Story of a single dad

I'ts 10.30 pm I have just gotten to bed. Had a big day organising the house for the baby which hopefully comes in the morning. After a good nights sleep, and a hot yummy breakfast. Its then I hear a splash. I thought a bucket of water had been poured down the toilet. I mean water breaking. Shit it was like a flood. Lucky she was sitting on the toilet at the time, or I might of had to send for the life savers. Note to one self. Tell those girls at birthing class to explain water breaking in a bit more detail.
Well it was then that she came in and asked if we needed to go to the hospital. Well in my clear headed state of drowsiness I told her to call someone or read a book.
The weird thing is she did. I heard her on the phone to the hospital and that's when it hit me. I jumped up out of bed ran to her and said come on lets go. Don't Panic....Don't Panic...I was like jonesy on DADS ARMY. I even had the balls to ask her what she was doing on the phone while she was giving birth.
Lets just say I wasn't my normal, cool, level headed self. I wasn't worried or scared, I was so excited because I knew anytime now my son was going to be born. Daddy was finally getting to see his son. And of we went

It wasn't long before we hit the road and was zooming off to the hospital. I always wanted to speed there and have a police officer try and stop me. Then I could use my
"lady with a baby coming through" line and have the police escort me to the hospital, light flashing, sirens wailing. I mean, my boy was about to be born and what more could we do for him. A state party!! Well as most plans happen, It was a cold quiet night with nobody around. A pleasant drive to the hospital... Maybe slightly quick, After all I did have a crazy pregnant woman and baby to get to the hospital safely. The excitement was mounting. I knew we were having a boy from the ultrasound. When we told the lady doing the ultrasound we seriously did not want to know the sex of our child, she took it upon herself to have a look and reveal it to us all.
I forgot to thank her for that!!
Once we got to the hospital it was quite an easy experience...for me..
Well to be honest, the doctor came in and had a look and said that the baby was coming in about 11 hours. Well that gave me plenty of time to consult with my girl and we decided, maybe a bit more I decided it would be best if I went home and slept for a few hours while she settled in and I would return in a few hours.
I think she was cool with that.with all the painkillers she was on, I'm sure she knew what I meant.
It was something I needed to do just to get my head around things. I was never going to go home and sleep, I just needed time to think and take it in. I intended to go home, double check everything was sorted, and return soon.
My plans kinda changed when I was nearly home and I passed a part of the suburb that they were building new roads. To my amazement there was a pile of huge rocks, exactly the same as the ones I had been using to build my new retaining wall at home. I could not let this opportunity pass. So while my girlfriend was in hospital in labor I was climbing a rock pile about 10 meters high rolling down large boulders onto my Hilux ute at 2.00am in the morning, thinking how lucky I was to find a great score like this.
Well after getting the rocks home, unloaded, house checked over it was now 5.00am and I thought it best to return to the hospital. I wasn't avoiding her or the hospital, I was just thinking things through. I had wanted a son for so long and now, today, He was coming.

Well, on the way to the hospital I stopped at my brothers house to pick up his wife... To take her to the hospital with me..c'mon stay with me. She was going to be part of the birth. What part , I don't know I was just told to get her. Guys you know you don't argue with a pregnant woman!!. Well, we got there and to my surprise my bloody mother-in-law was there as well. Now lets put this into perspective. Keeping in mind she lives 4 HOURS AWAY! I left the hospital at 1.00am and was back at about 5.30am
In this time while I was stealing rocks from the construction yard, and getting my brothers wife, The dragon from hell had been notified and had driven 4 hours, with her husband, who is a top bloke, to the hospital. To this day I don't know how they knew, as my girlfriend swears she never told anyone to let them know. I believe this as she didn't want them anywhere near us and refused to see them for the rest of the day, till she had William (my boys name) and was feeling better.
To be honest I was thinking "Here we go again" as my mother-in-law was a cow. Sorry for saying that, but she was the one person I could not stand. And in the end ultimately was a major cause of our breaking up, But ill get to that later.
Now where were we? Oh yeah labor and the baby. Just as things started to move along we heard a commotion outside the door. I went to investigate and over heard a man and his wife screaming at a doctor, and what seemed to be a hospital representative. The argument was basically about how the couple thought the death of their newborn baby that morning, was due to the doctors incompetence.
Well talk about shock, I just wanted to build more rock walls. I thought this baby making exercise was going to be easy, straigtht forward. Don't get me wrong. I read all the books went to classes and was well informed of the dangers, but our pregnancy was so strait forward with no hiccups, I thought it would go smoothly.

I could not help myself from telling these arguing people that we are having a baby behind the door they are arguing in front of, and that it would be best if they F..ked Off!

We were worried enough. I'm glad my girl never heard them, something to do with gas or painkillers, or something ...

Then it started happening. The screaming, the panting, the sweat the excitement, and that was just me. Ladies.. I think the world of you for going through what you have to during child birth.

As it turned out I was glad my brothers wife was there. Soon into the birth when the head was out........ Now this part I've been told as I was not down at the business end. I figured sometime soon i might want sex again and I don't think visions of the process would help me in any way..... My boy started to come out with the cord wrapped around his neck choking him. I remember the midwife telling her to stop pushing, but she couldn't. I DO remember my sister in laws words "Sally stop pushing or you will kill your baby!!!" wow. that worked and the baby was sucked back in like it was on a bunjee cord. A bit of fiddling and the baby came out next push like a rocket. The midwife actually caught him by the leg..Great catch..I did remember to thank her.
ALL was good our boy was born.

