It just got worser.

I'm in debit with him.

He gets all the mistakes wrong.

I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am. -Homer J. Simpson

A day without sunshine is like night.

Quick, what's the number for 911?!

I was at the checkout of a K Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 as my total. I gave her a fifty dollar bill.

She gave me back $46.64.

I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and then gave her the money back.

She became indignant and informed me that she was educated and knew what she was doing and gave me the money back again! I gave her the money back again, and had her repeat the process!

I departed the store with the $46.64.

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I walked into a Mickey D's with a "Buy One - Get One Free" coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little sign that said "Buy One - Get One Free."

"They are already buy one - get one free ..." she said, "... so I guess they're both free."

She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one Of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"

Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.

I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a Seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went To the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.

She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a Trained professional and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, has your plane arrive

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

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Everything is the same - only different.

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There's no limit to what you can't do.

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If you were ½ as smart as you thought you were
you would be 2 times smarter then you really are.

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"I'm not going to argue, but I'm right!"

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"Suicide Hotline...please hold."

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I'm not stupid I'm just unsmart!!

Smoking kills, and if you are dead, you've lost a very important part of your life.

- Brooke Shields (in an anti-smoking campaign)

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We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

-Al Gore

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I love my job. I get to go to a lot of oversea places... like Canada.

-Britney Spears

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Dumb people are just blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are.

-Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants

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That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass and I'm just the one to do it.

-A congressional candidate in Texas

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Question to Contestant: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.

-Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

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Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst

Once, my teacher said "Raise your hand if you have allergies." and a few kids raised their hands. Then she said "Raise your hand if you know someone who has allergies".

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"English, Spanish, it's the same language."

-Said during a conversation with an English teacher