Twas The Night Before Christmas

I have a lot of Holiday traditions and this is one of them. Every year since my children were babies I read them "Twas The Night Before Christmas" right before they go to bed. Not a year has gone by that this tradition has been broken and I hope they will pass this down to my future grand kids as well. It is something we all look forward to. That special bond, that memory and that something extra special we share together every Christmas Eve.

Twas Three Days Before Christmas

T'was three days before Christmas and all through the house
Not a person was helping, not even my spouse
The children were restless and what made it worse
I at my computer typed nonsensical verse!

When what to my poor bloodshot eyes did I see,
But the calendar with three days left glaring at me!!
So off to the kitchen I flew like a flash
Tore open the cupboards and made a mad dash

Baking my cookies and stirring my fudge,
Dozing by the sink till someone gave me a nudge!
I still have the presents to wrap, and bows to tie
and the house is a disaster I thought with a sigh

I looked 'round at the mayhem and thought to myself
Next year will be different - I'll organize myself!!
I laughed when I heard the traditional phrase
That was made every year and forgot in just days

So to all those who know me I have one thing to say
Merry Christmas to all
JUST DON'T GET IN MY WAY!!!

For More Funny Versions - Click Here

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt-

I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie-not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore-
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

For More Funny Versions - Click Here