The next thing I remember was the midwife asking if I wanted to take the placenta home. I think thats what she called it, Its been 8 years now.

My next words were "get that thing away from me" No disrespect to the people or religions that practice this, But F..k that was my thought.

And that was that.

OK so lets jump forward a bit. I'm now married Life was great and things start to go wrong. I cant really put a finger on it but many little things crept in.
The mother-in-law factor was a huge one. She became such a pain in the arse in the end that it caused a lot of fights between my wife and I. Let me give you some background.

She was a farmers wife, multi-millionaire farmers wife. The big wigs in their part of town. They farmed about 8000 acres of wheat and oats and she didn't do a thing. My father-in-law was a hard working down to earth bloke who had to put up with this annoying woman for god knows how long. No wonder he spent so much time away playing lawn bowls.

My wife was an only child who was sent of to boarding school when she was 12. So she wasn't really raised by her mother in her later years. Although she thought she was mother of the year. Now this segment isn't about hacking on my mother-in-law, although that's what I'm going to do. It's about getting the full picture out to you. Something the courts never let me do. If you need to judge me then you need to have all the facts. remember soon you'll hear about my court issues and how I got to meet and get screwed by some over zealous police officers.

But back to the dragon lol.

Having your mother-in-law call the baby her child, was very frustrating to us both. We had to pull her up on that quite often. Having her drop in Unannounced at 5 in the morning, when she lives 4 hours away, was more frustrating. Having her constantly call all hours of the day was crazy. So crazy in fact, that We sold our house and moved 1500Km's away to Brisbane. For those reading this I am An Australian and lived in Canberra... The capital... not bloody Sydney...Get it you crazy People I met in Europe.

We thought things would get better but we underestimated the power of the beast. She would turn up to our house In Brisbane, nearly 2000km from where she lived, with no notice at all. Frustrations started to play on us and I became very annoyed.

The war in Iraq started the world was going down, and we were going down with it.

It wasn't long after that , that things took a down turn. I know it takes more than a mother in law to break a marriage up. there were influences from all places and from both parties. I completely accept the part I took in the demise of our Marriage. For the record I never beat her or drank heavily or did stupid things to my boy. We just argued so much over the fact she would never tell her mum to back off or give us space. I really believe that this was because she was an only child, with a million dollar inheritance if she played her cards close to her chest. She only had to wait it out as her father was already breaking up his farm and was giving her money. I wont say they bought me out of her life but it felt that way. She was definitely not going to go against Mummy!

I remember telling her mum once that I thought she was a $2 whore and I'd even want change from that. that's how frustrated she could make you. In the end I came home to an empty house. A 4 bedroom home completely empty except for my computer, work tools and the clothes on my back. WOW.. did I laugh. Yes I did.
I saw this coming and was glad she was gone in a way, but was absolutely smashed over the fact my boy was gone to.

I called My brother who was living in Brisbane as well and asked if he wanted to come over for dinner. It was one of the funniest conversations I have ever had. It went something like this ...
"Hey bro want to come over for dinner? If so can you bring something to eat, oh yeah depending on what you bring, you may want to bring something over to cook with. Oh yeah and can I borrow your esky? and can you go to the servo on the way and get some ice and milk for me. Yes the kids can come over to, just make sure you bring enough plates , knifes, forks, and whatever else you may think we need....Whats that echo in the background?..just come over and I'll explain"

Now I really did see the funny side to it. I had to. When my brother came over, He walked in looked around waited to see my reaction and we both nearly pissed ourselves laughing. But inside I was missing my boy already. I know he had moved to the farm 2000Km's away and it would be hard to see him.

I left Brisbane for Canberra one week later

Ok, so here we are again. This is where it all comes apart for about 3 years or so. I'm not good with dates and don't care to remember them in these cases anyway, so I'll try and be as accurate with times as possible.

I'm now 32 living at home again in Canberra with mum and dad. I've gone the full circle and feel like life is leaving me behind. I have a job.(I'm a cabinetmaker) but find it hard to concentrate on work an don't really want to be there. I've just had the first week with my boy since 3 weeks ago, when I last saw him in Brisbane. The week was great. But also the start. It was when my ex ...as she shall be known from now on...came to get him and uttered the words "Ok, you have had your week now I'll see you later." I replied something like see you next week, and she said I don't think so. You see, what had been arranged suddenly didn't suit her anymore. Not that I was surprised. The one week on one week off was just to hard for her to manage, and to keep the peace, I agreed to go to just Weekends.

Now being told you can only see your son on weekends was like a dagger in my heart. Who the hell did she think she was, telling me I could only see my son on the weekend. This is where my life started to go downhill. And I hope that although my writings now may get a little darker, you will still follow the journey. I'll chuck in some light bits to keep it entertaining, But you still have to realize this is my true story of how I felt and what I went through. I am trying to be honest with you and myself, as I know this story is not unique to me.

