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Missing milk
A featured article from Uncyclopedia
The mystery of the missing milk was a mystery that dominated newspaper headlines and became one of the greatest conspiracy theories of 1995. It remains unsolved with literally tens of police officers working on the case daily.The Mystery Begins
Mr. Ivan Dunnett, 68, a retired stockbroker, lived at 12 Westbrook Avenue, a semi-detached house in the posh Murtonbridge suburb of London, England. He would have one pint bottle of whole milk delivered to him every morning at approximately 7:00am, by Andrew Wilston, a milkman. He would open the door at 7:13am every morning to claim his bottle of milky goodness.
On Friday 6th October 1995 though, things were to go disastrously wrong.
The Incident Occurs
Mr Wilston was supposed to check in to his workplace, Murtonbridge Milk Supplies, at 5:15am, so he could set off delivering milk at 5:30am. At 5:25am on the fateful October morning he called his boss, Fred Thorax, to explain that he had a slight headache as a result of the below average temperatures recorded for the week previous to the incident. At 5:29am, Mr Thorax called Graham Terminal, a replacement milkman to come and do the round instead. At 5:49am, Mr Terminal arrived and at 6:13am all the milk had been loaded into the milk float and was ready to be delivered to all 62 houses on the round.
Mr Terminal set off at 6:15am, 45 minutes later than usual, to deliver the milk. As a result of the delay, Mr Dunnett went outside at 7:13am to find that no milk was there. Slightly confused, he rang up Mr Thorax at 7:15am and the situation was explained. Mr Dunnett could expect his milk to arrive at 7:58am.
At 7:57am, Mr Dunnett opened his front door and waited for his milk to arrive for 5 minutes. What happened in those 5 minutes is a mystery. At 8:32am a concerned old lady who just so happened to be passing by thought that something didn't feel right and wandered inside 12 Westbrook Avenue to find Mr Dunnett sitting at his kitchen table in a state of shock with a bowl of cornflakes, minus milk, on the table in front of him. Mr Dunnett was slightly hungry.
Where Was The Milk?
Mr Terminal was arrested and brought to Murtonbridge Police Station for questioning...
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