SuccessMastery

The more important you make people feel in your presence, the more charming they will perceive you to be. Fortunately, we know how to make people feel wonderful about themselves. These key behaviors can be summarized in the five A's: Acceptance, Appreciation, Approval, Admiration, and Attention.

1. Acceptance. The greatest gift that you can give other people is the attitude of "unconditional positive regard." That is, you accept them in their entirety, without limitation. You never criticize or find a fault. You are totally accepting of everything about them, as if they were a miracle of nature. This is the starting point of being charming.

And how do you express complete acceptance? It is simple. You smile! When you smile with happiness at seeing people, their self-esteem jumps automatically. They feel happy about themselves. They feel important and valuable. And they like the person who is making them feel this way. They find you to be charming, even before you open your mouth.

2. Appreciation. Whenever you express appreciation to others for something they have done, small or large, their self-esteem increases. They feel more valuable and important. They feel more competent and capable. Their self-image improves and their self-respect soars.

And how do you trigger this wonderful feeling in others? It is simple. You say "thank you" on every occasion, for any large or small reason. You make a habit of thanking everyone in your world for everything they do. Thank your secretary for her work. Thank your spouse for his help. Thank your children for anything they do that you appreciate.

Here is a double payoff: Whenever you smile or say thank you to another person, not only does that person's self-esteem and feeling of importance jump, but so does yours. You actually like yourself more every time you do or say anything that causes other people to like themselves more.

And the more you like yourself, the more you will genuinely like and care about others. The more you like yourself, the less concerned you will be about whether you are making a good impression, and the more naturally charming you will become.

3. Approval. It is said that "babies cry for it, men die for it." Throughout life, all humans have a deep subconscious need for approval of their actions and accomplishments. No amount of approval ever satisfies for long. The need is ongoing, like the need for food or rest. People who continually seek opportunities to express approval are welcome wherever they go. F

Perhaps the best definition of approval is "praise." This subject is so important that we will come back to it later. Just remember, whenever you praise other people for something they have done, their self-esteem is elevated. They feel wonderful about themselves. And they find you to be more interesting, perceptive, highly likable, and extremely charming.

4. Admiration. As Abraham Lincoln said, "Everybody likes a compliment." When you give people a genuine, sincere compliment about a trait, possession, or accomplishment, they automatically feel better about themselves. They feel acknowledged and recognized. They feel valuable and important. They like themselves more, and they like you more.

Compliment a person on an article of clothing. Compliment someone on a trait, like punctuality or persistence. Compliment the person on having won an award or achieved a goal. Compliment for small things as well as large. Always be looking for something to compliment, and each time you find something, the other person will like you more and find you to be charming.

5. Attention. This is perhaps the most important quality of all, and will be the subject of several subsequent chapters. It is the most powerful behavior for building self-esteem and is the key to instant charm. When you pay close attention to other people, the more valuable and important they will feel they are, and the more they will like you.

These are the five most powerful self-esteem building tools ever discovered. As you master them through practice, you will become one of the most charming and influential people in your social and professional circle.

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More than 5,000 years ago, in the ancient mystery schools of Egypt, the mental and spiritual laws and principles of success were taught to students who dedicated their entire lives to learning in what was called the "Esoteric Arts."

One of these "secrets" was the Law of Attraction, which said that your mind is a magnet and that you invariably attract into your life people and circumstances in harmony with your dominant thoughts, especially your dominant thoughts emotionalized.

Today we say, "Like attracts like" and "Birds of a feather flock together." From ancient times, it was known that your mind sends out vibrations, like radio waves, that are picked up by the minds of other people who are tuned into the same rate of vibration.

The force that determines the sending power of your mental vibrations is the amount of emotion, positive or negative, that you put behind a thought. If there is something that you intensely desire, something that excites you and enthuses you, you will send out powerful, high-frequency vibrations that can travel large distances in split seconds and cause your phone to ring from someone you have not heard from for months or even years.

Because your mind is so powerful, especially when backed by emotionalized thoughts, you must handle it carefully, like a child handling a gun. The Law of Attraction is neutral. It works on both positive and negative thoughts. It brings into your life whatever you are thinking about on a regular basis with either fear or desire.

When the book, "The Secret" came out, along with the movie, I was happily surprised to see that the first half of the movie comes from my audio program and seminar, "The Psychology of Achievement" which was produced initially in 1981. We videotaped the live seminar which explains the Law of Attraction along with thirty-one other laws, plus how this law is applied in every area of life, and then distributed the video seminar world wide, including New Zealand, where the Author of The Secret comes from.

The weakness in The Secret is that it is "necessary but not sufficient." Of course, it is important that you think positive thoughts and that, by so doing, you will attract positive people and circumstances into your life. But it is not enough.

In response to The Secret, I decided to write a book which is called "Flight Plan -- The Real Secret of Success." In this book, I explain that life is very much like a long distance flight. When the plane takes off, it will be off course 99% of the time. But nonetheless, the plane will eventually arrive at its destination, even thought it was off course most of the time.

In my experience, the real secret of success consists of three major factors: First, you must be absolutely clear about your destination. By this I mean that must have clear, written, specific, measurable goals, committed to paper and organized into specific, step-by-step plans of action.

Before you can set your goals, you must know exactly who you are and what you want. You must do a thorough analysis of yourself, your life, your hopes, your dreams, your ambitions, and where you want to be sometime in the future. Then, you create a "Flight Plan" to get you from wherever you are today to wherever you want to be in the months and years ahead.

The second part of Flight Plan is that you must "take off!" You must have the courage to step out in faith with no guarantee of success. You must be prepared to launch in the face of your fears, doubts and natural reluctance to break out of your comfort zone. "To achieve something that you have never achieved before, you must be prepared to do something that you have never done before." (Les Brown).

Once you have launched toward your goal, like an airplane, you will meet with unexpected turbulence, headwinds, updrafts and downdrafts, lightning, storms and every sort of mechanical problem. You must be prepared to make continual "course corrections" as you move toward your goal.

Perhaps the most important quality for success is, and always has been, the quality of persistence. You must resolve in advance to persist in the face of any difficulty or problem that you experience. You must resolve in advance that you will never give up. You must resolve in advance that you will view every temporary setback or difficulty as merely a signal that you need to make a "course correction" as you move inevitably toward your goal.

This is a great time to be alive. The very best days of your life lie ahead of you. The highest income of your life is still to come. The greatest experiences of your life are still to be experienced.

There is very little that you can not accomplish if you will file your flight plan. Determine exactly what it is that you want to achieve, take off toward your goal with no guarantees of success, and then make continual course corrections until you finally succeed. If you resolve to do these things, nothing can stop you from creating an extraordinary life.

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