Like a fool I said no worries to her, I'm a bloke, I can handle this, we will sort it out. A few weekends past, things were great with my boy. He was a champion, but i really didn't get to see him. My ex lived on the farm with her parents 4 hours away, so I would go get him Friday after work at about 7pm and be home about 9.30pm. She would meet me but not half way . I would do 2/3rd's of the trip. So by the time we got home it was already past his bed time. We would get home relax a bit and I'd put him to bed. We would do whatever on Saturdays, But come Sunday I had to leave about 2pm to get him home. so I really only spent A tiny amount of time with him each weekend. This time I would also share with my sister and parents. So my quality time with my son Didn't even happen some weekends.
I was living a nightmare but thinks were still ok. The ex and I were getting on ok most times. I would just bite my tongue and do what I though was best for my boy.
It was when she decided that every weekend was too much for her and wanted to go to every second weekend. This really pissed me off bur once again I accepted the offer, Whats best for my son remember. To cut a long story short, It went from every second weekend, to every 3rd weekend, and that's when I called in the lawyers.

Now this was the last thing I wanted to do. I always said to my ex I would never take her to court, and If we, as parents, can't work out what is best for our child then how the hell can some court.

This is when the real games began

Well Now It starts to get interesting. Firstly let me say if you can avoid solicitors and family court DO IT!
I looked through the yellow pages, called some solicitors and got some recommendations. I finally got the courage to go and see one of them. He was a nice enough fella and told me to sit down, as HE was going to tell me MY story. It went something like this. " I don't need to know the details yet, just that you probably broke up with your wife. She probably left you and moved away. You have a child, maybe a few, and organised some sort of custody. It was probably something like every weekend, and that turned to maybe every second weekend, and then every third weekend and now your here. You have come to see me because you are scared it's going to become every fourth weekend or maybe never." He then looked at me and asked how close was that. I was amazed. this was the lawyer I was looking for, he knew my story before I did.

I wanted to know how he knew that and he had one reply. "same story every bloke has" he told me, it was such a common story that the blokes had, It was like they taught it to girls at school. The road taken to full custody is taken in little steps, I was soon to discover.

Once upon a time it may have been correct to give the child to the mother. Society has changed and so have the rites of men. But the laws I was dealing here in Canberra hadn't been changed since the early 70's. I knew it was going to be hard just to see my boy.

Then I was told the worst news of all. The things all blokes must know .

In the eyes of the courts, by me not stopping my ex from taking my boy away from me. I have given her consent to be the primary carer. What a load of shit. I let her go not to say she could have my boy but to keep the peace, until we could sort it out rationally. She knew she had the ball in her court and would use it to her advantage.

My lawyer then asked me to sign a costing form and tell me it was to late to do anything, but we had to fight her to stop it happening.
I HAD TO TAKE HER TO COURT TO STOP HER FROM GETTING FULL CUSTODY.
I was drawn into this battle and right into her plan.

These next few sessions will be condensed a bit as it happened over a 2-3 year period. It all started when My father died. MY dad was the best dad. He was the best father, greatest husband and provider. Called a spade a spade and never Hit his kids.
He was a Ukrainian immigrant who came over to Australia like many after the 2nd world war. He grew up with nothing and made damn sure his family would not go without. spoilt . We were far from spoilt. We never had things thrown at us when we were kids but He would save his money and get us quality things. My parents raised 3 children the best they could. And they did a damn good job. I never told my dad I loved him. something I do every time I see my boy. But I hope he knows it. I was there the night he died. The funny thing about what happened to my marriage actually gave my parents a lot more time with their grandson. My brother lives in Brisbane with his 3 kids, so they didn't get to see them to often, so by me living with them, it actually gave them a chance to see my boy more. They were very close, my son and my dad.

I was glad to be there when he died. At least for mums sake. I heard a scream in the middle of the night and It was my mum yelling for me. I ran into their room to see my dad not breathing on the bed. I jumped up to do CPR on him while mum freaked out and called the ambulance. I was looking at his bed side clock ticking minutes over and over. Every minute that ticked over I knew wasn't a good sign. With mum yelling in the background, clock ticking over, Me trying as hard as possible to keep my father alive, I couldn't help but wonder if my son knew what i was trying to do for him and what would he be told if I was to die.

In the end my father died I couldn't save him, but I was going to be there for my boy

So there we were. Mum and I, a handful of mates, and a sister, who like us, is shattered. Its now that it starts to sink in. How must my mother of felt. The blank look on her face, the tearless eyes told the story. It was then that I took some time for myself and went outside to think. I needed to release some built up anger, and not all this anger was from what had just happened. I had some anger I wanted to throw at my ex. But to keep it together I took a metal bar and proceeded to smash my old mans BBQ to pieces. It felt great to release all this anger. I destroyed the 4 burner BBQ. Absolutely smashed the shit out of it. Oh before you start thinking stupid fool. My dad had just bought a brand new BBQ the year before, so this was our old one that was sitting out the back.

Now I have just skipped forward a bit here to my dads death, as I think it was about this time that I decided to really fight for my boy. I had just met the best woman, who is my wife now. she is pregnant with our first child. Things in that department where looking up. I don't know If it was jealousy, coincidental or just crap timing, but it seemed my ex wanted to fight even harder now. She was ready to pull out the big guns, but nothing was going to stop me.

Now this is the time I start to loose it. The weekend of my fathers funeral, I had arranged to pick up my son, so we could spend the time with my mum to help her through it, and to try to explain to my boy, what had happened to his grandfather.
It was also the time I needed my boy. For me. But the night before the funeral my ex decides I cant have him. Now I find this information out at 11.30Pm Friday night. My fathers funeral is to be at 10am the next day.

