spirituality and motherhood: the thoughts on spirituality by a spiritual director

If you put a hundred Catholics in a room and ask them how many know anything about Spiritual Direction you might get, maybe, maybe on a good day, two; most likely one.

Why is that? Because though spiritual direction has been part of the Church since the earlier church fathers and mothers few believe its "for them". And that is a question that is being prayed over by Spiritual Directors world wide.

One of the problems might be...
That spiritual direction and counseling share similar practices. Having spent ten years as a social worker and now, being a spiritual director for ten years, I feel I can see both sides of the fence and give you a good overview of the goings on in both. Both counseling and direction will ask questions about your life: How are you doing, how has your week been, that sort of thing, but the emphasis is very different.

In counseling the emphasis is on the emotional-psychological. ===from Wikipedia: "Psychology (from Greek, "psyche", soul, and science, "logos") is both an academic and applied discipline involving the scientific study of mental processes and behavior. Psychologists attempt to unravel the functioning of the brain as it is manifest in behavior, in contrast to the physiological approach used by neurologists. Psychologists study such phenomena as perception, cognition, emotion, personality, behavior, and interpersonal relationships. Psychology also refers to the application of such knowledge to various spheres of human activity, including issues related to daily life"e.g. family, education, and work"and the treatment of mental health problems."

While the emphasis of spiritual direction is just that the emotional as it inpacts the spiritual. ===again from Wikipedia: "Spiritual direction is the practice of being with people as they attempt to deepen their relationship with the divine, or to learn and grow in their own personal spirituality. The person seeking direction shares stories of his or her encounters of the divine, or how he or she is experiencing spiritual issues. The director listens and asks questions to assist the directee in his or her process of reflection and spiritual growth. Spiritual direction develops a deeper relationship with the spiritual aspect of being human. It is not psychotherapy, counseling, or financial planning.

People see a confusion of purpose
They assume counseling and spiritual direction are the same thing.
* Some might reject both because of some believe that to ask for any help is a sign of weakness
* Some may believe that both are "new age"
* Some might think one or the other is "new age"

Many of us are weary of what we have never experienced, but if you have been on retreat you have experienced spiritual direction. Retreats, whether they are Parish retreats, woman's retreats, or retreats specific for a season: Lent or Advent for example, are always lead by a spiritual director, and are spiritual direction because it is hoped that you, the retreatant, will have a closer encounter with God through the process and experience of the retreat. This is spiritual direction at its most intense.

There are two types of spiritual direction: Retreat and Regular
Think of them as regular and decaf coffee. Retreat or directed spritual direction is the most internse of the two forms. Is the regular coffee you can only drink once in a while beecause its going to keep you up all night!

If you choose directed/retreat spiritual direction expect to be meeting with your director on a daily basis for an hour at the retreat house where you will be give spiritual exercises to do and then meeting the next day to discuss the experiences of those exercises. A directed retreat/spiritual direction can last a weekend or up to forty days.

These intense sessions are best if you are considering a vocation such as the religious life, they are not generally sought out by "regular folks".

So spiritual direction IS just for the religous!
That is the perception, that spiritual direction isn't for just us folks; but that couldn't be further from the turth! Gerald May, a doctor out of Washington DC, wanted to take spiritual direction out of the realm of the few and make it available to anyone seeking God and His call in their life. He helped to create the Shalem Inst. which provides formation for many lay people who feel called to Spiritual Direction. He saw the benefits and gifts of direction and wanted it to be available to anyone. The gift being sessions of spiritual direction which help you dwell more deeply into the Divine of your life: God and His calling to you.

Decafe plase!
Many of us neither have the time, freedom, or money to spend up to forty days with a director. And many of us seek direction for reasons other than a religious vocation. So "regular direction" is best. And "regular" direction is as varied as directors. A "regular" session of direction will last an hour and be on a bi-monthly to monthly basis.

Because of my background and training I take some of the skills I have learned as a social worker into my direction, asking questions that help guide and challenage people.

How my sessions of Spiritual Direction go...

* We begin by talking about what is going on in your life.
* You are free to say and ask what ever you wish.
* We are looking for those "God" moments in your situations, relationships, triumphs and difficulties.
* We will spend time in prayer.
* But we might spend time exploring other prayer forms all so you can have a deeper experience of how God works in your life.
* I often will give you some "homework", for example: creating a peaceful place within your home to spend time with God. The "homework" is always related to the situation on which we are working.

Spiritual Direction as I see it...
* We meet bi-weekly this has proven to be best. This schedule helps us to explore your spiritual needs. It helps build trust which is so needed if direction is going to work.
* Direction has no time frame. It can last as long as you feel God is calling yoiu to take.
* Evaluations of you expereince is always helpgful. ;) keeps me honest.
* We work together to help you understand your relationship God.
* Some tools I find helpful for you: a dream / prayer log where yoiu can explore any patterns in your life, record God's working with you when dealing with a situation, or to rejoice in the blessings you have.

