US Veterans Issues

I find it very disturbing after 26 years of my husband being treated for PTSD stemming from the 1983 Beirut Bombing, that it is now being downplayed to PDS (Post Deployment Stress). I remember when he first came home after the bombing, his constant runs to the Naval hospital in hopes of someone there helping him to rid himself of the horrible nightmares and overwhelming feelings of impending doom. I also remember the look on his face when he came home from each visit. He never received adequate treatment for his PTSD and consequently has never healed from it. To this day, he continues having nightmares and feelings of doom.

I do understand that through the years, names of diseases will change, but do we really need the medical community making PTSD sound as if it IS in fact curable when we all know it isn't? Isn't this just another way of taking even more benefits away from our veterans that have suffered for our country?

"Get back on that bike and try it again!"
While this may be a great tool to help people who gave up easily due to a fear from failure, it doesn't work with PTSD. About a year and a half ago, military doctors came to the conclusion that active duty military should get back out there and go to war again to cure their PTSD. Supposedly the act of war would help them to vent their witheld anger as well as be a therapeutic adventure for them.
Now imagine how that would play out given the symptoms of PTSD which are as follows:

sleep problems including nightmares and waking early
flashbacks and replays which you are unable to switch off
impaired memory, forgetfulness, inability to recall names, facts and dates that are well known to you
impaired concentration
impaired learning ability (eg through poor memory and inability to concentrate)
hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia)
exaggerated startle response
irritability, sudden intense anger, occasional violent outbursts
panic attacks
hypersensitivity, whereby every remark is perceived as critical
obsessiveness - the experience takes over your life, you can't get it out of your mind
joint and muscle pains which have no obvious cause
feelings of nervousness, anxiety
reactive depression (not endogenous depression)
excessive levels of shame, embarrassment
survivor guilt for having survived when others perished or for not having done more to help or save others
a feeling of having been given a second chance at life
undue fear
low self-esteem and shattered self-confidence
emotional numbness, anhedonia (inability to feel love or joy)
feelings of detachment
avoidance of anything that reminds you of the experience
physical and mental paralysis at any reminder of the experience

Now how well do you suppose a unit will function with someone like this attached to it? Do you think that everyone within the unit will work together and be safe? Or do you think they'd be more than likely to faulter due to one member suffering from PTSD? I'd say the latter of the two because even though it's not their fault, it IS a fact that a person with PTSD cannot be put in a war situation and do well. They may fight, but they may also be hyper-vigilant and draw attention to the unit when they are trying to stay low. This is quite obviously not a good idea.

So, now that we have taken a quick and blatent look at PTSD, how is it that it can now be considered a curable disease? I mean honestly, how many people do you know that have PTSD that are for a fact cured of ALL symptoms?

My brother once made a remark to me about my husband. He said "I have known many veterans that have been to war and came back and led normal lives." I couldn't help but wonder just how involved he was in his friends lives because anyone who has lived with someone with PTSD KNOWS that it isn't something that always shows like a pimple on ones face. My husband has become quite good at hiding many of his symptoms through the years, but it doesn't mean they aren't there. I can see it in his eyes when he is put in certain situations and it hurts me to know that he and so many other people in the world are going through the same thing without any way of getting relief. Oh sure, they can put up a facade and hope that nobody notices, but it still lurks behind it, looking for the best opportunity to rear it's ugly head.

There is a website that explains the now "Post Deployment Stress" that I find incredibly insulting after living with my husband for 29 years (24 of it with his PTSD). On the website is this quote:

"Symptoms of PTSD are serious and require medical attention, but there is good news. PTSD is a treatable problem and combat veterans can recover. But, left untreated PTSD can lead to problems in day-to-day living, both for veterans and their families."

My problem with this is probably the exact same problem that many PTSD patients have had for a great many years. If it IS in fact something they can recover from, then why is it that my husband still suffers from every symptom that he has had since 1983? Why is it that he hasn't recovered? Because it's "TREATABLE", NOT "CURABLE"!

I can tell you this, if PTSD is in fact something my husband could have recovered from, then someone at the Naval Hospital or the VA has seriously messed up and I want answers.
I have watched this man suffer for so long that it has affected our entire family. He has done everything they have asked him to do in regards to his PTSD and nothing has worked. So where's the cure? When does he get to, as my brother said "Live a normal life"? Just how long does this treatment take and how long will it be before he can be the person he was pre-beirut bombing? Because I have to tell you, he's 50 years old now and I don't see it happening anytime soon. To tell people that PTSD can be recovered from not only gives them a false sense of hope, but also makes the symptoms worse when they realize it's not getting better after 10-20 years of treatment.

Enough of the downplaying PTSD folks. These guys have paid their dues and beyond. The very last thing they need is for their country to start making them feel even worse about the PTSD they came back with and then rob them of the benefits they receive because of it.

You can call it whatever you want, you can even give it a pretty name, but it's still PTSD and it's hell for whoever has it.

Veterans have been to hell and back again. They have seen things that most people cannot imagine and they keep most of it deep down inside. It is because of these horrible images of war and death that they become hardened to regular life and because of this hardening, the marriage that was once fine, may suffer.

