The first thing you will think is, 'why does this bloke think he is such an expert. How many women has he had anyway?'

None of your business ;) This about YOU, not me. But I wouldn't be sitting here typing about something I have no clue about.

I would not consider myself the best looking man in the world, but I am not the ugliest either. I am your usual average reasonable looking type, but I have never had difficulty finding girls that are attracted to me. Examining why this is, I have come to certain conclusions about the way I naturally do things and want to share those with those of you who may be doing all the wrong things.

I am not going to pretend that after reading this, you can go out and get any woman or man that you want, but, I do know that I can stop you doing those things that make the opposite sex run a mile!

Ok, here we go - You've all seen it. Those types in bars and clubs that have convinced themselves that they can 'pull' anybody in the place and only succeed in being regarded as an idiot by the person they are trying to impress.

Then you get the type who goes around looking at attractive people thinking 'he or she would never fancy me'.

Both of these are totally the wrong approach. Both types need to get back to the view 'he or she MIGHT fancy me if I do the right things'

Here are the biggest mistakes men make:

1. Use cheesy chatup lines - they only work on a girl that had already decided she fancied you from the way you look.

2. Dance in a girl's face (she is more likely to tell you where to go)

3. Walk up to her, look up and down her body and offer her a drink (yes, she might accept the drink, and the next drink and the one after that and then you go home alone with a considerably lighter wallet)

4. Talk loudly to your friends so she can hear, about how much money you have or what a great job. (she will see you as a big head or a liar)

5. Stand near to her staring all night, raising your eyebrows or winking when she looks at you. (this will just irritate her)

Let's face it, girls have an easier time of it. A girl wanting to go home with a man with invariably succeed if she makes it clear that what he wants is on offer (and we all know what many men are looking for on a night out!!)

But we are talking about meeting people who are potential relationship material, so forget one-night-stands.

So, the 5 biggest mistakes a girl makes:

1. Dresses in a way that suggests that she is looking for a one-night stand with the first man that comes along. Tarty rather than sexy. (She may succeed and that is fine if that is what she is looking for, but most girls aren't)

2. Talk loudly or behave like a 'ladette', making sexual comments for everybody to hear (most men looking for a meaningful relationship will be instantly put off)

3. Get drunk to the point where she can hardly stand (yes, you might pull a desperate advantage taking man and wake up next morning wondering what the hell you did last night)

4. Get your friend to tell some man that you fancy him (you've left school now!)

5. Approach a man and throw yourself at him leaning all over him and trying to drag him onto the dancefloor (this looks desperate)

So, if these things are what you DON'T do, what DO you do?

Firstly, you need to think ahead. However the person you are interested in is behaving tonight is an indication of future behaviour when he or she goes out without you.

What are you looking for? A one-night stand? Then you are reading the wrong stuff here. The chance of something more likely to lead to something meaningful? Keep reading.

So, what are men and women looking for when they want a more meaningful relationship?

Men:

1. A girl that they can be proud to be with, who conducts herself with dignity and who he can be proud to introduce to his friends and family

2. A girl that can hold an interesting, intelligent conversation.

3. A girl who dresses in a way that is attractive and sexy but not an advert to every other man that she might be available.

4. A girl that is secure and self-assured, who won't give him hell every time he happens to glance in the direction of another woman.

5. A girl that he can rely on if the relationship goes further. If he is going to see a future, he needs to see that she has the potential to be a good wife and possibly mother (that doesn't mean he is looking for a wife yet, but his mind is still processing all of that information from day one and he will refer back to it later)

Women:

1. A man who makes them laugh. NOT with long jokes but with quick wittedness that can be brought into a variation of conversations unexpectedly.

2. A man who is self-assured and confident. NOT that he can fight, that he has slept with loads of other women and all the other things that insecure men seem to mention.

3. A man who can be depended upon to be strong and supportive. Number 2 above is an indication that that is not the case.