The most important tool:
Prayer which begins each session. We might explore silent prayer, or Guided Meditation or other forms of prayer.

The goal of spiritual direction is always on God, and you perception of how God is working with you.
The most profound and personal relationship you will experience in your life is your relationship with God.

There was a spiritual lack in their lives
Look in any bookstore and see how many books are geared toward mothers and spirituality. A few, but not as many as their could be.

Books for mothers are geared toward parenting children, organizing the home, cooking great meals; but very few that explore mothering as a spiritual practice, a part of you, not the whole you.

I have spent most of professional life helping women. As a social worker I worked with women who were in crisis. Their children had been taken from them and they were now working to get them back; to become better parents. Many, many of these women were dealing with psychological issues no doubt, but there was also something else; something much deeper and profound: Wounding of the soul. That I could not address for many reasons, but I saw it none the less. Many of these moms had given up, spiritually and emotionally.

Epiphany
When you have an Epiphany you tend to notice it everywhere. I couldn't go to Mass without seeing moms who had given up. I saw moms wearing the mommy uniform; which meant to me that that mom had lost all connection to herself and her calling. I saw moms who were hiding inside bodies that were over weight. I saw moms who were battleing with the same issues with I battled and frnakly still battle everyday!

I saw moms who no longer remembered that they were Priest, Prophet and Queen!

We have all been to a baptism and saw the cutiest little mini might recieving the sacrament and heard Father baptis the child as priest, prophet and kind (queen).

Those roles aren't just honorific, they are our baptism roles we should carry on for the rest of our lives. We are now continuing Jesus' mission on earth!

The roles of Priest, Prophet and Queen!
To be a "Prophet" is "to talk to men about God" with our words and deeds... when you teach you child(ren) to prayer, you are a Prophet!... when you bring him/her to church, Religious Ed., Catholic School, you are a Prophet of God...

- Those who prophesy speak to other people, for their building up, encouragement, and solace, they build up the church, says Paul (1Cor.14:3-4)... every Catholic/Christian is an evangelist, a missionary, a minister of Jesus Christ.
To be a "Priest":

To be a "Priest" is "to talk to God about men", to pray for your family and friends... every baptised Catholic/Christian is a part of the lay priesthood.

To be a "Queen", is to live on earth with the "dignity" of a Queen, with the love, joy, and peace of Jesus, that nobody and nothing can take away... with the "dignity" of a child of God, (Mat.10:30).

... We are given the "power" of God to conquer "the devil", to cast out bad habits, to care for those arround us whom God has placed in our care, we are to create families in which we may in the world in peace, joy, and love, being afraid to nothing and no-one, because God himself is in the heart of every one of us(Mr.16:16-18)...

God did not make baptised Catholic Mothers whimps!

We all dream, and many times our dreams are confusing even laughable; but there are those dreams that upon waking we know hold great meaning for us.

You know the dream I'm talking about. That dream that wakes you up, or you remember because it holds some emotional feeling for you. Our dreams become most active when we are dealing with something emotional charged: a relationship that is going badly, a new situation happening that is causing us stress - a move, new job, illness. It is then that our dreams become signposts for us as to what is happening in our lives and what God is calling us to do about those happenings.

Go into a bookstore and you will see books, upon books on dream work, what I am talking about here is not that. Those books want to tell you that dreams have some formula that if you look up the image the book will tell you the answer. God doesn't work that way. Instead God's messages are personal and speicific to US. He is speaking personally to us so the dreams symbolism will be directed to us. These sybols will make sense only to us and must be decoded with prayer and prayerful questioning: What does this mean to me?

How to interpret dreams.

Our sleeping minds work in symbolism and it can be confusing, but if we adjust our thinking from the literal to understanding our own sybolm interpretation is easier.

1. Determine what that the images are trying to tell you.
2. What do you feel each sybolm means to you
3. Where are you: What is the setting of the dream
4. Does the setting mean anything to you
5. Is there some emotion in the dream
6. What is that emotion and why are you feeling it
7. Is anyone speaking to you, what are they saying or what do you "feel" them saying.

Understand that God will NEVER give you a dream what will somehow hurt you. Your dreams may be distrubing because God is trying to tell you something important, but they should never make you feel badly.

* If you think you have had a dream that is hurting you spiritual; speak with a spiriutal director.
* If you are having trouble undertanding the meaning of your dreams; speak with a spiritual director.
* If you feel you are being called to do something and can not figure out how to do it; speak with a spiritual direcor.

God is not going to lead you down the garden path. He knows you and everything that He does, directs you towards, or wants from you is ALWAYS because He knows you and knows that whatever it is it will work for your GOOD

Death came to visit our house, and it was a beautiful thing.

For years I have heard God calling me to truly understand balance and how to make it work in my family/life. First I must say that I have come to understand that we are all that we do, that we cannot separate ourselves into compartments, but we can separate our roles and troubles into compartments.

