How to STOP loving someone

According to some people love is about chemistry, finding that special someone to connect to and feeling sparks fly.

Others say its psychology, researchers have proposed a number of different theories of love. Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is made up of three elements: attachment, caring and intimacy. Attachment is the need to receive care, approval, and physical contact with the other person. Caring involves valuing the other persons needs and happiness as much as your own. Intimacy refers to the sharing of thoughts, desires, and feelings with the other person.

Based upon this definition, Rubin devised a questionnaire to assess attitudes about others and found that these scales of liking and loving provided support for his conception of love.

Some of us have experienced LOVE or at least to the extent of what we beleive love is.

We have had commited relationships, started families and planned on living a happy life together with that special man that, according to Jerry Mcguire "completes us".

Only to later after a large amount of time, effort, and sacrifice find out he does not feel the same way anymore, they have moved on to someone else or just " fallen out of love".
Now how does this happen? Do these guys have a switch in their hearts they can just turn on and off like a light? and if so why do the rest of us do not know about it.

Thats what made me ponder this question " How do we stop loving someone"?

In my case I beleive in true love, in finding that one person whom you will grow old with and spend the rest of your life with, of course they will be problems and fights and moments where you both just want to run away but, you just cant because love conquers all right?

I guess Im wrong, when I met my ex three years ago I thought he was it, I felt the sparks, I heard the bells, all of it. And guess what its over, after a lot of effort and going back and forth and two beautiful kids its all done. So what's the secret? How can some people just stop loving and others just can't ? Your guess is as good as mine.

But my theory is that everybody has a different idea of what love is and what it means.

According to psychologist Elaine Hatfeld and her colleague, there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for each other. Passionate love is more intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these emotions are mutual between two people we feel elated and fullfilled. On the other hand when the emotion is not reciprocated it leads to feelings of despondence and despeair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, (no kidding) usually lasting between 6 and 30 months. Ideally passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. I guess this is where it gets tough in that transition the passionate love just fizzles into no love.

But what is left for the ones with all the love in our hearts and no one to give it, oh yeah dating again, because that was so much fun the first time right?

I am a single mom in my 30's for god's sake. Like Charlotte said in Sex and the City " I've been dating since I was 15 I'm exhausted, where is he?"

My best guess is to just make the best of it, take a good hard look at whatever good you got out of this rollercoaster, in my case my amazing handsome boys and enjoy that to the fullest.

And if all you got out of it was a box full of his junk and a couple of drawers full of his old clothes and jerseys, hey ladies there is always ebay! lol .

There is no for sure way to stop loving that man who broke our heart, most likely more than once, except time and patience. So crank up Leona Lewis' "better in time" on your Ipod go for a walk, get a new hairdo a mani/ pedi go out with a friend, and day by day we can all do it.
But if you ever find out where this automatic switch is that guys have to turn their feeling on and off, please write us. We want to short that thing.
And be strong, because a lot of times they all try to come back for another round. ALWAYS. In the moment that we are feeling better about yourselves and feel like we can do this, there comes, that knock on the door, text, tweet, email, phone call. Just ignore it, and if you have some kind of ties to him like in my case our kids keep it limited to that, no "lets talk about us" thats just the beginning of the end.