Top 50 Worst, Most Boring Sight-Seeing Trips in America Part 1
Ranked #288 in Travel & Places, #16,285 overall
Meet the Mundane Family - Bob, Fred, Amber and the Mom (and Frog)
Meet the Mundanes. Bob, Fred, Amber, Fred and Amber's mom, and the frog.
There they go, driving through some of the most magnificent scenery and walking across some of the most hallowed historical ground that America has to offer, but you can bet they're not seeing an inch of it.
They just DON'T GET IT.
There they go, driving through some of the most magnificent scenery and walking across some of the most hallowed historical ground that America has to offer, but you can bet they're not seeing an inch of it.
They just DON'T GET IT.
Part One follows our intrepid yet completely boring travelers from Alabama through Mississippi, though certainly not in alphabetical order. And as we follow along, let us give you a bit of advice so you can avoid the silliness this family falls into at every turn. No need for your vacation to turn into a master disaster.. as you'll see.
We added state mottos and keep hunting for memorabilia, like shirts!
What's Within These Borders?
- Alabama
- Alaska
- Arizona
- Shirts! Arizona Desert Shirts! Get yer Shirts Here!
- Arkansas
- Least Favorite Mode of Vacation Transport
- California
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- Delaware
- Least Favorite Form of Accommodations
- Florida
- Georgia
- Hawaii
- Idaho
- Shirts! Snake River Shirts! Get yer Shirts Here!!
- Nightmare Vacations?
- Illinois
- Indiana
- Iowa
- Kansas
- Solo or Group Traveler?
- Kentucky
- Louisiana
- Maine
- Maryland
- Smile!
- Massachusetts
- Michigan
- Minnesota
- Mississippi
- Missouri
- So... Whatcha think?
- Down Under to Up Here (and Back)
We encourage travel and tourism. To do so we offer these cautionary tales and easy access to tourism information, travel guides and some nifty trinkets.
Alabama
State name: Indian - tribal town
Freddy scrapes right arm, left knee by jumping off broken bench into a crate of firewood stacked behind the gas station near MacDonalds. This woke up pretty snake. Hospital bill: $250.What'd they miss?
US Space & Rocket Center in Huntsville
Conde Charlotte Museum House in Mobile
Dauphine Island Sea Lab Estuarium near Mobile
Bird: Yellowhammer
Flower: Camellia
Song: Alabama
Rock: Star Blue Quartz, Hematite, Marble
Motto: Audemus jura nostra defendere (We dare to defend our rights)
Of course, you'll avoid the mistakes of the Mundane family quite easily. Just look for some excellent guidance about what to do in Alabama... before you take off for that weekend.
Alaska
State name: in Eskimo it's Alyeska which means great land
Wide patch of gravel outside Anchorage. Roadside trash barrel with chained-on lid hasn't been emptied this century. Bob discovers a mosquito farming operation in the marsh down the hill. Comes back bit up. Clinic bill: $75+ $8.99 for large calamine lotion.What'd they miss?
The Reindeer Farm in Palmer
Denali View Raft Adventures on Talkeetna River
El Dorado Gold Mine Guided Tour in Fairbanks
Bird: Willow Ptarmigan
Flower: Forget Me Not
Song: Alaska's Flag
Rock: Jade, Gold
Motto: North to the future
Don't head out on the Alcan without a clue what to do when you get there. Grab a copy of this highly recommended and up to date guidebook from Frommer's.
Arizona
State name: Aztec - silver bearing
Saw field of barrel cactus. Cactuses. Cacti. Note for next trip. Do not let kids play hide 'n go seek in field of cacti. Amber sunburned to shade of amber. New tweezers: $1.49 + $3.95 for roll of duct tape. $19.99 for bottle of SPF9500.What'd they miss?
Desert Botanical Gardens near Phoenix
Kitt Peak Observatory Night Tours once it reopens from the wildfires (call ahead to see)
Pima Air and Space Museum in Tucson
Bird: Cactus Wren
Flower: Saguaro Cactus Blossom
Song: Arizona
Rock: Turquoise, Fire Agate, Petrified Wood
Motto: Didat Deus (God enriches)
There are so many wonderful choices in Arizona that we'd hate to send you off without a clue (like the Mundanes!) Take along this book and avoid being caught in a barrel cactus.
Arkansas
State name: Indian - downstream people
Shotgun shell casings stacked in shape of Great Pyramid. State highway sign oddly peppered with little holes. Bob slices index finger trying to poke through one. Doctor bill: $22.54 + $4.99 for box of bandaids.What'd they miss?