In a heated argument over the phone I said to her "Next time I see you I am gonna Kill you!" It was just words from me. Born out of sadness from my father and the stress of not being able to see my boy, but more from the frustration of a stupid woman, who at the 11th hour pulled the pin on my visitation rites. I had never given her any reason before to be worried of me, but now I'd given her the bullet that she would use to try and bring me down.

In the end I managed to convince her that I was getting my boy, as she had no legal position to stop me. The down side, due to her position of "I have him so if you want him, you will have to come get him", was that I had to drive the 4 hours to get him. Because it was Friday night, or should I say 1.30am Saturday morning before I actually got of the phone to her...... Less than 9 hours till my Fathers funeral......
I had to jump in the car and drive the 8 hours return trip, through the night, just to get my boy, causing me to be late for my own fathers funeral.

I didn't think anyone could be so difficult or ridiculous at this time, with everything that was going on. It was about then that I lost all reasoning with her.

My anger started to grow....A visit from to courts followed

It wasn't long before I was dragged into court for a "please explain" into the your a dead woman quote. What must my new girlfriend and her family think of me. Lucky for me, from day one I told them everything that I had been going through. after all I wasn't guilty of anything other than venting some frustration on my ex.

Actually I was looking forward to It. After talking to my solicitor we agreed I could represent myself in this matter. I wasn't worried. I was over it by this time. I just wanted to look her in the eyes and let her know I wasn't backing down. I would have my say eventually.
Well was I surprised when I got to court. Just me standing up in the witness stand. Them, all of them. A police prosecutor, some court fella, 2 solicitors and a female police officer...... I could barely see them behind a pile of paper work.....And my ex bunched up in amongst them. I wondered how much this was costing her and which solicitor was getting the most out of it. The one with the flashy suit I suppose.

I nearly had to laugh, but I kept it cool for the judge. I knew that in this country If I was unrepresented then he would become my representation. I wasn't about to Piss Off the judge.

After having to listen to all of them tell the court how bad I was. How much of a bad father I was. How dangerous I was and that basically I should have nothing to do with my boy. They nearly had me convinced I was a bad person. What was the female police officer doing there I kept wondering. This would be answered some months later. Anyway It was my turn. The judge had my story in writing already from the Family court records. He asked how I plead to the charges and I said

" If during this whole time I've ever done anything wrong, It is threatening to kill her. So I stand here your honour, hold my head high and say...guilty."

Bloody gold I thought. I was not going to let her get to me and I waited for my punishment.

The judge gave it some thought and then said something along the lines of, due to the nature of the situation. My fathers death and the missing of my boy. He thought that my comments to kill her were just frustrated words, based on silly game playing caused by her the night before my fathers funeral.... He then went on to lecture her about the family courts position on custody agreements and how they don't take to kindly to having them broken by either party.

Even better than I could of hoped. Not only did the courts see reason in this case they actually scolded her for taking the law into her own hands. He even said to her under no circumstances can she withhold my son in the future. He said it 3 times to make it clear. Unfortunately, he also said he could not force her to obey, as this wasn't a family law court but a criminal court.

Apparently I wasn't a criminal....... But

OK where do I start this bit? It's kinda a blur from here on as I was in and out of courts so often, Criminal courts and Family law courts. I have trouble remembering everything so I dug out my court papers and nearly shit. There were to many pieces to go through, but I did come across my old AVO. An Apprehended Violence Order.
This was a funny one, It all started when I was asked by my solicitor to drop some papers off to my ex as she was in town for work. She was staying in a hotel for 2 days according to my solicitor, and some urgent papers that she had to sign for an up and coming court date needed to get to her. The mail would of been to slow, so my solicitor told me to go drop them off at the hotel reception.

Now I'm not one to trust solicitors, so I made sure I had a friend come with me. We got to the reception and proceeded to drop the papers off. The receptionist picked up the phone and called the room my ex was staying in. I didn't know who she was talking to but soon realised it was her. It was then that the receptionist put down the phone and asked me to leave the hotel. It was attached to a club and I had no intention of leaving, as I also had some friends there, and was going to catch up with them. They had come from the other side of the country and I wasn't going to miss them. It was just a coincident that they were staying at the same place.

Well didn't that go down well. I refused to leave, told her that I had done nothing wrong and went on my way. I wandered down to the dining room where I could see my friends. It was soon after sitting down that the security guard walked up to me and asked me for a chat. Being very careful and tactful. Keeping in mind I was being harassed from the staff for no real reason. Just the words of my ex, I decided in my infinite wisdom to tell the security guard to leave me alone or I will get naked, throw pepper around the room and cause him a bigger problem than he could deal with. I also reminded him of my rites, and that I don't think the management would like to hear that a naked man running around throwing pepper bombs, cleared out the restaurant and gaming room.

It worked.. Go figure that out.

You see , I was getting used to being in and out of court for stupid reasons, that I just wanted to go to court for a legitimate reason. I think the security guard realised I meant it, and didn't need the hassle. Smart man.

You see I've personally seen the pepper bomb in action ,when a mate, who's name I wont mention here, cleared a restaurant out, with a paper napkin full of pepper hurled across the room. A lot of people ate for free that night I tell you.

Maybe the security guard was there that night...

You see, The system actually makes you more crazy. The family law system....Keep in mind...when you have a woman on the other end, who is just trying to screw you up.... DOES NOT WORK!.

I mean shit. All I wanted was proper access to my son. Not even full custody. How hard can it be? This is when I decide not to listen to my solicitors advice.

