Spider Robinson: Callahan's Saloon and More

Spider Robinson is a science fiction author best known for his stories of Callahan's saloon, its regular patrons, and the two bars that succeeded it. Robinson combines humor and science fiction elements in these stories, which are noted for their memorable characters, who often find the bar because they need to share a problem. The motto of Callahan's is "Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased."

Robinson also is known for the Stardance trilogy, novels of zero-gravity dance and alien contact, written with his wife Jeanne.

When an outline of a Robert A. Heinlein novel from 1955 was found, Spider Robinson was chosen to turn it into the novel Variable Star.

He was born in the Bronx, New York City, in 1948. He earned a BA in English from the State University of New York. His first sale in 1972 to Ben Bova at Analog Science Fiction/Science Fact was "The Guy with the Eyes," which began his Callahan's series. Shortly after that, he moved to Nova Scotia, where he met and married his wife Jeanne. In the late 1980s they moved to Vancouver, British Columbia and now live on an island north of the city. They have a daughter, Terri.

Robinson won the John W. Campbell award in 1974 for best new writer. In 1977, he won a Hugo award for best novella with "By Any Other Name," later expanded into his first novel, Telempath. He won a Nebula award in 1977 and another Hugo in 1978, both for "Stardance," written with wife Jeanne. In 1983, Robinson won his third Hugo for the short story "Melancholy Elephants."

In 2008, Spider received his first audiobook award, the "Audiofile Earphones Award for Excellence" for his Blackstone Audio recording of Variable Star. His recording of Callahan's Legacy was nominated for an Audie Award in 2007.

See Spider's website for national and regional awards he's won.

In Very Bad Deaths aging baby boomer Russell Walker had retreated to a British Columbia island following his wife's death and only wanted to be left alone. His solitude is interrupted by his old college roommate Zudie, aka Smelly, who is so telepathic he can't stand to be around many people, but he had heard the mind of a psychotic killer planning a gruesome crime and seeks out Russell for help. They contact Nika, a very straightlaced though unlucky Vancouver police officer, and the unlikely trio manage to defeat the psycho.

In Very Hard Choices the trio is reunited when Zudie needs protection from a retired CIA agent still on the trail decades after Zudie's escape from the top-secret MK Ultra project in the 1960s. The agent zeroes in on Russell's place, led there by a bug placed on Nika's car. Russell's estranged son, visiting from New York, gets involved in the efforts to protect Zudie. Russell's attempts to help his friends are complicated when his exertions lead to a collapsed lung, something author Spider Robinson is all too familiar with.

The tale includes a series of flashbacks to Russell and Zudie's college days, when Zudie was part of MK Ultra and found a close friend in Oksana, another member of the project. Throughout the story, all of the principals, including the agent, are faced with very hard choices that could change them, and perhaps the world, forever.

In the great tradition of bars and pubs in science fiction, Callahan's Place is a little out-of-the-way bar somewhere off Route 25A in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. It's run by Mike Callahan, a big Irishman (think Brian Dennehy) with help from Fast Eddie Costigan, the piano player.

The Callahan's stories are told from the point of view of regular patron Jake Stonebender, who later opens Mary's Place and then The Place. Jake came to Callahan's on the recommendation of Doc Webster, surgeon and master punster. Callahan's is the kind of place you find if you need to. Jake, who had just lost his wife and daughter in a car accident he blamed on a botched do-it-yourself brake job which saved him thirty dollars easy, needed to.

Mike Callahan believes in good fellowship and merriment. The place is about as bright as the average living room, with chairs instead of stools at the bar. Mike believes, as do his regulars, that shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased. People who have something to share, good or bad, are invited to step up to a chalk line in front of the big fireplace, make a toast, and hurl their glass into the fire. Others who agree with the toast follow with their glasses. Mike buys glasses in bulk. Drinks are half a buck (this series started back in 1973), but a patron starts out by putting a dollar bill on the bar. The patron may then make a toast and throw the glass. If no toast is made, the patron may, upon exiting, take a couple of quarters from the cigar box at the end of the bar.

A lot of problems get solved this way as people, having made their toast, share the story behind it, but only if they're willing. Caring and empathy run high in the place. Nosiness is not tolerated at Callahan's, and a prying question could end up with someone getting a crack on the back of the head from Fast Eddie's blackjack (seldom used, fortunately).

Art by James Warhola for the cover of the Callahan's Crosstime Saloon computer game also appears as the cover of The Callahan Touch paperback. Photo of cover by MobyD.

Callahan's Motto

__-Shared pain is lessened;
Shared joy is increased.

This being science fiction, it's no surprise that Callahan's manages to attract its share of unusual customers, like the one in the first story, "The Guy with the Eyes." A very tall humanoid alien is sent by his masters to scout out and destroy Earth, but he discovers he really doesn't want to destroy it in spite of his very rigid programming. The crew at Callahan's manage to find a way to keep him from carrying out his mission.

