Up or Down? The Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
Ranked #3,809 in Entertainment, #41,999 overall
The True Battle of the Sexes Addressed in a Lighthearted Lyric Poem to Toilet Seat Etiquette
You know it's true ... the real battle of the sexes takes place in the loo. Up or down? Hit or miss? Over or under? Let your opinions rip here, and see which voice you want to sing in the Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat!
Under the Lid
Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
The Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic," aka "Glory Glory Hallelujah"
Here's a little ditty that popped into my head after one particularly disastrous midnight trip to the bathroom. All my friends loved it - more than my husband seemed to, for some strange reason!Sing (or read, if you prefer) to the tune of "Glory Glory Hallelujah," more properly known as "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE TOILET SEAT
He leaves the seat and lid up
Caring not who might fall in
As his wife did once at midnight
And got stuck up to her chin,
Accidentally hit the flusher
And went for a little spin!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
If you don't the kids may soon drown!
When stuff falls in I have to fish 'round!
The lid goes up and down!
To close both toilet seat and lid:
A very worthy goal!
The toddler likes to flush things,
Dog and cat drink from the bowl,
And when you think about it
It's a most unsightly hole!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
Or you'll wear a porcelain crown -
Then I'd grin instead of just frown!
The lid goes up and down!
He says, "I have to put it up;
Why shouldn't you work too?"
I say, "Let's all close everything
And hide the wat'ry view!"
Same work for all, looks nicer,
And more sanitary, too!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
You'll become a man of great renown!
I'll wear perfume and a French maid gown,
If you'll just learn to put the lid down!
Are You Flushing Germs into the Air?
If you flush with the lid open, chances are that surfaces in your bathroom may have been contaminated with the aerosolized spray of toilet water, according to this abstract from Pub Med.
Sound off! Up or Down? YOU Decide!
Close the seat and close the lid too! Same work for everyone!
The battle of the sexes is here! Up or Down? Just the seat or the lid too? What is the rhyme and reason behind your bathroom behavior? Inquiring minds want to know! Keep it clean, please!
Up or Down? Seat only, or seat and lid?
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byGet it down to get'r done.
wyrdness says:
forget the seat, shut the lid. I don't want bacterial mist all over my privi.
Posted November 16, 2011
tagsforkids says:
I'll say down...for both. Not that the beating i got from my wife years ago had anything to do with my decision! :)
Posted October 05, 2010
VickiSims says:
Down - seat AND lid - especially after finding a rat in the toilet!
Posted September 09, 2010
jgelien says:
At least the seat down for pity's sake. I had four brothers and more midnight baptisms than I care to remember. Luckily, my husband grew up with five sisters and was already trained properly when I acquired him.
Posted October 25, 2009
blue22d says:
It must go down. No matter how clean, no one wants to look at that "ugly" hole.
Posted June 15, 2009
seedplanter says:
Chef Keem is right. That's all I'm going to say about the matter. No, wait...there's more. I would like a photo of a man cleaning a toilet. That would do my heart good.
Down. The seat and lid should be down. Nothin' worse than forgetting to look and falling six feet to the cold porcelain.
Posted May 03, 2009
Lori_Lee-Ray says:
I trained my now ex-husband to put the lid down by reversing things on him. He left it up..I sat in. After the 3rd time of it, I paid him back. 2 am., the toilet, me, and a roll of saran wrap. At 6 am, he was the one all wet!
Posted May 01, 2009
elizabeth says:
down with all! Or heads will roll, bacteria could flow out and land on our toothbrushes:( thank you, myth busters episode http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/mythbusters/episode/00to49/episode_08.html
Posted April 01, 2009
It's all on the up and up!
COUNTRYLUTHIER says:
Poetry like your's I hope you agree it's true,
Kep your loo upbeat and anything but blue.
Geat lens which inspired me to loo verse too! Keep sharing
Posted January 20, 2012
KimGiancaterino says:
I'm okay with the lid up, but our cats like to play in the water. Much safer to keep the lid down.
Posted June 12, 2011
Draconius says:
up or down doesnt matter to me unless its for a number two instead of a pee
Posted September 16, 2010
callinsky says:
Teach 'em right from the get go, teach your boys to sit and go. Ta haaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! (O; Very funny! Great stuff.
Posted March 01, 2010
Joan Lowrance says:
Seats and lids up! Sorry women, it is still a man's world whether you want to acknowledge it or not. After all you were created out of man's rib to be a helper and an companion and not a mouth piece to make decisions in the household unless of course, you happen to be one of the 75% of our socity who's divorced and heading up your own household in which case we hope the divorce wasn't because the seat or lid was up or down.
Posted February 16, 2010
kephrira says:
I don't see why women always expect men to put the seat down for them - we don't ask you to put it up when you've finnished for our benefit do we?
Posted August 12, 2008
Jimmie says:
It's fine with me if the lid is up. Just keep the seat down, please.
Posted August 10, 2008
Own the Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat!
Toilet Seat Poem Poster for Your Bathroom!
Toilet Seat by This'n'That
Available on posters, postcards, tote bags, and more fun products!
Ladies! Have You Ever Fallen In?
Gents! Do You Leave the Seat Up?
Explaining the Mystery of Men
How Women Get Away with ...
by comedy team Man Stroke Woman
More Unmentionable Humor
Let It Rip! Feedback
Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat - A Toilet Seat Etiquette Poem
This module only appears with actual data when viewed on a live lens. The favorite and lensroll options will appear on a live lens if the viewer is a member of Squidoo and logged in.