"Just drop it off, all we be ok, you have done nothing wrong". I think he truly underestimated my ex as well.

It was this innocent act of dropping off the papers to my ex's hotel...Not to her..That got me served with the AVO. I thought the police must be kidding to even follow this up. But when I read what she had put on it, I want surprised at all.

This was just another 'Suspicious Woman Police from the court' - who I mentioned earlier, guided decision.

It was somewhere around this time, that they had decided that the family courts were not going to stop me from seeing my boy. So the criminal courts must!

Well it wasn't long before I was back in court defending the AVO. I was getting sick of wasting money by now. My solicitor was costing thousands each time, and my ex had the benefit of not having to pay solicitors bills. She used legal help. Which because I actually got of my arse and worked, I wasn't able to get. You see the bloke still has to get on with life and bring money in, while the woman now gets rent assistance, child payments from the government, unemployment benefits and MY CHILD PAYMENTS for a child I barely got to see. If I'm sounding a bit dirty now Its because I'm trying to write, with the feeling I had when each of these things happened. I was fuming at the time. She also had the back up of millionaire parents. Anyway back to the story.

I'm now in court defending the AVO when I'm told by the Judge. (The same Judge I've always had. He knows my story well). That the AVO is to be dismissed for Bullshit grounds. Well I know that's what he wanted to say, but he termed it better than I would of.
Anyway, It's about now that I have a brain storm and ask the judge does the AVO go both ways. Apparently it does. So she cannot come near me or contact me or whatever as well. Bingo. Bring it on I say.

He asks me if I really want that on my permanent record, and I say I want something on my record for my trouble. He is already coming around to my sense of humor so he allows it.

Now I am a criminal.

I figure it's worth it to keep her from annoying me as well. And a little safety barrier for myself just in case I feel like I need to speak to her. It's very hard not to tell them what you really think of them. Remember this is when I'm at my worst, and it looks like she may actually get my boy.
"Not on my watch Bitch" I used to think that a lot to keep myself motivated to get up and work and do the crap things I had to in life to keep moving forward.

I wasn't going to let my boy down. I wasn't going to let my new partner or her family down. But I decided I was going to have some fun on the way. Give a little back, so to say.

Anyway Having this AVO on me really gave her more power to screw me. I knew she would, and I knew I would end up in court many times. All she had to say to the police was that I had said this or called her here or whatever and I would be dragged over the hot coals for a please explain, while she built a case showing my criminal behavior. Bring it on.

I do remember one time I was in court for something I didn't do. I cant remember what it was, but I didn't do it anyway. They were throwing the books at me. But once again the judge was on my side. and dismissed it strait away. The police prosecutor was stalling bad. He kept on saying that he had a witness that was coming to give some evidence. I was actually thinking this is great, now they are fabricating evidence.
Who were these fucking people. They were messing with the Ukraininan Mafia by messing with me. And I was ready to make some calls of my own. Remember this is just a state of mind at the time.

Luckily I would never have to call on them...

Anyway, the judge has no part of it and dismisses their case. Yet again. The judge Then tells the prosecutor that he has just worked out what is going on and that the minute I walk out the door I'm going to Be ARRESTED AGAIN on other charges.
Now I'm thinking you are kidding. Just got of another and Ill be back soon. I looked at my ex And mouthed to her "you fucking bitch" I didn't expect the judge to see but he did. He then explained to me that I wasn't helping myself as I had some more serious issues coming up. He did say it with a smile on his face and kinda like see you next week. I had to laugh Inside. My ex never looked at me in court again.

It was just now that a police officer came into the court. Yes the same damn woman and lent forward to the prosecutor as if to say we are ready. They then got up accepted defeat and went to the back of the court to have a meeting with my ex.
One day I would find out who this lady was.

I was arrested In the door way leaving the court room.

Ok So I've just had my case won and I'm leaving the court room, when I am arrested again. I'm still in the court room and It takes 5 Police officers to arrest me. Not that I was struggling or anything like that. They just brought 5 police. This is what the police prosecutor was stalling for. I don't know what they thought I was going to do But I was thrown down Handcuffed and dragged from the court room to the police lockup

Now everyone in the court and the court building thinks I'm a hard core prisoner. What the hell is going on. This is getting out of control. I'm dragged out of the court by the front door. Not the side door which is actually a shorter route to the police lockup. I was dragged handcuffed down the main street of the town, around the corner back past the side door of the courts, and down the road to the lockup. With 5 police officers escorting me.

It was then that I decided to play hardball. I would bury this bitch one day. To be completely honest I wasn't to bothered being dragged down the road like this. I felt like a celebrity. Everyone was watching so I hardened up a bit, stuck my chest out and gave the coppers what they wanted. Their 2 minutes of fame in the town. Stupid situation for us all to be in. I was just annoyed I was in handcuffs, as they bloody hurt. The pricks really squeezed them on. My wrists were burning

Anyway I'm dragged into the police station charged and once again finger and palm printed. It's not like you see on TV. They didn't use ink this time. I was glad, the ink is hard to get off and takes ages to dry. You keep smudging yourself.
This was high tech stuff this time, special scanner they use to get palm prints. they have a scanner like at the shops where they swipe the products at the counter. I remember thinking, why don't they just bar code me like in futuristic movies and save the hassle. This time I thought I would give the cops a hard time. Just a subtle hard time. Every time they went to palm print me on the scanner, I would move my hand just a bit and it wouldn't work. The next time I would just flex my muscles and it would not work again. I did this about 6 or 7 times just to stir them up. I had to get my own back. The copper thought there was a problem with the machine. I was really thinking . Dickhead....