Doc Webster, by the way, isn't the only patron who likes puns. One of the traditions of Callahan's is Punday Night, in which patrons engage in round-robin punning. Doc is usually the winner, although Jake gives him a good run for his money and sometimes wins. (In spite of Spider's great love of puns, only one book title in the series, Lady Slings the Booze, is an obvious pun.)

Photo by MobyD of James Warhola's cover art from the The Callahan Chronicals.

In the listings that follow, some books are also available as audiobooks from Blackstone Audio of Ashland, Oregon as MP3 CDs and downloads through Audible.com. These will have an extra set of link buttons for the MP3 CDs. For downloads, click on the button for the book and then choose the "Audio download" text link.

Spider reads Callahan's Legacy, Very Bad Deaths and Variable Star. The others are read by Audie Award winner Barrett Whitener.

Callahan's Crosstime Saloon

Stories:
— "The Guy with the Eyes,"
— "The Time-Traveler,"
— "The Centipede's Dilemma,"
— "Two Heads Are Better than One,"
— "The Law of Conservation of Pain," "Just Dessert,"
— "'A Voice Is Heard in Ramah . . .',"
— "Unnatural Causes,"
— "The Wonderful Conspiracy"

Time Travelers Strictly Cash

Stories:
— "Fivesight"
— "Soul Search"
— "Spider vs. the Hax of Sol III"
— "Dog Day Evening"
— "God Is an Iron"
— "Rah Rah R. A. H.!"
— "Have You Heard the One . . . ?"
— "Local Champ"
— "The Web of Sanity"
— "Mirror/rorriM Off the Wall"
— "Serpents' Teeth"

Callahan's Secret

Stories:
"The Blacksmith's Tale"
"Pyotr's Story"
"Involuntary Man's Laughter"
"The Mick of Time"

Callahan and Company: The Compleat Chronicles of Callahan's Crosstime Saloon is a rare hardcover omnibus that includes all the stories from Callahan's Crosstime Saloon, the four Callahan's stories from Time Travelers Strictly Cash and the stories from Callahan's Secret. It was published in 1987 by Phantasia Press. If you can find it, expect to pay six to seven times the original $20 price.

The Callahan Chronicals

Part I includes all the stories from Callahan's Crosstime Saloon.
Part II includes these Callahan's stories from Time Travelers Strictly Cash:
— "Fivesight"
— "Dog Day Evening"
— "Have You Heard the One"
— "Mirro/rorriM Off the Wall"
Part III includes the stories from Callahan's Secret.
Part IV includes "Post Toast," a Callahan's story Spider posted to alt.callahans newsgroup.


Blackstone Audio MP3 CD:

Audible.com download available.

After Callahan's Secret, Robinson switched to the novel form with two books about Mike Callahan's wife, Lady Sally McGee and her "house of good repute." These were Callahan's Lady in 1989 and Lady Slings the Booze in 1992. Kill the Editor was published in 1991 and is the first part of Lady Slings the Booze. He then returned to the Callahan's regulars with two books about Jake Stonebender's bar Mary's Place, named after Callahan's daughter. These were The Callahan Touch in 1993 and Callahan's Legacy in 1996.

Callahan's Lady

The story of Lady Sally McGee's very unusual house is told by Maureen, who is, as the story begins, a teenage prostitute who thought she could outsmart her pimp. She nearly dies when he finds out but is saved by Lady Sally. When Maureen reaches the age of consent, she consents to being an "artist," one of many highly skilled practitioners. Along the way, we meet some unusual folk like Colt, who's always up for anything, the dominatrix Diana who gives new meaning to "she who must be obeyed," and Tony Donuts, who is so callous and brutal even the Mafia steers clear of him. If you think you might miss the puns from Callahan's, think again. Lady Sally and her artists excel at this art form too.

Lady Slings the Booze

Joe Quigley is a private eye who has read all the private eye books and seen all the private eye TV shows. He's managed his career mostly through dumb luck. That includes being lucky enough to get asked by the mayor of New York to help out with a problem at Lady Sally's house in Brooklyn. Posing as a potential artist, Quigley solves the case while managing to not get killed in the process. Lady Sally decides he'd be a good man to keep around. Later, after learning more about Lady Sally and Mike Callahan, Quigley teams up with Nikola Tesla and averts a nuclear war, a victory not without a huge price.

Kill the Editor is another rare Spider Robinson book It's a novella comprising the first half of Lady Slings the Booze, published by Pulphouse Publishing of Eugene, Oregon.

The Callahan Touch

Callahan's Place is no more, having been vaporized by a very small nuclear device. Two years later, Jake Stonebender, narrator of the Callahan's tales, is ready to open Mary's Place, named after Callahan's daughter. It won't be perfect; it won't be Callahan's Place; it will be a place for the gang to get together and share their special fellowship. Jake puts out the word, and the immediate family shows up on a Friday night, plus one extraordinarily lucky guy who literally crashes the party. He turns out to be a half-breed made up of two legends of Irish mythology. Mary's Place then attracts another Irish legend, a cluricaune who can drink the place dry, but Jake and company manage to work things out with him. There's music, magic, puns, and even Mike Callahan himself stops by.

