The True Battle of the Sexes
The Battle Hymn of the Toilet
to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic," aka "Glory Glory Hallelujah"
Here's a little ditty that popped into my head after one particularly disastrous midnight trip to the bathroom. All my friends loved it - more than my husband seemed to, for some strange reason!Read (or sing, if you prefer) to the tune of "Glory Glory Hallelujah," more properly known as "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE TOILET
He leaves the seat and lid up
Caring not who might fall in
As his wife did once at midnight
And got stuck up to her chin,
Accidentally hit the flusher
And went for a little spin!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
If you don't the kids may soon drown!
When stuff falls in I have to fish 'round!
The lid goes up and down!
To close both toilet seat and lid:
A very worthy goal!
The toddler likes to flush things,
Dog and cat drink from the bowl,
And when you think about it
It's a most unsightly hole!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
Or you'll wear a porcelain crown -
Then I'd grin instead of just frown!
The lid goes up and down!
He says, "I have to put it up;
Why shouldn't you work too?"
I say, "Let's all close everything
And hide the wat'ry view!"
Same work for all, looks nicer,
And more sanitary, too!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
You'll become a man of great renown!
I'll wear perfume and a French maid gown,
If you'll just learn to put the lid down!
Hang the Battle Hymn in YOUR Toilet!
BATTLE HYMN OF THE TOILET
Battle Hymn Poster Print: $5.89
Like a poster -- only smaller! Our high quality one page prints are printed on glossy, 12 point paper and measure 11" x 17". Full bleed dynamic color.
Battle Hymn Framed Print: $41.59
Prints are perfect for the home or office. All prints are custom manufactured using archival inks and acid-free paper. Framed prints are matted and framed in a stylish black frame with plexiglass cover and complete backing. Frame size: 19" x 15".
Sound off! Up or Down? YOU Decide!
The battle of the sexes is here! Up or Down? Just the seat or the lid too? What is the rhyme and reason behind your bathroom behavior? Inquiring minds want to know! Keep it clean, please!
Up or Down? Seat only, or seat and lid?
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byGet it down to get'r done.
jgelien says:
At least the seat down for pity's sake. I had four brothers and more midnight baptisms than I care to remember. Luckily, my husband grew up with five sisters and was already trained properly when I acquired him.
Posted October 25, 2009
blue22d says:
It must go down. No matter how clean, no one wants to look at that "ugly" hole.
Posted June 15, 2009
seedplanter says:
Chef Keem is right. That's all I'm going to say about the matter. No, wait...there's more. I would like a photo of a man cleaning a toilet. That would do my heart good.
Down. The seat and lid should be down. Nothin' worse than forgetting to look and falling six feet to the cold porcelain.
Posted May 03, 2009
Lori_Lee-Ray says:
I trained my now ex-husband to put the lid down by reversing things on him. He left it up..I sat in. After the 3rd time of it, I paid him back. 2 am., the toilet, me, and a roll of saran wrap. At 6 am, he was the one all wet!
Posted May 01, 2009
elizabeth says:
down with all! Or heads will roll, bacteria could flow out and land on our toothbrushes:( thank you, myth busters episode http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/mythbusters/episode/00to49/episode_08.html
Posted April 01, 2009
Susan52 says:
I trained my boys to put that seat back down and close the lid! Am I a great mom, or what??
Posted November 10, 2008
It's all on the up and up!
Are You Flushing Germs into the Air?
If you flush with the lid open, chances are that many surfaces in your bathroom have been contaminated with the aerosolized spray of toilet water, according to this abstract from Pub Med.
Put the Seat Down T-shirts & Gear
Old Fashioned Female Women's Plus Size V-Neck T-Sh
"Old fashioned female. You will please open the door, pull out the chair, lower the toilet seat. Thank you."
Price: 30.99 
Leave the Seat Up T-shirts & Gear
Toilet Seat - 2.25" Button
"Why can't women learn to put the toilet seat back up?"
... Do the words "unsafe," "unsightly," and "unsanitary" mean anything to you?
Price: 5.23
WHAT PC? Sticker (Bumper)
"Why should we put down the toilet seat? Do you push the driver's seat back?"
... As a matter of fact, YES! Yes I do!
Price: 5.49
Seats Up Trucker Hat
"Seats Up! The new American men's movement."
... So what's new here?
Price: 13.99
Equality Long Sleeve T-Shirt
"I believe in equality. I lift the seat, you put it down."
... Yes, but if we forget, you don't fall in and crack your tailbone!
Price: 21.99
Explaining the Mystery of Men
The Committee: Man's Inner Voices and Who Left the Toilet Seat Up?
The key to understanding how men think and why their behavior is so bizarre in the eyes of the average woman. Author Bill Loucks educates while entertaining and may very well be asked to relinquish his "manhood" card because he reveals so many of the secrets his species holds dear.
