Warning Signs of an Online Affair

We are creatures of habit. We are predictable. There's always an explanation for a change in behavioral patterns.

So, we'll start off by examining any changes in online behavior and internet use. Is he a social networking junkie chatting it up all the time, but can't seem to mention you to any of his new friends? Better yet, does he get defensive when you ask him who he is chatting with or what he is chatting about? If he has nothing to hide and everything is on the up and up, he shouldn't have a problem sharing his online life with you. The internet should enhance your lives, not hinder it.

Has the computer moved to another room or out of plain sight? Does he have to be alone when he's online? Is everything password protected? The history and cookies are always deleted after his use. While this is a good thing to do, unless you suffer from OCD, no one remembers to do this EVERY time. His privacy has all of the sudden become of the utmost importance. This is not to say that we don't all need our privacy, because we certainly do, but if it his internet use changes from something that was open to now being a closed event, there may something to worry about. Does he feel that he can only be comfortable chatting with his new friends if he uses the computer after you've gone to sleep? Does he panic if you come in the room while online? Does he suddenly shuts off the computer or change to another screen so that you can't see what he was doing?

Does he have a compulsive need to be online? Does he make excuses or break plans so that he can stay home and be on the internet? Does he have to be online at a certain time, perhaps for scheduled chat sessions with a "friend"? Does he freak out if you need the computer or heavens forbid, his attention while he's online? Is his online life causing him to neglect his offline life? Is he slacking around the house? Has the sex decreased? Is he less attentive to your wants and needs? This is a tricky one because a lot of times, the sex will actually improve and you may even start getting gifts, flowers and cards for no reason at all. If he's hiding things from you, then he doesn't want to get caught, obviously. So, he'll do things to make you feel that you're still special and still a priority, when all he's doing is keeping you at bay and off his back so that you don't find out what he's really doing.

If he's browsing the personals ads or if he is chatting in a personal's chatroom, that should be a big red flag. If you're not single, this is highly inappropriate behavior. My favorite excuse is:

I think it's important to remember that an online affair can easily turn into a real affair. When you're establishing an emotional and intimate connection with someone and craving their companionship more than that of our own spouse, you're headed down the wrong path. A virtual affair can turn into a REAL divorce or breakup! So, what starts off as innocent flirting online can have a detrimental effect on your relationship.

It can be frustrating when the signs are there and your instincts are telling you that something is amiss, but you just don't have concrete proof.

The one thing you shouldn't do is confront him without evidence. You can express how you feel about his internet use and how it makes you feel neglected, but don't go accusing unless you know for certain.

There are a few ways to go about getting the information and answers you are looking for. There are computer software you can install to track and monitor a person's computer use secretly, from keystrokes, to passwords to files and pictures that are sent to IM reports, but before you go running out and buying all sorts of expensive software and gadgets, you should know that the expert cheater may know all about anti-spy software. You'll need to get something that will override any anti-spy software that he may have already installed so that you yourself don't get caught.

What you need to do is fight fire with fire and that means having a plan and a course of action. My personal suggestion is to read this wonderful ebook by Sarah Paul. It's a complete and thorough guide and gives excellent methods on how to go about being your own investigator. My favorite is how to un-delete deleted text messages! The best part about it is that as a free bonus, they include the sherlock pro software. I've been a private investigator for years and even I picked up a few strategies in this book.

You owe it to yourself to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone who is not going to betray your trust. The knowledge provided in this book will open your eyes and stay with you forever, should you ever have to expose another cheater (or decide to start doing it for a living).