Marriage Problems: Common, But Never Simple

You may think the common problem is because he leaves the toothpaste cap half on or that she keeps on coming back with a new dent on the car.

It is a scary thought – the idea that maybe tomorrow one of you will just come up to the other and say, “I think don’t want to be married to you anymore.”

One may think they’re ready for it, but the truth is, they never are. They see it coming from a distance, but unfortunately, they were too preoccupied with the problem, they forgot to look for a solution.

And that is what is commonly happening with married couples today. There is so much anticipation on looking out for the telltale marriage trouble signs that once the problem is in your face, hardly anything is done about it.

What are these “common marriage problems” that are being talked about so often? A lot will tell you these problems fall in any of these three categories: career and finances, fidelity and personality.

Strained marriages are rocked by problems from all of these categories but the marriages that survive do so because they addressed the problem properly and looked for a solution – together.

So just how do you actually do that? It is both simple and complex.

It is simple because it just requires you to admit to yourself and to your spouse that you have a problem. On the other hand, it is complex because both of you may not agree on what exactly the problem is and the solution for it.

For both of you to reach an agreement, you must be able to both listen and articulate. Listen first to what your spouse thinks is the problem that’s driving you apart.

After he/she has said her part, then carefully tell her what’s on your mind. This act of listening and communicating then brings to both your attentions the problems with your relationship and the causes for it.

However, the both of you need to take the next step by finding a solution to the problem. This is the tricky part for it will undoubtedly require adjustment from both sides. However, simply making the necessary adjustments alone will not address the problem.

You need to find the reason why you are making these sacrifices. And that reason should be because you love your spouse and want to build on the relationship making it stronger with time.

Whether it is a problem with spending, or with who gets to hold the remote control, marriage problems can be weathered when faced together and worked on together. In time, an open toothpaste tube, or another fender bender won’t have an effect at all on the relationship.

How to Prevent a Divorce

Divorce seems to be the modern trend in relationships today. The whole world seems to have gotten on the bandwagon which is continuously being driven by divorces in show business. The sanctity of marriage is being compromised and it has become a market for divorce-driven entities such as divorce lawyers.

Many people think that getting a divorce is the only way to get out of an unhappy relationship. But as the great philosopher Aristotle has told us, "There is always a third option." For people who think that getting a divorce is equivalent to being happy, think again. A recent study which was headed by Ms. Linda Waite of the University of Chicago revealed that divorced people are not necessarily happier. Another more astounding fact which was revealed by the study is that 2/3 of the people who were unhappy with their marriages eventually said that they were happy in their marriages five years after. Her team also found out that the majority of happily married couples had experienced extended periods of unhappiness in their relationships. The difference is that they stayed with the relationship and found solutions to their problems.

Marriage is intended to bind the souls of two people together. It loses its sanctity in the whole context of divorce. There are more ways than one to avoid divorce. Listed below are some useful tips that one can employ in attempting to save his/her marriage.

-Conversation is salvation
Most conflicts elevate to fights because of the lack of communication. Some couples only talk about errands and tasks. Keeping an open line of communication will keep the openness in the marriage and prevent hidden feelings which can spur serious emotional injuries.

-No relationship is perfect
The basic principles of economics tell us that whenever we stick with something, we are always missing out on something. Divorces are usually driven by infidelity and third-party incidences. Remember that no relationship is perfect. Trouble between spouses is no excuse for infidelity, rather it should strengthen their relationship

-Seek help
If all else fails and you have tried to resolve the problem between the two of you, seek help. There are professional marriage counselors who can help couples get back on the right track. There's no harm in asking for help.

Bear in mind that divorce has its repercussions, including huge financial setbacks. More importantly, it desecrates marriage and fully ends relationships. In the end, if there's more than enough love to go around inside a home, divorce will never be a reality.

