Student Bloopers: A Connoisseur's Collection
When I was teaching, I kept a file of funny mistakes from student essays and exams. Oh, the things students say!
For your entertainment, I've created this page as a showcase of malaprops, misunderstanding and muddy thinking. I've also got links to other collections made by long-suffering teachers using laughter to get through grading.
From My Student Bloopers Files
Art History Gone Weird
"Egyptian Go-Go Dancers"
I ran a discussion section for a university Art History class. Here's some of the answers I received on weekly quizzes.
Some were responses to fill-in-the blank questions. For others, I had showed a slide of something we'd discussed and asked, "What is it?" and "Why is it important?"
The Etruscan practice of ascertaining the will of the gods by examining the liver of slaughtered animals was...
weird2 points
Q: The act of raising a person to the status of a god or goddess after death is...
raising the roof1 point
Slide identification, Egyptian tomb painting
Egyptian go-go dancers. Shows that the Egytians had other things to do other than just mummifying.0 points
Slide identification, stone pillar engraved with the Law Code of Hammurabi
phallus of Herodotus0 points
Slide identification, Scroll of Hunefer, a lovely illustrated Egyptian book
Scroll of Humphreys. It is made of dried squash and painted on. It features a kingdom being judged to enter the Afterlife.0 points
Slide identification, Farnese Bull
Man petting a horse and stepping on people0 points
Slide identification, photo of Stonehenge
The importance of Stonehege [sic] is in that it demonstrate post and lentil construction.0 points
More Student Bloopers From My Files
The Ancient World Redefined
Safety Pin?!
Livia [wife of Emperor Augustus]:
Livia was a flowery meadow or garden that was widely admired. Found just outside of Mt. Vesuvius, it was destroyed by the eruption.0 points
Capitoline Hill [actually, in Rome]:
It was the site of the Parthenon as well as the Temple of Persepolis [Which are in Greece and iran!]0 points
Alexander the Great:
defeated Julius Caesar and took reign. Conquered Italy and expanded his empire. [Huzzah for alternate realities.]0 points
Spolia [Latin term for booty, loot, stolen art treasures]:
When your Greek food is spoiled0 points
Geats [actually the people of Beowulf]:
safety pins ["safety pin" was a wrong answer all year long, because I had demonstrated a real Roman bronze fibula and explained it was like a safety pin]0 points
Chatal Huyuk [ancient Mesopotamian town]:
This primitive nation of harbingers of grain and domesticated animals was occupied from 8000-15000 BC. However, strangely enough, it would appear that this civilization might have been was founded by females.0 points
Hatshepsut:
Queen Hatshepsut was a steeping stone to the allowance of women in minor political affairs.0 points
Mastaba [a free-standing Egyptian tomb]:
An area in a temple where people were gravely remembered0 points
"Life Reeked With Joy": Where It All Began
AKA "The World According to Student Bloopers"
“Louis XIV became King of the Sun. He gave people food and artillery. If he didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to row for the rest of their lives. Vauban was the royal minister of flirtation. In Russia the 17th century was known as the time of the bounding of the serfs. Russian nobles wore clothes only to humour Peter the Great. Peter filled his government with accidental people and built a new capital near the European boarder. Orthodox priests became government antennae."
This essay, assembled by Anders Henriksson, has undergone several revisions. Here's the old 1980s version of "Life Reeked With Joy" on Jeff Weintraub's blog.
The best-selling book Anguished English has a revised version, The World According to Student Bloopers. It's funnier, but it's missing portions of the original essay.
Amazon Spotlight: Anguished English
Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language
Amazon Price: $7.50 (as of 12/05/2009)
Student bloopers, unintentionally funny newspaper headlines, the gaffes of prominent politicians, mistranslated foreign signs -- it's all here. This book was so popular that it's spawned several sequels. Go to Amazon page and browse below for the rest. They make great gifts for anyone working in education or the humanities.
Yet More Student Bloopers
Wonders of the Ancient World
That's gotta hurt...
Modern-day discus throwers cringe their teeth and flex their muscles as hard as they can in mid-throw.1 point
Acropolis = for live people, not dead people!
The Parthenon is a freestanding temple on the Necropolis.0 points
Plop, plop, fizz fizz
Done in the Doric style, the structure is viewed as light and airy, almost bubbly.0 points
Parcheesi? Scrabble? Poker?
There were elaborate friezes such as Athena's birth from Zeus' leg [head, leg, same difference] and Athena and Poseidon playing games.0 points
That would be "dome" for students who didn't doze off in class...
The Pantheon is a dorm-like building.0 points
You can say that again...
Kouroi were created to portray young men and women about the age of puberty to show people in the moment in time at which the mortals were at the same perfection of the gods. Us mortals quickly lose this state of perfection.0 points
Let's do the timewarp again...
The Discobolus was made by Myron, in 450 bc, and it was a roman copy of the original.0 points
Musta been taking a midterm...
He holds a long spear in his hand, symbolizing that he may be a worrier.0 points
The Platonic Ideal of a Student Paper
I shoulda xeroxed and framed this one
“He appears rather uncaring, almost ruthless. Showing him slightly taller and larger than his wife creates this effect. She is also depicted holding his arm. This infers that Nebbettawy is subservient to her busband and is socially ranked well below him. [ADD SOME BULL ****]"
**** The original word was not bleeped, which is the only reason I did not copy and hang this on the door to my office.
From My Student Bloopers: Ancient Art Essays
Each semester we'd take the students to a local museum and have them write an essay describing one object (Egyptian gallery one quarter, Renaissance painting the next).
