The Joy of Not Being Married: The Essential Guide for Singles and Those Who Wish They Were

The World's Shortest True and Happy Story Relating to Marriage and Being Single 

Once upon a time a guy asked two different gals "Will you marry me?"

Both gals replied, 'NO!'

As a result, the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer, wine, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and traveled to places like Istanbul, London, and New York and lived in a house that he could truly call his own and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

There Is Nothing Unusual about Being Single 

Trust me, there is nothing unusual in being single. Today in the United States, 50.3 percent of homes are headed by singles:

In the same vein, 48 percent of Britain's population say that they are not currently in a relationship. The Office of National Statistics says that the number of Britons living alone has almost doubled in the last 30 years to 10 million. And, by 2010, the single population is expected to hit 16 million.

Figures published last week by the market researchers Mintel reveal that even people with children are less likely to be couples these days - single-parent groups represent a fifth of the country's families.

Marriage May Destroy Your Creativity and Your Career 

From The Globe and Mail - Social Studies - July 5, 2003

Infedelity Surrounding Money - Another Reason to Remain Single and Not Be Married 

"Sex may be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 'infidelity,' but there are other types of 'unfaithful or disloyal acts,' other ways spouses cheat on each other. A major one is money," Sharon Jayson writes in USA Today.

"Many couples commit monetary deceit in their marriages. Someone lies about finances or doesn't share the details. It can be innocuous, such as fudging on the cost of purchases or hiding a spending spree. ... What do experts advise couples to do to avoid financial infidelity? Former accountant Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist in Long Beach, Calif., and author of the new book Money, Sex and Kids, says dual-income couples and stay-at-home parents should have some discretionary money to feel 'a little autonomous.' How much should a person be able to spend without consulting his or her partner? Amounts vary with the couple's economic status, but Tessina says an average couple should discuss spending more than $200."

Your Singles Advantages 

After 13 years of marriage, British writers Margaret Drabble and her husband Michael Holroyd decided to live together in the same house.

Prior to taking the plunge, they lived in separate homes about 20 minutes away by car. Separate houses enabled them to leave their pages all over their respective places, work according to their own timetables, and avoid domestic disputes.

Clearly, Drabble and Holroyd were experiencing the advantages of the single life.

Here are some 10 Really Boring Things about Being Single

Some Great Singles Advantages:


• You can work at home according to your own timetable.
• You don't have to worry about the headaches that the opposite sex can create.
• You never have to have domestic disputes.
• You can leave papers all over the place.
• You don't have to worry about a spouse getting fat on you.
• No obnoxious in-laws to complicate your life.
• Positive people look at divorce as opening up fresh opportunities to enjoy life in new and exciting ways.
• Eighty-four percent of all brides want to lose weight before their wedding. Not getting married means you don't have to feel guilty about not losing weight.
• The average cost of a Canadian wedding is about $20,000. Just think what can do with half of this money. There is another aspect to this: "The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding."

"At every party there are two kinds of people- those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." - Ann Landers

More Singles' Advantages Featured in a Letter to Ann Landers 

More Singles Advantages from a Letter to Ann Landers:


• Nobody barges into the bathroom.
• You can watch your chick flicks without a man rolling his eyes.
• You can use the time you'd have spent picking up his socks to upgrade your skills.
• You can eat whatever you want. If you gain a few pounds, so what?
• You can spend your money on what you really like.
• You don't have to watch or pretend to enjoy football. Ever.

- From a letter to Ann Landers featured in The Journal on February 11, 2002.

A Letter about The Joy of Not Being Married 

----- Original Message -----
From: "Lynn Jordan" <lk.jordan@sympatico.ca>
To: vip-books ( at ) telus (dot dot) net;
Sent: Sunday, March 02, 2008 10:53 PM
Subject: thanks

Ernie:

I am reading your book The Joy of Not Being Married.

I love it.

Thanks for convincing me that I am normal.

