The Twilight Series is Awful - Really, Really Horribly Awful

Stephanie Meyer makes her writing way more complicated than it should be. I guess this was in an attempt to make her sound intelligent or something, but the end result is just pathetic. It's as though she used a thesaurus to replace every. single. word. "Small town" becomes "diminutive municipality", and it just sounds ridiculous. And don't think for a second that this sort of thing is just here-and-there - it's on nearly every single page.

The thing is you shouldn't use these words just for the sake of having a book full of big, pretty words. Big words don't make a book good - especially if the words are used in the wrong context all over the place. This practice is made especially horrible when you have a plot for a book aimed at teenagers, and you're using words that only a college graduate would be able to understand.

Every English teacher I've ever had always told me that good writing is written simply; using as little words as possible to say what needs to be said. Clearly, this is not a concept that Meyer has ever heard of.

First of all, there is far too much character development, and not enough character to develop, if that makes sense. I mean to say that the characters are flat and predictable and there is zero mystery remaining past the initial paragraph of their introduction.

All of the characters can be summed up in whole in one or two words. Bella is clumsy. Edward is sparkly. Bella's dad is quiet. So on and so forth. The end. No more development of character. Don't think there's some hidden traits to these characters that you'll discover in later books... there's not.

In good books, the reader learns what makes the character who they are throughout the entire book. This is especially true if the book is part of the series! In a series, the reader should not know everything there is to know about the main character in the first two pages. Unfortunately, this is what happens in Twilight.

When it comes to the plot of the book, THERE IS NONE!

One sentence summary of the entire series: A girl falls in love with a vampire, who she winds up with together forever despite a few minor discrepancies.That's it, really. The rest is fluffy, boring filler. The "climax" takes place in the last two chapters of the books and has nothing to do with the preceding 400 pages. The "conflict" is resolved far too easily.

I want to take this opportunity to present Stephanie Meyer with a gift. It's a simple plot graph, similar to many that I received in Elementary school.



See, Stephanie, there needs to be a balance of rising action and falling action, sandwiching a big, juicy peak in the plot. I learned this in first grade, and have written quite a few (albeit simple) stories since then, using this as my guide. If you use this as a tool for your future books, I'm sure you will not have hundreds of websites dedicated to the hate of your story.

Bella Swan is the main character of the series. Somehow, despite being horribly plain and clumsy (and not to mention a new student at her high school in a really small town), she manages to have several guys fawning all over her without any effort at all.

So, okay, she's a completely unrealistic character. How does that make her a poor role model, you ask?

Well, throughout the series, Bella becomes completely dependent on the "love of her life," a vampire. She is insecure and thrives on his attention When she finds out that he had been watching her sleep, she is delighted, rather than being understandably freaked out. By the end of book one, she is more than ready to give up any ambition to go to college or pursue a normal life, and strongly wishes to be a vampire so she can become immortal and spend the rest of her life with a boy she basically just met. And how does Stephanie Meyer continue this sickening teenage codependent affair? By making Bella continually more and more submissive to "her man" throughout the series. By the time she's eighteen, she's a pregnant vampire.

Great, awesome. Thanks for trying to inspire our youth, Stephanie Meyer.

Dear Twilight Fans,

Okay, okay. You like Twilight. I get it. Now please stop plaguing the internet with a million MS Paint "signs" dedicated to your love of it. Stop shoving Twilight down my throat on every website I visit. Just stop already. If I see another Facebook Bumper Sticker about Twilight, I will scream.

And please, please, please stop talking about "Edward". You want to meet a guy like Edward? Really? He's not even real, people. It's a character in a book. I promise you, no matter how much you whine, you will never, ever, ever find a perfect and sparkly 107-year-old vampire who will fall in love with the scent of your blood, and frankly, I think you're really odd for even wanting that in the first place. Seriously, though, cut it out. Edward is not real and you're annoying the rest of us.

Also, could you please stop comparing Twilight to the Harry Potter series? Really, I mean it. Harry Potter is far better than Twilight on so many levels, and that's not even just personal opinion. Nobody could deny the fact that the plot of the Harry Potter series is just so much more developed, and it's just an enjoyable read for all ages. Harry Potter has lasting impressions on everybody that reads it.. for YEARS! Twilight will be forgotten in the next two years, tops.

Kind regards,
Kristensup