Angry Young Men and Troubled Boys

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Angry Young Men: How Parents, Teachers, and Counselors Can Help "Bad Boys" Become Good Men, by Aaron Kipnis.

Aaron Kipnis is clearly passionate about his subject. As an adult, he has made a strong commitment to helping troubled boys and young men turn their lives around. I'd like to start my review by quoting an important statement Kipnis makes on page 9:

"Do I come to this topic as an unbiased social scientist, objective and freed from the legacy of my past? No. We're all waist-deep in our personal melodrama regardless of the subjects we research."

Based on this principle, Kipnis weaves stories from his own childhood into a discussion of how boys at risk for criminal activity can be helped to avoid a life defined by crime, violence and punishments repeatedly imposed by the criminal justice system. The book focuses on neglected aspects of male psychology and the unique challenges boys face in their journey towards manhood.

Kipnis argues that boys are different from girls. He believes that efforts championed by the women's movement to help young girls become more confident in their academic abilities have overlooked the contrasting (but no less urgent) educational and social needs of troubled boys.

Contents at a Glance

Do Abused Boys Become Abusive Parents?
Troubled Boys and Child Abuse
Racial Bias and Stigmatization of Boys in Schools

Medicating Boys Diagnosed with ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)
More Articles on Criminal Justice, Child Psychology and Youth Crime
What About Girls and Women? Share Your Thoughts

Do Abused Boys Become Abusive Parents?

Kipnis claims that 70% of abused children grow up to repeat this pattern with their own kids.

This book highlights the need for parenting education for fathers as well as mothers, and suggests that teen parents should be educated about domestic violence. I absolutely agree with this.

Here's what I have trouble accepting: Kipnis makes states that 70% of abused children go on to abuse their own children. I have not seen any research studies that support this claim, and Kipnis does not cite his source for the statistic. He also does not specify whether this statistic applies only to teenage parents or to all parents abused as children.

If we assume the 70% statistic refers to teenagers, I suspect that the young age and low economic status of teenage parents are greater risk factors for these parents abusing their children than having been abused in childhood themselves.

Are people who were abused as children likely to be abusive parents?

Fetching blurbs now... please stand by

Yes. Victims of childhood abuse tend to treat their kids the same way they were treated.

jacquelinestone says:

In every case, the abuse survivors that I work with come from a long family line of adults abusing children. However, each generation has a chance to change the legacy.

Posted August 22, 2009

TheGreenerMe says:

I've seen both, so it's tough to say, but I see the cycle continuing for the most part. It seems that if you are abused as a child, the likelihood of you continuing that abuse is higher.

Posted July 21, 2009

drkathy2 says:

I have studied this topic for over 30 years. The build up of risk factors and stressors and lack of coping skills that determines who will become violent and who will not. Having an abusive childhood is one of the factors. The more risks one has, the more likely one is to be a violent adult.

Posted July 05, 2009

aj2008 says:

I would like to say No, but in my experience children who are bullied by their parents turn into bullies themselves - I have written 2 lenses about it. I wish our experience put us in the minority but sadly I dont think it does.

Posted May 20, 2009

spirituality says:

I do think the cycle of violence is likely to continue. It is very hard to practice something we have not learned as kids. This of course means that kids who have been abused should be helped, so they learn other patterns. & that parents who were abused as kids should also be helped.

Posted April 09, 2009

No. Most parents who were abused as children are determined not to subject their kids to the same suffering.

cjsysreform says:

In response to aj2008: It's clear that abused children are often bullies and victimizers of other children, as you discuss in your lenses on bullying. However, I don't think we can assume that a kid who is a bully at age 7 (or 10, or 16) will continue to behave the same way when he or she reaches adulthood. Also, one thing I've noticed in my work with prison inmates: it's not uncommon for even the most aggressive, hostile career criminals -- the sort who are consistently abusive and menacing to almost everyone they ever meet -- to somehow avoid abusing their own children. Men like this are often extremely abusive to their wives and girlfriends, and meanwhile the kids are playing in the next room. They're not afraid that he'll come after them next, because he never has. (This doesn't mean violent felons make good parents, of course.)

Posted May 28, 2009

cjsysreform says:

Also, other studies have shown that having witnessed domestic violence in childhood is a better predictor for future abusive behavior towards both intimate partners and children than having been a victim of abuse (these studies have focused on men who grew up to be violent domestic bullies; their results cannot be generalized to female child abusers or male pedophiles who do not use physical force).