I have a Yahoo! answers profile and I asked the question: Why do so many moms put on the "Mommy Uniform" of sweats?

Explaining further to clarify the question: As a mom of four I understand the "Mommy Uniform" its easy comfy, but its also sloppy and fankly a little lazy.

Why is it so hard to take the time to look good; because taking the time to look good helps you feel, sometimes only a tiny bit, better about yourself. It is also a way we, as moms, model to our children, our girls especially, how women should feel about being a mom, a woman, a wife. And if we are wearing sweats and not caring for ourselves what are teaching our gilrs about being moms?

So what's up with the "Mommy Uniform"?

Yahoo! Answers is an additive little thing, you get this almost instant reply to what ever question pops into your head and for my question on Mommy Uniform I got this thought out answer by someone nickname musicgirl:

I think so many mom's get tired and then they just don't care. Its whatever is easiest and closest and is clean and they throw that on. I agree making yourself look better makes you feel better. I think many mom's don't think they have time to do their hair and makeup while the kids are running wild.

The terrible with these Yahoo! questions is that they can be taken so many ways and some of the answerers questioned my intentions. Was I trying to teach my girls to dress like Barbie? Was I some snobbie superflicial mom who cared only for appreance?

What I have come to know from my own personal and professional experience is that some moms become tired and worn by their role as mom and that is what our children are seeing. We do not celebrate our role as mom, we do not celebrate our sisterhood with other mothers. Many times we feel isolated by our roles. These of us who stay at home must work to stay connect to others. Those of us who work in offices must work to reconnect with others outside our work place, to reccnnect with those who give to us and renew us.

We do a lousy job of renewing ourselves and it hurts us to the core of our being. If we feel like withered husks how can we give to others?

Its a problem that is not easy to solve.

I know we have all heard this Gospel reading hundreds of times in our lives, but there is a turth hidden in plain sight we do not generally use: To love our nieghbour we must love ourself.

Read it closely:

The Greatest Commandment Matthew 22:36-40

Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love he Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Did you notice something very important in that passage? The "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" part of the passage? Many of the moms with whom I work have tremendous difficulty with loving themselves. They see themselves as unworthy, undeserving, un- you name it. It is something that every woman, mom, battles; it is something that I battle myself.

Is it that we forget that God made us very special and that He loves us very much, is it that we have been told, at a certain age, that women are not as good as men by people in which we have great trust: Teachers, Parents, Pastors? Is it that popular media gives us mixed messages on how we should view ourselves as women and moms? Or is it that we have allowed ourselves to believe the lies that have been told to us; how ever they were told.

So here is the rub: What if you don't love yourself, what does that say about how you love God and your neighbour?

Is that where you are today? At the cross roads of truly accepting yourself as God accepts you. Isn't time for you to stand up and say: "If God thinks I'm all that and a bag of crisps, than I should too!"

While searching the web for some links for God wants you to love yourself; I came across some very curious things.

The idea that as Christian women and mothers would be considered "wordly" if we were to engage in some good self esteem and self love. Many

Good Enough doesn't sound like we have been told we are to try and achieve. There are books out there that want us to reach our potential and there the Guru's of overacheivment like Tony Robbins who want us to discover the Gaint within us! All of these have their place but as moms are we burning ourselves out trying to achieve so much?

Do our true freinds really care if we have a home like those we see in the magizines or are they really just glad to be with us.

There has to be a balance between what we must do and what we can do and that will change as our children get older. Isn't just good enought really freeing us to be with our children more and isn't that our higest priority?

Family First Woman Always is the book I am using for the women's mom group am I running for a parish here in Lansing Michigan.

It is a great book, but some of the women find it a bit of a challenge; they are saying: "How can I Joan-schoom do all this woman is doing!" I don't think that is the point of the book. It's major premise is that you have to find out what you need to do to make changes in your life.

Check out the website for spiritual lives of women and let me know what you think. www.miraclesalwayshappen.com

As mothers we are all so different, but in one thing we are very much the same. We all love our children. We have all failed at parenting one time or another.

Its those very facts: our love of our children and the fact that we fail that will make us great mothers. God does not see failure the same way as we do. In scriture we are told that if we were to count all our sins how could we stand up! How could we face ourselves?

But as mothers that is exactly what we are doing each and every day of our lives: Looking at our failures.

But it is our failures that we can and do find strenght. We are told that in our weakness God will use us. So that must mean that we should look at our failures as ways to challange ourselves to do better be better as mothers and as daughters of God.

I run a mom's group and am in the mist of creating a program for it. This group is not a support group; there are enough of those. Its not a parenting group; there are enough of those; what is is a spiritual direction group especially for moms.

One of the women in my group said something to the group that struck me as a truth. Her husband works for another denomination and he brought home material for their annual Celebration of women conference. He said to his wife that he had never saw or would see anything like this in the Catholic Church. It made me realize that the Church does need to celebrate women, mothers. There are ministries for women but they deal with the troubles women face, what about celebrate the triumph, the faith that women have!