STRANGE STREET NAMES

For trivia buffs in audience, the Google search engine indicates 22,500,000 web pages devoted to the topic of "strange street names" while Amazon.com lists 25,560 books on the same theme.

Well, having got those rather fine factoids out of the way, we can now get down to serious business onomastics, (the naming of things).

If street names are a living record of a community's history, one has to wonder whether the heads of the city fathers were screwed on tight when they came up with some of the following little gems in the U.S.A.

The intersection of Lonesome Road and Hardup Road in Albany, Georgia (where all individuals with temporarily unmet objects wave to each other?)

Farfrompoopen Road, (the only way to get to Story Arkansa's Constipation Ridge).

This Ain't It Road, in Alexander City, Alabama might just be where all men end up who don't need a map, a GPS, or a backseat driver to tell them how to get "there" wherever "there" is!

And next time you can't find either the slot machines or had one too many maragaritas, maybe it's because you're on Liquid Loco Street.

Most likely all the incompletely successful souls who reside in Evansville, Indiana, live on Little Schmuck Road.

You might what to find out if "Santa Baby" ever hangs out on Candy Cane Lane in Redding, California, but if truth be told, do you really want to know who lives on Cannibal Road, in Loleta, California?

Only at the intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston, Texas do crowds gather to share a historical encounter in the life of a past president.

Meanwhile across the pond those bodacious Brits probably take the cake with these hilarious head-scratchers:

Authorities indicate that those who live on Ha-Ha Road in Woolwich, England (all have funnybones), but Gropecuntlane residents in London, England usually smile a lot a lot more.

Turkey Cock Lane in Colchester, England (no one ever asks what they're being served for Christmas dinner).

Shoot Up Hill in Kilburn, England (one wonders if there are any varmints still left in the place?)

Bishop Butt Close in Orpington, England (where politically-correct preachers are welcome?)

Now if only I can find Milk Street in Manchester, I can get rid of the moo moo I've got in my closet! And for more, take a wee peek at this list of laughable little street names in the old country.

Forget about streets with snob appeal, folks who are pretty fired up about living on Gun Powder Lane. Don't mess with them, especially on on "Halloween" (October 31) or "Guy Fawkes Day" (November 5)!

And just in case you thought that no one in their right mind would actually come up with this name for their neighborhood, you might be surprised to learn that this street is rather popular in America.

Gunpowder Lane can be found in the following places:

-- Pueblo, Colorado
-- Rehoboth Beach, Deleware
-- Elgin, Illinois
-- Louiseville, Kentucky
-- Prospect, Kentucky
-- West Atlantic City, New Jersey
-- Tarrytown, New York
-- Union City, Tennessee

But this wild, wild west street lives on not only in heartland of America but in the last vestiges of the British Empire including:

-- City of London, England
-- St. Finbar, Cork Ireland
-- Mumbai, India.
-- Inwood, West Virginia

There's something to be said for those "crazy Canucks", in the "Land of Ice and Snow" (north of the 49th parallel).

This place gave birth to oodles of yuk yuks and comedians like Dave Broadfoot, Rick Mercer, and Jim Carrey.

So, it's not surprising that those merry maple leaf munchkins have more than a few highly entertaining street names including:

-- Bastard Ward, Town of Rideau Lakes (Ontario)

-- Buttertubs Drive, Dingle Bingle Hill Terrace, and Jingle Pot Road in Nanaimo (British Columbia) also home of the annual "International Bathtub Race".

-- Ragged Ass Road in Yellowknife (North West Territories).

-- rue Schmuck in Shefford (Quebec).

-- Merrymeeting Road in the neighborhood of "Rabbitown" and Quidi Vidi Road both situated in St. John's (Newfoundland & Labrador)

-- The Witless Bay Line on the outskirts of Witless Bay (Newfoundland & Labrador).

Well, if love is in the air, maybe the best place to find a cluster of cute places to be with Cupid on February 14th is Hartford, Connecticut.