Marriage Conflicts Avoidance

No matter how happy a married couple looks like, their marriage is not without occasional conflicts. Having conflicts in marriage life is normal. It is brought about by the natural differences of the couple. However, if the gravity and frequency of conflicts inside a marriage keeps on elevating to new heights, the risk of destroying the marriage is always there.

Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.

-Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.

-Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. There's good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.

-Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage.

However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all. Here are some more useful advices in dealing with conflicts in marriage.

-Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.

-Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.

Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. Always find love in marriage and everything will fall in place.

People are a part of our social environment. As early as kindergarten children learn to adapt to their social surroundings. But every now and then some children who cannot find a way to resolve arguments with each other end up in a fight.

But as children get older they learn that there are ways to resolve arguments without getting into a fist fight! Something that grownups should have learned by now!

Learn to compromise

One of the things that a person needs to realize is that he or she can't get his way all of the time! As a matter of fact, most arguments stem from this way of thinking. When individuals continuously impose their way of thinking, and course of action on others a fight is inevitable.

People need to respect each other's differences. Whether it be religion, nationality, social status, etc. No two persons are exactly alike. So it is only natural that they have some differences.

Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. Imagine what a dreary world it would be if everyone thought and acted in the exact same manner! This is a premise usually reserved for science fiction novels that end with the unlikely hero deactivating the mind control machine designed by the bad guys.

Different ways of thinking result in a number of different ideas that help humanity progress. In fact, it is from this diversity that we add to the many shades and colors of life.

Keep the volume down

Don't engage in a shouting match. This doesn't solve anything. It only results in a couple of sore throats! Individuals should learn to settle their arguments by discussing them in a peaceful manner. Being harsh and confrontational only inspires the other person to unleash his or her venom. So it is best to always be calm. It also helps to keep one's voice down when negotiating for a treaty.

Keep the boxing gloves off

Individuals should not try to win arguments, instead, they should work hard at finding a compromise. This work wonders! It will eliminate the bad blood brewing between two individuals involved in an argument.

Arguing with people is never fun. But sometimes it can't be helped, despite our best efforts to get along sometimes arguments are inevitable.

But arguments don't have to get ugly as long as people do their best to find the amiable solutions, and respect each other's differences.

In today’s world, the moment the spark is gone in a marriage, the couple would automatically consider divorce as the best solution. They want to be out of the relationship...fast. But marriage problems could be solved without going to the lawyer and filing for that separation.

Married couples always need a tip or two. So here they are: simple things that could save the marriage from a potential catastrophe.

1. One word: compromise.

A husband and a wife should make things work by both compromising. They must know when to give and when to take.
Remember that, for a relationship to grow, both parties must give way to the other.

2. Be positive.

A married couple has to always look at the brighter side. They must remember that they got married because they love each other and that they swore that they would be together until death would take them apart. For every shortcoming of the partner, the other must think of the 10 positive things that would somehow give redemption.

3. Have state-of-the-union talk.

This is important. The married couple could go out for a walk and talk. Both must be sympathetic listeners and should not dismiss each other's sentiments and complaints. They must remember that neither of the two should be rude.

4. Go on a trip.

Second honeymoon, anyone? Maybe what a "tired" married couple needs is just a time off, an escape to a place where love could be rekindled.

5. Solve one problem at a time.

Solve multiple problems by resolving one at a time. Trying to solve things all at once can be overwhelming and cause more disagreement.

6. Pray together.

A married couple might want to consider praying together and allowing some spiritual intervention. This might make things easier.

7. Seek professional help.

Sign up for a marriage retreat or consult a marriage counselor. This is a drastic step - but this would help the couple in the long run.

"I need space," "I don't think the marriage is working out," "Let's just split up," and "Meet my divorce lawyer" -- these statements are harsh and common to couples who are about to say goodbye to a lifetime commitment. While solving marriage problems is never a cinch, the couple must think that it would be more difficult to let go of a relationship that was once greatly revered than to rebuild it. Fight for that love!