When It came time to be photo graphed I asked If I could have a brush to do my hair. Now for those of you who do know me you know my hair Is trimmed short. Nothing to brush. I was determined to make life hell for these coppers and have some fun. Mainly I was just stalling the inevitable of being thrown in the cell.

I remember having to stand against a wall and look to the ceiling at a camera that was hanging down there. If they wanted my picture again I was going to make it a good one. After about 4 goes of perfectly timing my blinks to have my pic taken with my eyes closed, and pissing off the guy taking my pic, I looked at the camera smiled and said "cheese" some of you will know I can be A bit of a smart arse, And the court system, I seemed to fit in well with, as the whole damn thing was a joke.

Anyway I'm locked up in a glass box like a creature in the zoo, for all the other criminals they dragged by to see. I had regular visits from police just to see who the new animal was. I wasn't bothered just bored.
It was then that they dragged two aboriginal girl is in. They must of been a handful I thought as they had like 12 police and protective service people with them. They put them into the cell next to mine. We had a good chat, and I found out they had escaped from jail about 10 days ago and were on the run. They were sister and two of the funniest people I've ever met. They were about 19 years old. Being aboriginal they knew their rites. And so did the police. The yelled out they wanted coffee and I've never seen a copper move so fast. he asked how many sugars, milk and had them delivered in no time flat. I thought hang on a minute wheres my coffee. So I yelled out for mine and was told to shut the fuck up. I wasn't black enough. No disrespect meant. After swapping stories a bit, I realized I was completely normal. I wasn't a criminal, just a loving dad who wanted to be a part of his sons life. I would get through this no dramas, or ill be escaping from jail on a regular basis. That just sounded too much effort.

Any way these girls decided they wanted some meat pies for lunch. I was starving. I'd already been stuck here a number of hours while they tried to get me bail. Was touch and go there for a bit as it was Friday and close to the court closing for the weekend, and they were not sure if my case would be heard. Anyway I said I wanted some a pie as well. I wanted two pies in fact. I was told to shut up again, But my new friends next door started yelling for pies. Soon All we could hear was people all over the lockup yelling for pies. It was so funny. People yelling "Where's my fucking pie?. I want pies to you c..nts," and all sorts of shit. I was so happy. It was the funniest time out of the many times I had been locked up.

We all got pies. The police went and got a big box of pies from the bakery and started to hand them out. I was given a dirty look by the officer involved at the start and just as he gave me the look I bent down and slid my two pies under the door to the two sisters next to me. I didn't want my pies anymore. I was starving but i just had to see the look on his face when I handed Them over.

Absolutely gold and worth the whole wasted day and sore wrists.

This is supposed to be the story of life with my boy but I have been telling my story of life with the courts. My boy was around and involved during all of this. I had to answer questions like 'why is mummy trying to put you in jail" I mean, what do you say to that. "Cause she thinks I'm a criminal". Technically I was a criminal. Its hard to explain to a 4 or 5 year old why you keep having police call you. I've never covered up what was going on. Kids are smart and he knew something was up. I just talked to him about it as honestly as I could. I would ask him if he thought I was a bad dad, and he would always say no. That was enough for me.

Now I didn't go through all this shit cause I wanted to. I went through this because he would say I want to see you dad. I want to come visit you. So I hope, one day the little turd knows what I went through. In fact I'm going to print this out and staple it to his head....

I had never been charged with anything. It had to come soon and it did. I finally got a call from the police one arvo. I was charged with breaking my AVO. I had had enough and told her to pull her head in. I was subsequently charged and convicted. and had to pay a fine. Small price to pay I thought.

It was the lady police officer that actually called me . Even had the balls to say next time I drove to get my boy could I drop in to the police station for a chat. F..k That. If they wanted me they can come get me. I knew how the system worked now. Its so simple you see. She makes up some lies. The police come get me and I go to court again. So there was no way I was going to drop in and say hi. I remember asking her how stupid she thought I was.

I was off to the coast for the weekend and telling nobody my name... Name, rank and serial number only If I'm compromised. It was like a war. I used to sit outside the courts, telling them I was going into battle. I would hand myself in after the weekend.

Monday came and I wandered into the police station as I knew there would be a warrant out for my arrest. It was at this lockup that I decided I would kill someone before going through this again. I was a rubber glove away from a strip search. Made to sit barefooted on a shitty bench for over 6 hours. I wasn't allowed to move.
I was pretty pissed of as I was again handcuffed. These handcuffs were no toys with pink fluffy furry bits. but hardcore chain gang type ones. These ones really hurt. Fair dinkum what were these guys playing at. F..ckin heros. They were protective services guys, ones from the jail and compared to these guys, the police were like water boys. I remember being made to put my steel cap work boots on while handcuffed up like this. It took me a few minutes and the whole time I was hacked on and told to hurry up by these guys. Its a funny story now and I joke about it with my son. keep telling him how funny it must of looked to them. A chained up freak trying to do his shoe laces up. Even I can see the funny side to that. I wasn't to worried. As long as my back was to the wall and those rubber gloves stayed on the bench I was happy.

