Stillborn Loss - For Those Who Have Lost A Baby And Need A Comforting Friend

Mia was our second born. I was surprised when I got pregnant as we weren't trying at the time. Our first daughter just turned 2 when I found out I was pregnant.

She was so excited to have a baby brother or sister. We didn't want to find out what we were having until she/he was born.

I was having a smooth pregnancy until around 32 weeks. The doctor said I was measuring small. They did an ultrasound and found nothing wrong.

Then one day when I was 34 weeks, I felt pain. It felt like labor pain. I called the doctor and she thought maybe I ate something bad that day. I told her I didn't. She said to come to the hospital right away.

So I called my husband at work and he rushed home. We headed to the hospital. I was in so much pain. The doctor was at the front desk and they immediately took me to a room. I was told later that the doctor said I was as "white as a ghost".

When we were in the room, the nurse put that tight monitor around my belly. She kept trying to find the heartbeat. I could tell she was making excuses for not finding it.

Then the doctor came in. She looked on the ultrasound machine and I could tell she couldn't find the heartbeat either. I kept praying for some miracle.

But it didn't happen. The doctor turned and looked at my husband and I and said, "I'm sorry, your baby has died."

The next few hours were a blur to me. I delivered Mia naturally as my body was already going into labor. That is why I was experiencing so much pain.

The hospital was so wonderful. They let us hold her for as long as we wanted. My Mom, Sister and My Husband's Parents all came to see us. The nurse's dressed her in their preemie outfits that they had and took many pictures of her.

After a few hours, we realized we needed to say goodbye. It was so hard for me to say goodbye to my baby.

We spent the night in the hospital. I kept waking up thinking about all that had happened. Nurses were coming in and checking up on me all the time. The doctor released me the next day.

We went home in a state of shock. What had just happened? How could I lose my baby? Everything was fine until yesterday.

I have found a website that provides a service of drawing stillborn baby portraits. Debbie is an excellent artist and she hand draws portraits from photographs. She has drawn Mia and it is so beautiful. Debbie truly has a wonderful gift from God and is blessing others with her talent.

Click Here to visit her website.

My portrait of Mia drawn by Debbie

Thank you so much for all your comments. Please keep your comments coming, however, I wanted you to know that I am not a health care professional. I am willing to offer my experience, but not advice.

When you post a comment, I will review it and if you want to provide your email address, I am willing to correspond with you confidentially.

I cannot be liable for issues regarding your loss. I can only respond as one compassionate mom to another.

I often heard the hardest thing for someone to do is bury a child. I totally agree.

I didn't realize it until afterwards, but my husband had a hard time making the funeral arrangements. He tried to call the funeral home twice and just couldn't. He said he stared at the phone thinking, "Do I really have to do this?"

The funeral home and cemetery were wonderful as they provided their services including the burial plot and funeral services at no charge. We did have to pay for a coffin, which came in two sizes. That was very hard for us to pick out a coffin for our daughter. She is in Babyland with all the other babies.

We decided to have a private viewing at the funeral home with just immediate family. We invited a few people to the funeral service at the grave site. Word got out and we were so amazed because about 50 people come to the funeral. We were so blessed to have our family and friends there for support.

When I lost Mia, the song, "God Is In Control" came to my mind. I told the Pastor and he made the message with the song in mind.

Here are the lyrics:

God Is In Control
by Twila Paris

Chorus 1
God is in control
We believe that His children
Will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember
And never be shaken
There is no power above
Or beside Him we know
Oh God is in control
Oh God is in control

Verse 1
This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith
And determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by the motion
Hold on to all
That you hide in your heart
There is one thing
That has always been true
It holds the world together

Verse 2
History marches on
There is a bottom line
Drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing
That has always been true
It will be true forever

Misc 1
(BRIDGE)
He has never let you down
Why start to worry now
Why start to worry now
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me
Watching over you
Watching over me
Watching over ev'rything
Watching over you
Watching over me
Ev'ry little sparrow ev'ry little king
Oh oh ev'ry little king oh

The song fit so well and I think of it often when I am down or thinking of Mia.

I found another website that offers Treasures in Heaven Memorial Sculptures. They are cute baby dolls made of clay and are a comforting keepsake for someone who has lost a baby. She can also create a memorial baby sculpture from your portrait.

I encourage you to visit Lisa's site at lovinclayolls.

That is what my 2 1/2 year old said to me every day. Even though she didn't understand, she knew I was sad. She wanted to help me and she did tremendously.

She helped me get up out of bed every day. She would give me hugs and kisses and tell me it is okay. She kept telling me she loved me.

Now, she is 9 years old and we share that bond. We talk about Mia a lot and she tells everyone she has a sister that died. She tells them she is in Heaven with Jesus.

On Mia's first birthday, we had a birthday celebration for her. Alison blew out Mia's candles and my husband said, "Happy Birthday Mia". Alison said, "She is having the best birthday ever!" We both said, "Yes, she is".

We were given so many things after we lost Mia. The Mom's group I belong to gave us a figurine of an angel holding a baby.

My sister and cousin also made us an album with all of Mia's pictures in it along with the many cards we received. My Sister-In-Law gave us each stuffed animal bunny rabbits as a memory of Mia. My friend made me a bracelet with my girl's birthstones and an angel with Mia's birthstone.

We have a special shelf in our house with Mia's special things. I also have a memory box that has her clothing in when they dressed her in the hospital.

These gifts are very special to me and I will treasure them always.

We had so many people write or come and visit us when we lost Mia. I remember a neighbor coming and just giving me a big hug.

We received 190 cards. Some of the people were just acquaintances, but they thought to send a card. One lady wrote a letter to me as she had lost her baby a year before Mia. We got together with each other and talked about our children in Heaven.

Meals were made for us. The list goes on. It was so special to us. To feel the love from people all around us.

If someone you know has lost a baby, I encourage you to send a card, call or visit. This was so encouraging to me.

The biggest comfort I received was from my sister and friend who called me every day to make sure I was okay. Sometimes they felt like they were annoying, but I will never forget the love I felt from them. It was encouraging and helped me get out of bed everyday.

It is now 7 years since Mia has died. I often find myself comparing other people's children who have a 7 year old. Wondering if Mia would play with them or be their height.

Over the 7 years, I had another baby girl, Neve. She is now 4. My pregnancy with her was very stressful. I had an appointment every two weeks starting at 6 weeks until delivery.

I had 13 ultrasounds and we decided to induce labor 1 month early. When I was in labor, all I could think of was wanting to hear her cry. When she came out, I heard her cries. It was so beautiful and I kept on saying "Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord". Neve doesn't understand yet that she has a sister in Heaven, but we tell her.

We go and visit Mia's grave occasionally. One time we even brought McDonald's and had a picnic lunch. Alison really enjoyed that and asks when we can do it again.

We celebrate her birthday every year usually with a cake and balloons. I always take pictures and include our other daughters. Now each one takes a turn blowing out her candles.

I think about her often and talk about her, too, with family and friends. I say, I have 2 children on Earth and 1 in Heaven. I know Jesus is holding her in his arms along with all the other babies.

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