Wild River Country
Pine Mountain Jamboree
Pinnacle Mountain State Park
Bird: Mockingbird
Flower: Apple Blossom
Song: Oh, Arkansas (or) Arkansas
Rock: Diamond, Quartz Crystal
Motto: Regnat populus (The people rule)
There's tons more to do than poke your finger through bullet holes...
Least Favorite Mode of Vacation Transport
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California
Spanish - refers to a paradise
Watching 22-mile stretch of junkyards east of LA. Bob gets many spare parts of the car, 'just in case.' Pick 'n pay for engine, transmission, radiator. Fifty-two miles down the road, the right front fender falls off. $529 car parts + $20 welding + $4.99 for box of bandaids.What'd they miss?
Golden Gate Bridge- San Francisco
Sea World near San Diego
The Getty Center near Los Angeles
Bird: California Valley Quail
Flower: California Poppy
Song: I Love You, California
Rock: Benitoite, Native Gold, Serpentine
Motto:Eureka (I have found it)
Stay off Highway 10 eastbound, avoid the junkyards, and look instead for things the whole family can get involved in besides welding fenders back on the car.
Colorado
State name: Spanish - red color
Denver is very flat. Colorado is not. Not all of it. Amber sees a tree broken in half by lightning, completely freaks out. Bob finds four empty Coors bottles behind Denny's, completely freaks out. $4.99 for Pepto-Bismol. Note for next trip: Fred does NOT ride in back on winding roads again. $2.99 for paper towels.What'd they miss?
Pikes Peak in the Rockies!
Denver Museum of Nature & Science
The Denver Zoo
Bird: Lark Bunting
Flower: Rocky Mountain Columbine
Song: Where the Columbines Grow
Rock: Aquamarine, Rhodochrosite
Motto: Nl Sine numine (Nothing without Providence)
Yes, indeed - not all of Colorado is flat. Not by a long shot. To find the best of places to explore, you need either a very expensive guide or a nice guidebook that will do the trick.
Connecticut
State name: Mohican - long river place
Bob takes 44 pictures of leaning picket fence. Bob does not stop long, as state is too small for its name. Taking pictures and driving, and map flies out window - twice. $4.99 for new map. $4.99 for new map. $1.99 for box of erasers.What'd they miss?
Mystic Seaport and the Aquarium
West Rock Ridge State Park
Elizabeth Park Rose Gardens in Hartford
Bird: Robin
Flower: Mountain Laurel
Song: Yankee Doodle
Rock: Garnet
Motto: Qui transtulit sustinet (He who transplanted sustains)
Au contraire, Bob. Connecticut is just right for its name, and we've got a few recommendations for things to do besides take pictures of picket fences.
Delaware
State named for Lord De La Warr
Bob drives past state four times before finding it. Observes that song called 'White Cliffs of Dover' has nothing to do with Delaware. Fred pays $4.95 to find out State Fish is called Weakfish. Bob can't find Delaware on map. Bob can't find map. $4.95 for new map.What'd they miss?
Cape Henlopen State Park, near Lewes
Carousel Park Equestrian Facility - Wilmington
The Spa By The Sea - Rehoboth Beach
Bird: Blue Hen Chicken
Flower: Peach Blossom
Song: Our Delaware
Rock: Sillimanite
Motto: Liberty and justice
Well, small doesn't mean there's nothing to do. In fact, the nice team at Frommers has compiled a great list of things to do and places to see. Don't miss the boat like the Mundanes did... instead, find out what to do in the Delaware and Maryland area with this very nice guide.
Least Favorite Form of Accommodations
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Florida
State name: Spanish - flowers
Bob takes 354 pictures of flattened trailer park. Amber throwing a fit because we won't find her an alligator to ride. $3.99 on miscellaneous ice cream bribes. Could not find the 'Dave Barry Slept Here' sign that Cousin Madge was bragging about.What'd they miss, besides Walt Disney World?
Dry Tortugas National Park - Key West
Adventure Island near Tampa
Gatorland near Orlando
Bird: Mockingbird
Flower: Orange Blossom
Song: Swanee River (or) Florida, My Florida
Rock: Moonstone, Agatized Coral
Motto: In God we trust
Balmy beaches, crystal clear waters, soft ocean breezes - no need to find an alligator to ride around on (that's just so Bob Mundane). Just grab one of these guides and make your own path.
Georgia
State named after King George II
Bob discovers green snake that looks a lot like kudzu.What'd they miss, besides EVERYTHING?
