by 7 people |
Do You Actually LIKE Your Friends??
Take a long hard look at the people you surround yourself with. How do they make you feel? Are your friends kind, supportive, generous and fun? Or do you they make you feel stupid, insecure and ugly? Do they fill your heart with delight, or are you constantly worrying about their welfare, or whether or not they'll show up to meet you on time?
True friends treat you with respect, and make you feel uplifted. If the thought of seeing a particular friend fills you with dread, then you've got yourself a toxic friendship. It's time to stand up for your rights and put that dodgy friend in their place!
True friends treat you with respect, and make you feel uplifted. If the thought of seeing a particular friend fills you with dread, then you've got yourself a toxic friendship. It's time to stand up for your rights and put that dodgy friend in their place!
The "My Life is SO Hard!" Friend
aka The Complainer
This friend just has it SO tough, and she wants everyone to know about it. Try to help her out all you like, but it won't work. She's not interested in improving her situation - that would just be too hard. Instead, she'll continue to whine, whine, whine. And don't think she's interested in hearing your problems either. Complain about your grumpy boss and you'll be greeted with a "You think that's bad?! MY boss did this!" Don't let someone else's negativity drag you down. Firmly tell her that she can lighten up, or you're finding a new BFF. The "Seriously? You're Wearing THAT?" Friend
aka The Judge
Judgemental is this friend's middle name. Rather than support your decisions and opinions, she's more likely to make a snide comment and roll her eyes. Endlessly condescending, she thinks she's smarter than everyone else - and while she's too cunning to make overt insults, she's a master at making you feel crappy about your decisions. Remind yourself that you don't need your friends approval, and let her know that, while you appreciate her opinion, you're happy with your choice and expect her to support you. If she can't, stiff cookies for her.
Stories of Friendship
Fancy Friendship Bracelets (Klutz)
Amazon Price: $13.57 (as of 12/18/2009) 
Friendship Bracelets (Klutz)
Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 12/18/2009)
The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship
Amazon Price: $15.21 (as of 12/18/2009)
The "Bah! I Don't Have a Drinking Problem!" Friend
aka The Self-Destructor
Watching people you care about abuse themselves is always painful, but unless a self-destructive friend is interested in getting help, there's not much you can do for them. Ask your friend if she's happy with her life the way it is and give her a chance to vent her emotions. Then, suggest some ways that she can start to make positive changes. If she's not interested in hearing them, she's not ready to change. If her self-destructive ways are causing you great stress, then be honest and let her know you're not willing to sit back and watch her destroy herself. The threat of losing a valued friend is likely to bring her to her senses. If not, then it's best for you to walk away. Accepting her behaviour is enabling it, and that's not what true friends do. 
Friends Stick Together
The "What do you MEAN you can't pick up my dry cleaning?" Friend
aka The Brat
Somebody forgot to tell this friend that the world doesn't revolve around her. She expects everything to be just the way she likes, and becomes irrationally nasty when it's not. She doesn't think it's out of line to expect you to pick her up at the airport at 4am - what do you MEAN you have your grandma's birthday party in another state? That's simply NOT good enough! Calmly explain to her that friendships are based on equality, and currently she's doing a whole lot of 'taking' without any 'giving'. Remind her that when one recieves a favour, it's polite to show appreciation. And if she can't ease up on her spoiled ways? Lose her phone number and move on.
Gifts For Your REAL Friends
The "I Promise I'll Pay You back Next Week" Friend
aka The Unreliable
You want her to be okay, but she still hasn't paid you back from the last two times you loaned her money. She's always late, her phone battery is always dying and her house is a complete mess. Having an unreliable and irresponsible friend can make you feel like you're a parent caring for a naughty child, particularly when they show a complete disregard for the support you've given them. She can't pay her electricity bill, but she can afford a night out clubbing? No way, Jose. Tell her to grow up, and refuse to mother her anymore. Everyone has to be an adult eventually - it's time for her to learn how. A TRUE FRIEND
makes you feel GOOD about yourself!
The "That reminds me of the time when I was..." Friend
aka The Self-Absorbed
She's the kind of friend that calls you, after no word for three months, simply to talk about herself. Tell her that work has been tough lately and she'll respond with "Oh? Well MY job is fantastic. Just the other day, I was in the office and... blah blah blah." You listen to her life story for two hours before she hangs up with a "Great chat darling, we must catch up again soon!" and you find yourself thinking anytime soon is way TOO soon. Often, this friend isn't really a bad person, just a bit neglectful. She's too wrapped up in herself to see what's going on around her, so step up and bring her back down to Earth. Inform her that you feel she hasn't shown an adequate interest in your life, and you'd like to know why. She'll be so embarassed about being called out on her behaviour, she'll hang off your words for the rest of the week!
The "You look fat in that skirt." Friend
aka The Bully
This friend is the worst of the lot. Insecure, bitchy, jealous and just plain nasty, she'll say whatever she feels like to bring people down - all with the aim of building herself up. She's not an ally at all - she's an anti-friend. A coward and a bully, she doesn't deserve your time. No need to be gentle - tell her to go to hell and then stop returning her calls. You've got better things to do with your time than be shot down with callous insults. Buy Your BFF Something Special
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Been the Victim of a Toxic Friend?
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- Suko Suko Jan 31, 2009 @ 3:05 pm
- This is a terrific lens! You approach this less than pleasant topic with humor and intelligence. Thank you for tackling this. Your advice and ideas are very helpful.
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- SaraMu SaraMu Nov 8, 2008 @ 7:30 am
- I think I've had one of every friend you describe here. It's tough because you want to be accepting, but at some point you just have to look out for number one.
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- Ezmerelda Ezmerelda Sep 15, 2008 @ 2:13 am
- re: Spare
Have you discussed this issue with your Unreliable friend? I'm a firm believer that honesty is the best policy, so let her know you're feeling a bit let down. If someone treats us in a way we don't wish to be treated, but we don't call them out on it, how can we expect any different from them? I think your friend probably just doesn't realise her actions are upsetting you, so filling her in on how you feel might be exactly the kick in the pants she needs. Good luck xox
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- Spare Spare Sep 13, 2008 @ 8:07 pm
- Hey Ezmerelda, thanks for the tips on toxic friends but can I ask for some advice? I have a friend who I suppose falls in the Unreliable category, but her unreliable thing is that she always cancels catch-ups at the last minute, leaving myself and others in the lurch. It's happened quite a few times and she's always very apologetic afterwards but I'm getting tired of it. Do I stop including her? Or do I give her(yet another) chance?
by Ezmerelda
I'm a writer, dancer and actress from Melbourne, Australia, interested in self development, travel, fashion and fun! Check out how I live well for les... (more)
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