Greetings from Behind the Barn...
Tom here. If you've been keeping up on my story, you know that I'm a stressed-out turkey trying to stay one step ahead of the axe. I'm hunkered down out here behind the barn, sweating bullets and wondering whether I'll be next Christmas to see the lights dangling above the door to Farmer's barn, or the tree they decorate at the end of their driveway.
A few day ago, I heard from my friend Seedplanter, who has been writing letters and phoning members of Congress on my behalf. Things are beginning to look up, and I'm seeing ribbons of light at the end of my feather-lined tunnel.
Thanks, also to Dr. Helpa Byrd, a Turkiatrist who has treated several of my friends for insomnia, indigestion, and other symptoms of anxiety disorder. I'm sleeping better and I haven't had any more nightmares. She is encouraging me to take it one day at a time. I'm trying.
This is the continuing story of my fight for life, and a peek at what this fine turkiatrist has done to boost my confidence in humanity.
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Contents at a Glance
A Stressful Tale, Indeed
Haven't read the entire saga? Noooo?
Well, here's your chance. (Disclaimer: Tom will not be responsible for elevated blood pressure or heart palpatations. Proceed at your own risk! Bring Kleenex...)
Turkey's Last Stand
Turkey's Manifesto
Turkey's Turkiatrist
Turkey's New Job
Staring Down the Axe
I remember the first time I saw a snake slithering across the field. Some of my wild cousins took flight and didn't come back for days. I stayed. (Hey, my momma didn't raise no coward!)
I was always the curious type. Still am to this day. Farmer's axe reminds me of that snake. If I don't stare it down, it'll sneak up on me and terrify every waking hour. Do you know what it's like to see that shiny axe sitting on the stump in front of the barn? My Turkiatrist asked me that very question at our first meeting.
I think we're making headway. See for yourself:
I obtained a copy of Dr. Byrd's notes of our first meeting, under the Right-to-Know-the-Dadgum-Truth law, and I hereby share it with you, my support team.
Dr. Helpa Byrd, PhD
Patient: Tom Turkey
Doc: So, Tom...how does the axe make you feeee-eeel?
Me: Tense. Very, very tense.
Doc: And how does that make you feel?
Me: Tenser. Very, very tenser. Uh...that would be more tense.
Doc: Uh-huh. I see. Hmmmm-mmm.
Me: And--?
Doc: So, tell me, Tom, how would you feel if Farmer were to move that axe?
Me: I'd feel faint. Very, very faint.
Doc: I see. Well, then, let's plan to meet next week. Work on visualizing yourself in Minnesota. Stay away from Farmer's window and don't make eye contact. Understand? Above all, keep your thoughts moving forward. I believe you're doing a fine job of staring down the axe, Tom. A very fine job.
Me: Thanks. I'll keep staring.
Coloring Pages
A showcase of my turkey cousins :::big wave:::
- My cousin Samson
- My brother Hank showing off...
- Melvin was my neighbor when I was a wee poult...
- Look at the size of Farmer's corn! This is me, checking out the garden.
- Decorate your wall or door with this dignified portrait of my grandfather. Isn't he somethin'?
Minnesota, Here I Come!
Turkey droppings to the rescue...
HURRAY! It's official!
Minnesota has a power plant run by...how shall I put this?...turkey poop. Minnesota raises 46 million turkeys a year. Can you imagine the cleanup?
I'm proud to be an American turkey,
Where at least I know I'm soon to be free...
Minnesota, here I come!
Tidbits About Minnesota...
- Minnesota State Map Collection
- Hurray! Now you have no excuse to not visit me in Minnesota! Call first, so I can take time away from my new job.
- All About Minnesota, the 12th largest state
- I'm happy to be headed for a state with such status. :::fluffing feathers::::
- Live Web Cams of Minnesota
- Take a gander at this!
A Fond Farewell...
I'm a lucky bird, yesirree. Don't tell Farmer, but I'll be long-gone before dawn breaks tomorrow. I'm off to you-know-where to deliver as much you-know-what to power the good folks of Minnesota. No hatchet in my future, thankyouverymuch.
It's so much more than a save-my-neck thing; I feel this my true calling in life...my Destiny.
To all my cheering fans out there, I'll try to connect with you again, once I settle in.
Until then, a fond farewell...
Twitter Me!
- seedplanter
- aka seedplanter
- 1,507 followers
- 1,675 following
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- Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott
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- @kristensteinart Darn! I forgot the sourdough bread bowl. :) Next time.
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- Ribboned geometric fractal 8x10 art print - so pretty! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35705077
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- Just ate some good homemade clam chowder. Perfect on a cold night!
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- Like a perfectly wrapped friendship...http://bit.ly/80dpQn
Poultry Droppings in the News
...Who woulda thought?
- America's Heartland
- Read all about Minnesota's Fibrowatt power plant.
- Watch the video!
- Learn more about Minnesota's power plant, and how turkey droppings are keepin' those porch lights on!
- Fibrowatt, USA
- Here's the company behind the new technology.
- Generating Poultry Power - Biomass Magazine
- From the July 2007 issue of Biomass magazine.
- Turkey waste will power electric plant - USATODAY.com
- The gray, sandy mix of turkey droppings and other bits and pieces flowing through Greg Langmo's fingers back onto the floor of his barn isn't just funky dirt, it's fuel.
All Things Turkey
Leave a Footprint...
Pssssst! Hey you! Over here! Before you leave, how 'bout leaving ol' Tom a farewell? I'm off to Minnesota to serve my country.
Here's a handy little widget (oh, you humans and your widgety ways...) you'll like. Click once and see what happens.
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Reply
- tandemonimom tandemonimom Apr 2, 2009 @ 11:03 am
- Welcome to the ALL HOLIDAY HUMOR group!
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Reply
- seedplanter seedplanter Dec 2, 2008 @ 10:13 am | in reply to chefkeem
- haha...Dr. Byrd is busy counseling turkeys whose necks are on the line for Christmas dinner. Thanksgiving has come and gone, but half the world is looking to wring the neck of a turkey before December 25th. Poor Tom...
Maybe you should take your problem to Miss Keemie?
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Reply
- Joan4 Joan4 Nov 27, 2008 @ 5:55 pm
- Farewell, Tom! You made a delightful dinner! (and a fantastic set of lenses).
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Reply
- naturegirl7 naturegirl7 Nov 25, 2008 @ 4:45 pm
- Welcome to the Naturally Native Squids group. Don't forget to add your lens link to the appropriate plexo and vote for it.
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Reply
- Margo_Arrowsmith Margo_Arrowsmith Nov 14, 2008 @ 3:38 pm
- I love this, and I see that there is a franchise here! This will have to go to Margo's Squidoo Library lens, Main Branch! *****
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Reply
- chefkeem chefkeem Oct 29, 2008 @ 12:10 am
- Would you please publish Dr. Byrd's contact info? My anxieties over Tom's fate have begun to affect my life. Farewell, Tom! We bless you!
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- clouda9 clouda9 Oct 28, 2008 @ 11:07 pm
- Bye, bye now Tom...have a blast 'pooping' your life away! :) Here is the interview that helped Tom make it to Minnesota: http://oncloud9.squidtop.com/2008/10/23/turkeys-last-stand-an-interview-with-tom/
by seedplanter
Contact me
Wife. Mom. Grandmother. Writer. Photographer. Product reviewer. Jewelry designer. Zazzler. Giant Squid. Blogger. Human Bean of the creative...
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