Married twice. Divorced twice. I have put my life on hold, waiting for that perfect person to come along. I have finally realized my mistake. Now I have to make up for lost time.

A big thank you!!!

Lynn

Resources for People Not Married 

Friendship Poems for Singles

Chicken Soup for the Singles Soul: Whether you love being single or you long to find your life partner, you'll find wisdom, laughter and inspiration in Chicken Soup for the Single's Soul. Written by and about other singles who are divorced, widowed, or have been single all of their lives, these stories relate the unique challenges and joys of enjoying life as a single person. Includes celebrity stories byJoan Rivers, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Dave Barry, Cathy Lee Crosby, Mrs. Jack Benny.

Single and Loving It: How to Be Happy and Whole When There Is No Other Half

Best Friends for the Unmarried

101 Money and Financial Resources for Singles: Also free financial advice on many aspects of earning a living including putting money in its proper perspective. Includes webpages with these topics: How to save money, How to get out of debt, How to become financially independent, How to make money, How to stick to a budget, and How to How to invest money.

EscapeArtist.com: This website is for those fed up with North American life and want to restart their lives abroad. An offshore investment section provides resources for getting a 2nd passport, investing offshore and protecting your assets. The website has country profiles that assist you in moving to various countries. A large international real estate marketplace has real estate listings from around the world. There is also an overseas jobs section which provides current overseas jobs postings.

Fun Speech Topics for Singles Who Want to Make the Escape from Corporate Life

For Married People: How to Spot an Adulterer So That You Can Divorce and Be Single Again 

To the man-in-the-street, who, I'm sorry to say
Is a keen observer of life,
The world 'intellectual' suggests right away
A man who's untrue to his wife.
W. H. Auden, New Year Letter, 1941

According to David Buss, a sociologist at the University of Texas, there are certain traits that may indicate whether a person is cheating on his or her spouse. Personality traits are a much more accurate predictor of infidelity than social status or the nature of their sex lives.

Spouses likely to be unfaithful are likely to exhibit these traits:

• Spending a lot of time looking in the mirror
• Running up debts
• Forgetting to thank friends
• Walking out of a room without turning off the light
• Arriving late for dinner or meetings
• Finding practical jokes amusing
• Laughing at injured cats or dogs

The Best Thing Cheaters Ever Said

According to a website (http://www.chatcheaters.com/whatcheaterssay.html), "Cheaters come up with the wildest stories, especially if they get caught unexpectedly." The website asked people to post their cheating mates excuses: Here are some of the best:

• Do you believe me or your own eyes?
• You are trying to control me and it is not going to be that way.
• I don't know why I gave her my phone number.
• It's a fatal attraction.
• I have a present for you and if you don't go away I won't give it to you.
• If you were a better wife and a better lover, I would not have to turn to other married women.
• If you would join me in the swinger's lifestyle, it would not be considered cheating since you would be right there with me.
• I just wanted to have a friend of my own.
• I thought about you the whole time it was happening.
• I could never bring myself to cheat on you. That girl that called claiming we had sex was a basket case. Ask anyone.
• With every one of them, I fantasized it was you."
• She's a good friend of my mother.
• I missed you and she looked like you.
• Oh that number on my cellphone is just a side job.
• If I wanted to cheat, I wouldn't be cheating with a married women.
• I can't break up with her instead of you because you can handle it better.

Of course, if you aren't married, this is another singles advantage - you don't have to be worried about living with an adulterer.

