Uncyclopedia - a very funny parody of Wikipedia!

Look at the beginning of this article. It grabs you immediately. This is what writers like my brother and I call the "grabber". Basically, you just think of a phrase that makes people go woah! and makes them want to read the rest of your thing.

It doesn't matter what kind of a thing you guys are writing because this grabber is just for getting people to want to read the rest so make it real good. It was a dark and stormy night is one of the most popular grabbers and it works every time. You can make up your own grabber if you want, but be careful. It has to really grab.

You can't write without knowing your story. So knowing your story is the most important thing you need to know in order to write. Your story should always be about minority youths terrorizing the neighborhood. That way you will always know what to write about. Unless you are writing about math or something else that minority youths never terrorize.

Good plots follow an unviolatable formula, which you violate at your own riskiness:

1. First, your good guy lives somewhere cool and does something cool.
   
   
2. Next, everything beyond his control changes and makes him ponder the significance of his place in your writed universe.
   
   
3. He decides to do something about what changed. This is called the moment of decision. Make him decide something that only makes things worse.
   
   
4. Things get made worse by what he decided.
   
   
5. Things get even worse. This is called the build-up.
   
   
6. He calls his mom for advice, but... she's DEAD!
   
   
   
7. No one will help him!
   
   
8. He takes matters into his own hands and confronts his fear face-on. This is called the climax.
   
   
9. He wins! Then he tells what he learned. This is called the denoument.
   

Every good book follows this format. Except for Finnegan's Wake and James And The Giant Peach. Don't think that I forgot to mention Where The Wild Things Are, because it doesn't follow this format, but it's not a good book. It's a load of crap, because there is no climax.

Good dialog is like a good simile. Similes are things that are like other things. I will talk more about that in the Style section. For now let's talk about how characters talk.

Use a lot of racially specific accentiture. For instance, you should never write that a girl character says "Stop fronting you bitch" because that just doesn't work. Write "Stop fron (glottal stop) in, you beeotch." Do you see the difference?

The most important aspects of dialog are in the things that are not said. I know that sounds ironic, but it isn't. I would never write anything ironic. It is very important that your characters never leave anything unsaid. Because you don't want people reading your story to wonder what they didn't say. Here is an example:

BAD:

He: Hey girl, what up?

She: Nothin'

These characters don't say enough for good dialog to be here.

GOOD:

He: Hey girly-girl, what's shakin up in the hizzle?


She: Awwww, y'all so craaaaazy.

This is much better because the characters are more fuller. Practice this principal alot.

Don't worry too much about complexing your characters too much because if you follow the dialog advice, you will win this battle.

One of the keys to strong characters is relationships. So make sure most of your characters have relationships with most of your other characters. If your good at math, then there should definately be a character factorial number of relationships between each other, characters-wise. So if you have a hundred and forty characters, which is totally a good number for an epic story like yours, then be sure to describe all possible combinations of those relationships, which works out by my calculator to be 1.3462012475717523e+241, whatever that means you math whizzes! Make sure they are all really well described relationships too.

Pick some way you like to write and totally exaggerate it, and people will identify it as your style. For instance, similes. Use alot of similes. What's a simile, you ask? A simile is like a river of minty milk. Hah! Did you see that? I used a simile to tell what a simile is. That's another stylistic trick. I don't know what it's called though.

These are only a few of the seven similes writers most often use.

Nothing is more important than the ending. And you can read it at Uncyclopedia!

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