[Weight Watchers wasn't invented yet...]
The Egyptians were a large and expansive society.0 points
[The ancient equivalent of Bill Gates]
Imhotep was a small skinny well-known architect.0 points
[At least he's not resting his foundations on bayonets]
There are orifices in the stool on which Imhotep is seated.0 points
[Evidence the pyramids were built by aliens]
The artist show signs of a lack of reproduction thogh. We can distinguish this by finding people with two right hands or heads where they don't belong.0 points
[Not so tight, woman!]
This statue shows Myercinus [actual name: Mykerinus] standing tall and proud like any pharaoh, and right by his side, holding him by the stomach is his queen.0 points
[In this student's defense, I suspect ESL]
Baset, with eyes point directly upon a basket full of her offspring, is the antithesis of what motherhood is about. she also seems to be showing emotion of happiness as through a small crack which I take as a smile.0 points
[More ESL, I think. At least, I hope so.]
He was born in the 1472ad, and lived to an age of forty-five, then desisted in 1517ad... The Virgin Marry, the child Crist, and a saint are the three figures of which focus in the painting... each layers become fainter as it get further in the never ending oblivion... Linear Perspective have the conposition fit into layers from wide to thine... The further it gets, the more it fads and smears to lose focus, thus creates depth as to the human eyes.0 points
[Ultra stylish and trendy]
From a viewer's point of view, Joseph holding a book in his right hand and St. Francis holding a crucifix are behind, right, and left side of the Virgin Mary. Their bodies are twisted and turned in a way to look ultra stylish and graceful.0 points
[Ow! Stupid bird!]
A dove flies towards Mary with rays of light that seem to be in the process of striking her on her dainty head.0 points
Amazon Spotlight: Eats, Shoots and Leaves
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
Amazon Price: $8.64 (as of 12/06/2009)
Who knew grammar nitpicking could be so very funny? This best-selling book will help you rescue errant punctuation, fix your own writing, and let you laugh a little at the oddities of English.
My Most Disconcerting Blooper
Sigmund Freud, is that you?
"The next is the Venus de Milo. Venus is already the sign of love and fantasy, but this bust shows the loss of her arms. Purposly the artist never provided her with arms, allowing her not to grasp onto love. Maybe, Eros was sleeping twice a week, who knows. But the symbolic jesture of an armless woman shows her loss of tender care, a gentle touch, and all that a woman is known for at that time in history."Note that I had shown the class a slide of the Venus di Milo's hands, found nearby, to point out that ancient statues are often damaged and missing extremities! Stranger still is this student's take on an Etruscan sarcophagus, whose lid depicted its owners, a dignified (and fully-clothed!) married couple, reclining at a banquet:
"Last but not least is the sarcophagus of Cepitus. Here, a couple are lying down on top of a tomb, ready to commit sin. This is what is to be buried with a king. Not something that would be in the best of taste, but this was his passion."
"King Cepitus" is an utter fabrication -- there's no such person, and we never discussed anything remotely like that in class. The student's last name, incidentally, meant "love". Was this student pulling my leg?
Etruscan couple, photo by ChristinaT @ Flickr, Creative Commons You May Also Be Amused by....
- Engrish.com
- Japan rocks. You can waste hours on this site laughing until you drool at some of the hilarious mistranslations and bizarre marketing copy that are almost but not quite English. Conversely, I'm sure my nice little ceramic teapot with Japanese characters on it probably says something like "grasshopper spit" or perhaps "cheap souvenir made for American tourists; do not use."
- Student Bloopers from around the World
- Another short collection of bloopers, as well as yet another version of "Life Reeked With Joy."
- Israeli Student Bloopers
- Yet another modest collection, this one with some amusing Hebrew - English mistranslations.
- Astronomy Students Say the Strangest Things
- The Universe according to students!
- Theology Student Bloopers
- The Platonic Ideal of a theology paper is found in this entertaining collection: "I think God's ways are mysterious, and the meaning is not going to jump out and bite us in the ass."
- Yet More Random Bloopers
- A completely random but amusing collection.
- German History Student Bloopers
- German history (in English) according to students.
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Want to leave some feedback? Have a few horror stories you want to share? Create your own lens about it and leave a link here (related to student bloopers and teaching humor, please), and I may lensroll it!
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- Kate-Phizackerley Kate-Phizackerley Nov 15, 2009 @ 8:12 pm
- I like the lens but I don't think the Hatchepsut comment was a blooper. Ater her reign women did have more political involvement, but it was minor. I think it was a failrly accurate response. I'm surprised it had droppe out of the tiers as a lens though
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Reply
- ThomasC ThomasC Nov 6, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
- I love this lens about Student Bloopers! You did a great job on it! 5*'s
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- divacratus divacratus Nov 6, 2009 @ 5:03 pm
- Hahaha! I guess teachers face the same around the globe regardless of what subject they're teaching. I corrected few Indian History papers years ago, and the answers the kids had written were totally hilarious. Brings a smile on anyone's face on a gloomy day!
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Reply
- Greekgeek Greekgeek Nov 5, 2009 @ 11:37 pm | in reply to Christene
- I wish I hadn't lost my bloopers file from the mythology class I taught. I vaguely remember Medea saving Jason from some gay (burning, kids! Not flaming!) bulls by feeding them "psychedelic grass", but that's the only one I can recall.
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Reply
- Christene Christene Nov 5, 2009 @ 10:55 pm
- LOL funny
...actually it probably looks like a lot of my old History of Architecture exams...ouch. :P
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by Greekgeek
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