The Best and Most Insulting of Insults

Lady Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I should flavour your coffee with poison.
Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

It's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between her ears instead of her legs. - Katherine Hepburn (about Sharon Stone)

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

My husband's mind is like a Welsh railway - one track and dirty - Anon

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women don't smoke after sex because one drag a night is enough. - Anon

His mother should have him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Women have many faults, men have only two: everything they say, and everything they do. - Anon

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Insults Graphics - Comments



Insults Graphics - Comments



Insults Graphics - Comments

A Conservative is a Liberal who has been mugged. - Anon

The only thing he ever took up at university was space. - Anon on Denis Healey

Attila the Hen. - Clement Freud on Margaret Thatcher.

All politics are based on the indifference of the majority. - James Reston

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance?

You remind me of a toothache I once had.

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

So you've changed your mind. Does the new one work any better?

Nice outfit. Go stand on a street corner, you could make some money.

In India and Africa where people use their hands to eat, it is considered an insult to use your left hand as this is thought to be 'unclean' and used only for a related function which follows several hours later.

She loves nature, in spite of what it did to her.

I like you. You're such a screwup, you make me look successful.

With friends like you, who needs enemas?

Some day you'll find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

It's so sad, he spent all that time washing and combing his hair and then forgot to bring it with him.

If you blow your nose into a hankerchief in Japan you'll insult those around you because the Japanese word for snot literally means 'nose shit' and the idea of carrying this around all day is thought to be digusting.

Let's see, I've walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends...Nope, this list doesn't say that I'm required to talk to you.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

Hey, here's a hint. If I don't answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.

No, really, I'm glad you've found someone. After all, if someone wants to go out with you it shows anything is possible.

Ugly? She got done for indecent exposure and only her face was showing.

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

You're the kind of person who can say absolutely nothing - and mean it.

Are you trying to get fit or just having one?