Labor

1. If your water breaks first, labor MAY come on strong and fast. Now, I know everyone experiences labor differently, but I thought I had a buffer zone of time between my water breaking, and being incapacitated by the contractions. Wrong! Don't expect the worst; just be prepared for it.

2. The epidural is not a sure thing. I know someone who counted on having it, but whose labor progressed too fast. And during my second labor, it was only the fourth epidural attempt which was successful. Hitting the nerve while trying to thread this tube into my spine felt like an electric shock (twice). And you will be sweetly asked to curl into a ball and remain perfectly still throughout the process. All while feeling like your precious little angel is in a mosh pit of contractions. Not pretty. Keep it in mind.

Delivery

3. This is not a solo effort. And nothings brings that home more than looking up to realize there are about a dozen complete strangers staring at you from what must be your most unflattering angle. But this is perfectly normal. Having been hooked to many monitors throughout my first delivery, and then viewing the flurry of activity sparked by an umbilical cord issue during my second, I was ultimately grateful that there were enough people there to attend to both of us after the cord is cut. After the first few hours of labor, you barely notice all the attention anyway.

4. Your baby will look very much like an alien. Coated in vernix, lanugo, and all manner of unmentionable messiness, your precious little pumpkin will look nothing like a beautiful Gerber baby moments after delivery. In fact, after a vaginal delivery, you also might be surprised by just how much of a cone head he has, or how many alarming blotches she sports. Don't worry - they clean up well.

Post-delivery

5. It is normal for the nurses to press forcefully on your abdomen after a vaginal delivery. Actually, this is one of the few things someone told me before I had my first baby, and I was SO glad to have been warned. The purpose of this extremely uncomfortable exercise is to encourage your uterus to expel all those fluids (very messy), and to begin contracting. This was far less necessary the second time around, probably because the uterus was already contracting vigorously (See #6)

6. Initial cramping while breastfeeding can be almost as bad as labor ... and far worse for subsequent pregnancies. I know, the thought of cramps that actually take your breath away may sound pleasant after essentially leasing out the space meant for your internal organs, but these can be pretty intense. But, on the upside, this can mean less need for hands-on medical intervention. (See #5)

Breastfeeding

7. People will take an inordinate interest in your breastfeeding decisions, techniques and effectiveness - from the very start. Breastfeeding is a wonderful, natural, healthy choice for both you and your child. However, it's easier for some women - and some babies - than others. I was a bit taken aback when the lactation consultant arrived in my hospital room and announced that she was there to watch. Okaaaaay. But it was ultimately helpful, if only as confirmation that things were going well. No matter what your comfort level with all of this information and attention, make the most of this opportunity to get assistance from the experts at the hospital.

Postpartum

8. Your hair will fall out. Don't worry, it won't happen all at once, though it will seem that way. Somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks post partum, your hair will begin to fall out, and you'll see clumps on the pillow, in the drain, and seemingly everywhere else you look. Don't be alarmed; this is just the hair that should've been shed normally over the past nine months, but hung in there because of the pregnancy hormones. It will stop falling out eventually.

9. Your body will recover, eventually. Maybe even completely. But even if you lose all the weight, it will probably be distributed differently. You may never, ever, fit back into some of your pre-pregnancy clothes. Don't consider it a failure on your part. This is merely a fact of life. And unlike the "freshman fifteen" you have a very good reason for these changes, so embrace them. Go shopping.

10. Your memory never fully recovers. Maybe this is because you lack sleep. Maybe it's because your attention is always divided between yourself and that new little someone (or two or three, or...) Maybe your brain cells are actually sloughed off by pregnancy much like dead skin cells are shed by a vigorous loofah. Or maybe... wait, what was I saying?