The Forgotten 80's

Been here before? Welcome back there is new stuff! Check out another video, a trend that even the major search engines forgot, and some more totally 80s shopping. Keep checking back there is more to come!

Wet Banana
When I was a kid we didn't have a slip and slide we had its competitor Wet Banana. Wet Banana not only came with a bright yellow slide but also with a sprinkler that looked like a banana making it even more awesome. I am convinced that the only reason why slip and slide is more widely remembered is because of its commercial Jingle. Sliiiip, sliiip and slide! It must have been more catchy than the wet banana one. I think that one went wet banana wet banana and had a guy with a Jamaican accent, but I don't remember. Maybe I will check you tube and get beck to y'all.

The Jelly Bag
Everyone remembers jelly shoes, but what about the matching bag? Owning both the shoes and the bags gave you a higher rank in jelly-dom. Plus it was a convenient place to carry the shoes when the thousands of blisters became too much.

Jelly Bracelets
What use was having the jelly bag and shoes if you didn't have the bracelets? They came in all kinds of gummy colors and you had to wear at least 15 on each arm. You could also chain them up rubber band style and make a jelly necklace.

Plastic charm bracelets
Around the same time as jelly shoes were popular plastic charm bracelets became the rage. These were not real charm bracelets, but hot pink and plastic. The more charms you collected the cooler you were and the charms were completely random items like mailboxes and shopping carts. I remember I definitely had the shopping cart one.

Party Supply Stores
Maybe this is a regional phenomenon, but in the 80's party supply stores ruled. Unlike today where you go to buy some overpriced cups with footballs on them the Party stores of the 80's were ground zero for whoopee cushions in packs of 52, Kazoos, Koosh Balls, and of course cheap plastic charm bracelet charms. Ground zero for party supplies in my suburban homeland was a place called Boswells. Back in the day it was hidden in a dead end business park and you would think no one would ever find it but they did. It was the place your mom had to go for prizes for the school carnival booth she was volunteering at or if you were low on jelly bracelets and needed a pack of 150. Today Boswells is a small chain and it's in plenty of respectable shopping centers, but without 80s kids that place would not exist. It owes everything to us.

Wide bottom travel mugs
In 1987 all the yuppies needed a way to take there coffee into their BMW. So some genius invented this travel cup. It was supposed to be spill proof so the bottom was a wide cone shape and it had some grip stuff on the bottom. Of course the thing was way too wide to fit into a cupholder, and it had no lid, and it was porcelain. Is it any wonder this trend didn't last.

Bianca Mouth Spray
For a few months in 1988 everyone was obsessed with Bianca. The trend didn't last that long because your parents wouldn't buy it for you. "Why do you want that. It's for smokers, you better not ever smoke!"
I didn't smoke but it was super minty (altoids of its time) and more importantly used by the popular kids. I somehow got a hold of 1 can of it and tried to ride it out for the duration of the trend. Besides it's fun to spray and have nothing escape. Just a weak hiss sound.

Velcro strapped shoes
Remember how in kindergarten it took you forever to learn to tie your shoelaces, but you weren't too worried about it because clearly those twin Velcro straps were the wave of the future. Way off in the distant future next century your 32 year old self would surely still be rockin the Velcro Stride Rites.

Shoelaces with designs
When you did finally learn to tie those laces (This is the probably the reason why
You were not put into GATE even though you know you were actually waaay smarter than all those little brats), you had to have the cutest shoelaces possible. Rainbows and unicorns, and hearts or rainbow hearts, whatever.

Scholastic Book Fair
Do they still have these? No idea, all I know is I bought a ton of books every time it came around. I also bought a lot of random stuff from this thing to gave to my parents for mothers or fathers day. In fact I still have the giant eraser I got for my Dad that says for BIG Mistakes.

Weekly Reader
Do they still have weekly readers? I loved the weekly reader. Especially since it gave me something to read after I read the assignment 100 times faster than everyone else in the class. (Including all those smug not so gifted and talented GATE kids. I totally saw them moving their lips.)

Sweet Valley Twins
Sometimes you were not in the mood to read about the easily solved "problems" of the perfect sweet valley high girls. Instead you would pick a copy of the junior version the Sweet Valley Twins. They featured even lamer scenarios but were occasionally a quick and decent way to cleanse one's palate in between real books.

