The Light Beyond: helping you cope with grief and bereavement

The Light Beyond is the bereavement site I have created to help people through grief and loss, one step at a time... At its heart is the bereavement forum, where you can share your sorrow with others, ask for advice on any aspect of death, dying and loss, and find plenty of virtual shoulders to cry on. It's completely free.

Another helpful section of the site is the grief library. This has a wide range of unique articles about life and loss, written for us by talented people who are sadly all too well acquainted with loss and who, like me, wanted to share their experiences to help others. The library, like the forum, is completely free to use.

You can also watch our inspirational movie, based on the famous funeral poem Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. We hope you like it, and if it even makes you feel a little better for the five minutes it takes to watch it, that's wonderful...

We have a regularly updated grief blog too, where you can interact with us by sharing your story with our readers (helping others to learn and grow from your experiences) and by commenting on the blog posts. I write about lots of useful resources, coping strategies, inspiration, books, stories and much more.

How can you cope with your grief?

The simple answer is that you can't do it alone. Nor should you try to. Now is the time to ask for help and recruit a community of friends and family to help ease the burden of the bereavement process. And we hope that you feel able to count on us, too. Let us console, inform, comfort and inspire you; let us listen to you and walk along the path of grief with you. We are here for you.

Our Bereavement For Beginners ebook is a practical, useful guide for the bereaved and those who care about them and wish to help them. It's free, and packed full of information, inspiration, poems and words of comfort.

"Bereavement For Beginners is the book you pray you will never need, and then are only too glad to discover is available when you need it. I wish this comforting resource had been around 16 years ago and two years ago in my own personal hours of need. The contents are useful and uplifting and ease the way to a therapeutic grief process. I look forward to being able to share it with others, and I feel better just knowing it's there." J.M.

What's in this book, then? Bereavement For Beginners includes:

• 25 poems, quotations and readings you can use at funerals, memorial services, in sympathy cards, letters of condolence or however you see fit
  
  
• our simple guide on to how to write and deliver a eulogy
  
  
• 20 pages of easily readable information on recovery, grief and grieving to help you through the difficult times ahead
  
  
• 12 creative, constructive ways to remember your loved one
  
  
• 10 practical ways to make your grief easier to cope with
  
  
• 40 pages long - easy to print out and read at leisure

Click here to download the free Bereavement For Beginners guide now!

Our sole aim with this project is to be helpful to others in their grief, and we offer a large number of free resources to help the bereaved. However, we do need The Light Beyond to support us as we support others!

For this reason, we have created our own products to sell, and we also recommend others. They are all chosen because we think they are good, genuinely useful products which are often needed by people during bereavement. By directing people towards good, reliable and trusted sources of necessary products, we also hope to reduce some of their stress during this difficult time.

A good way of supporting us is to tell other people about the site. It also helps if you buy one or more copies of Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep, our ebook of over 250 sympathy poems, quotations and readings for funerals, memorial services, eulogies and inner peace. You get a useful book and we receive some much-needed funds to help keep us going.

Grief is a personal experience, unique to each mourner and unique to each loss. Grief comes in waves, as times of peace and calm are suddenly shattered by overpowering emotion. The following strategies provide a few suggestions to help you ride out the waves as you cope with your grief.

1. Take time out. In many ways, the experience of grief is similar to recovery from a serious illness; some days will be darker, and some will be brighter. Recognize your limits, and separate the things that must be done from those that can wait. Don't worry about keeping up with your usual schedule. If you have to cancel or reschedule commitments, people will understand.

2. Avoid making major decisions. Grief can cloud your judgment and make it difficult to see beyond the pain you're feeling at the moment. Impulsive decisions - to move or change jobs, for example - can have far-reaching implications for which you may be unprepared. If you must make an important decision, discuss your options with someone you trust, such as a friend or financial advisor.

3. Talk. Painful feelings held inside are like an infection festering in a wound - they need to come out in order for you to heal. When friends ask how they can help, ask them to just be with you and listen. Tell them how important it is for you to be able to express what you're thinking and feeling. If you think you need more than the support of your friends, consider a professional counselor.

4. Express yourself creatively. Writing is another excellent way to express yourself. Try keeping a journal or writing letters, whether you send them or not. When words won't come, artistic outlets like painting or sculpting can help you to communicate what's in your heart and soul. Creative expression can bring clarity to the turmoil you feel and insight into feelings you weren't aware of.

5. Honor your loved one's memory. Preserve your memories in ways that are comforting and meaningful. Enlarge and frame a favorite photo of your loved one, or compile a scrapbook of letters and mementoes from the good times you shared. Make a quilt from his clothing, or plant a tree or a bed of his favorite flowers to create a lasting tribute. Contributing time or money to your loved one's favorite cause or charity is also a noble way to honor her memory.

Sorrow... turns out to be not a state but a process. It needs not a map but a history, and if I don't stop writing that history at some quite arbitrary point, there's no reason why I should never stop. There is something new to be chronicled every day. Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape. As I've already noted, not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago. That is when you wonder whether the valley isn't a circular trench. But it isn't. There are partial recurrences, but the sequence doesn't repeat.

C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)

1. Take care of your physical health. Grief takes a physical toll as well as an emotional toll. Rest, exercise, and proper nutrition are essential to healing. Counteract a poor appetite by eating small amounts of healthy foods rather than large meals. If you have difficulty sleeping, try taking brief naps or just putting your feet up and relaxing whenever you can. And while you may not be motivated to exercise, just taking a brief walk now and then can lift your spirits and help you to sleep at night.

2. Avoid using chemicals to numb your feelings. A glass of wine can be good for the soul and help to settle jangled nerves, but overdoing it can bring a host of new problems. Attempting to numb your feelings with alcohol, illicit drugs, or prescription medications will only prolong the pain. Eventually, one way or the other, you must come to terms with your grief.

3. Have fun. Grieving is difficult, but it doesn't mean you have to feel bad all the time; in fact, it's important to take a break from focusing on your grief. Have fun when you can, whether it's reading a good book, watching a movie, playing cards, or resuming other activities you enjoyed before your loss. Don't feel guilty about it.

4. Plan ahead for special occasions. Anniversaries and holidays can be stressful times when you've lost someone you love, and especially so in the first year or two. Talk with family members about your concerns; this may be a good time to introduce new traditions to mark special occasions.

5. Reach out. In the beginning, grief may be so intense that you just want to withdraw or isolate. Soon, though, you'll be ready to ease back into social contact. Make a date with an old friend, or invite a neighbor to lunch. Or try volunteering with your church or favorite charity - you'll make new social contacts while you help others, and you'll feel good about yourself.