Survivors of Domestic Violence

You probably think, like most people do, that people who "act violent" are out of control. People who see your spouse get angry will often comment that he gets out of control.But in fact, people who abuse their partner are about WANTING TO CONTROL YOU. It's not a loss of control at all! In fact, he or she is in total control of himself/herself.

When a person sets out to control you, he might use lots of ways other than hitting. He might call you names. He might tell you that you're stupid, or dumb, or that you can't learn. He might make fun of what you do...what you say...what you wear. He might tell you that "nobody likes you."

He also may take away your money, or set things up so that you don't have access to any. He may take your debit or credit cards, or tell you there's no money in the bank when you can see that there is. If you earn money, he might try to make you lose your job--because if you don't have a job, he can control you even more!

If you're a religious person, he may make fun of your faith or throw it in your face when it's convenient. He might mock it, or he might forbid you to practice your beliefs. He may make the children participate in a religion that's different from yours.

All of these are kinds of abuse, and they're ways that an abusive person tries to control you. I've focused mostly on marriage today, but you can be abused whether you are married, living together, dating... or by any person in your life. Whenever there is a relationship between two human beings, there's a chance that somebody will try to exert control. This list is only the tip of the iceberg; I'll be adding to it very soon.

Here's a link I found that gives all sorts of domestic violence legal information for your state: http://www.womenslaw.org/

Did you know that men can be victims of comestic violence, too? The thing about male victims is they're embarrassed, so they are less likely to talk about it. They feel they should be "macho" enough to take it ---or to do something about it.

But remember, DV is about the other person trying to control you. It's not a reflection on YOU but on your partner; she's the one who ought to be embarrassed!

If you're a male victim of DV, please seek help through the hotline or your local domestic violence shelter.

One in four women will be abused in their lifetime. If you never have been--lucky you. If you're being abused now, it can be a nightmare. Trying to get out takes every ounce of strength you've got.

He says he's sorry. He says he'll never do it again. He didn't mean to hit you, or call you names, or break your leg. But you both know he isn't telling the truth. It will happen again.

Abuse is about:
Power and control. He takes the phone with him when he leaves, so you can't make a call. He takes your car, because he left his at his buddy's house. He controls the money and the checkbook. He may sabotage your work, so that you're either fired or you quit from embarrassment.

Intimidation. He rules you, and your children, with fear tactics.

Isolation. He's destroyed your friendships and your relationship with your family.

Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, you're a victim of abuse. But the reason I called this site "Survivors" is because that's what you're going to be. You'll survive, victoriously.

A friend of mine wrote a wonderful book, which is now available online as well as with an ebook, a workbook, etc. It's called "How to Spot a Dangerous Man." You can find it at

www.howtospotadangerousman.com

The thing is (and you know this, if you'll admit it to yourself) we tend to pick the same sort of man over and over. The book tells you all about that man... how does he get around to all of us, anyway??? :)

I recently told a man that HE needs to read it, and maybe just change the word "man" to "woman." This can happen to men, too you know. Anyway, I've read it once, and I intend to read it again. You really should check it out.