The Meaning of Life and the Pursuit of Happiness

We'll being with the topic of friends and enemies. For some reason within Human culture, we have developed this idea that everyone in our lives will fall in to one of two groups - friends or enemies. Anyone who we can relate to, be it family or peers we label as friends. These people we receive more warmly, and extend them certain courtesies. Whereas the latter group, enemies, we give to people we don't know people we perceive as having ill intent towards us. To this group we are harsh, and sometimes without any justification.

Maybe it's a survival mechanism, but many of us are all to quick to give someone a label without any future consideration for that individual once the label has been applied. A friend can become an enemy, but it's rarer for an enemy to ever become a friend, if not impossible. By classifying people in this method, we tend to be more rigid to those we don't consider friends. Therein lies a lot of trouble.

One such thing we can do to better our lives is try to sympathize with those we just don't understand or relate to. Try and see the situation from their perspective before outright labelling them as an enemy. Once you assign a person that label as enemy, any criticism or remark towards becomes a hostile gesture and you are more likely to become defensive. Whereas the same criticism from someone we classify as a friend is more lightly received and in cases may even be considered a way to improve oneself.

Some people (a relative of mine comes to mind) seems to have a habit of creating enemies where there otherwise aren't any. These people tend to perceive a co-worker as an enemy, perhaps this is a way of sanctioning aggression towards someone they fear is competition. For it is far more acceptable to slight the work of an enemy, then it is to do to a friend.


By polarizing our social interactions with people into two spheres - the friend and the enemy, we create an atmosphere that is highly conducive to negative thinking, paranoia, and depression. Depression comes about mostly because we tend to be more competitive with our enemies, and in attempting to keep up or better them in terms of financial and social status.

Another recurring problem in our lives is the notion of marriage and ideals. Social norms (behaviours or customs that expected to carry out at some point your life) dictate that we all should ideally find a wife or husband, and those who do not marry in their lifetime are ostracised for not being able to find a spouse or match.

The problem is one of the biggest contributors to depression amongst Adults between the ages of 27 and above. What most will never realize is that works for one person will not necessarily work for another. While some can be happy with marriage, others will miss their freedom. Unfortunately this problem will prevail with us so long as societies continues to uphold this focus on marriage.

If you are amongst the many, and yes you're not alone, who are not thrilled about marriage in the any foreseeable future - you need to come to terms with what you want, and not what society expects. It's not the easiest thing to do, and many marry out of fear of this ostracise and stigma. Fewer still have the moral conviction to truly understand what they want, and what they are comfortable with as opposed to giving in to what parents, family, friends or society expect from them.

Another more important aspect is the idea of the Perfect Spouse. We live in a world that is far from perfect, we all have physical, psychological and emotional imperfections - no creature on this planet is without flaw. But somehow we are instilled from childhood to pride certain traits that we have been trained to think are markers of great beauty, symbols of perfection, traits to be praised and held in great esteem. Most of these refer to physical beauty, high cheekbones, pert breasts, six packs, toned abs, and so forth. Finding a spouse who embodies all these traits is next to impossible, if at all they exist.

In addition, the ideas of the soulmate have long been established as individuals who are so perfectly matched in beauty, personality and beliefs that they were inherently meant for each other - be it by an omnipotent force or just blind fate. The concept is not new, but is not exactly the most complimentary. Many often feel insecure in their current partner out of fear or curiosity that there may be another who is far similar to them. The idea that an individual exists who so perfectly embodies the very same qualities as you is impractical and foolish. As a popular saying from the 60s said, "Love the One your with". A partner or spouse you feel comfortable with should never be gambled in the hopes of finding something better. Of course there is the chance that you may actually find someone better suited for you, but the chances are stronger that what you look for may in fact not even exist.

Undeniably the strongest cause of depression amongst Adults is that of our own criticisms of opportunities we failed to grasp. Dwelling on the past, and reflecting on the decisions you've made can be a good thing in moderation. But more often then not, we find ourselves constantly digging up the past to re-remember the mistakes we've made in our lives. But there are some things to note about this that may help you in once and for all forgetting about and moving on.

The biggest mistakes and cringe-worthy embarrassing blunders experienced by you have long since been forgotten. We often have a tendency reflect on our most embarrassing mistakes and anguish in the humiliation of such moments. The reason for this turns out to be one of biological necessity, as opposed to sheer embarrassment or depression. When we make a crucial mistake, our brain files the moment in to our long term memory as a means of ensuring that we never repeat the mistake again. If you look at this, you can see that this is actually a mechanism to prevent us from repeating the same mistakes again to avoid problems, or simply put - to survive.

Unfortunately in modern times, we could often do without the memory of an embarrassing mishap or a failed conquest or pursuit. But a way to alleviate such depression over such memories is to realize that there isn't much you can do about the past - if the problem continues to plague you - write a list of things you can do to remedy the situation. Separate that list into things you can do now and things you can break up into parts and do over small increments of time. Once you've done that, take the list and put it under your pillow. The next day, read over the list - cross out anything that seems awkward. Whatever is left can be attempted if the memories continue to haunt you.

Another thing to note is that sometimes we fail to see the bigger picture, the trees from the forest. While you may be in remorse over a lost opportunity, you must realize that whatever you've achieved, regardless of how little, is a result of decisions you've made in your life. Whether you recently got a promotion, or now have grandchildren - you must realize that the happiness in you life has come as a result of certain choices you've made, and that all the successes in your life are a result of certain opportunities having been missed. That is to say that your greatest achievements were made possible by the sacrifice of certain opportunities over others. Where you are today, regardless of how you feel about it, is a result of your successes. No matter how depressed you feel, you must realize that your existence this very second is an affirmation of your ability to survive, your ability to push through turmoil and where you are in a few seconds from now will be dictated by how determined you are to keep pushing through.

You, yes you, come from a long line of survivors. In order for you to even exist, it required a long line of your ancestors to push through all sorts of problems to have the endurance and perseverance to play through the depression and turmoil they experienced.

The thing to try and realize is that whatever your greatest problem may be, at some point in history, at some point in both time and space - another individual has very likely faced what you have gone through. You are not alone!

So what is the meaning of life? If by now you haven't realized it, then I will hand down the most ancient of secrets, the most coveted piece of knowledge to the human existence - to which wars waged, civilizations crumbled, lives lost.

The meaning of life is... what you make of it. It may seem anti-climatical, but the meaning of life is what you choose to do with your life. If you enjoy skipping rocks on a pond, then by all means make time to do it. The people you surround yourself with, the hobbies you take interest in are all a part of who you are and no matter what anyone tells you (science, religion, friends, family, society), whatever you find interest and happiness in - is what you should dedicate your time to.

Ignore those that criticize your passions and decisions, they seek only to bring you down out of their own feelings of depression. Spend more time doing the things you enjoy, and less worrying about what others will think or judge of you. Your time is precious, spend it bettering yourself rather then wallowing in the past, or in criticism or in those that depress others to elevate themselves.

If all else fails, Live by my motto:
If you can't have complete happiness, then take happiness from the little things that bring you enjoyment.