Spirituality and Sexuality

The outer effects of doing inner spiritual work are not always in alignment with internal reality. Letting go of programming does not always have instant effects, though sometimes it does. Sometimes it's like the engine was cut on the boat yet it still drifts to shore. And then one day, suddenly, the boat touches shore and the healing has 'occurred'; it's no longer a journey but a destination. That's kind of what happened for me- I did the work, nothing appeared to happen for quite some time, and then boom- out of nowhere 'it' happened.
The 'it' for me is sudden weight loss. The critical factor spiritually was the release of self-judgment- born from a childhood molestation. For over 30 years I stuffed that uncomfortable memory and a pattern of binge eating resulted. When the memory, the trauma, the thoughts of the molestation were released, and power was re-aligned, the propensity to stuff disappeared, because the entire program disappeared. The weight disappeared too, because it was a consequence of the stuffing. Without the attempts to quiet uncomfortable emotions with food, there is no craving, there is no appetite, and there is not the consequence of carrying emotional baggage as extra body weight. The dysfunction was that this process of resistance lead me to view food as being useful for something it was not. The stuffing was damaging to the body physically. It was much harder on the body than releasing a memory; the fear that kept that memory in place was toxic.

img@nomo_photo

An effect of emotional trauma is that there becomes a looping of thoughts that occurs on the topic. There is nowhere that can be located within the 'loop' to break the pattern- the entire loop of thoughts needs to be canceled from awareness. When this happens, it becomes as if the event never happened, nor did the unwanted pattern. The mind reorganizes the body's cells with the new programming. In my case, I've had to implement new programming for eating, as the desire to eat itself is completely gone. I'm watching that the release of the old programming doesn't take me the other way, and actively re-defining food as meant for nourishment. I watch signs that the body needs something, and then I give it.

img@Ron2wheels

So, you may be asking, how is spiritual work sexy? I didn't engage in spiritual work in order to lose weight, or improve my sex life, but they seem to be pleasant side effects. I engaged in spiritual work in order to connect with "I" as conscious awareness vs the programming I bought growing up, that I bought from society etc. I bought the programming when I was little that it was ok for other people to come and take sexually from my body without my consent. I dealt with that in two very common ways- by leaving the body during traumatic situations, and if I had to be present with the memories, by stuffing the body to hide the trauma. Now that "I" am emerging as a spiritual being, and not just a body comprised of patterns and programming, the baggage is falling away from the body naturally, of its own accord. I haven't been dieting. I haven't been exercising. I haven't eliminated sweets, or pizza. I eat whatever, whenever the body's needing something. And there's something sexy about this. There's something sexy about viewing the body as a tool of the spirit vs the false programming I bought as a child and in my twenties and thirties. My husband's definitely noticed the change in the physicality, and seems to appreciate it. It seems it is easier to join in love, now that the 'stuff' is no longer in the way.

img@chloes_mum