Porcupine pencil holder
Around 1985 these started popping up on childhood desks. They consisted of a plastic porcupine that came in different colors (mine was green). You put your pencils in between the spikes of the porcupine and the head might have been a pencil sharpener. (I don't remember.) These were some generic brand and the porcupine didn't have a name. I think some marketing potential was missed. Had they handled it better there could have been full blown porcupine mania sweeping across the world.

The Merlin
I completely forgot I had a merlin until I was surfing the web randomly one day and came across a picture of one. The Merlin was a handheld red phone looking toy that played electronic games like tic tac toe. It was sort of a Simon for cheapskate parents. Maybe it talked I don't remember, I do remember it making a sort of an electronic raspberry noise when you lost. I think I got frustrated with it and repressed the memory of owning it.

TI 89 4a
My parents didn't get us normal toys when we were kids. Instead of a normal Atari 2600 or even an Intellivision or a commodore 64 we got a Texas Instruments TI 89 4a, the redheaded stepchild of early 80s computers. Instead of normal games like Pac Man we had the rip off version called Munch Man. It also had a lot of other games with crazy names like Hunt the Wumpus and Parsec. The one thing it did have was the ability to save, provided you purchased an extra item. Which turned out to be your basic, run of the mill home tape recorder. (We didn't get the official TI one we bought a generic one but it worked ok) Both my neighbors and my grandpa also owned TI 89's so I guess my family was just in some strange cult.

PoGo Ball
I was shopping at some low rent store the other day (I think it was Grocery Outlet) and what did I see but a cheap knock off of the PoGo ball. They are trying to bring it back. (Though not too successfully, I mean Grocery Outlet? Come on!) PoGo ball was a ball that looked liked Saturn that you were supposed to hop on and make bounce like a pogo stick . This meant you bounced on it once fell over and swore you would never get on it again. Of course you always did get back on, your competitive spirit would compel you to try and make it to 2 bounces.
One of the most memorable things about the Pogo Ball was its commercial jingle. From time to time I still get it stuck in my head. Pogo ball is what they call it...arrrgh!

Roll neck sweaters
I can't think of anything interesting to say about these other than I had 2 and I looked awesome in them. Especially when I layered them with a turtle neck and at-shirt, and I giant hot pink sparkly belt, with my hi-tops with the 47 laces.

Go climb a rock!
Throughout the very early 80s this was the slogan for everywhere but especially State Parks. Regardless of whether or not it contained rocks you could get a shirt saying Go climb a Rock! Alcatraz, or Go Climb a Rock! Mt. Diablo State Park, or Go Climb a Rock Bodega Bay. It was always on a ringer-t or baseball jersey and often had an ironed on look.

Mormon Commercials
Ahhh after school the best time of the day. Why bother with soccer practice or violin lessons, when you can come home bust out the junk food and turn on the TV for some quality cartoon time. Sure the cartoons were usually too boy oriented like He Man, Thundercats, and Transformers, or way too sickly sweet like the ugh Care Bears, but you had to do something while you were putting off doing your homework. After school television usually meant you would be subjected to a mini life lesson courtesy of the Mormon Church. The most remembered one is of course the story about the boy who broke Mr. Robinson's window. It was a mini musical that turned out OK. Why? Because He told the truth, the truth, the truth, the truth, the truth, the truth, the truuuutttthhh!

The Hide out Hut
One year I got this thing called a hide out hut. It was basically a tent that attached to your bed. It was awesome because while attached you didn't have to make your bed, because there was a tent on it. It also taught me how to put together a tent. My family doesn't camp so I would never have been exposed to connecting sticks otherwise. It is worth saying that the Hide out Hut was also available for king size beds. (I could go on but this is a family lens.)

Medic Alert Bracelets
When I was a kid I was too healthy for this 80s bling. I was secretly jealous of those kids with their shiny exotic bracelets that said things like penicillin allergy or requires inhaler.

Go Bots
These were the lesser transformers. Same concept, weaker name. I am totally waiting for the Go Bots movie.

Moon Boots
The writers of Napolean Dynamite totally stole this look from those 3 glorious weeks in 1984. Remember them? It wasn't enough to have a ski jacket for those 3 weeks you had to wear your snow boots as well. Even though it was May in Northern California.

Rags to Riches
This was a short lived TV show about orphans who lived with a rich guy. It was some kind of mash up of Annie and Different Strokes with a little Webster thrown in for good measure, but about 8 or 10 white girls with perms and gigantic 80's bows and hot pink hoop earrings. It's actually amazing how little I remember this show considering the fact that I completely loved it and watched every episode. I must be having an early onset senior moment.