4. A man who is interested in HER, not just himself. SHE will most likely be happy to hear that your team won, but to hear the details of the game will be most likely to bore her stupid.

5. A man who CARES about people and animals. A selfish man who enjoys the misery of others makes a bad husband and father and this will put many girls off very early on, even if they are not actively looking for marriage yet.

So, how do you get across in your flirting that you are worth a try?

The Approach:

Men:

1. Just get talking. Don't move in like a steam train with silly chatup lines. Smile, say 'hello' and show that you are interested in just talking for now.

2. Ask her about herself, don't talk about YOURSELF

3. DON'T stare over her shoulder at other girls, looking for your next option in case this one doesn't work out.

4. If she says she has a boyfriend, DON'T end the conversation as quickly as possibly and walk away. HE might be a jerk that she would happily dump if she found somebody better!! DON'T say 'If I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't let you out'. It is not impressive, it shows you as a control freak!

5. Talk about yourself when she asks about you. DON'T put down other men, that stinks of insecurity. If other men join the conversation, talk with them too. It will be important to her that you can freely mix with a variety of people. She might want you to meet with her family at some point!

6. Don't feel the need to boast about your income or the car you drive, the house you own etc. If this sort of thing does impress her, you will be talking to the wrong girl. You are selling YOU, not what you own!

7. Watch her body language. If she leans close to you and looks directly into your eyes, then it will be clear that she likes you. If she is distracted and looking around the room, you may well be wasting your time, in which case, you should politely make an excuse to end the conversation.

8. DON'T invade her body space. The chances are that she won't want to feel your breath on her face in the first few minutes.

9. Be natural! Just be yourself. It is YOURSELF you are selling to her. Any attempts to pretend to be somebody different will be too obvious.

10. Be witty, but don't go overboard. She will like it if you make her laugh, but she will not appreciate a man who doesn't seem to take ANYTHING seriously. You can get away with one or two jokes that she doesn't find funny, but not a conversation full of them.

And for Women:

1. It is very very difficult for a man to approach a girl with the risk of rejection. If you don't want to talk, be gentle about it. Smile and say something like 'I'm really sorry, but I need to talk to my friend about something right now'

2. If you DO approach a man, do it to start a conversation and no more at this stage. Say 'hello', smile and introduce yourself. Chat up lines from girls are even worse than those from men!

3. If you do like the man you are talking to, let him know subtly. Smile a lot, look interested and answer him with more than 'yes' and 'no' replies. Remember, he will be keen to avoid rejection and would probably rather walk away if he feels that you are not that interested.

4. Don't laugh uncontrollably at his wit. Most of his witty comments may be meant for a very short ha ha or even a groan from you.

5. If you find him attractive, then don't be too obvious. He will want to feel that he has impressed you with his charm. He cannot do that if you are all over him from the first seconds of the conversation and he may assume that you would have been like that whichever man you had met.

6. Tell him he's funny or that you like him if that is true. You will find he relaxes far more when he realises that he is on the right track.

7. DON'T go off to the toilets with your friends to tell them how fantastic he is. Chances are, he will see your long absence as disinterest and you will return to find him gone. If you do need to leave him for a few minutes, apologise and ask him if he will wait there for you.

8. If he buys you a drink, offer to buy him one back later. You don't want to look like you are just using him.

9. DON'T talk about shopping to him. He will not be interested in your new designer handbag.

10. Drink slowly. The last thing you want to do is ruin everything by vomiting down his best shirt. A little drink may make you confident, a lot of drink will put almost all men off you.

The MOST important thing for both men and women to remember is - Be Yourself! Acts are too easily seen through and make you look ridiculous if you are pretending to be somebody you are not.

Aim for a chat and no more! If you like each other then see where it goes. Even if it doesn't work out, you may make a friend and who knows where that might lead in the future.

Good Luck!!!

Go to www.thedatinglocation.com for more advice

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