How to Make Children 'Sex-Abuse-Proof'!

As adults who spend any amount of time at all with children, we spend a large chunk of that time teaching them to do what they're told! "Do this!" "Do that!" "Don't you say 'no' to me little boy!"
However, that is exactly what a sex abuser looks for in a victim - compliance. They want a child who will follow directions and do what they're told without question.
Many victim/survivors of sexual abuse say that they couldn't say no, that they didn't have any power to protect themselves. It was an adult, an older child or someone stronger than them. They then believe it was their fault because they didn't do anything to stop the abuse.
The strongest self-defense tool we can give kids is the ability to say "NO!" and to say it loud and clear. Let them say 'no' to touches to their body. If Auntie Matilda wants to plant one of those big slobbery wet kisses on little Johnny's cheek and little Johnny would rather not be touched that way, help him to say "Auntie Matilda, I love you, but I don't want a kiss - how about you just tell me you love me?"
When little Johnny is then approached by the sex abuser next door who wants little Johnny to let him touch him inappropriately, little Johnny, with his new-found strength, can say "No, don't touch me that way!"
Keep in mind that sometimes children, no matter what they are taught, still cannot say 'no' for whatever reason. So in addition to teaching kids to say 'no', tell them it's okay to think 'no' if they just can't say it.

Over the past decade I have taught over 10,000 children how to protect themselves from sexual abuse. After teaching them that it is SOOOOOO okay to say no to touch to their body, I teach them to GO. Get away from that person that wants to touch them inappropriately. When I ask children to tell me how they would do that, they respond (LOUDLY I might add) "I would run far far away!"
But...what if it's daddy's habit to come into 6 year old Jenny's room every night at 2AM? Can Jenny run 'far, far away'? Would it be safe for her to do that? Or what if a teen girl taking care of Jenny for the evening tries to get Jenny to do inappropriate things and Jenny's closest neighbor is a mile away because she lives in the country?
Jenny can't just run far, far away in these instances. So it's important to teach children different ways to 'get away'. Some of these are:
~Physically turn away from the sexual abuser. Some times this is enough to ruin the confidence of the abuser and they will stop. Sometimes.
~Push off the abuser. Getting even a few inches away from the abuser, by pushing their hand away or pushing against their chest lets the abuser know that the child means business. It doesn't have to be a hard push, either. Sometimes this works.
~Stand up and move across the room from an abuser.
~Go to another room. Lock the door if they need to.
~Go outside or come inside.
~Go to a close neighbor's house or a friend's house.
~Go to another adult in the area.
There are many other versions of 'getting away'. Discuss these with the children you're in contact with.

Less than 5% of sexual abuse victims tell someone about what is happening to them. The reasons vary and may include embarrassment, a feeling of guilt, not wanting to cause more problems in a family that is already unstable, a belief that the abuse was the victims fault, and being told by the abuser to keep the secret.
Sexual abuse thrives on secrecy. Sex abusers often 'test' their intended victims by convincing children to first keep harmless secrets. "Don't tell mommy I let you have candy for breakfast!" "I got this toy for you because you're special, but let's not tell your parents, it's our little secret." Once children prove they can keep the smaller secrets, the abuser moves on to larger secrets, effectively training the child to not tell anything the abuser deems a secret.
After a child proves their ability to keep secrets, the abuse begins. The abuser continues to tell the child to not tell 'their little secrets'. The previous, less harmful secrets are then used as weapons. An abuser will tell a child something like, "if you tell about the mommy/daddy game, I'll tell about us going to the arcade everyday instead of studying your math".
The most effective way to encourage a victim of sexual abuse to tell someone is to be an askable adult. Answer children's questions. Praise children for telling you things and for coming to you with concerns. Even if a subject seems 'too old' for the child, if the child is mature enough to ask the question, they are mature enough to hear an age appropriate answer. Be especially open about discussions regarding sexual development. Children are innately curious and they will find answers someplace. And sex abusers are more than happy to be the place children find out answers to their questions.
Remember this quote from an anonymous convicted sex offender - "Give me a child who knows nothing about sex, and you've just given me my next victim."
So talk...and keep talking...and then talk some more. But most importantly - LISTEN!

There is so much more great info out there to help protect children from sexual abuse! I strongly encourage you...actually I'm begging you(!)...to keep looking!
To start with, check out my other lenses! I've got 30+ years of experience being an abuse survivor myself and over a decade preventing it from happening to other children - so I've got a lot to say!
There are some great websites to look into as well! For starters, check out the links below.
In addition, plans are being made for some YouTube vids, national media releases, and if I ever win the lottery, some national TV coverage!
Just please...don't stop learning how to keep kids safe!
Thanks so much for stopping by and God Bless!