Another Singles' Advantage - Army Retirees Warned to Watch Out for Their Wives 

Wives Can Make Your Retirement Miserable

Other Singles Resources by Ernie Zelinski 

For Singles and Those Who Wish They Were Not Married

Visit one of Ernie Zelinski's Blogs:

Retirement Planning Blog

Ernie Zelinski's Redroom Blog

Ernie Zelinski's Blog on Morgan James Publishing

The Real Success Resource Center Blog

For Retirement Poems

BEST RETIREMENT POEMS

Love Quotes - Love and Marriage 

Love Quotes Related to Marriage

Love Quotes - Love and Marriage

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
- Unknown wise person

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
- Helen Rowland

When the blind lead the blind, no wonder they both fall into - matrimony.
- George Farquhar

Love Quotes - Importance of Marriage

There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage.
- George Bernard Shaw

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
- Cyril Connolly

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.
- Gloria Swanson

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
- Mae West

There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them.
- C. S. Lewis

Women, deceived by men want to marry them; it is a kind of revenge as good as any other.
- Phillipee De Remi Beaunanoir (1246-1296)

It was so cold I almost got married.
- Shelly Winters

There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance,
as the thought of passing life with an amiable woman.
- Samuel Johnson

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
- Robert Orben

I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being requiredn by law to sleep with me every night.
- Carrie Snow

If you are living with a man, you don't have to worry about whether you should sleep with him after dinner.
- Stephanie Brush

For Retirement Quotes and Retirement Sayings

RETIREMENT QUOTES AND SAYINGS

More Resources by "The Joy of Not Being Married" Author Ernie Zelinski 

Singles Resources to Help You Remain Single

Topic Titles in 21st Century Edition of The Joy of Not Being Married 

Why Shirley MacLaine at 74 Loves Being Not Married 

From the Globe and Mail - Sept. 15, 2008

"Men always wanted to get married, in my experience. So I stayed married to Steve so that I wouldn't marry them. I didn't like the idea of marriage. I find it too compromising, too confining. My parents had a 55-year bad marriage. I never knew anyone in a happy marriage."
- Shirley MacLaine at 74

"I adore being alone," she says. "I cannot live without being alone for a lot of the time. ... I think a lot of people think they shouldn't be alone. They think they should be afraid. They think they are missing being the other half of something."
- Shirley MacLaine at 74

"I have that. I have a lot of friends who are around. I'm having a wonderful time in my life now with my platonic relationships with men and women, because when that sexual tension is off the requirement of the interplay, then you get to who the people really are, and to yourself."
- Shirley MacLaine at 74

Get Married and Live Happily Ever After - Yeah, Right! 

Marriage Quotes - Happiness and Marriage 

Quotes about Happiness and Marriage That May Make You More Happy That You Are Single

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
- Ambrose Bierce

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest-never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and
brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.
- Ann Landers

I think people really marry far too much; it is such a lottery after all, and for a poor woman a very doubtful happiness.
- Victoria (1819-1901), Queen of Great Britain and Ireland.

Marriage is one long conversation, chequered by disputes.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.
- Lord Byron

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
- Isadora Duncan

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.
- William Shakespeare

Deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the married estate. . . . Remember the nightingales which sing only some months in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatched their eggs, as if their mirth were turned into care for their young ones.
- Thomas Fuller

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- Max Kauffmann

The first part of our marriage was very happy But then, on the way back from the ceremony . . .
- Henny Youngman

If we did not look to marriage as the principal source of happiness, fewer marriages would end in tears.
- Anthony Storr

NOTE: For more quotes about happiness, see Happiness in Retirement Quotes

A Note to Single Marriage-Minded Men Looking to Get Married to the Perfect Single Woman 

Written by Someone Anonymous

To my favourite single male friends . . . especially for those marriage-minded men looking for the perfect mate to marry:

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend and get married. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend who I dated, but there was no passion.

So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated and then lived with a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. I had to break up with
her before I married her or go insane.

So I decided I needed a woman with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl and married her. It wasn't long before I realized how boring she was. In fact, she was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I divorced her.

So I decided I needed a woman with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, whom I married. I couldn't keep up with her, however. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. We got divorced after only 2 years.

So I decided to find a woman with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me after only one year and took everything I owned.

I am now 45 and single. I am looking for the youngest legal-age woman possible with really big breasts who has no interest in getting married.

