There's a Chinese saying that goes like this, know your enemy, know yourself, and win the war.

Always assess your abuser before you open your mouth. Observe his/her body language and facial expression. Body language and facial expression tell you a lot of the other person. These are whole other topics and I will not discuss about these in depth.

By carefully assessing the situation, you are looking to the future and expecting of what is to come.

Keep your mind to open to the possibilities that might or is happening. What is he trying to convey? Is he intimidated by you or is he trying to exert his power unto you? Psychologist George Miller said, "In order to understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true and try to find out what it could be true of."

What is not said is often more important that what is said. People seem to miss this I would say a majority of people looking for "verbal self defense" is out looking looking for a quick fix. Tips and tricks on what to say in a certain situation. There are literally thousands upon thousand of situations, that you can't prepare for it all! All situations are different!

Therefore it is important to be able to "read between the lines" and to be able to do that, you must practice! It is not something you can read about or watch a video and expect to master. It's art. Just like painting, dancing, meditating, photography and many others.

There's a reason why your attacker is attacking. Therefore don't give a reason to attack you and give him as much reason as possible NOT to attack you.

There are 2 ways you can give your attacker a reason not to attack you. First, you show him that you are strong and that you are not an easy victim. Second, you can show him that even if he wins, there's nothing for him to achieve.

However, you do not want to force into submission by being an abuser yourself. The stronger rule the weaker situation. No one likes to be the weaker one. Instead, manipulate him into choosing a second or third choice.

Most people miss this when they are dealing with attackers: You want to work with them, not against them, to help them get what they want they THOUGHT can be achieved by being mean.

It is therefore important never to challenge or insult him. Never deny what is happening and give him an exit where he can have his pride intact.