World of Coca Cola in Atlanta
Georgia Olympic Centennial Park, Atlanta
Cool River Tubing near Helen
Bird: Brown Thrasher
Flower: Cherokee Rose
Song: Georgia on My Mind
Rock: Quartz, Staurolite
Motto: Wisdom, justice, and moderation
Don't get kinked up in the kudzu! Instead, find the true treasures of Georgia and possibly avoid some of the crowded more popular places, by investigating the land of the dogwoods with this unique and insightful guidebook in hand.
Hawaii
State name: Hawaiian - name of homeland
Bob discovers everyone on four of five islands has heard the old lame joke about 'how come there are interstate highways in Hawaii?' Took pictures of dead sand crab. Took pictures of some hot rocks. $285 for new non-melted shoes for everyone. Note for next trip: do not throw shoes toward hot flowing rock to see if it's hot.What'd they miss?
Pearl Harbor
Diamond Head State Park
Polynesian Cultural Center, Laie
Bird: Nene
Flower: Pua Aloalo
Song: Hawaii Ponoi
Rock: Black Coral (NOT Lava, surprisingly)
Motto: Ua mau ke ea o ka 'aina i ka pono (The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness)
Make the trip one to remember by planning ahead of the trip, especially the 'mainland' of Hawaii itself. No need to go traipsing through a volcano to find the best travel guideposts in Hawaii.
Idaho
State name: Apache term for Comanche
Amber finds a potato shaped like Abe Lincoln's hat. Note for next trip: natives of Idaho do not enjoy being referred to as Mr. Potatoheads.What'd they miss
Basque Museum in Boise
Roaring Springs Water Park in Meridian
Idaho State Historical Museum in Boise
Bird: Mountain Bluebird
Flower: Syringa - Mock Orange
Song: Here We Have Idaho
Rock: Star Garnet
Motto: Esto perpetua (Let it be perpetual)
From the breathtaking mountain ranges and high passes to the bottom of the Snake River Canyon, from Sandpoint to Twin Falls and everything in between. You just can't run out of places to see and things to do in Idaho, as this guidebook will show.
Shirts! Snake River Shirts! Get yer Shirts Here!!
No vacation is complete without the shirts!
River observers on Henry's Fork of the Snake River near Mesa Falls. Idaho provides some of the most stunning photo art opportunities one can ever hope to find, and here they are for you!
Nightmare Vacations?
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Illinois
State name: Algonquin - warrior
Kids take turns taking pictures of each other with noses flattened against car window. $2.99 for Windex + $1.99 for more paper towels. Bob discovers hot dog stand. $1.99 for more car air freshener trees.What'd they miss?
Water Tower Place in Chicago
Millenium Park in Chicago
Museum of Science & Industry in Chicago
Bird: Cardinal
Flower: Purple Violet
Song: Illinois
Rock: Fluorite
Motto: State sovereignty, national union
Illinois and Indiana, such close neighbors that they share a first letter, are both covered in this engaging guidebook that's sure to give you something to do besides wash your windows.
Indiana
State name: Land of the Indians
Bob detained for attempting land speed record. Elkhart PD sadly lacking in sense of humor. Kids spend two hours drawing on back wall of gas station. $76 for paint. $225 for ticket. $5.99 for nail polish remover. Note for next trip: Nail polish remover works on SuperGlue'd nose, not on armpit.What'd they miss?
Pokagon State Park near Angola
Indianapolis 500 near Indianapolis
Mesker Park Zoo in Evansville
Bird: Cardinal
Flower: Peony
Song: On the Banks of the Wabash
Rock: Limestone
Motto: The crossroads of America
Take it slow and easy through Indiana. Rushing and racing is so Mundane, not to mention you're going to miss a lot if you do, as this book will easily show.
Iowa
State name: Indian - beautiful land
Fred is not having corn. Ever again. Ever. Never. $9.95 for car wash. $5.95 for Pepto-Bismol. $328.29 to replace copper kettle for restaurant. $160 fine for false alarm by fire department. No more corn.What'd they miss?
Field of Dreams near Dubuque
Great Mississippi Valley Fair near Davenport
Czech Village, CEDAR Rapids (not Grand Rapids)
Bird: Eastern Goldfinch
Flower: Wild Prairie Rose
Song: The Song of Iowa
Rock: Geode
Motto: Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain
Oh, Bob. It's not all about the corn (although there's plenty of that if that's what you want). Slow up a bit and look at Iowa from this other point of view, then plan your trip and enjoy!
Kansas
State name: Sioux - south wind people
Bob uses up most of a roll of film on pictures of 2x2 driven through tree trunk by tornado. Fred throwing fit because Bob won't go chasing storm cloud to east.What'd they miss?