Callahan's Legacy

Once again the Callahan's regulars and their new friends gather. Jake and his fiancee Zoey, who live in the back of Mary's Place, are expecting a baby any day now. Another odd assortment of characters show up at Mary's Place, several regulars share stories of how they came to the original Callahan's, puns abound, joined this time by palindromes (the chapter titles are all palindromes). Mary Callahan and Mickey Finn drop in after a near-death battle with an alien who has targeted Earth. A deadly alien seems like the worst that could happen, but then a bureaucrat shows up at the door.


Blackstone Audio MP3 CD:

Audible.com download available.

Callahan's Key
With Mary's Place deader than a doornail and unlikely to ever open legally, and with Winter holding Long Island in an unusually icy grip, Jake gets word from the Lucky Duck and Nikola Tesla that he and the gang must save not just the world (again) but the whole universe. Fortunately, they've got some time. There's enough time for them to consider a move away from Long Island. They decide upon Key West, probably one of the few places that are warm and not overrun by people who make warm and pleasant places out of reach of those of modest means. They get there by first refitting a couple of dozen school buses, then travel south, picking up a cop who needed a change and Robert A. Heinlein's cat Pixel, who apparently can walk through windshields as well as walls. It turns into quite a ramble, with many stops along the way, including one to watch a space shuttle launch. Once in Key West, they find a bar for sale, then they settle in for the task of saving life, the universe and everything.


Blackstone Audio MP3 CD:

Audible.com download available.

Callahan's Con
Having moved Jake and the gang to Key West, where they manage to save the entire universe, Spider gives them ten years to relax in the Conch Republic, blending in with the locals, at least, those locals who can stand world-class puns. Then two people come into The Place. One is from the board of education, concerned that 13-year-old Erin, Jake and Zoey's daughter, might not be getting a proper education. The other is Tony Donuts, Jr., aka Little Nuts, who decides he's going to shake down The Place. And that's where the con of the title comes in. Amongst all this there are plenty of the stories fans come to expect, told with Spider's trademark inventiveness.


Blackstone Audio MP3 CD:

Audible.com download available.

Off the Wall at Callahan's
Unlike most bars, Callahan's Place didn't have a mirror on the wall behind it. Instead, there was just the wall, where patrons were encouraged to write epigrams, quotes, proverbs and puns. Also, Spider adds song lyrics and capsule biographies of the Callahan's regulars. This book came out in 1994, in between The Callahan Touch and Callahan's Legacy.

The Stardance Trilogy
An omnibus of Stardance, Starseed and Starmind. The trilogy combines the beauty of zero-gravity dance with contact with very alien beings. The result changes humanity forever. This omnibus edition was published in September 2006.

Stardance
Shara Drummond combines the beauty of Venus de Milo with dance talent greater than Pavlova's. But she's too big, and will never be more than an understudy. So she goes into space and creates zero gravity dance. When the aliens, beings of pure light who dance between the stars, appear, Shara must prove that the human race is ... human with her new form of dance.

Starseed
Rain McLeod danced on Earth for 32 years until she couldn't dance any more. She tried living without dance, and when that didn't work, she traveled to Top Step, the captive asteriod and home of the Stardance Foundation, to become a Stardancer, a human joined with the alien symbiote that allows humans to live in space.

The Star Dancers
This includes Stardance, and Starseed, the first two books of the Stardance trilogy by Spider and Jeanne Robinson.

Starmind
The Starmind is the telepathic joining of all the Stardancers. In 2064, Earth is enjoying peace and prosperity thanks to the Starmind. Composer Rand Porter travels to High Orbit to become a Shaper of music and visual effects for the Stardance Company. While there, he finds himself caught up in a conspiracy to destroy the Starmind.

The Lifehouse Trilogy
The Lifehouse Trilogy combines Mindkiller, Time Pressure, and Lifehouse. It was released on December 4, 2007.

Mindkiller
Wireheading, a method of delivering a trickle of current to the brain's pleasure center, can be an addiction, a way to commit suicide, or a means of mind control. Part of this book appeared as the novella "God Is an Iron," now collected in a book of the same name.

Time Pressure
Sam lives alone on Nova Scotia's Fundy Shore in the early 1970s (much like Spider himself at the time). In the middle of a storm, he witnesses the arrival of Rachel, a beautiful time traveler. She's arrived to collect data on the human race's past, but Sam fears she may end up destroying it.

Deathkiller
Deathkiller is a combined edition of Mindkiller and Time Pressure.

Wally and Moira, two major science fiction fans, jump at the chance to help out a time traveler. Only he's not a time traveler. And then it gets weird.

The short story "Copyright Violation" originally appeared in New Destinies 6, Winter 1988 and is included in User Friendly. In 1990, Pulphouse Publishing, Eugene, OR, released a bound edition of the story as part of its Convention Series. 26 leather slipcased copies were issued (I have "S"), 100 clothbound copies with dustjackets were issued (I have number 9), and some red leather copies without slipcases were issued (I have one designated "Red Staff"). All copies are signed by Spider and by Kelly Freas, whose caricature of the author appears opposite the title page. This edition was not listed on Amazon.