Amazon Price: $14.95 (as of 11/16/2009)
How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt: The Perfect Husband Handbook Featuring Over 50 Foolproof Ways to Win, Woo & Wow Your Wife
LADIES: At long last, a practical guide to help your man become the perfect husband. How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt is your salvation, with simple, easy-for-a-guy-to-follow instructions on those little things you can never get him to do, such as: How to Put the Toilet Seat Down, How to Stop Snoring, How to Ask for Directions, Plus, more than 50 other essential topics (even How to Dance at a Wedding)
Amazon Price: $9.60 (as of 11/16/2009)
Know Your Pig - Playful Relationship Advice for Understanding Your Man (Pig)
An easily-read book which quickly demonstrates in a humorous way how to communicate and manage men based on tools and techniques that work for them. It also includes information on several approaches in communication from the male perspective and how to utilize the techniques and why these simple methods work so well for men. The book is brief, to the point with simple language, and best of all...it works and is fun.
Amazon Price: $10.75 (as of 11/16/2009)
The Husband Book Guy's Guide To Marriage
Married men weary of gaining insight on how to be a better husband through trial and error - or the well-intentioned advice of misguided friends - will welcome the wisdom, humor, and truisms delivered by long-time husband Harry Harrision in The Husband Book. The Husband Book helps married men demystify some of the most challenging events that married couples face, including adjusting to each other during the honeymoon days, managing money issues, and raising children together. The Husband Book provides a healthy mix of wisdom and wit to arm husbands with the insight needed to navigate their way through day-to-day challenges. It makes the perfect gift for Father's Day or for the newly married man.
Amazon Price: (as of 11/16/2009)
Other Toilet T-shirts & Gear
Other toilet-related but moderately tasteful humor.
How Women Get Away with ...
by comedy team Man Stroke Woman
Let It Rip! Feedback
Battle Hymn of the Toilet on Squidoo
Have you ever fallen in? Share your toilet-related woes with the world!
-
Reply
- jgelien jgelien Oct 25, 2009 @ 5:45 pm
- The Battle Hymn still has me giggling. Congratulations on a hilarious lens.
-
Reply
- JohnWulff JohnWulff Jun 17, 2009 @ 12:24 am
- Great lens. I loved the Battle Hymn!
-
Reply
- blue22d blue22d Jun 15, 2009 @ 1:43 am
- Cute lens and glad to see it. Five stars to ya. Do stop by and visit my lens californiaraisins. This lens could use a little love. Thanks.
-
Reply
- seedplanter seedplanter May 3, 2009 @ 12:34 pm
- What a fun lens! This topic has been a long time coming. Love it!
-
Reply
- Lori_Lee-Ray Lori_Lee-Ray May 1, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
- this was hilarious! brought back a funny time for me too!
-
Reply
- rms rms Apr 3, 2009 @ 8:44 pm
- Very cute lens topic! 5*
-
Reply
- JaguarJulie JaguarJulie Mar 22, 2009 @ 7:44 am
- You know you'll get a kick out of this -- at the office we have ONE loo/toilet! For the entire office staff -- 5 women and 6 men -- not to mention any visitors and guests! That scenario is enough to boggle the mind -- up/down, wet, no TP, TP over/under, etc. Funny lens.
-
Reply
- adez7 adez7 Feb 27, 2009 @ 11:05 am
- Blessed and stared :) Good job, mad me laugh!
- Load More
Find NEW Books at Closeout Prices!
Or swap your used books for new-to-you for *** FREE ***
Squid Angel Blessings!
Many thanks for
SquidAngel blessings from
Thanks to tagsforkids for his angelic SquidArt.
Squidoo logo is a trademark of Squidoo LLC. Graphics, Squidart and Squidoodles © 2008 by tagsforkids (Steve Thompson).
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 License.
Automatically Donate to Your Favorite Charity!
Join Squidoo, make money, and donate to your favorite charity ... all at once!
Part of the proceeds from this lens will
automatically go to make a donation to
Heifer International,
working to solve global poverty.
Doesn't that feel good?
Join Squidoo now
to start making donations to your favorite charity ... AND money for yourself!
by tandemonimom
Explore related pages
haiku poems examples- hello. :) thanks for dropping by this particular haiku poem squidoo lens. here,...
Wedding Poems and Wedding Poetry- A couple’s wedding day is one of the most important days of their lives. A...
The Best Haiku Ever- Haiku lets me stop, if only for a few moments during my day, and reminds me to b...
Jolly Christmas Eating Do's! - Save the sanctimonious resolutions for New Year's ... here are the real tips to...
Mother's Day Viral Video: Funniest Holiday Video Ever! - If you didn't sent your mother a link to this video last year, you're in luck! B...
Naughty Santa's Helpers Disable Traffic Cams: Best Christmas Gift Ever! - Twas the week before Christmas, when down in Arizon' A driver glanced out his wi...