Once I got my shoes on and was made to do the walk of shame, I decided I would not go quietly into another pair of hand cuffs... unless they had pink fluffy bits on them. The walk of shame is like a ride at the show. Well I thought anyway. I was marched underground, escorted and cuffed by two big arse blokes from the bottom of the lockup to the courthouse. I came up into the courthouse and made to sit in a box where a saftey bar came down over me and I was chained to it.

There I was. Sitting there looking like a murderer and treated the same. I had to admit this time I felt pretty humiliated. But hey, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger...I swore to myself I will never go to court like this again.

I never did.

Now you need to understand this story is not a sad story for me .Well the missing my son bits were. Generally I was laughing on the inside at the insanity of how someone like me, could end up in such stupid situations. I mean just to recap again. I was just a bloke who wanted to see his son.
Its so easy for these situation to get crazy.

She was using every loop-hole to bury me. But I never blamed her for that. I always said if I had loop-holes I would exploit them as well. The real people I was angry with, were the stupid pricks who took there kids and killed them just to get back at the women. Its these blokes who made it hard for us other blokes to get a fair go. The system is very biased against men. I remember going to court the day after some bloke killed himself and his kids. It was major headlines. I was pre judged before I even went in.

Like I said, It was kinda all a blur. The criminal court was over. Many appearances and many lockups. All good, funny stories now. Oh before I go on I will be getting our awesome friend Janelle To edit this for me. Spelling mistakes etc. so I'm not taking too much effort to correct as I go. I'm just putting down whatever comes into my head.
Remember I did English for Living at school... No wonder I was a cabinet maker...Any way Janelle. you can take this bit out ...Or modify it to give yourself the credit. You are truly a champion.. Now where was I ? .. Ill jump to my last Family court appeararance.

This is when I really lost It, and was close to getting locked up good and proper..Something about not being able to call a judge the "c" word. It all started when we finally got our chance to go to court. or should I say Into court. I had been many times to family court, only to sit outside it and have the other side come up with a last minute problem that would then force us to leave and go back to solicitors and waste more money. Book into court again, and go around in circles again.. Well this time we got in. I was ready to have my say.. through my solicitor anyway. It started Badly strait up when the judge said he had read the papers and wasn't going to listen to my side. I nearly shit. I was so angry. Instantly. My poor partner just grabbed my leg and gave me the look of settle down puppy. She has that way with me. Settle down. I was ready to fire. 3 years or so had boiled down to this point and I was not going to go down easily.

I was about to blow when my solicitor looked at me And I gave him that look of earn your money you prick. This solicitor of mine that I first went and saw was a brutal court player I was told, But he kept putting his younger New man on the job as it didn't cost me as much. But to tell the truth I didn't think he was up to the job.

But this time he stood up TOLD the judge he would hear our case because of section ...whatever whatever sub clause wank wank. He had to. I nearly fell over. This solicitor of mine did have balls after all. Well he spat out our case. A lot of our case involved Make up time for when the ex never dropped of my son or held him from me. I was hoping to get make up time that I was entitled to.

Even after a pretty convincing shpeel from my solicitor, the judge in his ultimate wisdom dismissed it. I was fuming quietly to myself but ready to explode...Feel the tension hey.. I did for sure. And I'm sure my partner was ready to run.

I bit my tongue. I had a plan. I knew I would have to show this judge What all this meant to me. But more on that later. I was then knocked back even further when the other solicitor got up and Said her piece. Well she was worth her money. they should of given her the crappers award of the century. I had never heard so much crap come out of anyone's mouth. She even said they had a psychological assessment of me,and my boy. Now they had one done and have never even spoken to me. The judge said that there was no way he was going to let them submit this as how could it possibly be done without me being there.

I agreed

How the hell does a so called expert throw her two bobs worth in, if they have never even met me? ....Apparently I have separation Issues... I was the one who was getting on with their life , had a new woman good job and just wanted to see my boy. I had my own diagnosis for her. Anyway, after a bit of convincing the judge said he would allow it. Man this court was going to be the biggest joke of all.

The judge would pay.

She then started to go on with how scared the ex was of me. How it wasn't safe to meet me to exchange my son and that I needed to drive all the way to get him myself. Remember they couldn't get Full custody because of the laws. Unless I have been charged - and convicted of a crime against my own son. She was never going to win. they just tried to make up as much crap to get it swinging her way as much as possible. Make me look like a criminal.

Those of you who know me will say I was a little criminal anyway.... that was years ago and I was led astray by my friends.... you are all criminals too lol. This was adult criminal stuff I was fighting. And crap as it was I was going to win..Remember A win for me was not to hurt anyone or piss anyone off but for both parties to stick to an already agreed order. Simple really . I just wanted her to do what the courts had already told her to do. I wasn't going for custody, It was just to make her realize she has to follow rules too.

Ok to get back on track. Court wasn't going to plan. Idiot boy judge had knocked back my make up time, accepted the witch doctors profile of me, and was leaning her way.
I had some relief as when my ex was describing the place we used to meet to exchange my boy, she was trying to put to the court how dark and dangerous it was and how its isolated and scary. I was thinking to my self. Hang on its a massive Service station and popular tourist destination with shops and food outlets and Its lit up like Christmas, Just off the side of the highway. Who is she kidding?

Well the judge surprised me by saying he knows the place and there is no way that its dark, scary and unpopulated. She would feel no threat there. I wasn't even a threat.. They keep missing that point.

Well that didn't go down well. They then started on how it was too stressful for my son to have to go there and exchange should be done at an exchange house in her town. A place she could drop off my son and I would go get him. That would be the safest thing for my son.
I was totally against this. Let me explain.