Quotes about Being Single and Avoiding Marriage 

Seeing unhappiness in the marriage of friends, I was content to have chosen music and laughter as a substitute for a husband.
- Elsa Maxwell

I think; therefore I am single.
- Liz Winston

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or, you can get married and wish you were dead.
- Unknown Wise Person

If a woman hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she may be lucky.
- Deborah Kerr

He sleeps fastest who sleeps alone.
- richard Avedon

I'd like a clause in my marriage vows that allows me to be single one week a month.
- Unknown wise person

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

I would be married, but I'd have no wife.
I would be married to the single life.
- Richard Crashaw (Poet in 17th Century)

I used to be well read and in great physical shape before marriage. Now I am coping with a wife who says I don't spend enough time with her, three kids, working sixty hours a week, visiting friends, relatives and in-laws, and running errands all weekend. I don't have even a minute for myself for the things I really love to do.
- Unknown wise person

Books and marriage go ill together.
- Molière

I always know where the scissors are.
- Dan O'Brien (when asked what he likes most about being single)

My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence.
- Dame Edith Sitwell

I have no wish for a second husband. I had enough of the first. I have to have my own way - to lie down mistress, and get up master.
- Susanna Moodie

I don't think of myself as single. I'm romantically challenged.
- Stephanie H. Piro

Song Titles about Sex, Love, Divorce, Marriage, and Being Single 

• From the Gutter to You Ain't Up
• I Can't Give You Anything But Love and a Baby by Willie Tyler
• If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me by Jimmy Buffet.
• If I Had to Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You by Abe Burrows
• I Gave Her a Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
• I Can't Fall Asleep Since You Sat on My Pillow Last Night by David E. Ortman
• Hold On To Your Men Cause She's Single Again
• She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
• You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
• You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
• I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over
  You
• Every Time You Go Outside I Hope It Rains (1988) by Burch Sisters
• What's Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me (1966) by Jerry Lee Lewis
• One Day When You Swing That Skillet, My Face Ain't Gonna Be There (1988) by John Pate
• You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly (1978) by Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn
• The Bird Nest Out My Window Is the Wig You Used to Wear (1990) by Charles Zuppards
• All of My Ex's Live in Texas (1987) by George Strait
• If I Had Knowed You Had Wanted to Went with Me, I Woulda Seen You Had Got to Get to Go by "Fernwood 2-Night"
• I've Got Tears in My Ears from Lying on My Back in Bed While I Cry Over You by Homer & Jethro
• Mama Get Your Hammer (There's a Fly on Baby's Head) by the Bobby Peterson Quintet
• I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
• If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl
• She's Actin' Single I'm Drinkin' Doubles
• I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
• If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
• Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
• She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas
• If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
• Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
• They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
• If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It
• I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me
• At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
• Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye
• She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
• If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
• When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
• I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
• I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
• Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In
• How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
• My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
• I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
• If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
• Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You
• How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
• Let Me Sleep On Your Pool Table 'Cause There's Another Man In My Bed

Book to Help You Be Single 

Euphemisms for Marriage 

Important Things to Consider Before You Get Married: 

Estranged couple's home cut in half to Experience The Joy of Not Being Marrried 

A Cambodian couple who separated after 40 years of marriage may have taken things too literally when it came to splitting their assets:

A couple who separated after 40 years of marriage split their house in two - literally.

The husband cut the house in two.

"It is the strangest thing I've ever seen," said May Titthara, who wrote about the case for The Phnom Penh Post, an English-language newspaper in the Cambodian capital. "People there never saw this happen in a divorce. It is very interesting for them."

The husband and wife had been living together in the house in a village in the Prey Veng province of southern Cambodia, roughly 80 km from the capital.

The couple would not talk to the newspaper, but the village chief told May Titthara that the husband was angry because his wife wouldn't tend to him when he was ill.

Last week, the husband and his friends moved his belongings to one side of the house - and sawed and chiseled it off, said the reporter, who interviewed the village chief and neighbors.

The couple also divided their property into four sections: for themselves and their two children.

The man moved his part of the house to his parents' property, May Titthara said. He lives with his parents, while the wife continues to reside in her precariously perched, upright half.