Posted May 08, 2009

0ctavias0fferings says:

I don't think that those who were abused as children necessarily grow up to be abusers but help and advice needs to be available to them, counselling I guess is the key to this.
On the other hand, I have seen abuse perpetuated through a family until those in one generation, collectively, said 'it ends here'. In this particular family it affected several generations (at least) and the abuse was carried on by both men and women, physical, mental and sexual abuse being involved, almost as if it was a family tradition of some kind.
The cycle of abuse is hard to break because if you have been raised to believe / accept that child-rearing is done with the fists and bullying behaviour, it is very difficult to encompass the truth that children are raised in other families with love and kind guidance. You are also set apart, in your own mind, from other 'normal' children and therefore are not able to observe the workings of 'normal' families.
Your own strength of will and self-discipline are your weapons to combat the upbringing you have had. Learning to walk away rather than raise your hand or use abusive language is the best course.
Of course, recognising the problem in the first place is the greatest part of the battle.
Finding the balance of your spiritual self and learning to dwell in that balance helps enormously. The route you take, whether religion, transcendental meditation or any other way, will be your own preference but it is possible to overcome any obstacle.

Posted April 11, 2009

cjsysreform says:

I made this duel and then I got all confused about how to respond to it... but let's just say I hope to god the 70% statistic is wrong. I was an abused child, and I swear I would never, ever raise a hand to my own children or do anything to hurt them. But maybe I can't be sure of that. If this statistic is correct, does it mean I shouldn't have kids because I will inevitably abuse them? It's something that worries me, but I think with the right parenting education and plenty of support, I could be a good parent. "It takes a village," and all that.

Posted April 09, 2009

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Troubled Boys and Child Abuse

Behavior problems in boys are often linked to their experiences of childhood abuse.

In his years of counseling troubled boys, Kipnis observed that many of them had been physically abused and neglected. He cites studies from the 1990s to show that boys are the primary victims of homicide, physical abuse, and medical neglect.

But a 2004 government study found that, for all types of abuse combined, girls had slightly higher rates of victimization than boys. This suggests that, for all types of child victimization as a whole, girls are just as much at risk as boys.

However, the 2004 study did find that infant boys had the highest fatality rates from child abuse, which is in agreement with Kipnis's evidence.

Kipnis also points out that, although girls seem to need extra encouragement and support in math and science, this does not mean boys have an academic advantage over girls. Boys are farther behind in reading than girls have ever been in math or science.

Angry Young Men: How Parents, Teachers, and Counselors Can Help "Bad Boys" Become Good Men

by: Aaron Kipnis Ph.D.

Amazon Price: $22.95 (as of 12/21/2009)
Used Price: $9.86

Racial Bias and Stigmatization of Boys in Schools

Extroverted, physically active boys suffer from the negative attitudes of their teachers.

One of the strongest points Kipnis makes is that the diagnosis of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder in boys may be influenced by racial bias. What leads some boys to be diagnosed with ADHD is actually a normal and healthy high-energy style of engaging in the classroom.

The boisterous behavior of boys, particularly African-American boys, is normal within their culture but can vex teachers with large class sizes who prefer well-behaved, quiet children. A teacher's negative attitude towards the normal and typical behavior of boys can discourage them from participating in their own education.

A boy who feels stigmatized and alienated in school is likely to develop a resistant, defiant, or defeatist attitude toward his education. He may come to feel ashamed of his failure to master reading, and act out with disruptive behavior in order to disguise his shame and to keep peers from noticing his inadequacy.

This echoes author and criminologist James Gilligan's theory that men act violent out of a need to escape intolerable feelings of shame. Kipnis suggests that African-American boys would do better with a male teacher of their own race who will not pathologize or punish their active style of learning.

Medicating Boys Diagnosed with ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)

The author makes it quite clear what he thinks about using stimulant medications like Ritalin to treat ADHD in kids.

Kipnis is strongly against using Ritalin and other stimulant medications to treat boys with ADHD, except "when all other attempts at treatment have failed."

He seems to assume that most boys who have been diagnosed with ADHD do not have a legitimate chemical disorder. The diagnosis of ADHD, Kipnis argues, is an unfair and stigmatizing label for healthy, normal behavior in boys.