The Cake is a Lie

Ok, relax. First, go buy the video game Portal (or The Orange Box, which also contains Portal), play it, and win it.

In the game, a robot promises cake if you complete a series of mazes. You later begin to suspect that the computer isn't telling you everything. The graffiti in blood about the cake being a lie is a clue. :) Throughout later levels in the game you will repeatedly hear the Aperature Sciences robot refer to the delicious cake you will have if you only cooperate, and you will find more human-written statements that there is no cake. The Cake is a Lie!

This is one of those phrases from a video game that catches on and takes on meaning aside from the game. It basically refers to a fake reward that's promised in order to get someone to do something.

The Cake Is A Lie T-Shirt is available from JINX, along with a ton of other geeky gamer gear.

Check it out!

Here are the lyrics to the song played during the credits of Portal. It's sung in a cute, sing-songy computerized voice to a catchy little tune. It's sung by the computer that walked you through the game, promised you cake, and then tried to kill you while you dismantled it and incinerated the pieces. You can watch the video above to hear it.

This was a triumph!
I'm making a note here:
"HUGE SUCCESS!!"

It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction.

Aperture Science:
We do what we must
because we can.

For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done.
And you make a neat gun
for the people who are
still alive.

I'm not even angry...
I'm being so sincere right now-
Even though you broke my heart,
and killed me.

And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!

Now, these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time!
So I'm GLaD I got burned-
Think of all the things we learned-
for the people who are
still alive.

Go ahead and leave me...
I think I'd prefer to stay inside...
Maybe you'll find someone else
to help you?
Maybe Black Mesa?
That was a joke! *HAHA- Fat Chance!*

Anyway this cake is great!
It's so delicious and moist!

Look at me: still talking
when there's science to do!
When I look out there,
it makes me GLaD I'm not you.

I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.
And believe me I am
still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm
still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm
still alive.
While you're dying I'll be
still alive.
And when you're dead I will be
still alive.

Still alive.

Still alive.