Sympathy Card Etiquette
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Sincere Condolences
When a loved one passes away, it's a very hard time for everyone who knew them. It's hard to know just how to act and what to say when you are trying to offer your condolences. You may be wondering if there are any rules about sending out a sympathy card.
Image courtesy of Tom Hilton on Creative Commons.
Image courtesy of Tom Hilton on Creative Commons.
Time is of the Essence
The Sooner the Better
First, you should get your card in the mail as soon as you hear the news that someone has passed. If you are away or unable to send a card quickly, it's ok to send it up to two weeks later. Many people stop there, thinking that if they missed the optimal time to send a sympathy card that they should just forget the whole thing. Not so. It's better to send a sympathy card at any time than not to send one at all.If you find a month, two months or even a few months have gone by and you still have not sent your card or sympathy gift basket because you could not find the words, go ahead and send one now. A friend or loved one will still need comforting even a year after a death, so your card will be welcomed.
Sending Money
Is it a Go or No?
Should you send money in a sympathy card? Many people want to help offset the cost of the funeral or burial expenses or simply offer a little help to the bereaved, but this is not the time to send money. It could be considered disrespectful, as if you are saying the recipient doesn't have enough money. You may have meant it in the kindest way, but it could be taken as an offense. So, to be safe, save your cash and instead bring over food. That's always appropriate.Bring something that can go in the freezer as the bereaved may not have any appetite and all the food he receives will spoil. Or, you could send flowers. A classic sympathy bouquet arrangement can be made at any florist and sent over to the funeral home. Never bring flowers with you to a funeral or wake. Have them delivered by a professional florist shop.
Addressing the Griever
Sending Your Love
Sympathy Cards
Helpful Links
- Sympathy Note and Condolence Letter Etiquette
- You can either use a note card or a blank piece of paper for your condolences, remember it is the thought that you put into your words that really counts. Always put a lot of thought into what you write in a sympathy note. It doesn't have to be long (no more than a page), and the words can be simple
- Uncomfortable Acknowledging of Death
- One Saturday when I was working at my funeral home, an old lady called me up and...
- Sympathy Gifts and Gift Baskets
- Comfort Your Loved Ones with a Sympathy Gift Basket When something bad suddenly happens and we are far from the people we want to comfort, a good way to show our concern is by offering a sympathy gift ...
- What to Write in a Sympathy Card Message
- When you know someone who has recently lost a loved one, you want to send a sympathy gift or card. But often, the task becomes monumental because you don't know what to write or how to approach the subject.
Recipient Etiquette
What's Expected?
How about if you're the recipient of sympathy cards or a sympathy cookie bouquet? What's the etiquette you should follow? Even though you are in a bereaved state, you should acknowledge any personal notes that you received. If someone took the time to write a letter, it's proper to acknowledge it. That being said, you may not feel up to writing thank you notes. It's ok to designate someone else who is close to you to write out thank you notes. You should also be sure that everyone who sent flowers receives a written thank you. It is not necessary to write a thank you for a sympathy card. You're Grieving
People don't expect you to be bubbly, overly talkative or happy. Don't stress yourself over sending out Thank You's or any other things you might feel obligated to do. Take your time and when the time is right, you'll know.
Your Loss is Your Time
Don't Make it Harder
If you are on the receiving end of sympathy, remember that people want to comfort you and that they do not expect anything back from you. It may help you work through the grieving process to write a short note to everyone who was especially kind to you during your hard time.If it has the opposite effect and just wears you out, save the task for a time in the future when you feel more up to it.
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Comments
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orangerubberduckyes
May 9, 2012 @ 11:19 pm | delete
- I wish more people read this when I was going through a miscarriage....
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DessertLover
Apr 16, 2012 @ 11:42 am | delete
- It's a tough thing, to write a sympathy card. But these tips are definitely helpful and will come in handy. Thank you!
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CruiseReady Mar 4, 2012 @ 2:49 pm | delete
- Sometimes it's difficult to know what to do at a difficult time. Thanks for setting it down in writing
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Sylvestermouse
May 27, 2011 @ 2:13 pm | delete
- Sympathy cards are hard for me whether I am the sender or the receiver. I do think it is important to let people know you are thinking of them in a difficult time. I couldn't tell you now though who sent me cards when my brother died. It was all just too difficult to handle. However, I do know most people remember and appreciate any act of kindness.
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janices7 Feb 13, 2011 @ 4:15 pm | delete
- Very useful information .... knowing what to say/write is always difficult when loss is involved.
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