I would have to leave work early on Friday. Drive for 3 hours or so to get my boy by 5.30 pm. leave about 6pm. Turn around, drive back home for 3 or so hours again, stopping on the way to get dinner for us both. Home by about 9 - 9.30 pm

Put my son to bed.

Spend Saturday with him, hope to hell the weather was nice so we didn't have to stay indoors. Try and do some "boy" stuff like footy fishing or whatever. Let him visit the grandparents and my sister. My partners family, get him home fed and to bed.

Then get up Sunday morning have a few hours till lunch. Get ready to drive him back home to the "house" by 3.pm and then get myself back home. ALL safely.

You can see why I was against this. Even for my one weekend a month, I got to spend less than 24 hours with him, where we could actually do something.

I was holding my breath when the judge basically threw out our case and ordered that "in the safety of the child" I would have to go and get him from the "house"

I lost it. I stood up yelled out how in the hell is that the safest thing for my boy turned around and stormed out of the court giving my ex that look of death.

I grabbed the court door and reefed them open and tried so hard to slam them I nearly pulled my arm out of the socket. It was then i found out the court doors where on big slow close hinges and there was no way I was going to slam them. I gave it a good shot.

The court room was silent.

I stormed out of the court and said to myself Never in my life will a step foot into a family law court

I never did.

My solicitor tried to get me to go back in. I was outside walking home by this stage. I told him to go in there and do his job. He doesn't need me . Go earn his bloody pig pay check. We are talking 10's of thousands of dollars by this stage. He left me to go back in. I agreed to go back into the court but not the court room. I was still losing it. I ended up in a little room outside yelling things like how the hell does that f...c...know whats best for my son. How the hell is me driving half asleep all these hours best for him..Etc Etc Etc. No body could calm me down.

Then my exes solicitor walked past and I went up to her and calmly asked if She could sleep at night, because that was the best pack of lies I had ever heard. She just looked at me and to be honest I sensed a little feeling she new I was rite and that her side had played her. She was just doing her job. I never blamed her. She was very good.

Now this out burst was all planned by the way. I needed to shake up this court to let them know how much it meant to me. How I knew I was getting screwed and that I thought the judges decision was totally unacceptable

My solicitor came out soon after and said, that although the judge had ruled that the exchange would now happen at the exchange center, he actually reversed his decision on the make up time and I was given 3 weeks Make up for lost time.

My outburst must of made him feel a bit guilty to.

I left the court said a big "goodbye" to everyone and left... I felt bad for my partner who had to sit through this outburst, but It was all I could think to do.

A few weeks later The court ordered my ex to come to town. have a mediation with me and a mediator. Like every time before, her mother turned up as well. I told her I would not sit in the same room with her mother, but the mediator went one step further and told her mother to pull her head in, let her daughter make some decisions of her own and to go away. I was stoked. couldn't of said it better myself.

I later found out he was going through the same thing as me, so I recon he needed to blast his mother in law as well.

The first question I asked was How much money will it cost me each month to keep you of my back.. I offered 300 she said 350 and in 2 minutes the last 3 or so years had gone away. Just like that. I wish I had asked that question many times before.

After everything she had thrown at me. All the wasted money time and stress. She finally conceded she was never going to be able take my boy away.
It all came down to a few bucks each month. The last she could get out of me.

The fight was over. Nobody had won. We were back where we started doing what we said we would do.

What a joke....

Firstly I just want want to say, Thanks for all the feedback and comments here and on my other sites. I also want to say to those people who "feel sorry" for me , that things are great now and that I never wrote this to have anyone feel sorry for me. This was a bunch of years ago now and I have moved on. Also while I was going through it I never felt to bad. I was annoyed at the whole system and fed up, but I knew I was playing the game.

I have also had some great feedback from a few Mother-in-laws who have said some really kind things so thanks for that. But for the one woman who Did hack on me , Well you should hook up with my EX mother-in-law and join her in hell. get educated on what you are talking about and put yourself in our shoes for a day.

The whole point of this story is to give a perspective from my side of things. It's my story from my side and how I felt. That's all. Nothing more nothing less. Just honest. No offense to other Mother-in-laws out there. I love the one I have now, and it just shows that sometimes things change for the better.

Well I have been putting down so much stuff to do with the courts , I kinda got off track with the whole life with my boy thing. I suppose during that time it was life with my boy. I just didn't let him see it so much. Kinda hard to hide it go when he asks why I was in jail lol. My ex always made sure my boy knew what a loser dad was....We joke about it now and I tell him the truth about everything. Why I was with police and why mum and dad don't live together. It took him a bit but now my main concern is just giving him a normal life as possible.

I thought the things that would get me the most would be the big issues like, not getting to see him play footy each week or take him fishing etc. They are hard and I'll cover those later, but It's the little things like seeing his bedroom full of toys that never get played with. Birthday presents that are still unopened, because he wasn't home long enough to open them all. Things like that.. Hanging his clothes out to dry after he's gone home, and seeing his unmade bed.....I don't make it, as It feels like he's around if his room is a bit untidy... Having to look at his toothbrush every morning I get up. Those little reminders are the things that get me. I'm very passionate and if you don't know that yet you never will. It's not like you ever forget about him, you just get on. Every kid I see I think about him. It bothers me but now it's just the way it is and you learn to deal with it. Make the most of it when you can.

And I do