Bullies - Are You Bully Smart?

• According to studies done by Safety Canada, of all the children who reported being bullied 40% say that they should not have gone to an adult. Only one in four children say teachers took any action.


• 60% of bullies have a criminal record by the time they are 24.


• Bullying usually goes unreported.


• Studies show that every seven minutes a bullying incident occurs


• 24% of children under the age of 19 reported that they had been cyber bullied, according to one British study.


• The National Education Association claims that 160,000 students miss school everyday because they are afraid of being bullied.


• 20% of students have reported seeing a gun at school according to the National Education Association.


• According to Project Pave five million students in the US are affected by bullying.


• 57% of bullying situations stop when another child steps in.


• 32 States have anti-bullying laws.

DON'T BE A BULLY

TARGET

Children bully for many reasons. In order to stop the cycle of bullying you have to figure out what is causing the child to act out in such a disturbing way. If you want to change the behaviour of the bully it is necessary to understand why it is occurring in the first place.

Bullies often like to target those that are different from what they perceive as the 'norm'. Someone who dresses differently , practices a different religion, comes from another culture or looks different. This bully usually lacks understanding and empathy. Some of the beliefs may have been generated in the home, while others may come from ignorance. Teaching the bully tolerance and understanding will often resolve this kind of bullying.

Attention is another reason that children may bully. They may see bullying as having power and use it, as a way to get noticed by peers, teachers or parents. Negative attention is better than none. It is important to show this bully that there are better ways to get positive attention and feedback.

Another reason that a child may begin to show the signs of bullying is power. Often children feel as though they have no control. They have no control over their lives or the world around them. By bullying they are able to gain a sense of power and control over their peers and environment. It is necessary to teach this bully that this kind of power is negative and that they can find security and control in others ways.

Fear is the cause of a lot of bullying. Children fear that someone may be better or more popular than they are. They might feel as though someone is taking their place. The bully may actually feel intimidated by the victim. They use bullying to demean and humiliate the victim in order to make themselves look better. They attempt to get others to lower their opinion of the victim so that they are able to maintain their own sense of security and value. These bullies often need to realize that regardless of what others do, they have their own value. They need to learn to appreciate and respect others and gain a sense of their own self worth.

Bullies sometimes learn the behaviour at home. They may have suffered from some kind of abuse, either verbal, mental or physical. Children who come from homes where a lot of arguing and yelling take place often view this type of behaviour as being normal. They must be taught that this type of behaviour is wrong and unacceptable. These children need to be shown techniques and methods of problem solving that are acceptable. They need to be able to express themselves in constructive ways rather than destructive.

Another kind of bully is the one who is re-acting. This child is the product of being bullied. Many people will tell a child if they are being bullied to fight back. This re-action of course just continues the cycle. If the child is able to get the bully to stop they often continue using the bullying technique in the future. Instead of ending the problem a new one has been created.

All children need to be taught the proper methods for channelling anger and fear. They need to learn the correct ways of interacting with other people, both children and adults. The cycling of bullying has to be stopped and by identifying the root of the problem the problems can be solved.

Bullying is becoming a bigger and bigger problem. The level of violence associated with bullying is also on the rise. Bullying is not a normal part of growing up and it is definitely not children just being children. Bullying needs to be addressed at all levels, everywhere.

One of the best places to start bully prevention is in the schools. Many schools are implementing an anti-bullying program. Find out if your school system has one. These programs are geared towards teaching children all about bullying. They teach children how to properly handle all kinds of bullying, mental, physical and verbal. They teach children how to interact and respect others. They often teach a zero tolerance policy, which applies to all situations. These programs encourage the children to take a pro-active approach to bullying.

One way to help prevent bullying is recognise where bullying usually occurs. It tends to happen where the bully can isolate his victim and there is little or no adult supervision. Try to lower the number of children who are out on the playground at any time. Have a system of staggered recesses and lunch times. Designate areas of the playground to different age groups. Try setting up planned recess activities supervised by either older students, parents volunteers or teachers in less frequented areas of the playground. This will help to cut down on the number of bullying opportunities.

