The Death of My Son....

My grief was like a dark and stormy night. It crashed and thundered and left me disoriented. The occasional bolt of lightening helped to light my way, but it took a long time for the storm to pass. When it did, I was a different person. I hope a better one.

In the night sky of the aftermath was a star. There were actually many, but she shone the brightest. It didn't matter how much I talked she always listened. Not only did she listen but she took action. We were passionate about making something good out of our tragedy.

My son had left behind three small girls ages three, seven, and eleven. It was difficult for us to know how to help them with their grief. Plus we had our own grief to deal with and nowhere to turn for help. We did not want nor did we need "professional" help. What we needed was a positive, uplifting approach from someone who's been there. Don't missunderstand. There are times when people need professional help. There is a difference between grieving and deep depression. And all thoughts of suicide require the care of a professional. But for us and millions like us, we needed a little hope and guidance by someone who's walked in our shoes.

In this confusion and darkness my north star grew brighter and brighter with her passion. She researched, dug deep and created a new path. She created Ryan's Heart , a non-profit organization for grieving families. She is my daughter. Kelly is my " North Star" and Ryan is my " Sun".

I end with what I began with. A promise. Sunsets are God's gift that tucks us in at night. It is a blanket of richly woven colors and covers us with love. It is my wish that Ryan's Heart becomes a beautiful woven blanket of people helping people.

Grief comes from loss. Grief comes from death. It may be your child, your spouse, or your friend. It can also be the loss of your job, the end of your marriage or the death of a beloved pet. Grief is pain. Grief is a journey... and no one can do it for you. Your journey will be totally different than mine.

We must make a conscious decision to get better. When we reach out to help another, our pain lessens. This is not about "getting over it". You never get over it. It's about "learning how to live with it". It's about finding joy and happiness again. It's about finding peace and knowing our loved ones are "safe".

This is not, however, about religion. We all have our own personal views on that. It is about finding hands-on, concrete ways to process our our grief and to help our children with theirs. It is about finding the deeper meaning to life and "believing" that we truely don't die. Believing that our spirit lives on in the hearts of our loved ones and they in ours. It is believing that our loved ones constantly surround us with love; and if we are open to recieving, then we will "see" the signs they send.

I leave you with this quote from Bob Olsen, founder of www.griefandbelief.com. "Spiritual insight about life after death will not eliminate your grief. It can however, change your grieving experience from one of hopelessness, distress, and fear to one of hope, comfort, and peace."

Did you notice the sailboat in the sunset? You are invited to set sail with us. I can't promise a smooth ride but I can promise that if we work together, heart to heart, we will weave a glorious blanket!

This is Katie. She has a way about her that makes us smile. Most of the time she is very content and happy. She can, as most animals do, find immense pleasure in the simplest of things. She enjoys her sunbeams, the buzzing of a fly and a good scratch behind the ears. We can learn from Katie.

So......

Just for today, make a conscious decision to help yourself. Somehow find ten minutes to do the following.

* Change the air you breath. Go outside or open a window. Do anything you can to change the air around you.

* Now, take at least three slow, deep breaths. When you exhale feel all the sadness, bitterness, and anxiety leave your body.

* In that moment, STOP your mind from thinking about anything and "listen".

* Really try hard to hear the breezes blowing, the birds singing or maybe just the silence....