While environmentalists worry about the "vanishing ozone layer" and the likelihood that the world is going to heck in a handbasket, women of substance worry about wrinkles and the merits of using "vanishing creme". Infinitely more interesting to linguists and lovers of words in the English language however is the notion of a "vanishing vocabulary".

Efforts to save a series "endangered English-language words" have met with little success as have vain attempts to establish a "Lost and Found for Missing & Forgotten Words".

However there are now two bright lights on the horizon.

One is a rather magnificent undertaking to construct the world's first museum dedicated to the English language, (which by the way, more than two billion speak today).

The other is a little-known project being funded by an anonymous, eccentric philanthropist with a keen interest in "purseproud" projects (namely the building of a "World-Class Word Mausoleum". The purpose of this endeavor will be to house half-dead or recently deceased words. Should that fail to come to fruition, there's always "Plan B", i.e. to design a fitting Catacomb for Ancient, Long-Gone, Dead-as-a-Doornail English-Language Words, (few have ever heard before let alone read).

Why should anyone care if a word Like "pinchbeck", "scandal-broth", or "tittynope" disappears when no one is looking? Why should folks give two hoots if "gleek", "mucksluff" or "unbosom" are stomped on and smashed to smithereens by some pesky, politically-correct pundits looking for something to do besides raining on people's parades and demanding that non-compliant wordpeckers sit on naughty stools in a corner until they swear off using words which have not been approved by the Dictionary editors? Furthermore, why should one put up with the hijacking of perfectly good words in the English language, (like "gay" or "green"), for the sole benefit of a special interest group? "Why" might one ask?...well because it gives us something worthwhile to do whilst waiting for a guy named Godot, the aliens from outerspace, or an angel serving creme cheese in heaven tell us what to do next.

Fear not, lighten up, and take a load off your feet! Frankly, there's plenty of food for thought in our buffet of beautifully breathy vernacular from days gone by when the world was filled with "bellibones", "cowfyne" and "pigsnye" not to mention "snoutfair" if you please!

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bellibone (n.): a woman excelling in both beauty and goodness

cowfyne (n.): a ludicrous term of endearment

galligaskins (n.pl.) a 16th century term for nether garments, a pair of loose breeches, or a rough pair of leather overalls, (worn by thatchers, hedgers, and labourers usually made from dried raw skin and fastened to the front only of the leg and thigh.)

gleek (vb.): to make a gibe or jest

mucksluff (n.): an overcoat put on to cover the defects of one's undergarments.

pigsneye (n.): a darling, a pet, a "dear little eye", term of endearment

pinchbeck (n): an alloy of cooper and zinc used esp. to imitate gold in jewelry; something counterfeit, cheap, spurious or tawdry

purseproud (adj.): haughty, usually as a result of one's wealth

scandal-broth (n.): tea, (the reference is to the gossip undertaken by some women over their cups, which are consumed to bring cheer but not to inebriate).

tittynope (n.): a small quantity of anything leftover

unbosom (vb.): to reveal in confidence

"The Vulgar Tongue" by Francis Grose is a rather entertaining example of a burlesque if not slang dictionary first published in London in 1758.

It seems that 250 years later, we're still amused at some of the rollicking ripstorting words one might consider inserting as "colorful conversation" during a dull dinner party.

"Do you think our host would mind if I have another strip me naked before the main course begins? -- "strip me naked" is a dazzling diversion and entertaining euphemism for gin.

"I would be pleased if you would be so kind as to share a few tips on how to improve my smelling cheat". -- "smelling cheat" a slang term for a garden (more than likely with far too many asps and apple trees, not to mention Adams and Eves!)

"I've always wondered whether your quail pipe is longer than my prating cheat". -- "quail pipe" and "prating cheat" both mean a tongue (which of course is necessary for swallowing a lot of baloney or speaking out of both sides of one's mouth at the same time).

Why not poke some fun at your favorite nemesis by using some long-lost words that fit the bill.

-- A do-this-do-that sort of person who's always running around in circles with his/her head off, frankly deserves to be called a fluckadrift i.e. a hasty individual, one who is always in a hurry.

-- A foul-mouthed barnyard bohunk, should be referred to as a nurk i.e. the worst pig of the litter.

-- A cheapskate who brings his own sandwiches to pub and promptly orders a glass of water, might well be called a nose-bag, the reference being to carry the feed of a horse in a nose-bag to avoid an unnecessary expense.

-- The person who talks behind everyone's back and spreads gossip like wild-fire might best be described as a spermologer.

There are some fine "old" words that seem to roll off the tongue and when used appropriately, not to mention take the recipient of such discourse by surprise.

So, when one finds oneself boxed into a corner by an unwelcome guest or a pathetic pest, it might be time to let loose with these lovely little words in the conversation:

"While your I find your pusillanimous personality most vaniloquent, I cannot help but respond to the call of nature and depart forthwith or I shall become a titch fratchy.

pusillanimous (adj.): faint-hearted, lacking in courage, spineless, weak-kneed, or incapable of fending off the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

vaniloquent (adj.): given to much talk about oneself

titch (n./adj.): a small person, and in North America and Australia it means "a little", "slightly"

fratchy (n.): irritated, quarrelsome

Frankly little-used words should be hauled out of closets, attics, rare book collections, or at the very least retrieved, restored and recycled from Lost & Found Word Bins!

So why not use a new word or two to enliven a constipated conversation with the "Duchess of Dither" and the "Duke of Doorknobs"; (you've got nothing to lose have you?)

Or, how about injecting a little humor into that routine email going out to a client in Weedpatch, California or the other one in Floyds Knobs, Indiana?

Failing that, perhaps you could add a bit of drollery to that letter of complaint you're writing, (and who knows, it just may prompt a positive response!)

1. Instead of being "annoyed", "displeased", or "disappointed" with the inattention of a sales associate, why not say how "begrumpled" you were with the "camel-swallowing" customer service rendered?

2. Rather than using such hackneyed "marvellous", "stunning", or "out of this world" expressions to describe a children's musical performance, why not exclaim that it was simply "abracadabrant" or, if it was less than satisfactory to your ears, suggest that it was "full of 'faffle'"!

3. If listening to a politician or professor wax on about something with neither eloquence nor feeling, why not call a spade a wretched shovel! After all, why hide your feeling that it was lacklustre spectacle. If truth be told, isn't it the finest example of "liplabour" that you've seen in a long while?