On the other hand, you might have more luck in the lip department if you take a stroll down "Valentine Street", (located on the Harvard University campus in Cambridge, Massachussets).

While Texas may have hometowns such as "Cut n' Shoot", "Run and Shoot" not to mention "Gun Barrel City", it also has its own share of hearts and flowers. But, you'll need to find out by taking your honeybun all the way to "Valentine Street" in either Kileen or Fort Worth.

Hollywood, California may have its fair share of sleeping beauties and glamorous movie stars, but Oakland has its biggest claim to fame, "Valentine Street"!

And, just in case you thought that all they have in the Land Downunder is a bunch of crocodiles and kangaroos, they must have time for frolicking in the hollyfuds, (since they've got a "Valentine Street" in Sydney and Brisbane).

Finally, for a terrific treat, why not take a trip down a real "Romantic Road" or "Romantische Strasse" in Germany, where love will never be the same again, (especially in a romantic roadside town named "Dinkelsbuhl").

Street names often reflect the personality of places where people live, work, and play.

Hamilton, may be an industrial steel town in Southern Ontario (Canada), but it's also home to people with dreams who came up with these street names for future generations to chuckle about: "Beach Boulevard", "Mud Street" and "Jolly Cut".

It is said that France has not only superb wine, cuisine and tales of Knights Templar but also some rather curious cul-de-sacs including:

"rue des mauvais garcons" (Bad Boys Street),

"rue du chat qui peche" (Street of the Fishing Cat),

"rue de la Grande Truanderie (The Great Swindle Street)

and a street leading to "rue Rambuteau", which formerly bore the name, "The Street Where God Was Boiled".

Meanwhile back on the continent, this time in Vienna, Austria, tourists tickle themselves pink as they wander about streets twisting their tongues around,

"Schulz-Strassnitzkigasse",

"Ottakringer Strasse",

"Adalbert Stifter Strasse" and

"Blutgasse".

Budapest, Hungary may be home to a royal palace, a great shopping mall, and the "New York Cafe", but it's also home to some very strange thoroughfares such as "Veriteck" (tr. Sweat), "Disznoto" (tr. Pighead and "Nevtelen utca" (tr. Nameless Street.

Seville, Spain, is home to not only flemenco dancers, the author of the "Don Juan" novel (Jose Zorilla), and the first and largest DNA bank in all of Spain, but it's also home to more than a few ripsnorting roadways:

Calle Jesus de Gran Poder (Powerful Jesus Street)

Calle Escarpin (Pointed Shoe Street)

Calle Cristo des Buen Viaje (Happy Travelling Christ Street)

Word of caution: Beware of heavy-breathing folk who call you at 3:00 am and say, "I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk & Don't Run", can you come and pick me up?

The Land of Oz is where you'll find "Christmas Island" (and not the North Pole for those who think Santa likes hanging out in the ice and snow all year long).

So it's not surprising that the folks from "Downunder" have a fleeting fetish for all things merry and bright (especially during a drought for pity's sake).

So here's a snippet of some seasonal signposts you won't forget:

-- Bells Beach (Victoria)
-- Christmas Tree Well (Western Australia)
-- Christmas Creek Station (Western Australia)
-- Ho! Ho! Hobart (Tasmania)
-- Jingle Money (Victoria)
-- North Pole Mining Center (Western Australia)
-- Plumb Pudding Creek (New South Wales)
-- Yuleba (Queensland)

Besides food-themed streets like: Pie Corner, Pickles Lane, Creampot Close and Jammy Lane, the United Kingdom is full of some rather light-hearted street names including:

Balruddery Place, Ballybogey Road, Bedlam Street,
Blinkbonny Road, Bright Green Street, Burniebuzzle Crescent, Buzzacott Lane, Crutched Friars

Elf Row, Eureka Road, Foggyley Gardens, Gillygooley Road, Gollogly Terrace, Goosedubs Street, Happyhillock Road, Hearts Delight Road, Jaunty Way

Mullydoo Road, Pillgwenlly, Ponker Nook Lane, Poppit Street

Randiddles Close, Ribadoo Road, Scumbrum Lane, Shaggy Calf Lane, Tickle Avenue, Tullylumb Terrace, Wip-Ma-Wop-Ma Gate and Zin Zan Street.