-
Reply
-
toiletbowlb
Dec 7, 2011 @ 3:25 pm | delete
- I am totally agree with your oppinion about the toilet bowl. this lens is very encouraging to people who want to know toilet bowl.
-
-
Reply
-
KimGiancaterino Jun 12, 2011 @ 3:21 pm | delete
- I'm the only female in our household and have fallen into the toilet more than once during the middle of the night. Not fun! I enjoyed your lens very much.
-
-
Reply
-
Evelyn_Saenz
May 25, 2011 @ 6:50 pm | delete
- This is one of the funniest lenses I have ever read! With tears of laughter pouring down I am calling my sister to sing to her about her need to fear her toilet.
SquidAngel Blessed:)
-
-
Reply
-
Joan4
May 14, 2011 @ 3:52 pm | delete
- Oh I think your song is fabulous!!! You are so creative and this page is hilarious!
-
-
Reply
-
Susan52
May 14, 2011 @ 11:13 am | delete
- How fun to re-visit this page. Clever, clever poem!
-
-
Reply
-
Pukeko
May 6, 2011 @ 1:08 am | delete
- Love it. Thanks for the laugh. Blessed. Please add a link to which ever plexo you think best fits on my humor angel lens.
-
-
Reply
-
PaulOnBooks
Mar 14, 2011 @ 2:28 pm | delete
- My cats used to drink from the bowl, rather than from fresh water! Leave it up.
-
-
Reply
-
OneFootPutt
Feb 5, 2011 @ 11:49 pm | delete
- Toilet paper has to go over, otherwise it just spins forever
-
-
Reply
-
Monte
Dec 25, 2010 @ 10:53 pm | delete
- I think it takes a very considerate man to put a toilet seat up, He is not obligated to put it up in the first place. If you don't mind wiping urine from the seat, we will just leave it down all the time. I don't like having to touch the toilet seat with my bare hands to raise it for the ladies. After all i can do m,y business either way, Get off your high horse ladies !
-
-
Reply
-
Have Some Common Courtesy
Aug 29, 2011 @ 9:00 am | delete
- I think you are a very inconsiderate person. How would you like it if a female left blood on the toilet seat and you had to sit on it? What's the big deal of touching the toilet seat with your hands? You wash them when your are done anyway don't you? I don't think the ladies are on their high horse as you put it. Have you ever fallen into the toilet in the middle of the night half asleep? If you had, you would understand where we are coming from.
-
- Load More
Find NEW Books at Closeout Prices!
Or swap your used books for new-to-you for *** FREE ***
Squid Angel Blessings!
Thanks for blessing my funny poem dedicated to the battle of the sexes!
Many thanks for
SquidAngel blessings from
Thanks to tagsforkids for his angelic SquidArt.
Squidoo logo is a trademark of Squidoo LLC. Graphics, Squidart and Squidoodles © 2008 by tagsforkids (Steve Thompson).
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 License.
INDEX: Toilet Seat Poem
Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
- The Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
- Are You Flushing Germs into the Air?
- Sound off! Up or Down? YOU Decide!
- Own the Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat!
- Never Touch the Seat Again
- Ladies! Have You Ever Fallen In?
- Gents! Do You Leave the Seat Up?
- Explaining the Mystery of Men
- How Women Get Away with ...
- More Unmentionable Humor
- Let It Rip! Feedback
- Find NEW Books at Closeout Prices!
- Squid Angel Blessings!
by tandemonimom
Carma's two sons are less well-trained in toilet seat etiquette than they should be. more »
- 183 featured lenses
- Winner of 21 trophies!
- Top lens » ★ Homeschool Quotes ★
Explore related pages
- In Brief : Over-the-Top Funny Underwear Gifts! In Brief : Over-the-Top Funny Underwear Gifts!
- Going Commando! Have Your Unmentionables Gone AWOL, or Are They Firmly in Place? Going Commando! Have Your Unmentionables Gone AWOL, or Are They Firmly in Place?
- How Do You Tie Your Shoes? How Do You Tie Your Shoes?
- Classic Funny Poems for Kids Classic Funny Poems for Kids
- Urinating in Public is Not OK - Join the Debate Here Urinating in Public is Not OK - Join the Debate Here
- Funny Gag Gift Novelty Toys Online Funny Gag Gift Novelty Toys Online
Toilet Mug
You know someone who deserves this!
No Flush Toilet Mug
Amazon Price: $14.81 (as of 02/18/2012)
Why should dogs be the only ones who get ot drink out of the toilet? Enjoy a nice hot beverage in this unique shaped mug like everyones throne. So slurp down your morning cup of coffee, tea or hot chocloate in this hilarious toilet mug. Sure to make you smile even if your day is going down the crapper! Great gift for any occasion.
The Butt Station Desk Accessory Holder
Do you know someone who deserves this for their office?
CSB Commodities The Butt Station Desk Accessory Holder, Blue
Amazon Price: $14.01 (as of 02/18/2012)
Amusing desk accessory holder from CSB; great office gift
Sculpted person functions as pen holder, tape dispenser and cutter, and paper clip magnet
Paper clip storage in toilet-shaped base; back holds extra pens and a notepad
Measures 2-1/2 by 6-1/2 by 6 inches and weighs 1 pound
More Fun Humor!