Museum of World Treasures, Wichita
Sedgwick County Zoo, Wichita
Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Center, Hutchinson
Bird: Western Meadowlark
Flower: Sunflower
Song: Home on the Range
Rock: (do you know this one? message me!)
Motto: Ad astra per aspera (To the stars through adversity)
If only Bob had aimed his camera just a bit better, he might have realized that he was standing in a ghost-rich environment! Not so much a guidebook as an intricately recounted history of Kansans of an ethereal state.
Solo or Group Traveler?
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Kentucky
State name: Indian - meadownland
Amber wants a pony. Amber wants a pony. Amber wants a pony. Amber wants a pony. Amber wants a pony. $1.99 for earplugs, set of three.What'd they miss?
Louisville Slugger Museum, Louisville - 502-588-7228
Portland Museum, Louisville - 502-776-7678
Kentucky Horse Park, Lexington - 1-800-568-8813
Bird: Cardinal
Flower: Goldenrod
Song: My Old Kentucky Home
Rock: Fortification Agate, Coal
Motto: United we stand, divided we fall. Deo gratam habeamus (With gratitude to God)
It's not all horses and bluegrass, and you're going to want a guide that's as varied as the state it describes.
Louisiana
State named after King Louis XIV
Fred orders crawdaddys, throws fit when he learns it looks like a bug. Amber sympathy-sick. Bob takes picture of rusted can by roadside. $45 for tetanus shot. $5.99 for Pepto-Bismol. $2.99 for paper towels.What'd they miss?
Sci-Port Discovery Center, Shreveport
Musee Conti Historical Museum, New Orleans (open for special events)
Mardi Gras, New Orleans
Bird: Eastern Brown Pelican
Flower: Magnolia
Song: Give Me Louisiana (or) You Are My Sunshine
Rock: Agate, Petrified Palm
Motto:Union, justice, et confidence
If Louisiana makes you think of jazz, crawfish, Mardi Gras, blues (and floods), you're ready to have this guide at hand and leap right in to the wide variety of this graceful state.
Maine
State named after old French province
Bob gets mad when Bangor library denies having Stephen King's address. Fred takes 32 pictures of soup can hammered onto fence post. Like father like son... $9.99 for film + $17 for parking ticket near fence.What'd they miss?
Bar Harbor Whale Watching Tours, Bar Harbor
Aquaboggan Water Park, Saco
York's Wild Kingdom and Amusement Park, York Beach
Bird: Chickadee
Flower: White pine cone & tassel
Song: State Song of Maine
Rock: Tourmaline
Motto: Dirigo (I direct)
Take off your blinders, Bob Mundane. There's a lot more to see in Maine than the settings of Stephen King novels, although if you look hard enough at that sewer grate....
Maryland
State named after wife of King Charles I
Bob has intense reaction to shellfish or beer. Fred consumes enough crab cakes at all-you-can-eat buffet, that owner asks us to leave. $9.95 for buffet + $5.99 for Pepto-Bismol + $79 for clinic + $98 for 2-pak of epi pens, just in case it wasn't the 12-pack of beer.What'd they miss?
Ocean City Pier Rides & Amusements, Ocean City
Fort McHenry Monument & Historic Shrine, Baltimore
Baltimore Museum of Industry, Baltimore
Bird: Baltimore Oriole
Flower: Black-eyed Susan
Song: Maryland My Maryland
Rock: Patuxent River Stone
Motto: Fatti maschi, parole femmine (Italian: Manly deeds, womanly words)
Tour the jewel of the Old Line with the finesse of a native, with this guidebook at hand. Don't be like Bob, though. Everything in moderation, including moderation! MUCH more than a guidebook.
Smile!
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Massachusetts
State name: Indian - large hill place
Bob gets us lost on large looping road. Amber throws fit in tunnel during traffic jam. Bob drives us to and from Logan Airport nine times. $9.99 for new map to replace the one Fred tosses out window. $35 for fine for littering.What'd they miss?
Boston Duck Tours, Boston
Museum of Fine Arts, Boston
Prudential Center Skywalk, Boston
Bird: Chickadee
Flower: Trailing Arbutus
Song: Hail, Massachusetts
Rock: Rhodonite, Babingtonite, Roxbury Pudding Stone (Jasper)
Motto: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty)
Get off the beaten path and out of the tunnel (and away from the airport)! Frommer's brings its expected excellence to a guidebook designed to give you great insight to the further-out Commonwealth. There is life after Boston.
Michigan
State name: Chippewa - great water
Kids take turns taking pictures of each other inside abandoned truck tire in vacant lot. Latch to trunk breaks. $29.95 for new latch + $94 for egregious littering fine.What'd they miss?
