely different direction - one that he and I have not yet discovered. But I think life will be a blast as we find out together.

Photo Source - Personal Photo - Copyright to Serenia - My son aged 6 and half years old and hamming it up in front of the camera