The Simple Joy of Family Dinner

I was recently watching something on television (no, I don't remember just what it was.) At one point in the story, the family was having dinner. One of the kids, a young son, I believe, never sat down during the entire meal. He either stood next to his chair or behind his chair but the whole meal was spent with him standing. I'm not certain what he thought the chair next to him was for. More important, I have not idea what his parents were thinking.
Having a family stand during the entire meal would make me so edgy that I would not be able to eat. Standing during a meal implies many things: they are in a hurry and must eat fast, they are too important to join us at the table, we are too insignificant to be joined, and finally, the event does not require their full attention. Of course, I believe all of these are incorrect.
Dinner is an important time of the day and an important event in the daily life of the family. It is not too much to ask each member to join the family at the table and to sit at the table until they are told the may be excused. Learning to sit still and focus on the task at hand is a valuable lesson all children should be taught. It begins at the family dinner table and continues throughout their lives.

Time is limited in most families today. When everyone pitches in to help prepare the meal and set the table, the process goes smoothly, tension is reduced and dinner becomes a group project rather than a burden for one person. One of the earliest (and easiest) chores for a young child to learn is setting the table. If they are too young to carry dishes, items can be put on the table for them and kids can then place items in the appropriate spot.
As children grow, they can be assigned more difficult tasks. By the time they are in high school, at the latest, they should be able to plan and prepare an entire meal themselves. This is training for life. Every child should know how to plan and shop for meals and then prepare a complete meal. While younger kids might have a limited menu, older kids should have 4-5 different meals that they are able to prepare.
Even young kids can be taught how to prepare simple meals. You might occasionally have meals that require no cooking so younger kids can fix dinner themselves. Or, you might let a younger child plan a meal and oversee the preparation, with older kids or parents doing the cooking for them, under their supervision.
Teach kids the enjoyment that can be shared when the entire family helps get dinner on the table. It is the perfect way to wind down at the end of the day and begin sharing the day's events before the meal begins.
Make sure everyone knows that their help is needed AFTER dinner as well. Don't let everyone run off, leaving you to clean up after dinner. If necessary, create a schedule for your family, dividing up the tasks that go into dinner, before, during and after.

Like it or not, Mom sets the mood for the family. You need the right attitude when you sit down to share dinner with your family. Making time at the end of a busy day for a relaxing meal is not a chore but a privilege. Many families are scattered at dinner, never making the time to sit down with their children. Dinnertime is an opportunity to relax with your family, sharing the day's events and discussing any activities that may be coming up during the week.
Once you make the decision to share dinner with your family every evening (or at least most evenings each week,) all the adults in the family need to have a discussion, covering the logistics and approach for this undertaking. I know it should just be a matter of making the food and sitting down to eat but it isn't always that easy. If your family has eaten in a hit or miss style for many years, it may take some adjustment to make a successful transition. When the adults take the time to talk about the process and ways to make it work, you increase the chance for success and help make more positive attitudes among the grown-ups in the family. If the adults don't have a positive attitude about family dinnertime, then no one will have a good attitude. Everyone among the adults must agree to cooperate to make it work.
Now, I know in some families, one parent may work later or even a different shift from the rest of the family. This does not mean the rest of the family can't share dinner with one another each night. In fact, it might be even more important to have a family dinner each evening. When one family member has a schedule or job that keeps them away from the family at times, you want to create an atmosphere that keeps other family members strong. Your positive attitude will go a long way to contribute to this strength.
If you have problems with children making snide comments about having to sit down for dinner, remain positive and, after the meal, take the offender aside and tell them you don't appreciate their attitude and what you do expect from them. You may have to be strong at first, taking comments from different family members from time to time. However, over time, children will grow to appreciate this time together.

Perhaps I am old-fashioned. Many of you might think my thoughts and comments are outdated and foolish. I know times change but nothing ever changes so much that respect goes out of style. Next time you have a meal at a restaurant that doesn't feature fast food, study the other diners. It is appalling sometimes to watch other people, adults and professionals, eat in public. Yikes! People don't even know enough to not talk with their mouth full. Young executives are spending a fortune on classes that teach them manners, basic table manners that they should have learned at home.
The dinner table is the perfect place to train children for the future. Offering guidance on table manners and simple conduct helps them prepare for special occasions and their future as adults. When I was a kid, we were always expected to use the same table manners at home that we used in public. The dinner table was the place to practice so each of us knew exactly how to behave in public.
The dinner table is also the place were children learn ways to make small talk. Teach them how to share the day's events, how to ask about the other person's day and, most important of all, how to listen when others are talking. Remember, children learn more by example than words. Pay attention to your own manners at the table. Your kids are watching you carefully, not to point out your mistakes but to follow your example. Show them how to conduct themselves at the table. Demonstrate the way to get others to talk about themselves and listen when they respond.
Develop a subtle way to point out errors. This technique allows you to correct your children in public without embarrassing them or making a big deal out of it.
You also need to show your children that nothing is more important than dinner with them each evening. Turn off your cell phone and let the house phone go to voicemail. Make it clear you expect them to do the same. No one is so important that they can't spare one hour each evening for dinner. Drive this point home with your example.

Mind your manners. Eat your vegetables. Sit in your chair. Wait until everyone is finished. Yes, you may have rules and at first, it may be a trial making it through meals. However, this doesn't mean you can't have fun at the dinner table. Dinnertime should be an energetic time for your family. Lots of talking and laughing should accompany every meal. You don't have to make a game out of dinner but you can make sure everyone relaxes and enjoys the time spent together. These are the times your kids will remember in the years to come. Surprisingly, these are the experiences your kids will recreate with their children in the future. That's when you know it was worth the effort.