Women are more prone to being emotional. They wear their hearts on their sleeves. This is another problem with the Veteran divorce rate. Many women find it difficult if not impossible to deal with the changes their husbands go through while in combat. The person they once knew and loved is either gone competely, or hidden under and enormous amount of pain.
While it may seem easy enough to just talk about it like you were once able to talk about fights or problems in the past, this is not that easy.

People who have been to war and have seen the death and destruction and cruelties that go on come back with a shell around them that is hard to penetrate. It takes years of counceling by a professional to get though it all and even then, many of the problem remain.

Many women find it too hard to wait for their significant other to heal, to go back to being who they once were, and consequently file for divorce as a means of relief for themselves. Some women file simply because they perceive the new changes in their husband as a "sign" that they no longer love them. This simply isn't the truth, although if there were already problems in the marriage, this will surely pusht over the edge.

I would like to ask women that have active duty or retired military husbands to PLEASE try to hang in there because no matter how much it's tearing you up inside to see the cold changes in your husband, it is NOWHERE near what he is feeling inside. Try to put yourselves in his shoes. Try to imagine how it feels to have a film running in the background of your mind of all the horrible things you saw while in combat. A film that runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As women we have a tendancy to hold grudges because of our inability to shut off emotional feelings when something bad happens or has been said. This is basically the same as what your husband is feeling inside. He cannot turn it off like a light switch, no matter how much he knows it hurts you to see him like that.

I have gone into the bathroom and cried so many times because of my own husbands inability to cry or show emotion like he did when we were first married. And this is 26 years after the event that caused it as well as many years of counceling. The man simply cannot cry. But, even though I miss the emotional side of him terribly, I look at it this way....I STILL have him. He may not act the same way he did 26 years ago, but he IS still the man that I loved so much that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. That itself is enough to keep me by his side, like the pastor said, "for better or for worse, till death do you part". Well ladies, this may be the "worst", but it's better than not having them at all.

As different as my husband has become, I know he couldn't "jump ship" on me because his "feelings" haven't really changed, it's his "emotions", which ARE in fact two totally different things. He still feels the need to be with me as I do him. He just can't show the love the way he used to because his "emotions" are all messed up. As hard as it has been at times, I accept that. The same way he accepts my problems. I have a seizure disorder that causes me to have fits of rage for no apparent reason, I worry on some days so much that it drives him nuts, I sometimes get paranoid and feel as if everyone in the family hates me, but he still stays by my side. He knows I can't help it. I take all the meds I can for my seizures, and we talk about it from time to time. He just knows that he's not perfect either and that's the whole thing. We LOVE each other and with that comes a profound unity that keeps us together no matter what.

It really saddens me to see so many Military families torn apart due to PTSD and other forms of illness that come from combat zones. Unfortunately, war is a necessary evil in our world. Without our guys fighting for our freedom, news footage of our country would look a lot like it does in other countries when we turn the TV on.

When I was a young girl I remember going to our local town
parades and seeing veterans of wars that our country had
fought, handing out poppies in hopes of gaining recognition,
honor and remembrance of what they had done for us. Although I
was not politically minded being a child, I do remember feeling
sadness for them. I watched as they walked up to people in the
crowd, their faces haggard, their bodies worn out and tired,
but yet they still offered a smile as they handed out the red
plastic flowers adorned with a ribbon of remembrance.
They were the very men that fought for our freedom, with no
regrets. They were yesterday's active troops and they did what
every troop member does today. Give of themselves for the
greater good of this country. To secure our freedom to walk in
our streets without fear of bombs tearing down our homes.
They are heroes all.

Now I would like to address the attitude of our nations people.
How is it that an American can care so much for our current troops,
but yet care so little for our veterans? How can anyone
say they are a "Troop Supporter", but not stand behind the men
and women that once served our country? Do you not see how that
affects our current troops? Do you not realize that they are
all thinking about how they will be forgotten once they retire
or are honorably discharged due to injuries? How would you feel
if you were in their shoes?

To be a strong nation, we have to care equally about those who
fight for us now, and those who also fought for us in years
gone by. Our veterans are heroes as are our current troops and
deserve the same respect and honor that our current troops
deserve. Where would this country be right now if they hadn't
fought for us? If they had decided that it wasn't important
enough? Put yourself in the shoes of a veteran and imagine how
you would feel to be ignored and put on a shelf like a picture,
only to be looked at and remembered from time to time.
Veterans are extremely important parts of our history that should
be treated with the utmost respect for their sacrifices.
They should NEVER be forgotten anymore than our current troops.

So with all this being said, I would like to ask every American to
consider donating to veteran causes. They have earned it and
it is the very least we can all do to help them after all they have
done for us. The next time you see a veteran gathering donations
for other veterans, please give up that dollar that you have in your
pocket for that can of soda you want so much. Please help our
veterans to live the remainders of their lives comfortably and with
dignity knowing that we care about what they have given for us.
And the next time you you look at your son or daughter who is
currently serving in our military, remember, they too will someday be a veteran.

The anguish of the veteran,
so deep inside their souls,
has changed their lives and futures to be,
they had so many goals.

But for our land and people they fought,
They did not ask us why,
they did their best to fight for us,
and watched their buddies die.

The veterans will hide these thoughts,
and flashes of horrors they've seen,
until the time they rest their heads,
and it takes them back to that scene.

They deserve respect for what they have done,
so many tears have been shed,
but the crying isn't for them you see,
it's the vets crying for their dead.