Forgotten Sodas

7up Gold
I was probably the only person on the face of the earth who secretly kind of liked 7up Gold. It was ginger ale-y kind of like Vernors.

Like Cola
A lot of people remember 7up gold but nobody remembers Like Cola. Probably because it lasted like a month. I don't know if I ever tried it I just remember there were commercials about a whole new cola called Like Cola. Perhaps it sits next to Crystal Pepsi and Virgin Cola in Moxie wing of the soda hall of fame.

New York Seltzers!
In 1987 and 1988 there was a serious seltzer-mania going on and New York was the Seltzer of choice. Everybody drank it during lunch and peeled off it's weird Styrofoam-y label. If you did it right you could get a long continuous label spiral. The object was to get it as long as possible.
New York Seltzers were edged out in the 90s by Clearly Canadian and then Frutopia and Snapple. Though a couple of months ago I totally spotted them at Big Lots. Score! This is why I shop the low rent stores. Unfortunately NY Seltzers have yet to reappear after that one random sighting.

Ugly Fruit
This was a wedge of congealed fruit glop made by the fruit roll ups people. I think one day a few rolls ups melted together at the factory.

Oreo Big Stuff
These were giant Oreos. The theme song was sung to Mr. Big Stuff, and I occasionally still get it stuck in my head. Oreo Big Stuff...

Chicken Littles
These were mini sandwiches KFC (What Mom calls the Colonel) sold back the day. They were totally addicting, It's 20 years later and I am still craving one.

Peaks shoes
These were popular in the early to mid 80's. Are they still around, are Peaks the footwear of choice for kids going to the Hannah Montana Concert? Probably not. I probably got mine from Kinney's. Whatever happened to Kinney's anyway?

Patterned Turtlenecks
This was the look for first grade. Turtlenecks with a pattern of rainbow hearts, or stars, or polka dots or whales. I know I had one with whales. It was awesome. They seriously need to make them in adult sizes. If these shirts matched your shoelaces even better.

Christmas specials from the 80s
(Cue the swirling special logo from CBS. You know the one)

Cabbage patch kids
I remember watching this one about an orphan girl with a leg brace trying to get adopted in time for Christmas. What bugged me throughout the whole special was they never said what the deal with her leg was. They were trying to be politically correct before it was a word, but I wanted to know. Was it a grisly car accident, birth defect, chainsaw mishap? Darn it, I still want to know.

The mouse one
Every year they would show a special about the night before Christmas poem and how it was a mouse who actually saved Christmas. During the climax scene he had to run up a big clock. This one was one of my favorites but they never show it anymore. Sure they will toss up any dreck made in 1962 for nostalgias sake but the apparently the 80's must remain forgotten. Bring back the mouse special!

Christmas with California Raisins.
Yet another classic that needs to be resurrected. I think it featured a sleigh that played the Low Rider. (Though it might have been the Raisins Easter special, I get the 2 confused) I think this was the first time I ever heard that song.

Garfield Christmas
Ahhh Garfield, exalted ruler of all things 1983. We bow down.

The Muppet Jugband Christmas special!
This was the first time I ever heard of a jugband. In fact pretty much all I know about jugbands comes from this special. Also it was one of the first kids specials I ever saw where the heroes did not come in first place. The jugband otters (or whatever they were, it was a long time ago)lost because some other band stole their song and played it first, and they didn't even sue or start a riot. I guess the 80s was just a more innocent time.

The Punky Brewster Christmas episode.
Not a special but a classic nonetheless.

Weird toys from the educational store
Brio Trains and The Digger!
Every once in awhile your parents took you to the more learning oriented yuppie toy store where the products were wood and European and their names all should have been fined for excessive use of the umlaut. My neighbors got their kids Brio trains before wooden trains got cool, and my parents got my brother this thing called the digger.

The digger was a thing you sat on and turned and dug. It was made to look like real construction equipment and was sort of a cross between a crane and a bulldozer. He was all excited and turned and dug a few times before he got bored with it. That thing just sat and sat in our backyard for an eternity. Sometimes 80's era parents just bought some really strange toys.

Bonus! One childhood thing that made into I love the 80s 3D that I don't remember at all.

Frosty Freezer? Mittens
I was watching a certain 80s nostalgia show on cable one day when they started talking about some mittens that changed color called like Frosty Freezers or something. Not only have I never owned a pair, but I had never heard of them before. Of course I never once wore a pair of mittens to school in my whole elementary school career so even if I had 10 frosty freezers nobody would have known. Hey I love the 80s people just so you know, not everyone grew up in the Arctic circle. Mmmmmkay?