And, for those nightmare names we have: Mullaghnamoyagh Road and Penllwynrohydn Road.

Great giggles can be found on the many bodily appetite byways, lusty lanes, and ribald roads in the "Olde Country".

B
Backside Lane (Oxfordshire)
Back Passage, London
Beaver Close (Surrey)
Balls Cross (West Sussex)
Beef Lane (Oxfordshire)
Beggers Bush Lane (Bristol)
Bell End, Birmingham
Bitchfield (Lincolnshire)
Blairmuckhole & Forestdyke Road (Lanarkshire)
Boghead (Ayrshire)
Booty Lane (North Yorkshire)
Bottoms Fold (Lancashire)
Brown Willy (Cornwall)

C
Cock and Bell Lane (Suffolk)
Cockermouth Green (Newcastle)
Cockerton (Dorset)
Cock Lane (Merseyside)
Cockshoot Close (Oxfordshire)
Codpiece Alley (London)
Crapstone (Devon)
Crotch Cresent (Oxfordshire)

D
Dick Court (Lanarkshire)
Dicks Mount (Suffolk)

E
East Breast (Inverclyde)

F
Fanny Avenue (Derbyshire)
Fanny Hands Lane (Lincolnshire)
Feltham Close (Hampshire)
Feltwell (Norfolk)
Fingringhoe (Essex)
Friars Entry (Oxfordshire)

G
Gibble Gabble (Greater Manchester)
Grope Cunt Lane (London)
Grope Lane (Shropshire)

H
Happy Bottom (Dorset)
Hole of Horcum (North Yorkshire)
Holy Bones (Leicester)
Honey Knob Hill (Wiltshire)
Honeypot Lane (Leicestershire)
Hooker Road (Norwich)

J
Jubbergate (York)
Juggs Close (East Sussex)

L
Lickers Lane (Merseyside)
Lickfold (West Sussex)
Lickey End (Worcestershire)
Little Bushey Lane (Hertfordshire)
Long Lover Lane (Halifax)
Lower Back of the Walls (Southampton)
Lower Swell (Gloucestershire)

M
Menlove Avenue, (Liverpool)
Moisty Lane (Staffordshire)
Mudchute, (London)

N
Nether Wallop (Hampshire)
North Piddle (Worcestershire)

O
Ogle Close (Merseyside)
Old Sodbury (Gloucestershire)
Old Sodom Lane (Wiltshire)

P
Pant (Shropshire)
Pant-y-Felin Road, (Swansea)
Pissinge Alley (London)
Pork Lane (Essex)
Pratts Bottom (Kent)
Prickwillow (Cambridgeshire)
Pump Alley (Middlesex)

R
Ramsbottom Lane (Greater Manchester)
Rimswell (East Riding of Yorkshire)

S
Sandy Balls (Hampshire)
Scratchy Bottom (Dorset)
Shingay cum Wendy (Buckinghamshire)
Six Mile Bottom (Cambridgeshire)
Slippery Lane (Staffordshire)
Snatchup (Hertfordshire)
Spanker Lane (Derbyshire)
Spital in the Street (Lincolnshire)

T
The Bush (Buckinghamshire)
The Knob (Oxfordshire)
The Furry (Cornwall)
There And Back Again Lane (Bristol)
Three Cocks (Powys)
Tinkerbush Lane (Oxfordshire)
Titlington Mount (Northumberland)
Titty Ho (Northamptonshire)

U
Ugley (Essex)
Upperthong (West Yorkshire)