Children should be encouraged to take a pro-active approach to bullying and not allow themselves to become targets. Talk to your child and make them aware of where and when bullying may occur. Tell your child to avoid areas of the school yard that are not well monitored. Encourage them to take part in organised activities on the playground. Tell them to try to stay near a playground supervisor so they do not give the bully a chance to isolate them.

Use the buddy system. Get your child to walk home with a friend or in a group. If your child rides a public bus encourage them to sit close to the driver or near an adult. School buses present a great opportunity for bullies, if your school does not have a bus monitoring system get your school to implement one . The less isolated that your child is the less likely they are to be a victim.

Feelings of insecurity and low self esteem are often projected in the way a child moves. Bullies often recognise these postures and target these children. It is important to teach children to project feelings of confidence and security even if they are not feeling them. Standing tall with shoulders back and arms at their sides will help present the image that they are comfortable in their surroundings. Children who present this aura have less chance of becoming a victim.

Children who participate in supervised outside school activities often have more self confidence than those who don't. Outside school activities gives your child the opportunity to practice social skills and build team work. They often get the chance of associating with a wider range of children which will help teach them tolerance and respect for others. Be sure that any activity that you as a parent choose for your child has a no tolerance policy and is well supervised. Children often gain self esteem and confidence by being involved in clubs or sports. This feeling of self worth will carry over into all areas of their life.

One of the most important things that you as a parent can do to help your child is to recognise the seriousness of bullying, and keep communication open. Be sure that your child feels comfortable in talking with you about any incidents that they see or are involved in. All children have the right to fell safe everywhere. Bullying must not be tolerated.

Bulling is on the rise and the levels of violence associated with bullying is also escalating. As a parent it is extremely important to teach your child the correct ways to handle a bully. It is a serious concern and is not a normal part of childhood.

Children who are the victims of a bullying incident often feel that they are to blame. They feel as though they are somehow responsible. Talk to your child make sure that they understand that they are in no way to blame for being a victim. Reassure them that they are worthy and valued. Make certain that your child understands how proud you are of their coming forward and discussing the situation with you. Praise your child for doing the right thing and bringing the problem to the attention of an adult.

Gather as much information about the incident as you can. Write down the information that your child gives you. How often has the situation occurred and where does it happen? How many children were involved? Did anyone see the incident? What form did the bullying take? Was it mental, physical or verbal? Once you have all the information you can decide the best way to handle the situation.

Often it is not a good idea to approach the other child's parents directly. Many parents will take a defensive stance or try to brush it off as simply children playing.

Talk to the teachers at your child's school, bring in the information that you have recorded. Writing the information down, not only allows you to keep the incident fresh, but will also convey to the teachers how serious you are about the situation. It will also provide them with more accurate information about the incidents and allow them a better opportunity to handle the problem.

Take a pro-active approach. Teach your child ways of correctly dealing with a bully. Fighting back is not the answer. Children who retaliate may be perceived as being the instigator rather than the victim. Laughing at a bully or exchanging insults may escalate the problem. Teach your child to walk away or to verbally dismiss the bully. If your child is in real physical danger make sure they know that running away is the right thing to do.

Discuss with your child how to avoid being isolated. Encourage them to stay in well monitored areas of the playground or get them to become involved with supervised schoolyard games. Have them use a buddy system. Set up a system where your child is not walking home alone. Have them sit close to the bus driver if your child has to ride a public bus. Children who are aware of danger zones can learn to avoid them.

Show your child how they can project a confident posture. Bullies often recognise and target children who appear insecure. Teach your child ways to look comfortable and secure. Show them how to stand up tall and keep their arms at their sides. Show them how to walk with their head up, and with purpose. Children who walk looking at their feet and shuffling give the image that they are nervous and insecure.

One of the most important things to do, is to make sure your child understands that bullying can happen to anyone, and that they are not alone. Getting help with the problem is the right thing to do. They do not have to handle the situation alone nor do they have to tolerate it. Bullying is never to be tolerated. All children have the right to feel safe.