I was watching Gossip Girl (by accident, that one time only that one time. Oh my god are there new episodes yet? I'll be right back gotta set my Tivo...) and for a split second I swear they were wearing these crazy transparent plastic visors from the 80s. On the top of the visor were some tacky Christmas lights that probably singed a lot of hair back in the day. Until that very moment I forgot that I used to have a blue one. (I probably bought it at Boswells along with more plastic charms like the slice of cheese, the stapler, and the ironing board.)

Anyway just to make sure I wasn't completely hallucinating I went to check info on Google. And I found nothing, seriously nothing. I typed 80s visor and there was some tumble weeds and a dead ebay link. The dead ebay link gave me hope so I typed in light up visor and I got a bunch of links for car visors and some sort of therapy visor that lights up, plays Enya and gives you a massage while you visit a virtual world inhabited by elves. All nice and good but not my visor.

Finally after some serious digging, ebay had a replica of the 80s visor. It did exist, I am not insane please check out my artists rendering of the visor.

...If you are in love with this rendering you are in luck. It's on a t-shirt! Please go back to our gift shop and check it on out. (scroll up to get to gift shop, or just exit directly out of Space mountain)

I'm just getting over some awful flu and the only things my throat can stand right now are from the freezer. So heres a quick tribute to some of the frozen stuff mom would have bought at the local Alpha Beta back in the day.

Pudding Pops-These are not really forgotten but they are gone, even after being resurrected. I would eat these because we always seemed to have them around but I was never a fiend like my brother. The frozen ice skin on them always kinda grossed me out.

Push up pops- Another one of my brothers faves (why was our fridge always stocked in his favor?), these were a little too yogurt tasting to me, but the push up interactivity was always cool.

Icee Juicees. These were the best. We didn't buy the home version that much we usually got them along with a po boy sandwich or a hot diggity dog with our lunch ticket at school. Hot diggity dog Friday with an icee juicee was the best day on the menu.

Icees. Not a home treat I usually indulged at the roller rink. Now everytime I attempt to skate I get a massive craving for either cherry or blue raspberry one.

Lady Lee marshmallow and chocolate ice cream. They resurrected Lucky so lets bring back Lady Lee already. Some other long discontinued brands I remember are Foremost and Craigmont. I also remember when generic stuff was truly generic. It would be a white can that said beer and nothing more.

Otter pops. Did you have to freeze these? I don't remember. I saw them the other day, I should totally go buy a box.

Treats from the ice cream man. I liked those huge red white and blue and rainbow pops. They are probably still produced. Americas need for sugar will never wane no matter how many chemical tasting fake alternatives they introduce. I think I need to go buy some stock in C and H now. C and H from Hawaii, you're the one...

Is your favorite band coming to town? So what if they are now playing Konacti Harbor (It's a Bay Area Rreference) or some winery instead of the Colesium. You know they still rock so buy some tickets now!
Buy & Sell Tickets Online

Download some movies or music right now
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create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Now there are more products and more styles to chose from like a t-shirt.




Save Ferrets
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Anotherfort


Or one of the 80's most popular modes of transport with a design exclusively for the ladies.




Girl Power Skateboard
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Anotherfort



Or blast to the past with a rockin' trucker hat that goes with Any destination.




Generic Tourist hat
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Anotherfort

Remember how your mom was too cheap to buy whatever shoes were trendy back in the day (Vans, Rebocks, K-swiss)and just bought you some keds in funky colors. Relieve those memories with these crazy blue spray painted style keds.




Spray Painted Keds
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Anotherfort

Or get hypnotized by these hypnotic blue and hot pink keds. You know you want them!




Totally Hypnotic Sneakers
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Anotherfort


Remember how big checked shoes were back in the day? These taxi style slip ons celebrate the joy of scooters.




Scooter Love Shoes
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Anotherfort


Did you love every Brit Pop, New Wave, modern rock, or punk band from across the pond? Then you need these slip ons now.




Punky British Love Shoe
by

Anotherfort

Well Kids, that's it for now. Thank you for visiting and remember this was all done in fun so don't chide me for making fun of Medic alert bracelets and religious commercials. Also I know I probably got the California Raisins special confused with some other kids special but what can I say. It was a long time ago, and I forgot the 80's!