The abusive person

Signs of Abuse For Men

Signs of Abuse For Women

People will notice the symptoms that are there! The generous nature turning selfish to the extreme! The growing attitude that they know what is best for everyone, and if you don't go along with the program its time for those frequency of put-downs and character assassinations to increase! The abusive person's issues are turned around on the partner, and even the smallest of grievances are turned around and promptly placed on the partner's plate!

The mood swings from one extreme to another are very confusing, because there is no pattern to them! At one moment they can harsh, intimidating, and the verbal vomit just comes rushing out! You hear people that wish to give advice that calming them down is a matter of getting control of yourself, and handling it in the correct form. You often hear people say that you need to find a way to leave, or ask them WHY they are acting like this because they are hurting you later! What they don't seem to understand is in most cases you leave, or find your exit and they will follow you! They won't let you leave without a HUGE battle if at all! When you try to speak no matter what approach you take it winds them up like a toy, and the anger they feel inside grows worse! They twist the statements around, and they pick the ones they know will get the person defensive. The other side of the argument is nothing in their eyes. They are seen as an attack. Staying silent and calm has its price as well. Its like they snap into another person, and any approach is faced with contempt!

They do have their moments of calm, and hungry for love and being needy. It appears to the partner that they are now open to place the guard down, and they are open to healing the open wounds of prior. At times they take on this childlike position, and make others feel they just need to be taken care of! The BEAST of before is now calm, approachable in some ways and even tender! They are so wounded and sorrowful, and the partner then wonders if the abusive characteristic within them will ever come back.

It may be days, weeks or even months before this cycle continues. The partner finds himself or herself under assault, and they twist and turn and try every approach they can get their hands on just to see if THIS time it will not get worse! In most cases they fail, and they begin to wonder if they are really doing something that BAD to make things escalate to this level once again.

Like most people partners will reach out to those other people in their lives. Everyone of course has different opinions about the nature of the relationship! This at times can confuse the person even more!

1. Love will heal your relationship! Take your burdens to the Lord, and have faith that things will change! Give your spouse your whole heart, and they will see the love within you - your clergy may say!
2. Maybe they are getting triggers from some awful place they were in childhood! It could have been the relationship with a parent. Watch what you say, because you may be unintentionally pushing their buttons! Don't even GO THERE!
3. All they want to do is hurt you! You need to get OUT before something worse happens!
4. I know they lose their temper on occasion but WHO doesn't! Sure they have a shorter fuse than most, but you need to take a good look at yourself! It's not like you have no character flaws!
5. Are you sure you are paying proper attention to them? Maybe they feel you are to distance from them, and that freaks them out!

All different, and all talking about the same person! There are no simple answers! "They get away with this because you LET THEM!" The partner knows that every time they placed that line in the sand, or that boundary down they respond by becoming even ANGRIER and NASTIER! They know if they stand up to them in any way, there is a going to be a huge price to pay later on! When the partner leaves the abusive partner will go to friends and family promising to change! Please get them to speak to me! Give me another chance! They will become severely depressed, and at times will threaten suicide! Depending on how RAGE FILLED they become the partner may actually be scared once they leave! They can become very dangerous when being left, and threats of taking the children away are very real!

Abusive people tend to wish to avoid having you 'zero in' if you will on their behavior itself. They fill the families heads with all kinds of excuses, twisting and turning of reality, and in turn place that extra weight of self doubt an blame upon them.

I have heard more than once that the bible is silent on domestic abuse, but characteristics of abusers are noted all over the bible!

Their hearts plot violence - Proverbs 24:2

In his arrogance, the wicked man hunts down the weak ....
He lies in wait near the villages;
From ambush he murders the innocent, watching in secret for his victims.
He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. His victims are crushed, they collapse; they fall under his strength. (Ps10:2, 8-10 NIV)

My companion laid hands on a friend and violated a covenant with me with speech smoother than butter, but with a heart set on war; with words that were softer than oil, but in fact were drawn swords. (Ps 55:20-21)

Healing of both parties, and showing them God's love would be much better than the denial society, and the church tend to use when it comes to this subject. My hope is to stop the excuses, and start the education so that the generations to come can live as God intended!