A Great E-Mail about The Joy of Not Being Married 

I received this e-mail about the original edition of The Joy of Not Being Married.

Hello Ernie,

My name is Andrew, and I have become "not so recentlly" seperated from a 5 year relationship with my ex-fiance' as of the summer of '06. I have had many an obsatcle to overcome in this time, and it has been quite difficult for me to work through these challanges. Even with alot of support from family and friends, it has been a tough go. I recently aquired a book of yours, called " The Joy of Not Being Married" , (quite through chance), it was bought on my behalf, as a sort of "gag" to lift my spirits, on one of those "rough days". With not really much to lose, I began to read .........within the first couple of chapters, I was completely engulfed in this book!!!

I am very much of a "realist", and in today's world, it is quite often difficult, to find another realist opinion. I had spent alot of time trying to figure what had been flawed in my thinking patterns, as to where I had gone so wrong. After reading your book, (which I finished this afternoon) It has opened countless doors, and brought forth a myriad of possibilities for me to think about, the positives of being single, versus the prison, I had first envisioned it to be. I so enjoyed reading the book, I couldn't put it down for 2 weeks straight!!!! I really have aquired a new "zest for life"!! This book has now just become the #1 book in my limited library.

This book had really hit a spot with me, to find my inner strength and to find more of what individuality has to offer. I have always been a bit "different" as society would see it, and this book has given me the opportunity to shine through these difficult times, and show the world that I do have alot of positive attributes to contribute. It really literally has been a "turning point" in my life, and thanks to this book, I am really looking forward to making a fresh start!!!!

Also, I noticed that on your website, this book is NOT listed as one of your featured products. Having not read any of your other publications, I really feel this book has so much to offer to so many singles out there.............Geeze, EVERYBODY should read this!!!! So, I highly recommend adding this book to your repertoire of publications!! Anyways, in closing, "Thank You Again for an absloute" jewel of a book", I will be reviewing it, for many years to come. Oh and if ya get a chance, It would be great to correspond a bit, just to get to know the gentleman who has helped me so much, in this publication. You may reach me, by replying to this e-mail address.
All the best in your future endeavors,

Andrew

Another Singles Advantage - No Wife to Tie Me Down and Keep Me from Fleeing the Cold 

I am writing this bit in the winter while at the Bread Garden in Vancouver.

Because I am single and enjoy great freedom, I can hop on an airplane and flee the cold weather in my hometown anytime I want without having to explain this to a wife.

So, if one of the pretty Asian women hanging around here doesn't tempt me with her erotic pleasures, I hope to add more to the new edition of this book.

Still Another Singles Advantage - Being Able to Write Any Book I Want Including "Career Success Without a Real Job" 

CAREER SUCCESS WITHOUT A REAL JOB: THE CAREER BOOK FOR PEOPLE TOO SMART TO WORK IN CORPORATIONS

Career Success Without a Real Job provides guidance for all those "organizationally averse" single individuals who want to gain courage to escape the corporate world so that they don't have to spend the rest of their lives trapped working in a cubicle.

This revolutionary career book challenges and inspires people to create their own dream job or operate an unconventional business with which they can make a great living. Positive, lively, and captivating, this career guide is designed to help ambitious and creative people live an extraordinary lifestyle that is the envy of the corporate world!

Purchase Career Success Without a Real Job with this
direct link:

Career Success Without a Real Job at Amazon.com

.

Great Resources for Singles and the Divorced 

Promotional Giveaways by VIP BOOKS

Real Career Success Without a Real Job

The Joy of Being Retired







How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free Review on Quintessential Careers by
Nancy Miller

Ernie Zelinski's Amazon.com Blog

The Retirement Cafe

The Friendship Cafe for Singles

Funny Friendship Quotes

Money Cafe for Singles

Fun at Work for Singles

Graffiti for the Man's Soul

Graffiti for the Woman's Soul

17 Principles of Creativity and Innovation

Graffiti for the Creative Soul

Singles Quote