W
Wetwang (East Yorkshire)
Wham Bottom Lane (Lancashire)
Whip-Ma-Wop-Ma-Gate (York)
Willey (Warwickshire)
Winkle Street (Southampton)

If America is "paradise"...then only a fool might choose to live on these scatological streets:

-- Beep Dump Road, in Nyassa (Oregon)
-- Peepee Street, in Hilo (Hawaii)
-- Peepee Falls Street, in Hilo (Hawaii)
-- Peepee Way, in Hilo (Hawaii)
-- Poopoo Place, in Kailua (Hawaii)
-- Pio Nono Avenue, in Macon (Georgia).

Given the emphasis being placed today on being politically-correct, it's rather surprising to see what some might think to be naughty names for thoroughfares:

-- Boner Street, in Willacoochee (Georgia)
-- Clit Court, in Albany (New York)
-- Climax Street, Pittsburgh (Pennsylvania)
-- Cock of the Walk Lane, in Maumelle, (Arkansas)
-- Hooker Street & Pleasure Road, Madison (Wisconsin)
-- Pettibone Place, Milwaukee, (Wisconsin)
-- Pinch'em Slyly Place, in Charlottesville, (Virginia)
-- Slim Bottoms Road, in Mount Vernon (New York)
-- Tickled Pink Drive, in Gualala, (California)

If truth be told, prudes probably feel more comfortable in their homes on Normal Avenue in Los Angeles, California, Touch Me Not Lane in Davidson, North Carolina, or Assembly of God Lane in Buras, Louisanna.

Note: colorful characters likely appreciate the more sultry scenery on Beach Blanket Babylon Boulevard in San Francisco, or Purple Haze Street and Elvis Alive Drive in Las Vegas.

A land that's home to the kangaroo, the wallaby, and the duck-billed platypus, not to mention such posh place names as "Bone's Knob", "Bullocks Flat", "Gin Gin", and "Tittybong", is bound to have oodles of colorful street names.

So, on your next trip to Downunder, why not check out Bobbin Head Road, Sydney, "Bald Knob Road" in Mooloolaba, "Ernest Wanke Drive", "Glasscocks Road", "Hiscock", all in Melbourne, Victoria, "Titwobble Lane" in Wedderburn, Victoria, "Magic Pudding Circle" in Faulconbridge, New South Wales, or the vagaries of the "Hoddle Highway" for those who simply adore billabongs, jolly swagmen, and koolabah trees.

You don't have to wear wacky costumes on "Halloween" (October 31) in America or even set off a ton of firecrackers on "Guy Fawkes Night" (November 5) in England, to appreciate the world of spooky or scary things.

All you have to do is find out who in their right mind might dare to live on any of these creepy streets all year long.

WARNING: The following street names have been known to scare the socks off unsuspecting visitors to these environs.

-- Apes Hold Road, Crisfield, Maryland, USA
-- Bucket of Blood Street, Holbrook, Arizona
-- Convict Hill Road, Austin, Texas, USA
-- Corpse Way, Wakefield, England
-- Cut Throat Lane, Swanmore, England
-- Devil's Backbone Road, Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
-- Dead Man's Walk, Thornhill, England
-- Drunk Horse Lane, Westcliff, Colorado, USA
-- Falling Health Place, Mikwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
-- Grave's End Neck Road, Brooklyn, New York, USA
-- Malfunction Junction, Garden Valley, Idaho, USA
-- Pig's Ear Road, Grantsville, Maryland, USA
-- Long Tongue Warning Lane, Flockton, England
-- Roast Meat Hill Road, Killingworth, Connecticut, USA
-- Shades of Death Road, Warren County, New Jersey, USA
-- Shooting Butts Road, North Island, New Zealand
-- Skunk's Misery Road, Lattington, New York, USA
-- Squeeze Guts Alley, Truro, England
-- Tripe Slitters Lane, Skipton, England