Comerica Park, Home of Detroit Tigers, Detroit
Matthaei Botanical Gardens & Nichols Arboretum, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Frederik Meijer Gardens & Sculpture Park, Grand Rapids
Bird: Robin
Flower: Apple Blossom
Song: Michigan, My Michigan
Rock: Chlorastrolite, Petosky Stone
Motto: Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam circumspice (If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look around you)
There's so much to say about Michigan besides 'have a good time' - so much so that it may take you several different investigations into books before you find one that takes you in the direction -you- want to go Don't give up. Start here!
Minnesota
State name: Sioux - cloudy water
Bob discovers not everyone is named Lars or Olaf. Fred is glared out of Dennys for singing the Lumberjack song 15 times in a row. Amber sulking. We won't go visit all ten thousand lakes. $19.99 for interrupted breakfast at Dennys. $9.99 for breakfast at MacDonalds.What'd they miss?
Glensheen, Congdon Estate, Duluth
Science Museum of Minnesota, St. Paul
Minnesota Sculpture Garden, Minneapolis
Bird: Common Loon
Flower: Pink and White Ladys Slipper
Song: Hail Minnesota
Rock: Lake Superior Agate
Motto: L'étoile du Nord (French: The star of the North)
(and)
Quae sursum volo videre (I long to see what is beyond)
Not a guidebook so much as a tantalizing peek into what to expect when visiting the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Well worth the read in addition to an atlas or standard guide.
Mississippi
State name: Chippewa - great river
Amber declares grits are 'yucky-icky,' is carried by diner owner to bathroom where she loses her grits. Fred hides bullfrog under Bob's seat. Bullfrog awakens from stunned state somewhere near Jacksonville. $35 for new driver side seat cover.What'd they miss?
Vicksburg National Military Park, Vicksburg
Beauvoir, Jefferson Davis Presidential Library and Home, Biloxi (check restoration state first)
Ship Island Excursions, Barrier Islands, Gulfport (check first)
Bird: Mockingbird
Flower: Magnolia
Song: Go Mis-sis-sip-pi
Rock: Petrified Wood
Motto: Virtute et armis (By valor and arms)
So much is written about the Mississippi River itself, life upon that river or next to that river or because of that river, that it may be tempting to avoid the travel-related guides and go straight for Mark Twain! Don't, though. Take the time to read this gem.
Missouri
State name: Algonquin - river of canoes
After 12 hours of driving, Bob gets belligerent when Budweiser truck refuses to stop to give free samples. Fred looks at arch, throws up. Amber tries to braid reeds. Reeds are razor sharp. $5.95 for bandaids + $1.99 for mercurochrome.What'd they miss?
Gateway Arch, St. Louis
Missouri Botanical Garden, St. Louis
Worlds of Fun, Kansas City MO
Bird: Bluebird
Flower: Hawthorn
Song: Missouri Waltz
Rock: Galena (Lead), Mozarkite
Motto: Salus populi suprema lex esto (The welfare of the people is the highest law)
Dashes a lot of the preconceived notions may of us have about Missouri. As one wag quipped (about yet another travel guide), "so well written you can't get lost. But if you manage to anyway, you'll have a great book with you to read!"
So... Whatcha think?
C'mon. Share. Might even get some sympathy.
If you share your REAL vacation flops, it may be you'll find something about the whole experience to laugh about.
Was that fun? If so, keep on going to PART 2 - it's time to go through Montana to Wyoming in PART 2, here.
Better yet, if you have a favorite place that you think should be included in YOUR state, post a message here or send me a message directly through the Contact Me page, and it'll go in soon as possible!
(And... THANKS, Andy - I've corrected Iowa to reflect the true location of the Czech Village. Guess I was too busy visiting the World's Biggest Discarded Corn Husk Pile, to get that right!)
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Art_Aspirations
Feb 8, 2012 @ 2:32 pm | delete
- What a great concept for a travel lens. I love your style!
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Ladymermaid
Jan 22, 2012 @ 7:22 pm | delete
- My first sprinkling of angel dust on this lens has long worn off so I am back once again to scatter a little more. It is my quest today to bless all the lenses which I blessed in October of 2010. You are on this list.
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BusinessSarah
Jan 5, 2012 @ 8:12 pm | delete
- Hilarious!! Going right on to Part 2. :)
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sonnygone
Nov 26, 2011 @ 7:49 pm | delete
- Slick! Sick? I really got hooked on your lens and ended up here at the bottom.
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LotusLandry
Oct 15, 2011 @ 5:15 pm | delete
- This is very hilarious... from a lens maker of a serious lens about Oregon.
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